A Wolves Moon
by Tinkerbella C
Summary: Nessie is struggling to deal with her changing feelings for Jake when he disappears. Returning a year later he has gone feral and has forgotten his links to his pack, the Cullen's and Nessie. Can she help him remember who is he or has he changed forever?
1. Chapter 1

FORKS, JANUARY.

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The crisp winter night was eerily quiet and still around me as I ran with negligent ease through the darkened forest. The only sound a light crunch from my feet on the frost covered ground. The calmness I exuded belied the restless energy which filled me up as I ran, ran away from the demons plaguing my dreams, ran way from the pain which filled me up every second of my nights and days.

The creatures I'd expected to see, feel and hear were nowhere in sight, understanding that I was a threat to them and every other living thing on the planet. I could sense them, make out the pounding of their hearts, the pulsing of their blood in their veins and I swallowed back the venom in my mouth feeling it's burn against my throat. It had been too long since my last hunt and my hunger was excessive and intense. I didn't like to hunt anymore; it made me remember things I was trying my best to forget.

The forest teemed with life around me despite their best efforts to remain hidden but I wanted something more, something I wasn't able to name. I glanced up at the crystal clear sky and in a second stopped running, gazing with wonder above me. My heart pounded heavily and painfully inside me. The stars sparkled like a million diamonds woven onto a velvet sky and the moon hung full and heavy in the night, smiling down on me mockingly as if it knew my pain and the cause.

It was a full moon, a wolves moon. Wolves Moon. My heart clenched as I remembered the last time I'd heard those words. _He'd_ said them to me. _He'd _had told me the story last year, before he'd left me, before he disappeared from my life. Before he left me here alone, before he went back on all the promises he had ever made me.

Just the thought of _him_ ripped back open the huge hole in my soul that I had fought so hard to ignore and left me sore and aching and gasping for breath. He had been my best friend, my other half, my big brother, my protector. I couldn't even allow myself to think his name, the pain was too great. And he was gone, gone from me. I would never be whole again.

I shivered not from the bite in the air but from the pain now seeping through me as I attempted to call my focus back on the real reason why I was here. Closing my eyes against the pain and the memories, I breathed deeply, reaching out into the night with my senses, searching for that elusive scent, which would call to me, to set the venom flowing again.

I shifted into a hunting crouch, feeling the earth beneath my feet, it's pulse, it's life force, the blood flowing real and vital through me as I headed towards the small creek I could hear rippling in the distance. The wind whipped past me, bringing with it the scent I had searched for, a deer, a large buck, mine for the taking. The closer I got and the louder its thumping heart became, the more the thirst burnt my throat. The acidic burn a welcome distraction from my emotional pain.

Slinking closer to the ground I approached the buck on silent feet, holding my breath, feeling my lips peel back involuntarily over my razor sharp teeth. My own heart seemed to race in time with the bucks as I grew closer and closer still. I felt my muscles bunch and coil as I held myself still for one second before I leapt, catching him around the powerful muscles of his neck.

In seconds it was over, my teeth tearing through his skin as though it were chicken and my mouth was filled with something warm and vital but not nearly as fulfilling as I wanted it to be. With each pulse of it's dying heart I took into me energy, a revitalization that had been too long missing from my life. I drank my fill greedily until there was nothing left but a rapidly cooling body on the floor.

Getting gracefully to my feet, I glanced around me; my thirst still not quenched. The burning subsided only slightly. I paused mid step, going immediately still. Something wasn't right. There was a change coming. I felt as though I were being watched. The hunter was now becoming the hunted. I sniffed at the air, ignoring the animal smells, taking in the scent of the creek, the forest in the breeze and something else something I wasn't familiar with. It made me uneasy and I heard myself growl involuntarily, my eyes scanning the forest around me, trying to seek out the threat. I saw nothing. But I knew it was there.

A chill raced along my spine when I heard it, a long and low keening cry. A lone wolf, a rogue. Goosebumps broke out across my skin as the wolf howled, his cry one of pain and misery and loneliness, as though he too was searching for something. The night was suddenly filled with a cacophony of cries, all in harmony, the fluting sounds of the wolves call haunting me as it had so often in my dreams.

I listened wondering and then recognizing the calls of my wolf family, I heard Seth and Quill and Embry, I heard the pain. I knew they mourned his loss too. They missed his presence. I held myself still for minutes, unaware, uncaring of the tears that dripped from my eyes, as I absorbed their pain and made it my own. They had lost their alpha, their leader, their friend. Gradually their cries faded away until all that was left was the rogue wolf, still calling out, still lost.

When at last I heard nothing more than the faint rustle of the wind and the rapid beating of the hearts of those hidden creatures, I allowed myself to move. I couldn't shake off the eerie feeling that stayed with me in the minutes after the wolves fell silent. Suddenly the forest had eyes, and I found myself looking over my shoulder, scanning the darkness around me. The forest had always been an escape for me, a place of calm but suddenly it felt aggressive, almost dangerous.

My human side fought with my vampire side and won out. _Ren_, I said to myself, _you're imagining things_. I allowed a small smile at my over active teenage imagination. I may be well above average intelligence and have maturity beyond my years for a normal human but in some ways I was still very much a teenager. The fact I was chronologically a seven year old made this all the more exceptional but I still had some of the same fears and pleasures and mood swings and paranoia's of a teenager.

I turned swiftly on my heels and ran back through the forest the way I had come, running for the hell of it, not, I told myself, because I felt as though I were being watched and followed. Casting out amongst the forest I suddenly became aware of a powerfully beating heart and the urgent padding of feet, of paws, running, picking up speed, heading for me.

I felt a momentary flicker of alarm; most creatures avoided me, not followed after me. Hitching my breathing I sniffed tasting the creatures scent on my tongue as my legs picked up speed, the trees flying by me in a blur of purple shadows. My heart wanted to stop beating as some of the scent reached inside me, past my carefully constructed barriers.

It was so achingly familiar yet so different that it confused me. It smelled like wolf, like a shifter but more so, more powerful but with no trace of human left. Tears burned my lids as I ran, reminded of the person closest to me, the person who had been missing from my life for so long. It smelt so much like him but I knew it couldn't be. I would have recognized his scent anywhere and in any incarnation, wolf or man. If it was him, I would have had no doubts. I would know right away because he was mine. I would know him the way I would know myself.

Glancing over my shoulder as I ran I scanned the horizon seeing nothing but shadows. My ears picked up the rustle of the undergrowth as whatever it was ran parallel to me, hidden in the bushes of the forest. It's speed terrifying because it could keep pace with me. Any normal creature would have fled or given up the chase by now.

Scared now I sent out a mental S.O.S to my dad, praying that mom didn't have her shield up. Dad had never been comfortable with me hunting alone and it was only because mom and Aunt Alice had insisted I would be safe, and would stay close to the house that he had allowed me. Uncle Jasper had almost forced me from the house, sensing as he had for the last 365 days, the pain I was in, and the almost physical ache inside a welcome change from the emotional devastation I felt. Today of all days it was more intense, much more crushing. But Jasper loved me. He would do anything to keep me happy. The only problem was he knew and everyone in my extended yet close-knit family knew, I was far from happy.

Lost in my thoughts I was shocked when a low warning growl hissed behind me and I froze in a heartbeat, terrified to turn around. Not terrified to face the wolf I knew would be waiting there but terrified it wouldn't be the one wolf I was desperate to see. I sniffed the air around me delicately tasting that same scent which had left me confused earlier. Was it him?

My heart thudding rapidly in my chest, I span slowly on the spot, feeling tremors shake my body as I came face to face, or should I say face to flank with an enormous angry looking yet still so handsome russet wolf.

He was crouched low, but still huge, his ears flat against his head, his nose crinkled to bare long vicious fangs as another snarl rippled from his giant body. His fur was long and shaggy but such a familiar russet color that the tears leaked from my eyes. I devoured him with my eyes, shocked to see how unkempt he looked. Snarling and growling the entire time the wolf slunk closer to me, stalking me, his teeth bared, fangs flashing in the moonlight. There was no trace of the human in him, he was all animal.

Trembling I stood very still, searching for any recognition or intelligence in the familiar dark brown eyes. There was none. I stretched out my shaking hand to him, knowing he wouldn't hurt me, keeping my eyes locked on his as I spoke softly, calmly.

"Hello" I heard the weakness in my voice. His snout twitched as he breathed in my scent and yet another fierce growl erupted from his massive body.

He whined and snarled as he crept closer to me, his head tilted to one side, almost studying me, judging my reactions. I trembled as he came to a stop before me, still snarling and growling, all the fur on his body standing on end. Aggression rolled off him in waves, hostility in the air around us, I was after all his natural enemy.

I knew that every instinct in his body was telling him to kill me, to rip me to shreds, to sink his teeth into me, to close his massive jaws over my throat and bite. But he held off, he was snarling and growling but held off all the same. His eyes never left mine, watching, waiting. I should have been terrified but I couldn't be, not of this, not of him. I felt nothing but an all-encompassing joy.

"Welcome home Jake" I said tremulously, keeping eye contact with the animal he had become but wiping away an errant tear. We stared at each other for long seconds though his aggression did not abate, it did not escalate either and I was lost in him, in his magnificence.

"Renesmee…move away from him…slowly" I heard a voice murmur behind me and I turned for a second. My parents had arrived and I could see that Rosalie and Emmett had stepped into the clearing, all crouching low in defensive positions. It was the natural order of things.

As I turned back to look at the animal before me it all happened so quickly that I would struggle to remember but in the space of a second I was gone. I turned my attention away from Jake to beam at them but as Dad and Emmett rushed to my side I heard a terrible snarl and felt myself falling. I watched as there was a flash of fangs, glinting silvery white in the pale light of the full moon and I felt the sharp snap against my throat. There was screaming muddled with low guttural growls and angry hisses. Then everything went black.


	2. La Push

**Thanks to those lovely people who have reviewed and added me to their faves or alerts. This is for you. Let me know what you all think if anyone is still reading. Love Tink. XX**

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**Twelve months earlier – La Push**

"Here boy!" I called with a shrill whistle and couldn't help but giggle when I heard an answering low growl from across the beach.

"You better run Red!" Jake snarled, a wicked predatory grin spreading across his face as I set off at a sprint, with him close on my heels. This was an old game, it was one I was more than familiar with and I loved it. I never won unless Jake let me, which could happen often, but I lived for the feeling of us both tearing across the beach, so free, so at peace, so together. At fifteen I was beginning to enjoy the challenges Jake set me more and more and at times was able to hold my own. I was no longer a little girl.

I didn't have to turn around to know he was close behind me, I could smell his wonderful scent, earthy and woody, and hear his deep and booming laughter as he passed me. Just his laughter alone was enough to make an answering grin form on my face and I picked up my pace a little, determined to give him a run for his money.

I tried to not stare longingly at him as he shot past me but in recent months I had become increasingly aware of my best friend. I couldn't help but admire the easy way his powerful legs pumped as he sprinted past me, the way his huge chest barely moved as he streaked ahead when any other mortal would be gasping for breath. I loved the way his dark hair rippled out behind him like a curtain of silk, the light mahogany of his skin, his well-defined muscles, his smile, he was beautiful and so… big, that he literally took my breath away.

I gasped out a choked laugh as I reached his side, seconds later, the surf splashing around our ankles, as he caught me easily in his thick arms and swung me around effortlessly in a light hug. I giggled dizzily as he set me on my feet next to him and looked down at me from where he towered over me.

"Not too bad for an old man" I said with a smirk and stuck out my tongue. He elbowed me and if I had been anything other than a half vampire I would have ended up on my back injured.

"Hey less of the old man, _kid_" he said with an easy smile, ruffling my hair.

"I'm not a kid Jake, I'm nearly sixteen," I said but I couldn't help the little whine that had crept into my voice.

This was the point I had been trying unsuccessfully to make for the last few months. But no, Jake and most of my family still saw me as a little girl in need of protection. He had been my best friend since the time I was born and I knew he would always be there if I needed him. We shared a bond that I didn't quite understand but knew I could never be without. I loved him with every breath in my body but lately that loved had changed, morphed into something else, something I didn't quite understand.

"Still a kid to me" he said with another smile, "Don't pout Nessie, you're an _adult _nowremember"

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Then why will no one treat me like one" I said on a moan, turning away from him and walking through the surf, not even bothering to look behind me, I knew he would be following behind. Where I went, he went. Where he went, I went. It was as simple and as natural as breathing.

"Ah Nessie, are we back to this again?" he said falling into step next to me, wrapping an arm loosely around my shoulder in a friendly gesture, his deep voice sending shivers through me.

"Yeah we're back to this again...I want to go to school…I want to meet people my own age, make some friends… I want a little bit of space " I stopped walking to look up at him.

"You want space from me? " he sounded wounded and I immediately felt guilty. Jake was the best thing in my life and I couldn't bare the thought of being without him. I shuffled my feet sheepishly and peeked out at him from under my lashes. God he was handsome.

"I was kinda hoping you would come with me"

He groaned again and stopped walking, his enormous hands rubbing his face, leaving me unable to read his expression as he groaned "High school again Nessie? You can't do that to me"

I reached up and pulled his hands from his face, ignoring the little zing of electricity I felt and tried my most charming smile "Please Jake, please? I'm sure Daddy would let me go if he knew you were there with me"

"Ness have you though about this, I mean really thought about this…we would have to move, we couldn't just turn up at Forks High… people know me and you, well you look too much like Bella and Edward to stay incognito"

His words thrilled me; he hadn't said no, he'd said, "we couldn't". Whatever the place, whatever the school, I knew he would be with me. I beamed at him and our eyes met for a second, I felt lost and dizzy as I stared into those deep brown depths, warming me from the inside out.

My stomach gave an odd little jolt and I felt a strange need creeping up on me. It was like a kind of hunger but not for food or for blood. It was an odd feeling, an urge, but one that I didn't have a name for.

Sucking a deep and startled breath I felt as though I was seeing his face for the very first time. It was the most powerful feeling I had ever experienced but I didn't like it, I was scared, scared of what this could mean, scared of my own feelings, scared of how vulnerable it left me.

Jake stared back at me, his handsome face impassive and I was suddenly struck by how gorgeous he was. With his high cheekbones, russet colored skin, and deep brown eyes he was the most striking man I knew, and that was saying something, I knew a lot. My fingertips itched to touch the dark shadow of his jaw where his five o clock shadow was beginning to form and I balled my hands into fists. I found myself wondering what he was thinking as he stared back at me and I wished I had inherited just a little of my fathers talent for hearing thoughts.

Jake looked almost pained as he stared down into my eyes, the intensity of his gaze made my heart lurch inside me, his liquid brown eyes dark and heavy with possession. I was lost but I didn't care, I was with my Jake. We would be okay. A wave splashed over us and I yelped, drenching the skin on my legs, freezing me and the spell between us was broken. Jake looked away from me and cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

"C'mon Ness, lets head back to Billy's, I'm starving" he said and grinned at me, looking so much like the wolf he shifted into I had to laugh.

"You're always hungry Jake, no wonder you're so enormous" I said prodding the smooth skin of his stomach, lightly trailing my fingers over his abs as I moved my hand, thrilled to feel them clench and shift in response to my touch. They'd never done that before. A glittering feeling exploded inside of me, trickling from stomach to between my thighs. Lately I had begun to appreciate the fact that as a shifter he wore very little clothing, it meant I could feast my eyes on his amazing body.

"Ooof!" he pretended to double over in pain "Hey I'm fragile here"

I smirked up at him "Fragile my ass" and I prodded him again, enjoying the feeling of his skin under mine.

"Quit it!" he said mock sternly and grabbed my hands in one of his giant ones, the skin deliciously rough against mine. I loved the heat and strength of his hands and the tingles that spread through me at his touch. I tugged against his grasp, enjoying the little tussle that followed. Although I was strong, I was no match for Jake and had to use whatever means I had at my disposal. Smiling wickedly I bit down on his forearm, loving the salty sweet taste of skin, his blood fizzing like champagne on my tongue as I licked and sucked the tiny wound.

"Knock it off Nessie, no biting" he said sharply, immediately and unexpectedly releasing me. I landed with a bump on my bottom and glared up at him, sneaky wolf. I hadn't even had chance to seal his wound with my venom but already it was healing itself before my very eyes.

"Come on little Red, let's move" he chuckled, holding his hand out to help me up. I stuck my nose in the air and scrambled to my feet without his assistance, pretending to be annoyed with him. I knew he couldn't resist me when he thought he' d done something wrong. I stalked ahead of him my nose still in the air at the same haughty angle and heard the chuckle behind me.

"All grown up huh Ness?"

I snarled in my throat, damn, he wasn't falling for it this time. That was part of the problem, he knew me inside out and knew I could be manipulative when I wanted to be. I had never questioned or attempted to understand Jake's devotion to me, I simply accepted it like the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening.

"Don't sulk, you know I always win these things, I'm just stronger than you…face it Ness you're still a baby" he laughed as I stomped my foot and gritted my teeth.

"One day Jake, one day" I promised, yelling over my shoulder, not really annoyed just a little ticked off that I was so easy to read.

" Yeah…One day" he echoed but there was a strange, almost sad quality to his voice and he seemed pained again. I hid a sigh; I wish I knew what the hell was going on. I was as confused by my feelings and as I was by Jake's rapid mood swings.

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Several hours later, I was feeling much more relaxed as I lazed by the huge bonfire, encased by Jake's massive body. His arms and legs braced me on each side, my back against his bare chest. His body heat warmed me in the biting chill of the night, my own personal furnace. I glanced around at our friends and felt a moment's spurt of jealously. They all looked so happy together, so in love that I forgot my own longing and suddenly thought about Jake. All his friends had girlfriends, wives and who did he have? Me. His best friend. A little girl.

The little girl he was bound to take care of. It bothered me that he didn't have love in his life yet at the same time it relieved me. I didn't know how I would cope with competition for his time and his love.

I frowned as Emily and Sam shared a gentle yet intense kiss, so much love in their eyes I felt embarrassed just to be in their company. To their left were Jared and Kim, holding hands, their movements so in synch it was like they shared one mind. Beside us Paul and Jake's sister Rachel were involved in a passionate make out session which would have sent blood flushing to my cheeks if I hadn't lived my Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett.

Last but not least was Embry, building sandcastles with Claire. Claire was a sweet little girl, approaching ten who seemed to adore Embry with the same childlike devotion I'd had for Jake. He played the role of big brother in much the same way Jake had to me when I was a child. I wondered idly if her feelings would change the way mine had. I didn't quite understand what it was I felt but I knew it was something more than the love I had felt for him before. It was more intense yet at the same time a million times more fragile.

Shivers broke out across my skin despite the heat of the fire, as there came the sound of the wolves howling in the distance, so haunting, so beautiful that I caught my breath. I looked around me wondering if it were any of the pack were playing a practical joke but all of them had stilled, their heads tilted to one side, their wolfish side coming to the fore as they too listened to the trembling call of the wolves. The only sounds came from the wolves and the crackle and pop of the fire.

"What is that…. are they calling to you?" I breathed worried. "Are they part of the pack?"

Jake's face relaxed into a smile and he looked down at me "Did I never tell you the story about the Wolves Moon?"

I shook my head bemused, as a little girl Jake had told me all about the legends of his ancestors but I couldn't recall ever hearing about a Wolves Moon.

"Well in times past my ancestors had no calendars so they marked the passing of time through full moons… each full moon has a name and the one for January is Wolves Moon…the Quileutes believe that the Wolves Moon calls to us when we are lost or missing some part of ourselves…the story goes that wherever you are, no matter how far, if you are lost or hurt, or part of you is gone, the howling of your brother wolves and a Wolves Moon can guide you home or bring back what is lost"

I listened to the husky timber of his voice as he spoke and ignored the shivers of reaction, the tingling in my tummy and instead focused on the beauty of the story. So simple yet so telling.

"But it's more of an old scary story, it's not true Ness" he was saying.

I felt a little grin cross my lips "Kind of like the Cold ones or Quileutes being descended from wolves"

He pulled a wry face and stroked a finger down my nose "Okay so you got me on that one…but really it was just another way for my people to keep track of time"

"You are such a cynic Jacob Black, where's your sense of romance, of tradition" I sighed teasing him a little, I just couldn't resist, he was so easy to tease.

"I think phasing into a giant wolf and hanging around with a bunch of bloodsuckers is traditional enough for me Ness" he chuckled, smiling down at me tenderly, indulgently. The way he had always looked at me from the moment I was born, like I was his own personal miracle.

I wondered not for the first time, if my friendship was enough for him. Did he not want someone to share himself with; did he not want someone to love? Didn't he want someone who would love him back with equal passion Thinking of Jake with another girl made me feel a little uncomfortable and sick but it was his life and I wouldn't want him to be unhappy because of me.

"You okay?" I felt the deep rumble of his words against my back.

"Mmhmm" I said lost in my thoughts and then decided to ask him "Jake, don't you ever get lonely?"

He pulled back to look down at me, one dark eyebrow raised as I tilted my face back to stare up at him "Lonely? Why would I get lonely? I have the pack and the bloodsuckers and …you"

I shook my head and he brushed the curls out of my eyes "I don't mean lonely, lonely…I mean lonely for company, you know like girls"

I felt his big body still behind me and he tensed, looking at me almost warily "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged trying to keep the conversation light; I didn't want him to know just how much his answer meant to me.

"I was just thinking….look around us, everyone has someone, all your friends, all my family…then there's you…alone" I said choosing my words carefully.

His face was somber, the firelight making his skin glow a burnt amber "I'm not alone, I have you…I don't need anyone else"

My heart constricted at his words "But what about love?" I whispered.

" What about it? That will come... in time…I'm not in any hurry… and I know she's there… waiting for me" he said softly.

I caught my breath at the pain inside me when he talked so confidently about loving a woman I had never met. He was in no doubt he would be with her one day. He truly believed that he would have her, that he would not be alone. I envied them both, Jake and this unknown love of his life. Hate surged inside me for this nameless faceless woman who would one day take my Jake from me.

I glanced up at him trying to hide my pain and I couldn't believe the look in his eyes, he looked happy, at peace, lost in some future world. He looked like he was seeing the sunrise for the first time, awestruck and amazed. I cleared my throat and it was my turn to raise an enquiring eyebrow to him. He had the decency to look sheepish as he cleared his throat, a low raspy growl.

"What about you? Have you never thought about boys?" he said teasingly, though there seemed to be a shadow lurking behind his eyes, it puzzled me.

I forced a laugh "_Thought_ about boys? You remember my dad, the mind reader…thinking about boys is not an option for me"

Jake chuckled deep and rumbling next to me "But you must have wondered, thought about it, after all you're a teenager, all those pesky hormones running amuck"

I nodded, fighting the heat I knew would be spreading over my face, which had nothing to do with sitting so close to the fire "Sometimes… it's hard not to you know…living with all those wonderfully happy couples, constantly kissing and disappearing to their rooms… but can you imagine me bringing a date home…he would be dead before he even got through the door"

"Yeah Edward would take care of that…one dirty thought and they'd be history"

"Anyway I've got you…what more do I need" I said and was filled with the urge to touch him to tell him how much I valued his friendship, his presence in my life.

He smiled at me, his eyes shining a deep liquid brown and I felt a little prickle of tears, my human side I supposed.

"Can I?" I asked permission as I stretched out a hand to touch him, wanting to tell him what words couldn't. I concentrated carefully, desperate not to reveal anything about my changing feelings. I couldn't do that to him, I needed him with me and if he had the slightest idea how I felt, it would be uncomfortable for us both.

He nodded his face grave again, our eyes meeting as I showed him what I wanted him to know. Showed him how I loved him, how I needed him to keep me sane, to keep me in touch with my human side, how he was my best friend and how worried I was for him being alone, with no one to live with, no one to laugh with, no one to love with, like the rest of the pack. As he stared at me it was like he could see into my soul and I felt warm from the inside out. We had a connection I never wanted to loose, a bond I couldn't live without.

"Thank you" he said somberly and wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me to his side. I breathed in his scent and ignored the funny feeling in my stomach as I clutched him close to me, feeling the play of his powerful muscles under my hands.

Things were changing; I could deny it no longer. These platonic embraces were no longer enough for me, the feelings I had for Jake were no longer that simple. My body reacted to the nearness of his and began to tingle all over as he held me to him. I closed my eyes on a sigh and enjoyed this moment, enjoyed the security and comfort I felt being held in his strong embrace.

As the bonfire reduced itself to a pile of smoldering ashes, I snuggled closer to Jake and stifled a yawn. The other couples around the bonfire had started to drift away, leaving only Sam and Emily and myself and Jake.

"Ness, you still awake?" he asked me quietly, his hand stroking my hair lightly, his fingers toying with my curls. I nodded in the circle of his arms and yawned. He chuckled beneath my cheek, his entire body shaking.

"Time to get you home little Red" he murmured rising to his feet, sweeping me into his arms. I cuddled closer, hearing the race of his heart beneath my cheek and I rubbed it over his smooth skin. Amazingly, for a huge hairy wolf he seemed to have very little body hair as a human. I got a funny feeling in my stomach as I wondered about the hair on the rest of his body.

I gulped as I took in the dark line of hair emanating from his naval that disappeared under his cut off denims. Unconsciously my hand began to drift slowly down his body intent of discovering if that hair was as soft as it looked. It hadn't got very far when Jake caught it in his and tucked it back at my side, with a patronizing little pat.

"Can we crash at yours? I'm too tired to go home," I murmured, trying to keep my mind and hands out of the gutter.

"I don't think that is such a good idea Ness, you're getting too old and you're far too big for us to share a bed anymore" he said with an attempt at humor. I felt the pain if rejection deep inside me, sleeping next to Jake always made me feel safe and wanted. He was my favorite cuddly toy. As I child I hadn't had a blankie I'd had Jake instead. Tonight I wanted my blankie, my Jake.

"Please Jake, I don't sleep well without you" I turned my pleading eyes on him, pouting again. Surprise took me as he shook his head at me, his face set

"No Ness, not tonight…it's not right," he told me as he carried me to his truck and opened the door.

I looked at him as he climbed in beside me, filling the cab with his sheer size. Unconsciously I wriggled closer to him, gravitating toward him like the earth to the sun.

"What's not right about it?" I demanded and it occurred to me that Jake looked embarrassed; with my enhanced vampire eyesight I could make out his cheeks flushed in the dark.

"Ness, you're getting too old for us to sleep together, anymore…it's not appropriate" he told me gently.

"Says who? I want to sleep with you, you make me feel safe," I confessed, trying to ignore the tears forming in my eyes.

"Ness, we can't share a bed…you're not a little kid anymore-"he began as he started the engine.

A bubble of anger burst inside me "Make up your mind Jake, either I'm a kid or I'm an adult, you can't have it both ways"

He sighed beside me "Ness, don't be like this"

"Like what? How do you see me Jake, am I still just a little kid to you or do you see me as a woman?" I could hear the venom in my tone and I knew inside I was acting like a spoilt brat but I couldn't find it in me to care. Maybe this was more of those teenage hormones we'd joked about.

"Ness, you still have a lot of growing up to do, but you are not a little girl anymore and I can't be your pet" he said and I was taken aback by the bitterness in his tone.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I rounded on him with angry eyes.

He slapped the steering wheel with his hands and growled in frustration "It means I love you Nessie, I always will but I'm not going to be your lap dog anymore, I'm a man Ness, not an animal who you can train and order about…I won't sit at your feet and beg for treats"

I stared at him, wide eyed shocked by the way he was speaking to me. He was _my_ Jake, everyone knew he would do whatever I wanted. Why were the rules changing now?

"I never thought you would" I bit out, tears of anger forming behind my lids. I hated fighting with Jake, he was the center of my universe and when we fought my world was off kilter.

He sighed beside me; his anger subsiding quickly, that was the thing about shape shifters they were a temperamental lot and Jake was no exception. Since I was a small child he'd had to learn to control his temper around me, my parents wouldn't let him near if they thought he was a danger to me. He rubbed a hand over his face, looking tired and weary.

"Ness, I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout but you have to accept things are changing, you're growing up…we can't do some of the things we used to, it's just not right anymore"

"Like what?" I heard the growl in my voice, something I had picked up from him over the years.

"Like sharing a bed, cuddling up together or me phasing in front of you…it's not right"

I mustered up my best Edward scowl, furious he was putting these restrictions on our relationship. "You mean you don't want to do the things we used to...you don't want to be with me"

When he reached out a large hand and tried to touch my face, I flinched away from his touch still angry with him. He looked hurt and I felt a twinge of guilt but I pushed it aside, I was upset and hurt and I wanted him to know.

"It's not that Nessie… I wish I could explain, wish I could make you see, but you're young, too young" he growled at me again. I turned my face to the window, I couldn't look him, I couldn't let him see how upset I was with him.

We drove the rest of the way in tense silence; I was practically vibrating in anger. I didn't like being told no by anyone, especially Jake. But telling me we couldn't share a bed or cuddles or phasing anymore was like someone had taken away my comfort blanket. He cut the engine as we arrived home and I hoped nobody was listening as I attempted to open the door.

"Nessie, don't go like this...I'm sorry, really I am but you have to accept things are going to change between us" he told me, his fingers wrapping around my arm as I tried to climb out of the truck. I tugged against his hold a little but he held me firm, a human girl would have bruises in the morning.

"I don't want them to" I knew I sounded petulant. "I want things to stay the same, like they always were …Nessie and Jake"

"We can still be Nessie and Jake but I think a bit of space and distance would be good for us, just for a little while" he told me, his thumb rubbing little circular patterns on my arms. I ignored the shivers.

"Sure Jake, whatever you say…it's not like I need you anymore anyway…there are plenty of other guys around" I snarled, yanking my arm from him and climbing from the truck in a split second.

"Nessie" he growled, jumping out of the other side "Please don't be like this"

"Just leave me alone Jake, you want distance, you want space… you got it," I yelled, not caring that my entire family would be able to hear everything I said.

With tears of anger and pain burning the back of my lids I stomped onto the porch, taking a last look at Jake. He was stood watching me go, his face a study in pain so tormented, I felt my heart cramp in protest. Turning away from him as I felt he had turned away from me, I threw open the door, sending it flying, so it almost came off it's hinges and then slammed shut, blocking him out of my life.


	3. In there

**So a big thank you to anyone who has read and left a review…but don't feel as though you have to be shy, drop me a line and let me know what you think, reviews make me sparkle like Edward on a sunny day. Thoughts will be shown in _italics. _Enjoy and please review. Love Tink. XX**

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**Forks- January- present day**

As I drifted back up slowly through the inky black depths of unconsciousness, I became aware of the low urgent voices of my parents, engaged in a heated conversation. Even in argument I marveled that they had such beautiful musical voices.

"This is exactly what I've been worried about all these years Bella, shifters are at best temperamental, at worst unstable…if that mutt has hurt her-" my father snarled, his concern evident.

"Edward, we can't just turn our back on him, he's still Jake and he gave up so much for us…he needs us now, we have to find a way to help him"

My eyes fluttered open at the sound of Jake's name and in the same instant my parent's concerned faces hovered above me. Feeling too shaken to speak, I looked at my father knowing he would be listening, reading my thoughts.

_What happened? Where's Jake? Is he hurt? Please tell me he isn't hurt, tell me nobody hurt him? When can I see him? Is he asking for me?_

The emotion clouding my brain meant all my thoughts were jumbled and blurred together but I knew he would be able to decipher them. My father scowled impressively but when he spoke his voice was gentle velvet.

"The dog is fine, which is more than I can say for you" he looked pointedly at Mom, who rolled her eyes. I fought the strangest urge to laugh, here I was lying injured in bed but I wanted to laugh, my Jake was here, my Jake had come home.

_Can I see him? I bet he feels terrible, I don't know what came over him, where has he been? Has he asked to see me? Why isn't he here?_

This time a look of unease crossed my fathers face and glanced at my mom, she nodded imperceptibly but I saw it all the same. Unease crept over me, there was very little my father referred to mom and when he did it worried me, he was normally so sure of himself.

"Ness" she spoke this time, her musical tones gentle and even, cautionary almost "Jake isn't himself right now… we don't know what's happening with him or why he attacked you, but he hasn't phased yet and was still very aggressive… so your grandfather has had to sedate him, we thought it was for the best"

I knew my eyes were bugging out of my head and I made the effort to speak, a sure sign I was upset, my thoughts were too full of tangled emotion to be clear right now "What's wrong with him Momma?"

I suddenly felt like the age I chronologically was, scared and uncertain. Mom had only ever become Momma when I was upset or scared. Tears welled up in my eyes, my human side again, I cried so very easily.

My mom stroked my hair from my face "I don't know baby but we're trying to figure it out, all of us and we're going to help him Ness" this time it was her turn to look at my father, he just scowled again.

"Can't you just read his mind Daddy, find out what's happening with him?"

My father sighed and looked a little unsettled, something else I wasn't used to "I've tried Nessie but he's not in there in anymore"

I felt sick and very scared, more scared than I had been when I was in the forest "What do you mean?"

"He's pure animal, I can't make any sense of his thoughts except to say that they consist only of the most basic urges, food, survival, shelter, hunting…We" he said, his gaze encompassing us all "We are his natural enemy…he was hunting you Ness, he wanted to destroy you"

I shook my head as I swallowed back the bile, which burned the back of my throat worse than any venom could, _I refused to believe it, my Jake would never hurt me._

" Please believe me when I tell you he isn't your Jake anymore Ness, there is no trace of him left in there" he said gently, gravely.

"But you saw him, he wasn't attacking me Daddy…he was looking at me, he didn't want to kill me...I know he should but he didn't, he didn't want to kill me"

"Then explain to me how it is you have been unconscious for the last thirty minutes" he said dryly "the only reason you aren't more hurt is because of your skin"

I turned to Mom feeling desperate "You saw him Momma, he only attacked when he thought Daddy and Uncle Emmett were coming at me….he was protecting me"

I could hear the plea in my tone and my Mom looked desperately sad. I knew she thought I was making this up, imagining it, twisting things to make me happy.

"He was protecting me, he was Momma," I repeated, looking at them, wishing they could understand, see what I saw.

"Nessie" she began but I knew from her tone she wasn't going to agree with me.

"I want to see him" I butted in, I had missed Jake every second for the last 365 days of my life and now he was this close I didn't want to wait a moment longer to be with him.

My father shook his head, his face impassive as though carved from marble "No way! He's dangerous Ness, he's already attacked you once and you've still got the bump on your head to prove it"

I reached out and touched the back of my skull and winced, wishing I hadn't.

"But Daddy, it's Jake, I need to see him…I can't be without him, please daddy he won't hurt me…I just want to see he's alright"

I needed to see him, a felt an overwhelming physical urge to be with him, a pull to be by his side now he was so close. They couldn't keep me away from him. I _would_ find him.

"Edward" my mom said gently and she touched his hand, looking into his eyes. Something passed between them, a memory, a conversation, I don't know what it was but when he looked back at me he nodded though he didn't look entirely pleased.

Happiness welled up inside me. I would see him, I could smell him, touch him, stroke his fur and hold him in my arms, feel his body against mine.

"Renesmee" my father said sternly but he looked strained. Oops. I reined in my exuberant thoughts, embarrassed. Dad didn't want to hear my personal thoughts and feelings about Jake.

"It's not that Renesmee…it's Jake, he's not the Jake we all knew, he's an animal now, nothing more, nothing less…. there's no man in there…You won't be able to touch him or hold him" he cautioned.

The happiness I'd felt drained from me in an instant and in its place, despair, sheer despair.

"Momma?" I croaked and she knew what I was asking without having to read my mind or have me say the words.

"Your father's right Ness, he's different now…but that doesn't mean he's not in there somewhere, I believe it even if your father doesn't"

"Bella" he sighed "Don't give her false hope, the sooner she faces that he isn't coming back the better for her"

"But he's back, he's here" I protested tearfully

"Nessie, I promise you that animal down there isn't Jake, at least not in the way he used to be"

I sat up on the bed and swung my legs over the edge, ignoring the slight feeling of lightheadedness with the sudden movement.

"I want to see him Daddy… but if it makes you feel better than you and Uncle Emmett can be there, but I _am_ going to see him" I said defiantly getting to my feet. My parents were beside me in an instant as I hurried through the door.

"Where is he?" I asked unable to keep the urgency from my tone. I sniffed the air delicately and tried to trace the scent, but Daddy was right. I couldn't smell Jake, only the musk of wolf. I wrinkled my nose a little it wasn't nearly as pleasant as Jake's scent. I had never realized how much his human side intruded on his wolf form before now, how much it altered his scent and before the day was through I would know how much it altered his behavior.

"Hey Ness, how you feelin?'" Uncle Emmett asked as I stalked through the room, still following the trail of Jake's scent.

"I'm fine Uncle Emmett, I just want to see Jake… you coming? It would make Daddy feel better" I barely spared him a smile or glance as I continued through the house, my only thought getting to my Jake.

I knew my parents and Emmett followed me as I headed down into the basement, the basement? That seemed cruel. Did they have to keep him down here like the family pet.

"It's for everyone's safety, his included," my father said gently, reading me again.

My eyes adjusted to the light as I descended the steps, my acute hearing picking up the sound of his heart beat, vital, strong and racing slightly faster than usual. I heard the deep rumbles of his breath, the surging of his blood but again I wrinkled my nose as I was hit by the smell of pure wolf.

Shock surged through me, followed swiftly by abject misery and pain and I gasped against it. My trembling hand came up to cover my mouth, to stop the cry, which wanted to escape. There on the floor of the basement, curled unconscious, chained like an animal, was my Jake.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, at the sight of my once proud best friend, humiliated, degraded, tethered on the floor like a dog. Around his neck he wore a thick black leather collar, attached to a short chain, the thickness of my arms. Beside him a bowl of water and as I took in the name written on the bowl I began to shake with barely suppressed emotion. Jake. This was the bowl Rosalie had bought him a few weeks after my birth, after the Volturi left. It had been a joke, a sign that she was accepting him into our family at last. But to see it on the floor next to him filled with water was more than I could bear. I let out the cry I had been holding onto and sank to my knees, mere feet from him, crying as my heart broke for him.

My mother came to my side, resting an ice-cold hand on my shoulder as comfort, I didn't look at her, I couldn't my gaze was fixed on the animal on the floor. His massive head rested on his huge paws and I was reminded of his hands, of his gentle touch. I would give anything to be able to feel that touch again, to feel him stroke my hair or hold my hand like he had when I was child. I was trembling from head to foot and longed to reach out and bury my hands in his fur, to see if it was a soft as I remembered. I wanted to curl up in a ball next to him and hear his voice tell me everything was going to be all right, like he had when I was a little girl and had a nightmare. I waned to inhale the wonderful scent that was all Jake and not have it tainted by the animal he had become.

"How long?" I gasped out around my tears, my eyes staring ahead barely able to see through the tears.

"We don't know baby… your grandfather is used to working on people not an- not shifters…we don't know how long it will last but he's safe Ness, for now he's safe and with us…home, that's important too, not just what he looks like…he's still Jake" she said softly to me, her arm around my shoulders pulling me against her.

It didn't surprise me that my overwhelming need at that moment was to feel the contrasting heat of Jake's human body instead of the icy cold one of my mothers. I wasn't rejecting my mother's comfort or her touch but at the moment every action anyone took reminded me of Jake. The fact I breathed reminded me of Jake, the fact I was alive reminded me of Jake.

It hurt me beyond comprehension that I had to see him like this; it would torture him if he knew. My Jake was proud and strong and beautiful and compassionate and funny. Not this poor chained up creature on the cold ground.

I reached out a hand, I wanted to close the distance between us and know that he was real, not just an illusion caused by my unconscious mind. Against the sheer size of his magnificent head my hand looked tiny and fragile and I noticed the tremor but couldn't stop it. Velvet, soft and thick met my fingers as I shuffled closer and stroked over his head, petting him, wishing I could bury my face in his fur, making soft shushing sounds in the back of my throat, trying to comfort him even though I knew he would not be aware of me.

"Best not to disturb him too much" my father said, appearing on my other side, his mere presence a kind of comfort, obviously listening to my thoughts.

As I touched him I let the connection open and showed him with my thoughts, how much I had missed him, how desperate and wretched I had been without him, how I didn't live, just barely existed. Visions of us together in happier times followed, our hunts, our mingled laughter, playing at the beach, sitting around the bonfire on the res, wrestling in the garden, playing jokes on Aunty Alice because she couldn't see us, telling Aunt Rosalie blonde jokes and watching her scowl.

Transmitting this much information left me a little weak for a few minutes but as I stroked him, I searched for any signs of injury, checking my family had not harmed him in any way. I knew from the expression on my father's face he was attempting to read Jake, to see if my memories had made any impression. But judging by the bleak look he gave me, I didn't think so. Tears dried on my face in the silence of the room, the only noise from his rapid heavy panting, a side effect of the sedation I was told.

There had to be a way to bring him back, to get through to him. I would not believe that he was gone from me, from my life. Like he had once said to my mother "until your heart stops beating- I'll be here fighting for you". That was exactly how I felt now; and I suddenly realized with crystal clear clarity that the feelings I had been struggling with for the last year was love. I loved him, not as my uncle, not as my best friend, not as a protector but as a woman loved a man. As my mother loved my father, maybe even more so, he was like the other half of my, he held half my heart and half my soul.

He was the reason I was still alive, he was my reason to live, he was my life and I wasn't letting go of my life anytime soon. And I vowed that while there was breath in my body, I would fight. I would find a way to bring him back to me. He had saved my life and now at last the time had come for me to repay the favor, for without him I would be living a half-life.

I concentrated hard, showing him what I wanted him to see, me loving him, me waiting for him to come back to me. I showed him the times I cried over him, the times I had laughed with him. I showed him every look, every smile that meant something to me. Every beat of my heart bringing with it another memory, another wish for him to come back to me, not to leave me alone. I showed him my despair when I realized he was gone from me, the pain I had gone through, the endless nights when I didn't know whether he was alive or dead but that I, like others hadn't given up hope. And that's when it struck me.

"Sam" my father and I said together. I froze, as an answering snarl met my ears and the beast beneath my hand suddenly moved.


	4. Alpha

**Thank you to all those people who are reviewing, it's nice to know a few of you are enjoying this as much as me. **_**Italics**_** are used here to show Jake/Wolf dreams. Hope you enjoy and let me know if you can't follow what I am trying to do. Love Tink. XX**

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_Images and emotions swirled and eddied in the dark recesses of my mind, faces I didn't know, voices I'd never heard, things I had never seen flickering like moving pictures in my head. There was one face though, one so beautiful and striking that it calmed the feral beast within me, filled me with a sense of peace I hadn't felt in forever._

_It was the face of a human female, with skin as pale and smooth as alabaster, deep brown eyes and a full mouth, curving wickedly into a smile. She was tiny even for a human and looked so fragile but there was an iron determination and stubbornness that was present in the set of her mouth and the glint in those eyes. The presence of her in my mind was like a balm, taming me yet taunting me at the same time. Haunting me. I felt as though I should recognize her, as though she would be part of my pack but that couldn't be possible, she was a human and I was a rogue wolf, a loner or so I had thought. _

_But then again, I only had memories of the last few moons, before that I didn't know who or what I was. My mind was blank, my memory gone. I knew nothing of my life before I had awoken in the forest as the moon waxed.. I knew I wasn't the animal I thought I was, for there was something more amongst those images, there was another face, a human face. A male of the species, with russet skin and eyes as dark as night and a powerful body, his every loping movement graceful and easy. I knew this person, though I was sure I had never seen him before. It was almost as though he were part of me…………….._

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Wolf POV  
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The powerful drugs my enemies had given me were beginning to wear off and I felt the soft touch of a tiny human hand against my fur. The sickly sweet scent of death assailed my sensitive snout and instinctively I let out a warning defensive growl. They were here in this room with me, my enemies, my prey. Even though I had not opened my eyes, I knew I was surrounded; their scent was overwhelming, calling to me, invoking my primal instinct to hunt and kill.

Another rattling growl escaped as I bared my fangs and the hand pressed so gently against my neck was yanked away quicker than I thought possible. The images in my head vanished as once more the animal in me emerged, until there was only one thought left in my mind…Kill.

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Ren POV

One second I was stroking his huge head and the next I was by the door with thee angry, hissing and extremely defensive vampires surrounding me. I could tell by their instinctive crouches, they viewed Jake as a threat and it was clear from the way he growled and snarled at us, he viewed us in the exact same way. He got to his feet, tugging against the collar, his ears flat against his head, his fangs bared in a viscous snarl as he faced us. Struggling to see from behind my parents bodies, I pushed against them wanting to see Jake, wanting to look into his eyes, to see if their was any spark there, any flicker of recognition. I needed to do this; I had to know if my touch had made any difference to him this time.

"Stay back Renesmee, this is not the time to experiment" My father growled, his own teeth visible in response to Jake's aggression.

"He won't hurt me Daddy, just let me try, please, let me speak to him…I have to do this Daddy"

He said nothing but moved slightly to allow me to step between him and Emmett. They each took hold of an arm, as though to stop me getting any closer to him. My heart was racing inside me, fluttering wildly, a million birds taking flight in my stomach. I took a deep breath, I could do this, I had to do this for my Jake. He deserved a chance to come back, to come home to me. I looked him in the eye, hoping against hope, praying that he would see me and know, know that I was his and he was mine.

"Jake" I spoke softly, as though I were talking to a wild animal and in more than one sense I was. There was another low growl as a pair of narrowed brown eyes met mine, his head tilted inquisitively as he studied me. The faint rumbling continued but there was definitely a less aggressive edge, it was more of a warning.

"Jake, I know you're in there…it's me…it's Ness…you remember me don't you" I carried on talking, my voice, soft and gentle, my tone even as I stared into his eyes. There was a faint whine and I saw his snout twitch as he breathed, taking in my scent. He didn't move, but his body language changed from aggressive to defensive and though he continued to growl and whine, I didn't feel threatened.

"It's working" I heard my mother murmur in amazement from behind me. I felt my lips curve into a smile and I moved as though to step forward, gravitating toward him, unable to help myself. Immediately the fingers around the tops of my arms tightened, Emmett and my father seeking to protect me and I was held immobile as I tried to struggle against their restraint.

In the same second, Jake snarled, pouncing forward only the chain holding him in his place. I felt a moments fear as he continued to snap and bark, tugging against the collar. He began pacing up and down, low warning growls emitting with chilling frequency from his mouth, the fur on his hackles raised.

"It's okay, you're safe Jake, it's just us…it's just your family" I said on a shaking breath. He paused his pacing and studied me intently. I wondered if he understood what I was saying. I looked at my father, I knew he would be able to tell me; he was still trying to read Jake. Like me he had not given up. The thought warmed me through, there was hope. Did he know what I was saying to him? Was I making an impact on him?

"No he doesn't understand you but he is calmer"

I smiled. Whoever said music soothed the savage beast had obviously never heard me speak. Animal or human Jake responded to me on an instinctual level.

"Okay so maybe on this one you were right" my father conceded "But let's not push our luck, us being here will only antagonize him…perhaps we should let him rest"

I shook my head unconsciously, I didn't want to be away from him again, I didn't think my heart would take it.

"Ness, we should leave him, he probably feels threatened" my mother said and I could see the logic in that, if we were his enemy, then us being here was only going to distress him more.

"Besides there are other people who need to know that he's back" my father reminded me quietly but I knew right away whom he meant.

Sam. I knew we should tell him. He and Jake were as close as brothers, sharing a bond even we couldn't. I felt a momentary surge of possessiveness and jealousy, I didn't want to share Jake anymore, he was mine, not Sam's. As soon as the secret was out, as soon as he knew Jake was home, I would loose him again. Sam, though he had never said so, disapproved of my close relationship with Jake and part of me worried that he would interfere with our relationship if he had the chance. This was the very chance I had worried about.

"He has a right to know Renesmee…it's only right, they are his family too," my father said, pulling slightly against me. I knew he was right.

I turned my attention to Jake who stilled paced restlessly, his eyes fixed on us as he let out the occasional growl and whine.

"I'm going now Jake but I'll be back, soon…very soon" I told him and he stopped pacing, to sprawl out on the floor, his huge tongue hanging from the side of his mouth, as he panted, breathing heavily.

I grinned and turning away from him I headed for the door. My breath caught as I heard a low whine. I glanced back at him, he looked so sad, so forlorn and I felt guilty for leaving him like this.

"It'll be okay Jake, I promise," I murmured, wanting to reassure both him and me as I left but I only hoped that it was true.

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Sam was expecting us, thanks to a well-timed phone call from Alice but that didn't mean he looked pleased about us visiting. Emily on the other hand, smiled warmly at us as she ushered us in, rubbing her heavily pregnant stomach. My fathers face tightened as we sat down in the den, he and my mother's nose's wrinkling slightly. I hid a grin, suddenly feeling more alive than I ever had, Jake was home, he was back and that was enough for now. I watched with a grin as my mothers face schooled itself into an expression of politeness as she attempted to cover the disgust she felt at the smell. The scent had never bothered me, it barely registered but I knew to my full vampire parents it was like smelling wet dog, only magnified.

"So Edward, you said you had something to discuss with us, is everything okay?" Sam asked folding his huge body onto the sofa next to his wife, their fingers interlacing automatically.

My father nodded but his face was serious, solemn "It's about Jake, we wanted to let you know that…he's back"

Sam's face lit up and he jumped to his feet, looking around him as though expecting to see Jake walk into the room at any minute. He frowned when my father did not return his smile and remained seated.

"Where is he Edward?"

"At our home, he is" he paused and I knew he was searching for the right words " not himself…he's feral Sam"

"Feral?" he repeated incredulous "He can't be, we would know, the pack would know"

My father shook his head "I doubt it, _I_ can't make any sense of his thoughts Sam, they are too animalistic. There is no trace of human left in him… and he attacked Renesmee earlier this evening"

Sam's accusing gaze flew to me and I returned his scrutiny with a hard look, I knew he would find some way to blame this on me.

"Is he" Sam swallowed visibly "Is he still alive?"

"He's sedated and unharmed… but he can't phase, I don't think he even knows that he can…he's a pure wolf now"

Sam shook his head, shock written all over his face. Emily came to stand beside him and placed a gentle hand on his, silently offering her support.

"I want to see him… take me to him and I swear Cullen if he is injured you will all pay" Sam snarled, trembling a little. Panicked I recognized the signs of a shift coming on and I darted a glance at the door, this wasn't what I wanted, I wanted Sam to help Jake, to bring him back to me. Sam may be able to understand Jake's animal mind in a way that my father could not but I didn't expect him to shift uncontrollably to do it. I felt a little flicker of fear.

"It's okay Ness, he isn't going to phase, he just wants to help Jake too," my father told me with a grim smile "Isn't that right Sam" he said forcefully.

Sam nodded tightly as his trembling slowly subsided and looked from me to Emily with such a loving look that I felt immediately jealous of their relationship. My gut tightened. That was what I wanted, I wanted to love and be loved like that.

"I will speak to the pack and I will meet you there…they will want to come with me and run patrols but I think as his old alpha it is better that I see him first… there may be trouble" he warned grimly and I could hear his concern for Jake. At that moment I was grateful but scared.

I felt sick at the thought of trouble, I had seen both Jake and Sam fight and it was not something I wanted to repeat. My heart had been in my mouth the entire time; they were so vicious, so raw. It was a wonder no one had been seriously hurt but they had simply laughed it off, unperturbed by the effect it had on me. There had been times when Jake really didn't understand how much he meant to me and how worried I was for him. He seemed to think he was invincible.

My parents got to their feet and my mom smiled at Emily, "It was good to see you again Emily, I hope Sam is taking care of you"

"He is…it's a boy you know, we had planned on calling him Jake" she replied with a warm smile, caressing her stomach.

My heart swelled inside me at the notion that they like me had not forgotten Jake, and I had an insight into the pain Sam must have felt at his loss. I smiled at Emily; Jake would be thrilled to know he had a mini me. I vowed then, that no matter what, I was going to help bring Jake back so he could meet that mini me and love him the way I knew the child would love back. We left the house quickly after that, my heart heavy with their pain and my own melancholy.

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My father drove at his usual hair raising speed, wanting to be home to warn the others before the wolf pack suddenly appeared. Over the previous years the wolf pack had become permanent fixtures in our home but with Jake's disappearance their visits had dwindled. If they suddenly appeared, instincts may take over on both sides and there could be trouble. It was only fair to warn our family but also to acclimatize them.

As it turned out, the pack beat us home, the second we stepped from the car we could smell them in the air, the thick scent of wolf hanging heavy in the air. They were obviously patrolling the area around our house and were as eager to see Jake as I had been, I could hear their excited yaps and barks as they called out to him. A part of me hoped he would hear and respond, that if he remembered them, he was on his way to remembering me and what we had been to each other.

I couldn't wait to go back in there and see him, knowing that maybe Sam could reach him, and I would be able to gaze upon his beautiful face once more. Moving with inhuman speed, we were inside in under a second and I was already heading to the basement.

"No Renesmee" my father caught me by the arm "I don't want you around for this, there may problems…Sam intends to force his alpha on Jake, in an attempt to get him to submit and then phase"

I nodded, beaming, that is what I wanted to happen, to bring him back "Yeah so"

"It can be very dangerous when wolves fight for control Ness, Jake is a rogue he is not used to being subject to his alpha's control and there is a very great chance he will refuse to bow to his will…Their instincts will take over and there could be a fight to the death"

My knees threatened to buckle under me for a second and I swayed but then I rallied, Jake needed me now, to be the adult I had told I was, I had to be strong for him.

"Ness, this really isn't good for you to see, I promise we will keep you informed" my mother said gently.

"C'mon Nessie" came a tinkling voice from behind me and I turned to see my Aunt Alice stood there, her hands on her tiny hips "I don't know why, because my day suddenly vanished with all these dogs around but I know I was meant to be with you"

I looked from my parents to Alice and then back again. My mom gave me a nod of encouragement and I sighed, knowing when I was beaten. I grabbed her ice-cold hand between mine

"Promise me, promise you won't let anyone hurt him," I whispered urgently "Don't let him leave me"

My mom enfolded me close to her and stroked my hair "I promise, we'll take care of him baby"

I clutched at my mother, feeling like a little child, and sniffing against the tears I wanted to spill.

"Bella" I heard my father say and she pulled away from me, kissing me on the cheek. Within a second they had gone and I turned to Alice, fighting the tears.

"He'll be fine Ness, I promise," she told me as she lead me away into the kitchen and sat me down at the table.

I glanced at her "Do you know that for certain?" It was a pointless question, we both knew she couldn't see Jake.

"No honey, but he's strong, he'll get through this I promise"

There was a sound of low growls and snaps and I knew my parents must be in the basement. My poor Jake, he must be so confused and scared. I knew he had never felt scared or helpless in his life so this must be terrible for him.

Going still, I listened intently to the conversation I could hear going on below me…………………..

"Thank you for coming Sam, this means a lot to Renesmee" my father was saying as opened the basement door to let him inside.

"He is family" was all Sam replied and then I heard it, the loud howling and then the growling began. Sam must have phased. The not knowing was terrible. Quicker than I thought possible I was on my feet and running down into the basement.

I watched horrified as Sam stared Jake in the eye. There was a low warning growl from Jake and then he leapt forward, his teeth bared, glaring white in the dark recess of his mouth. The two huge wolves crashed together in a mixture of fur and fangs as they rolled to the ground, blood spotting their fur as they bit and chewed each other.

I stared in horror as they moved apart and then together again, as though part of some terrible dance. They circled each other, moving every now and then to slash at each other with their bared fangs, their claws scraping as they barreled into the stairs on which I was stood. There was so much blood; too much blood that nether could possibly survive. Venom pooled in my mouth at the scent and I was disgusted with myself. I jumped as the wolf nearest to me turned and snarled in my direction, blood dripping steadily from its snout. Jake! He looked at me. My heart almost leapt from my mouth as Sam lunged forward going for his exposed throat in his momentary loss of concentration.

Jake yelped and yowled as he hit the ground, with Sam's powerful Jaws clamped around his throat. There was a muted whine and Jake rolled to his back, bearing his stomach in the position of a submissive wolf. He had succumbed to Sam and accepted him as his alpha. The fight was over. I released a breath I didn't even know I had been holding and Sam's wolf eyes flashed to mine.

"Nessie" my mother hissed at me from across the room "Get back upstairs this instant!"

I nodded my heart racing; now that I knew he was safe and relatively unharmed I could relax a little. I lingered a few seconds longer and stared at Jake as he lay supine under Sam's powerful jaws. He looked so vulnerable that I wanted to rush to his side, to protect him, let him know I was here for him.

"Renesmee we will join you in a little while, go upstairs now, Sam needs to phase" my fathers commanding tone brooked no opposition and with a last lingering glance at Jake I did as I was told.

Alice was waiting for me at the top "Well that was clever Ness, do you know how _dangerous_ wolves can be when they are fighting for dominance"

"I know Aunt Alice but I had to see, I had to make sure they didn't harm him," Images flashed before my eyes of the fight, of the blood and the noise and the look in Jake's eyes as he studied me. Something occurred to me in that instant

"He did it because of me" I blurted out.

Alice shook her head a bemused expression on her elfin like face "Ness I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about, you do know that right?"

"Jake, he was fighting and then when he saw me, he just stopped...it was like he was trying to protect me against Sam and by submitting to him, I was safe…he's in there Aunt Alice, I know he is"

"Nessie I don't think it works like that, from what your father told me, Sam had to dominate him, make him his alpha to persuade him to be able to phase"

"But Alice he knows me, that's why he stopped fighting, he knew I could be in danger" I said in exasperation, frustrated that nobody would believe me.

"Nessie, I know how much you've missed Jake and I know how thrilled you are that he's here with us but please don't look for things which aren't there…your father thinks he's gone for good"

"Dad doesn't know him like I do, he would never leave me and he's here isn't he?"

Alice sighed, an unusual sound for her, she was usually so positive and upbeat

"Ness I-"

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen" it was my mother and she did not sound happy. I spun on the spot a sheepish expression on my face. Oh shit.

"Yes Momma?" I asked innocently.

"What did you think you were playing at coming down stairs Nessie, you could have been hurt, you know shifters can be volatile"

"Mom I'm not going to apologize for worrying about Jake, he would do the same for me"

"Ness what you did was extremely foolish…what would happen if you got hurt or worse killed…you think I could protect Jake then?"

I bit my lip, I hadn't thought of it that way I had just been so consumed with the need to reassure myself he was okay that I hadn't thought beyond that moment.

"That much is obvious Renesmee," my father said as he joined us upstairs, closely followed by Sam.

"Well?" I asked urgently "What happened? Can you hear him? Can he hear you?" I demanded turning my attention to Sam.

Sam looked back at me "Your father was right, he's feral-"

"No!" I cried, I had been so convinced Sam could help him that I had never considered what could happen if he failed.

"Hear him out Ness" my father interrupted, coming to stand at my side, his arm around my shoulder, comforting even as it chilled me.

"If I can get him to trust me I think I can teach him how to phase, as his alpha he has to obey and it will be as though I am forcing him to shift, he has to obey any command I give him-"

Joy spread through me and I clapped my hands, dancing a little on the spot, childish I know but I was so inordinately happy.

"-But I can't do that while he is here…we have to move him, he has to come back to La Push, back to his pack"

I shook my head "No you can't take him, he'll be okay here, you can do it here" I protested and even I could hear how I was bordering on hysterical.

"If he stays here surrounded by …all of you…then he is going to be on a permanent defensive, he physically will not be able to phase when his natural instinct is to kill you" Sam said and for the first time it sounded as though he spoke kindly, perhaps taking pity on me.

"Nessie, Sam is right…Right now Jake is an animal and his instincts are telling him to hunt and kill us, perhaps if he is away from us then he can relax enough to phase back" my mom murmured stroking my hair like she did when I was a child.

Jake was leaving me again; he was going back to La Push. I wanted to cry out and sob like a little girl with the unfairness of it all but that wouldn't accomplish anything. I had to stay strong.

"But I can still come and see him… right?" I prodded when my family including my father remained silent.

Sam shook his head at me and he looked uncomfortable "He needs time and space Nessie, just your scent alone could be enough to permanently tie him to his wolf form…he needs to be away from you all to give his mind a chance to come back"

"How" I croaked and cleared my throat "How long?"

"I don't know, I don't even know if it will work but we have to give it a chance for Jake…and that means no visits, no sneaking onto the res, no just hanging out with Seth or the guys… we can smell you a mile away"

"Ness you can do this, do this for Jake"

I nodded but inside I was shaking, no sooner had I got him back then he would be leaving me again and this time I didn't know if he was ever coming back.

"Can I see him before you take him?" I asked Sam, pleading. He shook his head, his handsome face grave.

"We can't take the chance of him attacking you again…I will let you know how he is progressing, but I can't promise anything… but know this I will do everything in my power to bring him back"

The tears I had fought so hard against, spilled over as I faced the fact I may never be able to see _my_ Jake, the one _I_ knew and loved.

"When are you taking him?" I whispered, dashing at the tears with shaking hands.

"The pack are waiting for us now" he gestured to the window and I glanced out, seeing the faint outline of bodies moving in the bushes.

"Now? Really? So soon?"

"It's for the best, the sooner he is back with his family, the better it will be for Jake"

I wanted to shout out that he was with his family, that I was his family and he should be with me but I stayed silent. I knew if there was the slightest chance that this could work, then I had to do what was necessary, and that included giving him up.

Sam turned away from me and looked at my parents "Bella, Edward"

They nodded at him and he loped off quickly into the basement, I knew the second he phased as a low yap drifted up the stairs, Jake greeting him. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I hurried to the window, desperate for once last look at Jake, like a junkie wanting a fix. I pressed my hands and forehead against the glass and watched as Jake and Sam stepped out into the edge of the forest.

Suddenly they were surrounded as one by one, the rest of the pack bounded out of the trees, with excited yelps and whines. I smiled though my tears as I saw Seth, Quil, Embry, Jared, Paul and Leah, scampering around, greeting Jake with as much enthusiasm as I had wanted to.

For a second I worried that Jake would attack the way he had with my family but he greeted the other wolves with the same deference he had with Sam, even though he stood head and shoulders above the others. I giggled as they leapt around each other; their tails wagging like dogs, frolicking like children.

"He's okay, isn't he?" I asked my father, desperately hoping so.

Beside me he nodded and was almost smiling himself "Looks that way"

My heart ached for the Jake I missed but I wanted him to be well again and I stared after them as the pack took off into the trees. Suddenly as though sensing my glance, Jake turned and looked up at me. His deep brown eyes met mine and it seemed as though he was looking into my soul, seeing me again for the first time. He let out a low woof and then in a flash was gone, leaving me staring after him with tears spilling down my face. I was alone once more.


	5. Beta

**So first I would like to thank the 4 people that reviewed, you are making this worthwhile ;). Secondly I would like to ask the other 100 or so people who are reading this to drop me a line, say hi or send me some love…I am starting to get a complex that people don't like me, especially when I write 5000 words of my heart and soul and then only 4 people let me know what they think ;-)…I hate writers that hold chapters hostage for reviews but am suddenly starting to see the appeal (just kidding) But seriously folks, drop me a line, give me some love and I will send a half naked Jake round with your next chapter ( that is when he figures out he can phase too- he may be a bit busy for the next few chapters) Love Tink. XX**

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**Jake/Wolf POV of Previous Chapter:**

The arrival of another wolf had surprised me; I'd assumed my enemies would want to finish me before I could finish them, but I was determined that I wasn't going to make it easy for them. I would fight fang and claw to take as many down as I could.

Pacing restlessly back and forth I snarled and growled to show them I was not afraid, tugging against my restraints in frustration as the bloodsuckers came back but this time with a human. I could smell him in the air before I even saw him but there was something different, unusual about him. He seemed almost animalistic in the way he moved and looked. Adrenaline coursed through me and I let out a series of warning barks and growls trying to persuade the human of the danger but he seemed unconcerned.

As my anguish reached fever pitch he stared at me as though he understand what I had been trying to tell him. What shocked me to my core was the fact that rather than look away from me after a few seconds as humans usually did, he continued to stare me down almost aggressively. My hackles rose and I growled instinctively.

I snarled as the air around him began to shimmer and swirl and only seconds later a large, shaggy, black wolf stood in his place. He bared his huge white fangs and growled as he approached me. Feeling threatened I felt my fur ripple and stand on end as I snarled and snapped at him, warning him off, trying to assert my authority over him. I was by far larger and more powerful yet he stalked me, coming closer and closer, his own body language domineering as he attempted to assert his command over me.

Coming to rest before me, he stared into my eyes and I felt a disconcerting prickle inside my mind, it wasn't pain just uncomfortable and I lunged at him going for his throat, snapping the chains that held me in place. Snarling he met me mid jump and we tumbled together onto the floor, fangs snapping, claws gouging, fur flying. I didn't notice the pain, too lost in our battle for dominance but I could smell the bitter metallic tang of our combined blood and knew I would play for it later.

But then as I breathed deeply there was another scent assailing me, filling my lungs and I found myself staring at a familiar yet shocked face, watching me with wide eyes. It was the face from my dream, the face I felt protective off, the face that possessed me. She stared right at me and the feeling of fight left me in an instant, knowing it could put her in danger.

I had to protect human life not endanger it. When the large wolf jumped again, I submitted to his will as I rolled onto my back, bearing the vulnerable skin of my stomach and throat. It wasn't just this fragile child, who made me question the need to fight for control, there was something else, something more that spoke to me, which reassured me this was how it was meant to be. I heard a gasp as the wolf closed his massive jaws over my throat and exerted just a little pressure. A wolf's kiss. He was accepting my surrender; my submission and once more I felt an uncomfortable prickle inside my head.

I felt it should have meant something but I couldn't tell what amongst my animal instincts, I couldn't make it make sense. As my alpha stepped away I rolled swiftly to my feet and approached him with my head down, my hindquarters raised to settle beside him. Taking my place as Beta.

After only a few seconds there was a change in the air and it seemed to crackle and fizz once more. I let out a whine unsure what was happening, as the atmosphere became charged. Before I had even finished there stood a human male. My instincts told me he was no threat, that this human was still my alpha. He made a noise I couldn't decipher but as he stared me down I knew it was a command and I knew enough not to move. When I came back to myself I glanced wearily around me but there was no one left in the room, not the girl or my enemy.

Apprehensively I watched as he walked up the same stairs those bloodsuckers and the human girl had left by. I suppressed the need to leap to my feet to defend him. But he was my alpha now and he could force me to follow his will whether I chose to or not. I chose to.

How much time passed I did not know but my alpha came again, as wolf not human and he stalked toward a door I had not noticed in my earlier aggrieved state. Stretching up on his back paws he nudged it with his powerful snout and to my surprise it opened. Frigid air filled my nostrils and I could taste the rain but there was something else. Something so familiar that I immediately felt at ease, comforted, relaxed. Sniffing, I absorbed the scent as I eagerly followed my alpha out into the night. Wolves. There were other wolves here yet they did not smell like me; there was something different about them. Different like my alpha, there scent was not as powerful and it changed even as I inhaled.

I assimilated that thought, they appeared bounding out of the forest, frolicking around me, yapping and barking in delight. There were at least six of them in various colors and sizes and though I knew I should feel defensive and threatened I didn't. There was an easy familiarity, a hierarchy about them I could not explain nor did I want to. The alpha threw back his head and howled at the moon, swiftly followed by the rest of my pack. That's what they were, my pack. Instinct overtook me and I joined them, feeling as though this was where I belonged. For the first time since I had awoken without memory without knowledge of where I had been or how I had came to be in this forest, I felt secure.

That annoying prickle was back but this time from a different source and as I tuned to look back at the house I had left, there were faces at the window watching me. Bloodsuckers and the human, that fragile tiny human standing with my enemies. Was she that oblivious to the danger or did that mean she was one too? The thought that that female was alone with those creatures filled me an uncomfortable need to turn back, to leave my new found pack.

I did not understand their expressions or body language they were too still but the human girl, looked in pain. An urge almost overwhelmed me as I looked at her, I wanted to ignore my alpha's command and run back to this human child to protect her. A strange surge of possession I did not understand claimed me and I fought to shake it off.

As my pack sprinted away into the shadows of the night, I knew I had to follow. My alpha barked and I let out a whine as he moved forward into the shadows disappearing rapidly into the black night. With a final glance backward I turned and sprinted off after my pack, leaving the human behind me. She was their problem, not mine.

The sense of freedom was exhilarating as I ran through the trees, darting this way and that. Wind rushed passed me carrying with it the scent of the creatures around me and I worked on instinct following my pack even though I could no longer see them. I heard the race of their hearts up ahead, the sound of their paws against the earth, the rasp of their breath. And then it was back, the familiar discomfiture, the intrusion in my head and suddenly I was being urged to run quicker, to move faster, they were waiting, my pack was waiting for me, they told me this, I sensed their thoughts. I could sense their joy, their exhilaration but was unsure what caused it. They operated as one mind together, what one thought they all thought. They called to me without words but as hard as I tried, I could not glean any clue to my origins or where we were going. I simply could not understand their minds except for basic instincts such as food and shelter.

When at last our pace slowed I realized we had traveled a longer distance than I had anticipated and were now out of the forest and heading for the ocean. Without even seeing it I knew it was there, I could feel its heartbeat in my body, the rhythm of its life beneath my feet and scent the tangy brine on the air.

I became aware of my hunger and immediately I felt an answering response in my mind to follow my alpha, he would see that we had food. As a group we approached another human dwelling and I felt a ripple of unease down my spine, my tail automatically curling under itself as I prepared to scavenge what little food I could, as I had done in the past.

A growl rippled from me as the door opened and a human female stood there watching us, her body swollen with young. Curiously she didn't seem threatened as she took us in, her body language was relaxed and welcoming and again I marveled that these human females appeared to have no self-preservation instincts. I sniffed deeply and caught her scent in the air, once more shocked when I caught the trace of wolf in her. It was mild and faint, as faint as the racing heartbeat inside her body, the tell tale flutter of life as she carried her young under her heart.

My attention was focused solely on the human that I didn't notice the wolves shimmering and blurring around me until I was surrounded by human males. Instinct told me I should have felt threatened by the presence of this many humans around me but I knew there was no threat. I was safe with them. They stood around me making noises, communicating I supposed and I waited for the prickle in my mind that would let me know they could hear me too.

There was nothing. I whined softly, confused and feeling less than safe, I missed the presence of the pack mind. One by one they disappeared inside and only alpha remained; he stood by the door and waited, obviously expecting me to follow. Sniffing I felt my ears flatten against my skull and the fur on my body ripple as my eyes narrowed in suspicion. Slowly I followed him, staring about me for any sign of threat, growling and snarling softly, warning any creature which thought to attack me.

I settled in a corner where I could watch all angles, to make sure there were no threats. I sniffed timidly, my mouth watering as I took in the smell of meat, bloody raw meat. The human female approached me gingerly, almost defensively and placed a bowl before me containing bloody food. As I wolfed it down I felt a soft hand on my head, stroking, soothing me with her touch. A rumbling sound of pleasure escaped my chest and I devoured the meat, tearing it into pieces. Settling sphinx like on the floor, I let my head rest on my paws and my tongue lolled out to the side. And comforted by the stroking motion of her hand, I felt tiredness sweep over me as my eyes began to droop and I relaxed knowing that at last I was safe.


	6. In Dreams

_**Okay so here is the latest chapter, Italics represent dream sequence and hopefully this chapter shows how Jake's human personality is starting to come back. I know I say this every time but thanks to those who have reviewed even if it is only two of you last chapter, I did think about leaving this story but Jake kept whispering in my ear about all the naughty things he has planned and I just couldn't stop writing. Even if you lot don't want to know what he's got up his sleeve I do! That said let me know what you think and drop me a line. Love Tink. XX**_

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_I was frustrated and angry, as I drove away wildly, mainly with myself. I could never blame her; she was too perfect, too wonderful, too good for this world and too good for me. She was my reason to be here, the reason I was like this, and without her I simply would not be alive._

_I would exist but I would not live, I would take air into my lungs but I would not breathe, I would close my eyes but I would not sleep, I would take in food but I would not eat, I would kill but I would not hunt. Without her my life was a gray meaningless blur, she was the sunshine in my life. Her presence on this earth explained mine; she was created for me and I her. So why were things so difficult? _

_There was a large part of me that wanted to go after her, to explain just why things had to be this way, to tell her what I had wanted to tell her since the second I first saw her face. But I had promised her parents, and even if I had not, I couldn't do that to her, couldn't tie her to a life she might not want out of obligation and her friendship for me. _

_Full of restless energy, I could feel my wolf prowling just below the surface of my skin ready to explode and shift at any time. Leaping lightly from my truck I hit the ground running and phased in an instant. The threads of my pants tore, a hissing sound as the stitching came apart, the material in tatters at my feet. _

_Assuming my wolf was as easy and as natural as breathing to me. This was where I really came alive, where I could become what I needed, with or without her. The freedom that came with this part of my life was worth all the sacrifices I had to make but despite my best intentions I didn't think leaving her would end up being one of them. I was essentially too selfish a creature to be without her and I would settle for whatever attention she chose to bestow on me._

_The dark purple shadows flashed before me as I bounded forward into a sprint leaving my human self and all his problems far behind. A sense of peace enveloped me, a sense of oneness with the life around me; I was the earth now, part of an elemental force bigger than me, the same elemental force which bound me inextricably to her for ever and ever, whether she wanted me or not._

_Relaxed as I was I didn't see the blood sucker until it was too late, until she was stood before me her shiny teeth bared in her striking pale face. She was tiny and so deceptively fragile looking that at first I didn't sense the danger until I looked upon her face and felt a flash of recognition and…fear._

_I snarled bearing my fangs and crouched low ready to strike at this inhumanly beautiful child. She watched me, her wide scarlet eyes crinkling with amusement, a cruel smile playing around her pretty bow mouth._

_Growling again I made as though to lunge forward but was overcome with white hot pain so unbearable that when I tried to howl all that left my mouth was an agonized shriek. Every nerve ending in my body was burning slowly with searing heat, scorching me from the inside out. I wanted to rip open my body to claw out the sensitive threads that held me to this life of burning pain and blistering heat. Death would not come easily this night._

_A beautiful, musical, childlike giggle met my ears over the sound of my tortured screams and I managed to open my eyes. She smirked broadly, enjoying her game, as her eyes narrowed and the pain suddenly intensified._

"_Aw does that hurt little puppy?" she cried gleefully as white lightening flashed around my body. I snarled and whimpered, unable to even form a coherent reply or thought to summon the rest of my pack. As I lay there twitching and thrashing in agony, a face appeared in my mind, a beloved face, a face so beautiful that I clung to the image as the pain increased ten fold and my weakened body began to spasm and jerk before everything went black……._

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I came awake suddenly with a harsh warning growl, scrambling to my feet as I looked urgently around me for any signs of danger, the dream already fading as my body shook.

Bearing my fangs I searched for the baby faced enemy I had seen more than once in my dreams recently. Breathing harshly, deeply, I attempted to calm myself, scenting the air for my enemy as I slowly realized I was safe again. There was no childlike assassin or tortured human male. There was only me and my pack.

Seven moons had passed, all of them waning, since coming here with my alpha. We had passed the time hunting, prowling searching for signs of our natural enemy. Despite what I had seen recently, sensed the coven nearby on many occasions, there was no sign of any activity in this area. Yet I still felt something was wrong, something was changing.

I knew I should be more aware of the danger I could be in given the location of a vampire coven so close to the pack but there was nothing to drive forward my urge to hunt them, to kill them. The pack seemed to have existed closely with them for some time and I got the sense that although my Alpha wanted their blood, the others in my pack didn't. There was a clear divide and some of the wolves seemed to defer to me over the alpha, but what confused the shit out of me was that he did not object. It was as if he took it as my right.

Other problems were more pressing for me. I had begun to see flickers in my head accompanying the familiar prickle of intrusion. The packs thoughts were becoming clearer to me and I saw myself in them, memories of my time with them. Images now tugged at the corners of my mind and not for the first time I felt as though the dreams I had, may once have been a reality. That these dreams had once happened to me. That I had been that human male who had driven off in such a state of anguish, that my emotions, my feelings, my desires and urges were somehow entangled with his.

The residual energy of the dreams usually faded within minutes of me waking but today was different, there were feelings, emotions, things I did not understand, things my mind could not process. I felt almost human.

Impossible, I told myself time and again, I was wolf, majestic and proud, not some weak human. Yet I could not shake off the sense of familiarity at the images in my head, the almost sense of rightness, of belonging, in the same way I had upon meeting my pack.

Thinking of my dream, of the childlike killer, set my body shaking violently once more, and I felt out of control, wondering what was happening to me. My body was suffused in heat but it was the sense of impotence, the feeling of not having control over what was happening to me, which really shook me to my core. Whining softly, worried and confused I heard the familiar pad of paws when my alpha loped into the room.

He came to stand before me watching me intently, his eyes narrowed, nudging me with his massive jaws, as though trying to reassure me, calm me. I whined again as the tremors continued, growing more volatile with each passing second and I felt the alpha's unspoken command in my head

"Do not be afraid… follow your instincts… this is right… this is what's meant… remember…remember who you are"

Shuddering violently my entire body juddered with barely repressed energy as my mind attempted to make sense of what was happening to me. I felt like there was a build of up static inside me waiting to be unleashed, to be transformed and I began to convulse uncontrollably.

As I contorted before him, I whimpered as a million images suddenly flooded my mind. I howled as wolf faces, human faces, faces of the bloodsuckers I'd encountered and a strong sense of belonging swept through me. My body felt as though it were floating, spinning, swirling, shrinking, disappearing before everything went black.

All was still and silent around me, as I opened my eyes slowly to see my alpha human watching me. He looked oddly pleased yet his eyes were concerned. Scanning the room I heard the rapid arrival of footsteps as the rest of the humans in my pack barreled into the small room, all with various excited expressions on their faces. Their voices mingled until I could no longer hear what they said.

Looking so alike, with their dark skin and features I felt they must be related and a thought occurred to me. This was my pack, my family but there was still something missing, I could tell they felt a part was missing, I had heard it in their thoughts when the wolves were beside me. All of sudden a vaguely familiar feeling came over me, like an echo of a memory. I knew them? But how and why? Irritated with them and their stupid fucking smirks and crows, I tried to growl. Nada. Nothing. Silence.

They were all smiling, grinning broadly, at me. What the fuck were they staring at? I attempted to growl again but the sound that emerged was nothing like I expected, sounding more like a rumble than a warning noise. Shock charged through me as I began to understand.

I forgot to breathe for long seconds and as awareness came to me, I realized I was no longer animal, I was no longer wolf… I was human.


	7. In The Still Of The Night

**Yay! I was so excited to see I had 8 reviews for the last chapter...sad I know but at last I feel as though I am getting somewhere. So please keep em coming? The more you review the faster I write... I also have to confess that I made an error in chapter 2…Hands up who spotted that Quil and not Embry imprinted on Claire? Well **_**xselenexchoiseulx3 **_**did so I'm dedicating this one to her. Send me a lovely review and who knows I could dedicate the next one to you …**** Love to all. Tink. XX**

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It had been 7 days, 10,080 minutes and 604,800 seconds since I'd last laid eyes on my Jake and right at this moment, deep in the dark of the night, I felt every single one of them. A physical ache plagued my body, tearing at my heart and leaving my feeling weak and fragile. I'd felt like this since the second he left my side all those days ago, the human part of me superceding my vampire qualities.

The emotional turmoil I had been going through was so bad, that when I suddenly felt insanely happy, almost bi polar, I knew my mom had gone to uncle Jasper and most probably begged him to put me out of my misery. Guilt assuaged me as I realized it probably wasn't much fun for him picking up on all my pain either. Uncle Jasper was so sensitive to emotions it was a wonder he wasn't trying to find the nearest cliff to fling himself off and end it all right now. But for everyone's sake, his own most of all, it seemed he heard my mom's pleas and had intervened.

Using his talents, instead of letting me pine and cry for my best friend, at times I felt on top of the world, spending most of my days laughing with Uncle Emmett, shopping with Aunt Alice, hunting with Aunt Rose. But it was the nights that were the worst, when I slept my dreams plagued me. Haunted me.

Apparently Jasper didn't seem to want to influence them. Each night Jake would appear to me, asking for my help, calling to me but I wouldn't be able to get to him. His wolf would appear, large and menacing, growling and snarling ferociously. He would stalk me, corner me, lunge at me, before tearing me to pieces, leaving me bleeding, dying, whilst he laughed. The rest of the pack around him looked on, watching me smirking and grinning wolfishly.

Other dreams were just as tormenting, just as painful to me. Jake holding me in his powerful embrace, telling me how much he missed me, how much he loved me. Jake kissing me gently, stroking my body, teaching me, until I awoke yearning for him and his touch. I'm not sure Uncle Jasper enjoyed those emotions much better, I knew they made him feel uncomfortable coming from his six year old niece but I got the feeling Aunt Alice got the benefits, or at least that's what my enhanced vampire hearing told me.

My body and soul knew what my brain didn't, that it yearned for Jake, that I needed him to live. Without him I barely existed, I survived but I didn't live, I couldn't if he wasn't by my side where I needed him to be. He was the other half to me, the dark to my light, the night to my day, the hot, to my cold.

My parents had tried to help; they hung around La Push close enough to know what was happening but not close enough to cause him distress. According to them he was happy, he still had not phased or shifted yet but he seemed settled and relaxed. The good news was that his thoughts were slowly becoming more human, my dad could sometimes make sense of them. They were mainly about the pack, his human side and the house he lived in. He was grateful to Emily, worried about her pup and occasionally thought about exploring the area he came from.

I wasn't featured in his thoughts and that more than the fact he still hadn't phased upset me more than anything. Maybe I had to face facts that he really did not know who he was and worse than that he did not know who I was ether. My heart wept for my poor Jake but for myself too. There were times when being a teenager sucked, this was one of them; I was ruled by my hormones.

"Renesmee" I heard my father's melodic tones outside my bedroom door, seconds before he knocked. Privacy, in house full of vampires who could read thoughts, see the future and had enhanced senses of hearing, was a very rare thing but I appreciated the gesture all the same.

"Come in" I said softly, dashing at my eyes to swipe away the silent tears which had escaped as I ruminated about Jake.

"You okay?" he asked hesitantly, moving to sit beside me on the bed and wrap an arm around my shoulders.

"Tell Uncle Jasper I'm sorry," I said with a wry smile, I must have been driving him crazy with these maudlin thoughts and feelings.

"He understands, we all do, you should never apologize for your feelings, especially for Jake, we all know how much he means to you, he's your best friend"

I chuckled softly and wondered if he would be quite as understanding, when he realized my feelings for Jake were not so platonic anymore. His laughter joined mine and I looked at him puzzled for a split second before understanding dawned. Mind reading father, how could I forget?

"Your mother and I figured that out a while ago… probably before even you did" he said ruefully and I felt a blush heat my cheeks. He touched my cheek and smiled a little sadly.

"You look so much like your Mom when you do that… I miss her blushes" he confided with a far away look in his eyes.

"Dad!" I interrupted impatiently "This is not the time to tell me the story about how you and mom fell in love, I know it inside out already"

He laughed squeezing me close for a split second "Actually I came to tell you I heard from Sam today"

I froze my entire body still with the exception of my frantically racing heart.

"Sam? What is it? Is Jake okay?"

My father nodded but his face was grave "Sam says he doesn't remember anything, doesn't even know who he is or where he has been for the last year…claims he just woke up one morning in the forest around Forks and then stumbled across us"

Tears pooled in my eyes, partly of relief and partly of disappointment, I was glad he had finally shifted but a large part of me expected that when he did shift, he would remember his life, remember me. I expected to get my best friend back.

"So he doesn't know about…us," I meant me, and my father knew, without me having to say the words.

He shook his head once more, his expression sympathetic, as I grew silent again.

"He'll get there Ness, you know he will" but he didn't sound convinced.

I nodded woodenly but there was a part of me and I didn't know how big that part was, which just didn't believe him.

"It's just so hard Daddy," I murmured, hugging my knees to my chest and laying my cheek atop them. He rubbed my back soothingly his ice cold touch not the one I craved right now. I needed the heat, the feeling of warmth that only my Jake could provide.

"Would you like to come hunting with Jasper and I? Take your mind off him for a little while, it's been nearly a week since you last hunted...you must be ravenous"

I didn't need him to tell me that, a week had passed since Jake had stood before me, but it felt like a lifetime. Split seconds passed before I knew what I wanted to do,

"Could we go to La Push? Please…I just want to know he's okay" I turned pleading eyes on my father and he sighed audibly, shaking his head as he answered.

"It's not good for either of you right now…he needs space Nessie, I know it's hard but I promise it will be worth it in the end"

"We don't have to go near the house, just close enough so I can smell him…please Daddy, please"

My father shook his head again, his face impassive, "I'm sorry Nessie really I am, but we can't take the risk… young werewolves like Jake are extremely volatile and you don't want to undo all the work Sam has done…if he sees you or catches your scent on the wind he may not be able to control himself around you, he could shift …you could both be in danger"

"I wouldn't be in danger, it's Jake Daddy, he wouldn't hurt me," I protested becoming frustrated with their attempts to protect me from someone who loved me.

"Renesmee, it's not only you I'm thinking of…if you got hurt I don't think I could protect Jake…it's for his good as well as yours" he told me brushing the side of my face with his hand, echoing what my Mom had said to me when I wanted to see Jake for one last time.

"But I need to see him, I need to know that he's okay" I pleaded, my voice barely a whisper now.

"How about I speak with Seth instead of Sam, I know there's no love lost between you two but Seth is different…he'll keep it real" he said and rolled his eyes as though quite unable to believe he had said those words aloud. I had to admit hearing my well spoken, articulate, eloquent father say "keep it real" normally would have had me in gales of laughter and though I think it was his intention, it just didn't work.

I nodded, a slight smile on my lips, a little flicker of hope inside me, Seth would back me, he would understand, aside from Jake he was the other person closet to me. Seth would let me see him.

"Renesmee, I don't like to see you like this…I know you're hurting but you can't put your life on hold waiting for something that may not ever happen…You may have to face the fact that the Jake we all knew is gone for good"

I wanted to laugh, he was saying the same thing he had when Jake had first come back and already he'd been proved wrong. He'd managed to shift hadn't he? So maybe the journey was going to take longer than we'd thought but I knew, I had to believe that he would come back to me.

"Would you have given up on Mama?" I asked him, already knowing his answer would be no.

If I ever had even half the love my parents shared then I would be a lucky woman and I wanted that love to be with Jake. I knew the wolves loved deeply and forever, I'd heard terms like soul mate and imprinting mentioned but had never fully understood them. Now was the time I wanted to.

"Ness that was different… your mom and I…well it was complicated but your Aunt Alice knew it was meant, even if I didn't at the time" he reflected with a rueful smile.

"How is it so different for Jake and I…I think I love him Daddy" I confessed horrified that I had confessed such a thing to my father, my mind reading, overbearing, over protective, vampire with a bite venomous to wolves, father.

"I know it feels that way know but things change Ness, this could just be a teen crush… you're just going through a transition, you're growing up…hormones and such…who knows you could meet someone and totally forget about Jake…it seems as though you are so obsessed with him that you can't see the bigger picture, that you can't see you could have a life, a happy life, without him"

I felt a spurt of anger, dad was ignoring my feelings, trying to dissuade me, trying to get my to doubt how I felt about Jake.

"And what is the big picture Daddy…I can't date a human I could kill him, I've met practically every vampire of our kind and nothing…there wasn't even the slightest flicker but with Jake" I struggled to explain the depth of my feelings, it was so much more than love "with Jake it's like I was made for him, I can't shake the feeling that we were meant to be"

"Renesmee" he sighed, he did that a lot when things were not going how he wanted them to, "this seems to have come out of nowhere…you should concern yourself with getting him well again before you even start thinking about how you feel about him and how he feels about you"

I felt a little guilty, he was right of course. I was so obsessed with how much _I_ loved _him_, that I had never thought about him and what he must be going through. All I wanted was to be with him and all I thought about was how he _would_ love me back. It was too painful to consider any other option.

"There is something else... have you considered the possibility that even if Jake does come back to us, he will not feel that way about you…what will you do then?" he asked me gently, obviously hearing my previous thoughts.

I shrugged my shoulders and turned my face into my knees again, not wanting him to see how upset this notion made me. For so long I had fixated on getting Jake back that I never really thought about what would happen should he not feel the same about me.

Perhaps my father was right; perhaps this was more a teenage crush, part of my advanced growth. Suddenly I was doubting myself, doubting my feelings, did i really love him the way i thought? How could I know? I had nothing to compare to, no time with Jake that hadn't been platonic before he disapeared. Maybe I was clinging to the hope that I loved him as a way to keep him in my life, my thoughts. I flopped onto my back and stared blindly at the ceiling, eyes open but seeing nothing, feeling the bed shift as my father rose and left the room on silent feet. Despite all my worries, there was one thing I knew for certain above all else. However I felt about him, I wanted him in my life and I would wait as long as he needed me to.


	8. Being Human

**So you lot are really giving me food for thought with those reviews, they make me type faster and with a big smile….This chapter deals with Jake learning a little about who he is and where he comes from…things are discussed in this chapter which do not follow cannon but that is a deliberate move by Sam to oppress and twist some of Jake's history, it's not me getting it wrong again…That said conversation in italics are thoughts between the wolves…So read on and as always let me know how you're finding it. Love to all. Tink. XX**

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**La Push- Some hours earlier.**

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I stared in the mirror hoping for some flash, even a flicker of recognition towards the stranger staring back at me but there was none. Twisting this way and that I studied my reflection, appraising my human self, surprised by what I saw. This was beyond weird. For as long as I could remember, though yeah, it wasn't all that long, I had been a wolf. Furry four legs, liked to growl and snarl.

But now, impossible as it was, I was something else, I was human, like the other members of my pack. I couldn't deny my human side; it was there before me in the mirror. I pictured my face as I had seen it in the memories and thoughts of my pack; the face, which had constantly recurred, the face I had not recognized, was my own.

_Not bad looking for a human, even if I did say so myself_, I thought with a wry chuckle, and then I paused fascinated by the sound coming from my chest. Laughter. That simple sound evoked another memory, chasing through the shadows of my mind. Laughter like bells tinkling, like a rainbow shattering into a thousand perfect crystalline pieces. A memory stirred inside me at the sound of my own laughter. Yet no matter how hard I tried to recall where I had heard that laughter, that golden, perfect laughter, it remained elusive.

Turning my attention back to myself, I frowned at my reflection. I looked different to how the pack remembered me, even I could see that. The face of their memories was laughing and smiling, my hair trimmed neatly and my body primed, ready for the heat of battle. What stared back at me in the mirror was not the man they had known.

My skin was still a dark russet, but the hair on my head now a long untidy shaggy mess, an inky blue- black color. Good looking I may have been usually but today I looked a mess. My face was coated with a layer of stubble, and grime, my hair knotted and matted. My face scrunched up as I caught a whiff of myself. Ugh. Rank. I smelled like dog, which in my natural wolf form was never a problem but I discovered as a human, my sense of enhanced smell remained and I stank. Showering suddenly moved high on my list of priorities, higher even than finding out just what the hell was going on here.

The thing I found most disturbing about this situation was the fact I _wasn't more_ disturbed by this turn of events. While in my human form it was surprisingly easy to think human thoughts, to act human, so maybe I was human? Maybe I was not a wolf. Maybe I was just crazy.

Lost in my thoughts I still heard the bathroom door open behind me and I turned to see my alpha watching me somewhat warily, as though he still expected me to lash out at any time. Did I really appear that unstable?

"How are you holding up Jake?" he asked his eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

Jake. That, apparently, was my human name. And though it should feel familiar it did not. I shrugged, not sure what he wanted me to say.

"Have you remembered anything? Do you know where you are? Do you know what you are?"

"Well as sure as shit I'm not a wolf anymore" was about the only response I could muster up.

"You are still a wolf but you are also Jacob Black… you are two parts of the same person"

"How is this even possible? I mean just what the hell is going on? Am I fucking crazy?" I asked him, knowing that as my alpha, he had all the answers. I turned away from the mirror to look at him and he smiled just barely.

"You want to take this outside? I think Emily is a little worried that you're spending so much time in this bathroom…I've told her you're house broken but I don't think she believes me"

I chuckled despite myself, understanding the humor. Another surprise. I guess I was more human than I had first thought. Following my alpha, Sam I think he said his name was earlier, I studied the house as we passed through it. Pictures of the pack decorated every available surface and I managed to match faces with wolf forms, their colorings and body language were similar, making spotting them easy. They all looked so similar to me that it was almost eerie, all dark skin, eyes and hair in variety of shades and shapes.

We headed out the door, Sam bestowing a quick kiss as he passed his mate, his wife, the humans called it. Emily, I think I heard him say.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her, resting his huge hand on her ever expanding stomach.

She grinned up at him and then looked down at her belly with a gentle smile as she rubbed it slowly. I watched mutely.

"Like I can't remember the last time I saw my toes…seriously Sam if I get any bigger you are going to have to roll me out of here when the time comes" she giggled gently and then stopped abruptly, a frown appearing on her face, the scar puckering one corner.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked sharply and I recognized his alpha tone immediately, hearing the concern for his mate.

She nodded and a smile appeared again but it was forced "Just think this little one is using my internal organs as a football, we all knew shifter babies are big… I'm okay really"

Despite what she said I could hear the tiredness in his voice, take in the fatigue in her eyes, the slight droop to her posture. Carrying her young was a hard task.

"You sure? That's been happening a lot recently…maybe you should see you ObGyn" he said softly, his tone changing in a heartbeat as he tenderly kissed the side of her badly scarred face.

"Sam, it's fine really, I mean there can't be much room left to move in there now, anyway it's just a little niggle, perfectly normal, everything is getting squished up inside me…go on you and Jake have a lot to talk about…tell him will you Jake, he'll listen to you"

"He will?" I repeated and then rolled my eyes at how dumb and childish, I sounded. Still it was a shock that my alpha would listen to me over his own mate. Interesting. Maybe the dynamics of our relationships and hierarchy of our pack were not as simple as I'd first thought. The times when the rest of the pack deferred to me suddenly made more sense.

"Emily" he chastised but leant down to kiss her anyway "Take it easy, and if you need me send Seth… We're going for a run"

Neither Emily or I could miss the excited glint in his eyes, his broad grin, that shifted and settled as he stared down into her eyes.

There was something about the look that passed between them that stirred an echo within me. A feeling of longing erupted in my heart, so powerful that it shook me to my core. It was as though I was missing something, as though I had forgotten something vital. Seeing them together reminded me of someone but I couldn't say who, someone who should be in my pack but was not here. It was an uncomfortable feeling, nagging at the front of my brain but it passed as we headed out of the house and towards the beach.

I could hear the roar of the waves, the crash as they broke against the sand, smell the salt in the air. All seemed peaceful.

"So how is being a human again?"

"It's a little weird but then it feels… right at the same time, I don't mind telling you, it's fucking bizarre" I mused and he chuckled again.

"Yeah I can imagine" he paused and we walked a little further," so, you don't remember anything about where you've been for the last year…or who we are or where we came from?"

I shook my head "All I know is that one minute I'm a giant fucking dog and then the next I'm a human, how the fuck does that happen?"

"You remember those bloodsuckers who caught you?" he said bitterly and I could hear the hate and anger in his normally level tone.

I nodded, a vague recollection of the people who'd brought Sam to me, I couldn't see their faces really, more like a misty memory of their scents and I felt a warning growl rumble in my chest. The animal in me warred to be free at the thought of them. In this whole mess there was one thing I was clear about, they were my enemy and they had to be destroyed.

"Well those are the Cullen's," he spat out "they've lived in this area a while now-"

"-So how does that explain what happened to us?" I interjected, impatient and anxious to know what part they played in my duel reality.

"…Our people believe that we are descended from Wolves and for a long time everyone thought it was just a legend but when the Cullen's moved here… it became more than legend… To put it simply we exist… because they do" he told me and I couldn't miss the undertone of bitterness in his voice.

I briefly wondered what had caused it; I could only see the advantage of being an animal, of being my wolf. It was living as a human I was going to have trouble with.

"So because those filthy bloodsuckers live nearby we have to turn in giant dogs?"

He nodded, and smiled humorlessly.

"That's about the jist of it…our duty is protect human life…protect people from the Cullen's and their kind"

I scanned the area around us and a thought occurred to me. They hunted in the same way we did, it was their nature to hunt and to kill humans, in the same way mine was to hunt and kill them "Why haven't we spotted them when we've patrolled?"

"We have a kind of treaty with them, we don't tell people what they are and they don't come on the res…usually"

"Usually?" this intrigued me, there were times he had let those fucking bloodsuckers onto his land? And they had left unscathed? He hadn't killed them? He hadn't torn them limb from limb when he had the chance?

"There have been times in the past when they have had to come here but that doesn't matter anymore…they won't come here now, I've made sure of it"

I digested what he had told me "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Know that they exist but not kill them, they're blood suckers, killers, murderers… they should all be wiped off the face of the fucking earth" I snarled, angry that these abominations, these creatures should be allowed to go about their lives while innocent people could be in danger.

He grinned broadly, looking absurdly pleased with himself but I didn't understand why "The only thing stopping me wiping out every fucking last one of them is that damn treaty…if we kill even a one of them, they can start a war and it's not worth putting the pack in danger…they say their different and not like others of their kind… but if it looks like a bloodsucker and acts like a bloodsucker then it's a bloodsucker"

"The pack can handle itself… we could take them Sam I know we could…we've done it before…haven't we?"

He looked me at with surprise and if I wasn't mistaken a little bit of fear on his face, his tone was cautious, wary even "You remember?"

I shook my head but I knew instinctively, we had killed bloodsuckers before; I could almost taste their blood on my tongue, feel the satisfaction of the kill surge through me " No but I know we have, I can feel it…maybe it's something I picked up from the pack"

"Yeah we've killed them before…and I know the time will come when we can kill them again…then we can be normal again" he assured me, a glint in his eyes.

I felt my wolf then, restless inside me and I felt as though I could shift in a single instant. My body begin to tremble and shake. Beside me I felt Sam's eyes on me, watching me warily.

"You need to shift?" he sounded defensive, almost growling the not quite question not quite command at me.

I nodded but completely unsure as to what to do. It must have shown on my face as I trembled and shook, my body filling with energy, I felt about ready to jump out of my skin, literally.

"Just follow your instincts Jake, you were the fastest of us all when it came to phasing on the go…it should be as easy and as natural as breathing to you" he told me with a feral smile and only a second later, a wolf stood beside me.

It was almost a challenge, as though he were provoking me to shift quicker than he had, and I was more than ready to face it.

I felt my body shake violently but rather than resist I let it happen, hearing the familiar hissing sound as my clothes tore as I took on my wolf form. Sam had been right, it was easy when you knew it was meant.

"_See Jake, easy as breathing" _he thought and I could have sworn his tongue hung from his mouth in a doggy grin.

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"_Take me to those blood sucking bastards, take me to their lair… I want to get their scent, so when I see them, I can take them down one by one"_

"_Jake I don't think that's a good idea…yet…you're still getting used to your human form, exposing you to the Cullen's could stop you shifting back"_

"_So?" I almost growled in my head, amused by the notion Sam would not want to be a wolf permanently. At the moment it felt more natural than in my human form, as though I had been born a wolf and had shifted into human rather than the other way around._

"_So we just got you back Jake, the pack would kill me if you went Feral again…besides we've got plenty of time to get those bloodsuckers…trust me, they will come to us"_

"_How can you be so sure?"_

_He grinned again, his tongue lolling out of the corner of his mouth_

"_Because we have something they want"_

"_Yeah? What's that?"_

"_You Jake, a long time ago, a very long time ago…you were …acquaintances with one of them but all that changed when they did"_

_I digested this new information; I had been friends with a bloodsucker. That seemed as impossible to me, as the fact I could change into a human at will.  
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"_It was years ago now Jake and they mean nothing to you now...the one they call Bella chose to become a monster and you chose the pack instead"_

_I rolled her name around in my head, waiting for an accompanying memory. There was nothing. Nada. _

"_But soon there will come a time when they will make a mistake and then-" Sam began, his thoughts victorious._

"_Then we can have them?"_

"_The treaty Jake"_

"_Fuck the treaty, isn't the preservation of human life more important than some treaty written hundreds of years ago?" I snarled inside my head.  
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"_I agree with you Jake but not all the pack will, lets keep this quiet for now"_

_I wanted to laugh, the pack mind was a shared mind, and how he planned to keep this from them was beyond me._

"_There are ways Jake," he told me laughingly. "Now are we going to hunt or sit here talking all night?"_

_I growled low in my throat to show my approval and I sprinted forward into the shadows. Being human was okay but nothing compared to this, the strength the speed, being at one with the earth around me. The animal in me broke free, all thoughts of the bloodsuckers forgotten…for now._


	9. What he doesn't know

**Thanks so much for all the reviews guys… I hope you like this one, we are slowly getting closer to Jake and Nessie reunion…Let me know what you think and yes there are some deliberate parallels between this and Breaking Dawn (You'll see what I mean at the end and in the next chapter…I'll explain why next time) Till then, send me some love ;). Love Tink. XX**

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Renesmee POV**

Pacing the floor I glanced more than once at my father, as I chewed my nails anxiously, a terrible habit I had apparently picked up from my maternal grandmother when I was a little girl. The shrill ring of the cell was audible to me, even without the benefit of speakerphone. Each separate pulse of the tone was like another butterfly in my stomach. _Why doesn't he answer? Come on Seth, I'm dying here, pick up_ I thought.

"Nessie, please stand still you're making me dizzy" my father murmured without even looking my way. I carried on pacing, adding a slight bad tempered stomp, so sue me, I was a teenager.

"Why doesn't he answer?" I mumbled giving voice to my earlier thought, staring blindly out of the window as I paced.

"Renesmee, please sit down, you're not helping" he turned to look at me and patted the sofa beside him. I twisted my hands in my lap nervously and flounced toward him as my father stared at me, his eyebrow raised slightly.

I didn't need to be a mind reader to know he thought I was being immature and maybe I was but this felt as though it was the most important phone call I had ever part of. The cell continued to ring and just when I thought we had to give up, a deep yet somewhat breathless voice hissed,

"Edward?" he sounded flustered, speaking quietly.

"Seth? Is everything okay?" my father asked and I realized I had begun to nibble at my pinkie finger. Looking down I placed my hand in my lap and forced myself to stay still, concentrating on just breathing.

"Everything's fine Edward, I'm with Sam and Jake…you shouldn't be calling like this…you know what Sam said," he whispered but we could still hear him.

"Can they hear you?" I blurted out, snatching the cell from my fathers grasp, unable to stay silent when I knew I was seconds away from hearing about Jake and how he was.

A low chuckle met my ears "H'lo Nessie…no they can't hear me but they can probably hear you"

"What's going on? Is he okay? Has he remembered anything?" I asked desperate for information.

"Ness, he's fine…he doesn't remember anything and looks a real mess but other than that he's doing okay"

"Can I see him? Please Seth, I need to see him for myself…I won't let him see me I promise, I just need this Seth, please"

There was a long silence, and knew this didn't bode well for my plans to be reunited with Jake. Eventually he sighed,

"The thing is Ness, I really don't think it's a good idea…he seems to have a problem with you lot"

My heart dropped "What do you mean he has a problem?"

"Jake is very antagonistic towards all vampires at the moment and I don't think he would view you any differently… it wouldn't be safe for you to come here"

"Just tell him Seth, tell him about me, about my mom…he has to know we're different…Sam will tell him" though my words were confident, my voice was not and I knew everyone could hear the tremor in it.

"Ness, Sam hasn't told him anything, he says it's better if Jake remembers for himself, and at the moment Jake wants to hunt and kill all vampires, including you…I'm sorry Ness"

I felt tears prickle in my eyes and handed the cell to my father "You talk to him" I said hoarsely, disappointed and in pain as I flopped back against the seat, an arm over my eyes.

"Seth, I'm asking this of you as a friend of mine, of Renesmee's and of Jake's…will you talk to him…I know Sam and I know that he doesn't plan on telling Jake the truth until he has to…he has never approved of our friendship and now I'm asking you to stand up for that friendship" my fathers tone was grave and concerned.

"I can't Edward, Sam is acting Alpha at the moment I can't go against his command, he has told all of us we can't discuss Jake's past or you with him….I just can't, you know that Edward…I'm sorry I wish I could, I really do…I will do what I can to provoke his memory but that's all I can do"

Seth spoke softly and slowly and his tone was full of regret but it didn't make it any easier to hear.

"I understand Seth but I had to ask for Renesmee's sake...this is very hard on her Seth"

"Its hard on all of us… Jake is different now, he's so angry, full of hate towards vampires, all vampires"

I bit back a sob, my Jake hated me.

"But I promise you this Edward, as soon as there is the slightest sign that Jake is remembering I will tell him the truth, where his roots are…I don't agree with what Sam is doing but I can't go against his wishes"

"I know Seth but please if there is any change let us know immediately,"

"I will, look I gotta go he's coming over"

"Hey Seth, who ya talking to? Tell your woman goodbye...come on we gotta go hunt some bloodsuckers" I heard a familiar deep voice call out in the background and my heart spiked.

It was Jake. My entire body trembled with relief at the sound of his voice, he sounded so carefree but at the same time excited at the prospect of killing. My Jake. It had been so long since I'd heard his deep gravelly tones and goose bumps broke out on the surface of my skin and I shivered involuntarily.

"Yeah I'm coming, keep ya fur on…listen guys I gotta go"

"Seth come on, I'm aging here!" Jake bellowed with a laugh and my own grin appeared in response to the sound of his laughter.

I smiled through my tears, wanting to shout out, wanting to call out to him, to tell him that I was here for him, that I missed him, that I loved him, that I wanted him home with me.

"Bye guys" Seth murmured and I heard Jake's muted laughter in the background drawing closer just as the cell cut out. So near and yet so far. I sighed. I couldn't help it.

My father turned to look at me, a sad smile playing around his lips,

"You okay Nessie?"

I nodded not trusting my voice, feeling the tremors inside me break free.

"I'm –" my voice broke on a little sob and I covered my mouth with my hand and cleared my throat "I'm just pleased he's okay Daddy"

"Well he sounds fine, still as pigheaded and obnoxious as ever" he remarked and I laughed. I knew that my father in his way loved Jake as much as I did. After all he had saved my life as a child, given up so much to protect me when the Volturi came for us.

"He's still in there Daddy, I know he is… I just have to wait a little longer is all"

I smiled to myself and replayed the sound of his laughter in his head, his deep and oh so masculine voice. That was one of the things I missed most about him, his laughter. It wasn't just his physical presence I had missed, it was also his emotional one.

"I hope so Ness, I really do"

I couldn't say it out loud for fear the tears would choke me but I hoped so too.

* * *

**La Push- Thirty minutes earlier**

**Jake POV  
**

The door opened and Seth strolled inside, greeting Sam with a grin and me with a punch to the shoulder. I grinned and reached for him, ready to tussle. I liked Seth, out of all of the pack I had a feeling we had been close once before. He was easy going and there was almost something furiously gentle about him, yet I knew if I needed him he would be there for me in a heartbeat. The first at my side to defend our pack. Our pack? Where had that come from, we were part of Sam's pack, weren't we?

"You ready to kick some bloodsucker ass? Sam said Quil and Embry have picked up the trail of a lone male out past the res" I told him, eager for the hunt to begin, feeling all my energy prowling just below the surface of my skin, ready to bust loose at any time.

Seth grinned, "Excited are we…shit Jake you still love to fight," he said shaking his head at me with a grin.

"You better believe it kid, I can kick your ass too" I smirked at him, watching as his eyes narrowed in challenge.

"Ya think?" he growled at me, crouching low, ready to go as Sam and Emily waddled slowly into the room, their heads close, hands entwined across her stomach.

"Oh I know so" I said and lunged for him again, just as his cell phone began to buzz.

I watched as he glanced down at it and then looked back at me, looking uncomfortable and nervous. He seemed edgy, cagey.

"I gotta take this…there's this girl," he stammered and I laughed watching as he strolled outside, protectively hovering over the cell phone as he muttered into it, too quiet for even me to hear.

"Who was that?" Sam asked me suspiciously as his eye followed to where Seth was pacing up and down talking on the phone. He looked agitated. Women. Who ever she was, she was giving him the run around judging by the look on his face. Poor bastard, I had never seen anyone look so miserable, so uncomfortable and so damn torn.

I shrugged and watched as Emily hissed in another breath, coming to a dead stop in the center of the room.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, as she lowered herself to the love seat, her hands in their usual position on her stomach.

She nodded and pasted a smile on her face "Just tired, junior here has been keeping me awake at night…how are you Jake?"

"Same as ever…ready to kick some bloodsucker ass though"

Emily's eyes widened and for a second she looked distressed "Not all the cold ones are bad Jake" she murmured gently.

I looked at her shocked and Sam stepped protectively in front of her "Emily, Jake doesn't need to hear about this now…besides you're tired …you should try and rest…Jake you wanna go check on Seth while I say goodbye" he looked meaningfully toward the door and I felt that urge to obey, unable to go against my alpha's command.

I nodded and smiled at Emily, who winced again at some movement inside her "Take care Emily"

She smiled back but there was a look in her eyes which told me something wasn't right, "You too Jake"

I headed out of the door and crossed towards Seth, who was murmuring into the phone.

"Hey Seth, who ya talking to? Tell your woman goodbye...come on we gotta go hunt some bloodsuckers" I called over to him.

He nodded and waved to show he had understood but carried on talking, his voice too low for me to hear even with enhanced hearing.

"Seth come on, I'm aging here!" I bellowed and laughed when he flipped me the bird, before closing his cell.

"Who's the girl then Seth, someone I might know?" I enquired, curious about the panicked look in his eye. She really had him on his toes this one.

"Nah no one you've ever met…she's from school" he told me but there was something about the way he refused to meet my gaze that told me his was lying. Strange. No matter I would be able to tell exactly who he had been talking to when he phased, there could be no secrets.

I allowed my gaze to wander back to the house wondering what was taking Sam so long and when I turned to look back at Seth he was staring at me, with a pained look on his face.

"Seth, is everything alright?" I asked, concerned, worried that the happy go lucky teenager I'd known was disappearing in front of me, to be replaced with this worried looking child. And he did look like a child, a child that had been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Guilt was written all over his face.

"Jake how much do you remember of your life before?" he asked me urgently, in hushed tones.

"Nothing, more like flickers of memory, the occasional brief image and feeling if something is right or wrong… why?"

"Because there are things…things you don't know that you should," he told me, staring at the ground, shifting from foot to foot.

"What kind of things?" I thought Sam had told me everything.

"I can't tell you… but you could ask me…ask me questions about the pack…things you think you already know" he sounded so frantic that I began to get a little more worried and felt my energy shift inside me. My wolf.

"Um okay" I said slowly, taking a deep breath trying to calm myself. This was getting more confusing by the second "Why am I wolf?"

His face cleared and he look more relaxed, pleased that I had asked "Because of them, The Cullens-"

"Blood sucking bastards," I cursed savagely and he flinched visibly.

"Yeah animal blood" he blurted

"What does that mean 'animal blood'?"

"They're vegetarians" he said looking me in the eye, his voice muted.

I barked out a laugh, thinking he was joking, "Seriously Seth, you're funny man"

"I'm not joking Jake…they are not like other vampires…they don't drink human blood…they're good people Jake"

I snickered, holding my ribs as I laughed out loud "What is this some kind of pack initiation, right? Am I being punkd?"

"Jake I'm serious…all the things Sam has been telling you…well there are things he's missed"

"Like what Seth…what's next…let me guess I'm a vampire too" I said getting angry, why was he doing this? Things had just started to make sense in my mind, I knew why I had been put on this earth, knew why I was half man, half wolf. This had explained my reason, my purpose in life but now Seth was trying to destabilize my world and I didn't take kindly to that.

"No Jake…but you need to know that things are not as black and white as you think they are…you…The Cullen's…you were …close…very close…they were your family too, man"

I blinked in shock and felt like throwing back my head to howl at the moon and release my wolf that clawed at my insides, confusion making me vulnerable. Seth's claim that I was friends with those bloodsucking creeps seemed totally impossible, I hated leeches and everything they stood for.

"Bull shit Seth, if that was true Sam would have said something"

"He wanted you to remember for yourself…Jake there is so much more going on here than you know-"

Suddenly a blood-curdling scream filled the night air, followed by a haunting howl and a cry of genuine fear. The hairs on my neck stood on end and Seth and I exchanged worried looks, before sprinting for the house. Seconds later we were racing through the door, my eyes bugging at what I saw.

Emily was crumpled on the floor in a heap, a vivid scarlet pool growing steadily around her as Sam fell to his knees beside her. His hands clawed at her trying to keep her upright as he called her name over and over. There was no response. Her scarred face was pale and drawn, her labored breathing the only sign she was still alive.

"Emily!" repeated Sam, the panic in his eyes and the weakness of his tone, sending a sudden feeling a power surging through me. Alpha. He was no longer the alpha. It was me. It had been me all the long. He needed me now.

"What do we do, shit what do we do Jake?" Seth stammered staring at the pool of blood, his own face ashen beneath his russet skin.

"Carlisle" Sam choked out, barely taking his eyes off Emily "Seth, take Jacob…go now, get Carlisle"

"You're sure Sam… what about" Seth said and gestured toward me. I didn't have time but later I would wonder about that gesture.

"Jake I need you to control yourself… I know how you feel about them but…one of the Cullen's is a doctor…we need him here now, Emily needs him and she's mine Jake, I protect what is mine…please do this for me" Sam said staring at me for a second, his eyes then pulled back to Emily once more. Beneath our combined gazes she paled further as more blood pumped from her body, each heartbeat carrying her further away.

I nodded bewildered at this turn of events, I was alpha, things were not as I had been lead to believe, and there was more to my story than even I knew. Shifting in seconds I was unable to believe that I as going back to face my enemies once more but willing to do it to save the life of Sam's mate and their young. With Seth close behind me we set off for Forks, and I prayed, prayed that we wouldn't be too late, prayed that I could control myself and prayed I would get some answers or we'd all be lost.


	10. Keep your friends close

**Thanks guys for your reviews, I know I said I would explain the reason for the parallels between BD but that will have to come next chapter as this one has been split in 2 as it was getting too big…Hopefully I post the other half of this tomorrow, so stay tuned and as always let me know your thoughts. Love to all Tink. XX**

**

* * *

Renesmee POV  
**

I watched my family, a sad smile tugging at my lips, as I lounged lazily on the sofa, observing their crazy antics. Emmett and Jasper were playing Left for Dead on the 360, bickering and trying to distract each other, Rosalie was painting her toenails a scarlet red, her beautiful face scrunched in concentration, my father and mother canoodling at the piano, talking in soft whispers the rest of us where not meant to but couldn't help overhearing. My grandfather was reading some medical journals and my Gran was painting. Beside me Alice was humming along to her ipod, tiny feet tapping in time with the dull thud of base I could make out. The room was in varying levels of disorganized chaos but I loved it and wouldn't have had my life any other way. I hid a sigh, there was only one thing missing and that was Jake.

My eyes drifted shut, I was tired and hadn't been sleeping well, just as Alice suddenly sat bolt upright with an exasperated groan "Hell, where has the rest of my day gone?"

The entire room fell silent in an instant; we all knew what this meant. The wolves were coming. My heart rate picked up and I felt a million birds take flight inside me as I jumped to my feet and flew with lightening speed to the window.

Rising from the piano my parents were at my side in an instant, closely followed by the rest of my family. My heart thudded in the silence, as there below me on the edge of the forest was Seth and Jake, prowling backwards and forwards anxiously. Jake had come, he had come home, to me.

I could tell from the body language of Jake's wolf he was far from happy, his ears were flat against his head, the fur on his body stood up, his huge body was crouched low to the floor and if I concentrated I could hear faint snarling coming from his chest. But none of that mattered to me, Jake was home.

"Renesmee, upstairs now" my father said brusquely, with a none too gentle shove towards the stair well.

"No! I want to see him," I protested whirling away from him, from all of them to stand alone, my eyes wide and blurring with unshed tears of happiness.

"Renesmee, we don't know what he wants yet…it's better that you are out of the way just until we establish how safe he is" my mom put in. She crossed the room to put her arms around me, I wasn't sure if it was to comfort or restrain me.

"But I want to see him, just for a minute…please" I implored; turning my gaze on every single member of my family, staring into their golden eyes, hoping against hope that one of them would relent and back me. Their stony gazes met mine and I could see the resolution on their faces, this was not to be.

"Jasper take her upstairs please… we will call you when it's safe to come down" my father said softly, not meeting my eyes.

Uncle Jasper came toward me before I'd even had chance to think about moving and caught the top of my arm gently. The surge of anger I expected to feel didn't materialize and instead I felt suddenly so calm and relaxed that I could have gladly slept for a thousand years.

Stifling a yawn behind my hand, I allowed Uncle Jasper to swing me up into his arms and carry me towards the stairs. As I drifted into a deep and peaceful slumber, I thought I heard a warning hiss and the acerbic voice of my Aunt Rosalie saying "Well whatever else has changed, he certainly doesn't smell any better"

* * *

**Jake POV**

Seth paced beside me anxiously, up and down up and down, watching me, waiting for me to calm down enough to phase back into my human form. I felt on edge, anxious, not so much scared as worried I would not be able to control my natural instincts and stop myself from harming the ones we needed to save Emily.

"_You can do this Jake; you have to do this for Emily"_

"_They are my enemy Seth… I feel as though I want to rip their arms off and shove em down their bloodsucking throats"_

"_Remember what I said to you before… you were friends with them once…they are not our enemy Jake I promise you…please Jake, calm down…you can't phase until you do…think of Sam, think of Emily, think of the baby"_

"_Fucks sake I'm trying here Seth…but you gotta understand my instincts are telling me to kill and you're telling me to spare them"_

"_Jake just believe me on this…you do not want to kill the Cullen's…they are our friends and besides we need Carlisle to help Emily"_

I felt the anger in my body abating as I thought about Emily and the life within her that needed us now. My first and most primal instinct was the preservation of human life, that was what was important right now. If I couldn't do this two lives would be lost and my pack destroyed forever.

Slowly but surely I felt my tremors cease, my anger dissipate, my heart rate and breathing slow and only seconds later I rose to my feet, hastily donning on the sweats I'd carried with me. I looked up at the large window to find a pack of pale faces staring down at me, some looking more pleased to see me than others. I felt a trickle of hate and anger and began to shake slightly.

"Easy Jake" Seth said from beside me as we started for the door. Before we had got anywhere near it, five bloodsuckers had appeared all staring at me, looking some what bemused and appalled.

I took them in one by one.

Blond haired, Barbie Vampire, all boobs and attitude. Her nose wrinkled, as she smelled me and I stared back at her with equal disdain. Next to her a giant of a man with curly black hair and muscles to match my own, nice to know I would have a challenge when I decided to take them down, I hated it when it was too easy. He smiled lazily at my scrutiny but I didn't get the feeling he felt threatened by me, if anything he had a look of anticapation.

Beside them and in stark juxtaposition was a tiny woman with a lithe dancers figure, spiky black hair and a mischievous glint in her eyes as she winked at me. Just looking at her told me she would be trouble but fun with it.

I caught my breath as my eyes fell upon the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Pale and slender with chocolate brown curls and a tremulous smile she stared back at me, arms were locked by her side as though preventing her from reaching for me. Her skin was like fine marble and I wondered idly if I touched it would it looked as soft as it felt. My eyes were fixed on hers and held, mesmerized by her golden gaze. I couldn't help but stare at such utter perfection and beauty, as my heart beat doubled.

"Hell not this _again_" The bronze haired male next to her muttered and I pulled my gaze away from her long enough to study him.

There was something so inhumanely beautiful about him that it hurt to look at him too long; he was tall and rangy but also muscular in an understated way. He was too handsome and the thought shook me. I preferred to look at the stunningly beautiful now beaming female beside him.

"Yeah you always did," he snapped, leaving me more confused than ever.

"Jake these are the Cullens…well some of them" Seth said and then looked at the bronze haired one, his tone more urgent "We need Carlisle, quickly…it's Emily something is wrong with the baby...she bleeding and she's unconscious'"

The pixie faced one groaned and crossed her arms over her chest "This is

Why I hate half breeds, I can't see a thing"

I let loose a warning growl at being called a half breed and the statuesque blond snorted, her hands on her hips, a sneer on her scarlet lips

"Oh pipe down puppy" she bit off.

I glared at her from the corner of my eyes but my attention was riveted on the girl with skin as pure as snow and hair like molten chocolate.

"When you've finished staring at my wife, we need to go Jake" the bronze haired one snapped and I was taken aback by the familiarity of his words and his tone.

Another stirring of a memory erupted in me but it still remained as impossible to catch as a cloud. Then something else occurred to me. They were _married;_ she looked younger than I did. It wasn't right someone as beautiful as her should be destined to be a monster forever.

The pixie like one had disappeared before my very eyes but then was back again only split seconds later with a blond haired male, carrying a black medical bag, their faces taught with worry.

"I'm sorry" she was saying, "I can't see anything…I wish I could, oh I hate being this blind"

"It's okay Alice…Jake" he placed a reassuring hand on her tiny shoulder and greeted me with a smile "Good to have you back…now I suggest we don't linger, from what Alice told me, Emily and the baby could be in grave danger"

I couldn't help it; I gaped at him, totally unprepared for the warmth with which he spoke to me. My reality, the world that I had known was thrown upside down and everything was wrong.

"Jake, this is Dr Carlisle Cullen," Seth said from beside me.

I stared at him again, aghast unable to comprehend what was going on, unable to believe what was happening. For the most part, Barbie vampire aside, the Cullens had greeted me as a friend.

"Bella, Edward I'll need you with me" the Dr said to the bronze haired god and his beautiful wife.

Bella. I rolled the name around my head and stared at her some more, stunned when she gave me cheeky grin. Unconsciously I smiled, mirroring hers, a sense of familiarity surrounded me and it unsettled me even more.

She took a tentative step towards me and I growled a little, and in that second the rest of The Cullens were between her and me. Suddenly I had a flicker of a memory, like a movie playing my head.

I had done this before, Bella and I had stood in this very spot with the rest of The Cullen's between us but last time they were protecting someone else, not her, someone much more vulnerable. And just like that it was frustratingly gone. I growled again.

"It's okay…he won't hurt me" she said her voice so melodic I couldn't believe anything could be so beautiful, it sounded like bells ringing. How could she be so trusting? Did she not know it was in my nature to want to rip her limb from limb?

"You touch one hair on her head and I will personally break every bone in your body" the bronze haired one snarled at me. Shocked I stared at him. Had I voiced my thoughts out loud?

"Edward" she admonished him "We don't have time for you two to go over old wounds, we need to go"

I could not help but grin, whatever had gone between us, this Edward and I had obviously been here before. The thought that I could rattle, needle him pleased me but I was intrigued about my, about our past. There was clearly no love lost between us and his jealously over his wife would one day make him easy prey.

Bella pushed past him and came to stand before me, I sniffed and nearly gagged, she smelled like sugary candy, or putrefied fruit.

"You're really back" she said softly, her face wreathed in smiles and she reached out a hand to clasp my naked shoulder. Her skin was ice cold against my chest yet her touch wasn't unwelcome. This shocked me to my core. If you had told me yesterday I would be stood face to face with a bloodsucker and my only thought would be that I wanted to touch her I would have laughed in your face.

"Ugh yeah" I said unsure what else to say and went rigid as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed herself against me lightly. Taken by surprise I hugged her close for half a second, feeling as though I had come home.

"We've missed you Jake," she breathed her voice breaking slightly with emotion and I could see the truth of her words in her golden eyes.

"Um thanks Bells," I said the words rolling off my tongue and was struck by the sense of familiarity as I spoke. Surprise over took shock, as I knew instantly that she was Bells to me. I hadn't heard anyone call her that but it just seemed so natural and so very right to say it.

Edward stepped between us and took Bella's hand in his "I'll take my wife now, thank you Jake"

I couldn't suppress the slight growl of irritation that escaped me; he just seemed so pompous. I could see being pleasant to him was going to be harder than it was with Bella.

To my chagrin and slight annoyance he laughed at me, as though he knew what I was thinking, his icy breath making me feel slightly nauseous. As beautiful as they all looked they reeked.

"Seth, Jake...are you ready?" Carlisle asked us, bringing my attention back to the present and the matter at hand. We nodded and disappeared quickly into the woods to phase.

My mind was a jumbled mess, I felt the stability of my world was threatened and as we sped through the night back to La Push I didn't know where I stood anymore. Nothing in my world made sense to me anymore. The one thing I had been designed for now didn't seem the right thing for me to do. Seth's words to me earlier had been the truth; instinctively I knew that I had been friends or maybe even more with at least one of the leeches. But where did that leave me now? I suddenly felt as though I didn't belong in either the human or the shifter world.

With the bloodsuckers, I mean the Cullens' by our sides we arrived back at house quicker than I thought possible. As I phased and threw on my sweats and charged through the open door, I glanced at the clock and noticed we hadn't gone as long as I feared. I could only pray we weren't too late.


	11. How to save a life

**So as promised here is the second half of the chapter…some of you may recognize parallels between this and the birth scene in BD. If you want to know my rationale behind it please see the A/N at the end of the chapter. Other than that a big thanks to _Shorty6692_ for her amazing and detailed reviews…This one is for you…Everyone else enjoy and let me know what you thought. Love Tink. XX**

**

* * *

JAKE POV  
**

The metallic tang of blood hit my nostrils and slid to the back of my throat the second I entered the room. My eyes flew to the Cullens watching them closely for signs that they would attack. Unsurprisingly I could see their nostrils flaring for a few seconds as their eyes focused on the prone form on the floor. One by one they began to take gulping breaths through their mouths, pained expressions on their faces, as they appeared to stop breathing, could they do that?

It was in their nature, in their instincts to survive on blood, how could I expect them to deny their instincts when I had struggled to deny mine. Had I done the wrong thing by bringing them here? In striving to save the life of Emily and her child had I doomed us all? I forced my attention away from the leeches and towards the couple on the floor.

Sam was clutching an unconscious Emily to him, holding her against his bare chest as blood continued to seep slowly from her. He was openly crying and looking panicked and I felt a wave of pity for him. His mate and child were dying. I should be able to do something, I was Alpha, I should be able to help them.

"You know what we're dealing with?" Carlisle questioned Edward and Bella.

Bella stared at the blood, unconsciously licking her lips and I felt a warning growl emit from deep inside me. I felt drawn to Bella but should she decide to try and drink from Emily, I would not hesitate to take her down.

"Placental abruption" Edward murmured, "You need to get her out…she's still there but barely…work quickly Carlisle"

They moved quickly, faster than I was able to see with my human eyes, assembling sheets and blankets, and it was only when I heard the sound of running water that I realized they were washing up. In less than ten seconds they were on their knees in the blood, beside Sam and Emily.

Seth and I watched horrified as the Cullens' lifted Emily from Sam's protesting grasp onto the dining table, Carlisle murmuring orders and instructions to the others.

"Sam, she's losing too much blood, you need to call 911, tell them I'm performing an emergency c section for a suspected placental abruption" Carlisle said calmly, yet with an edge, his words shocking Sam from his trance. He shot to his feet and fumbled with his cell, his hands and voice shaking. I felt powerless as I watched. It was an unpleasant feeling for the alpha in me.

"Bella, you need to stay with Jake and Seth…this could be difficult for them" Edward said and she nodded moving to our sides.

Seth went pale, the blood visibly draining from his face as he watched Carlisle remove a scalpel from his bag and began to cut through the skin of Emily's stomach.

More blood erupted from the wound and pooled on the floor. As I stared at the crimson stain spreading slowly I saw a brief image in my minds eye. Suddenly there it was again, the feeling of de ja vu, as though I had been through this before, been in this very situation.

"Jake are you okay?" Bella asked me from beside me. My face must have betrayed my horror, revulsion and shock. I shook my head unable to put into words just what it was I felt at that moment. As Edward and Carlisle began to tug at her skin, I turned my gaze away, the scent of the amniotic fluid reaching my nostrils as it burst forth over her inert form.

"How can you do it? How can any of you bare to do it, to be here like this?" I growled, my voice harsher than I had intended as my body began to tremble violently. I could feel the wolf in my demanding to be out, to be given free rein, for it to do what I had been put on this earth to do.

"Do what?"

"Ignore the blood… shouldn't your body be screaming for it, for Seth's… for mine? Don't you want to …bite me… suck me?" I couldn't help but add with a suggestive smirk despite the worry I felt.

She wrinkled her nose at me prettily "No offense Jake but you look a mess and frankly you stink, trust me the last thing I want to do is suck on you… as for Emily…I couldn't do that to her she's my friend"

I felt absurdly pleased by her teasing response and the wry look on her face, as for the notion that she couldn't attack Emily because she was her friend it tickled me, a leech with morals. Maybe Seth had been right, this bunch were not the norm and that was something I was going to have to deal with.

I opened my mouth to say something but was stopped by the sound of a halting cry from the corner of the room. The baby. We all turned as one, to see Edward passing a small pink, bloody, squalling bundle to Sam cradled it close to his chest and stared down at the child with a look of shock, awe and amazement. All I could make out from where I stood was a shock of thick black and slightly curling hair.

"It's a girl," he mumbled, looking down on his unconscious wife with tears rolling from his eyes "Emily we have a baby girl"

Emily was silent and still on the table, her life force rapidly pooling around her, I quaked she would surely bleed to death. And once more a memory flickered before my eyes and as I looked again, it was Bella lying on the table bleeding to death and my heart was breaking as I fought to save her.

I turned to her, shaking with something that nothing to do with my shift and every thing to do with shock.

"You…this…it was you" I managed to get out, my face paling with shock.

I was suddenly certain that somehow I had been there when Bella had died. I didn't know why and didn't know how but I had never been more certain of anything in my life. This new information added to the mystery that was my past, somehow despite our very obvious…cultural differences…I had been close enough to this girl to be there as she became one of the bloodsucking legion of the damned and more than likely against my will. I couldn't imagine standing by idly while she changed, deep within me I knew I would have fought fang and claw to save her before I let her become one of them.

Her eyes were shining as she smiled "You remember?" she breathed hopefully.

"Not really… more like an idea that it happened to you…is this why you're a bloodsucker?"

I nodded to the scene unfolding behind me, trying to ignore the sound of my alpha sobbing, the baby he held squirming restlessly, crying out and the noise of yet more blood gushing onto the floor, the frantic yet hushed voices of the Cullens discussing what to do next as they attempted to stall the bleeding. And in the distance I could make out the faint sound of the sirens rushing this way, growing louder as they grew closer.

"Yes Jake" she said and smiled but it was sad, tinged with loss.

Inadvertently I reached out to comfort her, wanting to take that look from her face. I stopped myself, unable to comprehend that I felt this way about her, about a person, no a creature that I had been designed specifically to kill. This wasn't right.

Yet paradoxically if I killed the bloodsuckers, I would cease to shift and would become and stay human again. I didn't want that, I didn't want to stay in my human form; there was nothing for me as human. My survival as a wolf depended on theirs as leeches.

Beside me Seth cleared his throat, breaking the eye contact between us and I turned my attention to Sam, who held his daughter close to his chest, protectively, whispering gently to her in the language of our fore fathers. The child, now wrapped in a receiving blanket, quieted and stilled in his arms, finding peace and comfort, while unbeknown to her, her mother slowly bled to death only feet away.

My body began to be wracked with shudders as the strength of my emotions nearly brought on my wolf. Taking several deep breaths I fought to calm myself, now was not the time to wolf out, as Seth sometimes said.

"Easy now Jake, it's nearly over," Seth said, hearing the footsteps that approached hurriedly.

The three EMT came barreling in the doors, pulling a gurney with them, shouting orders and getting instructions from Doctor Cullen. Barely aware of what was going on in the background I had a hard time keeping my eyes and attention off Bella, she felt like a missing piece to the puzzle that was my past.

Something about her sang to me, called to me and bugged me even as it comforted me. She had played a part in my past and if Seth was to believed, it was a big part. Smiling sweetly at me, she moved to my side and placed a reassuring hand on my arm. Her touch was icy cold, yet so familiar that I looked down at the juxtaposition of our skins, thinking how right it seemed.

"Seth" Sam called out as he followed Emily with the child still clutched in his arms, "I need you with me, will you follow us to the emergency room?"

Seth looked at me and I nodded, silently answering his unspoken question with my eyes. Yet I could see the uncertainty on his face. Sam needed Seth and I could not stand between them, he needed support. I had to trust that Sam's decision to leave me with the Cullens was a good one. More importantly I had to trust myself.

"I'll be fine Seth, go with him…Bella will look after me, won't ya Bells" I said with a wink at her. She beamed in reply and my entire body tightened in response to hers. I grinned back, for an ice-cold vampire she was hot.

" And you Mutt will never know how hot….Keep your eyes and your hands off my wife dog" Edward growled from the sink where he washed up, his hands tinged red with Emily's blood.

"I get the feeling Popsicle, that she doesn't mind" I chuckled and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close to my side. I couldn't help the fact that my nose wrinkled a little as I breathed in her sickly sweet scent. It would take some getting used to but suddenly in the grand scheme of things it didn't seem important.

What was important was having her by my side where she was always meant to be. The unbidden thought made me wince, here I was meant to kill these creatures and all I wanted to do was get closer than close to this one.

"Jake" she said elbowing my in the side, and unusually I felt winded. So she was sexy and strong too, I stored that information for later "Behave" she scolded me.

"Sorry Bells, it's just too easy…he always this insecure?"

I heard his growl and laughed, hit a nerve had I?

"Jake" she cautioned pulling away from me a bit, with an apologetic grin, "You're a little too hot for me… I'd forgotten just how hot you can be"

I found myself wagging my eyebrows at her, flirting "You'd better believe it babe"

"Bella is this really wise?" Edward asked crossing the room with lightening fast speed to snatch her from my side.

I snarled involuntarily at him being so close to me and being unable to lash out. A look passed between them and Bella hung her head for a second, looking ashamed before she sighed, I wondered what was going on in her head for those few seconds she was silent.

"You're right but we can't leave him here… he should come home with us…you know she desperate to see him and she's waited long enough, don't you think?"

I followed their hushed conversation easily, confused though as to what or who they were talking about, assuming it was more of the family I had once known.

"What if he carries on like this…what if doesn't remember her either? It will break her heart" Edward pointed out; leaving them both looking pained and troubled.

A sad expression came into Bella's eyes as she looked up at me and I found myself wanting to do something, anything to take that expression away from them. Had it always been like this with her and me? It was beginning to dawn on me that the answer was probably yes. No wonder the leech seemed so pissed at me.

"I think it's about time Jake came home, what happens next is up to them…this is the way it should be" Carlisle said pointedly as he approached us, drying his hands on a paper towel.

Edward and Bella nodded, throwing cautious glances at me and I knew there was something or someone they were trying to protect from me. I found myself intrigued and not the least perturbed, about going to a house full of vampires.

"I warn you though Jake, you do anything to hurt _any_ of my family and I will kill you without a second thought, I won't care who tries to stop me" he paused and looked me up and down with a sneer "and for god's sake will you please put some proper clothing on"

I smirked at him, "Jealous are you leech, you see the way she can't keep her eyes off me"

Bella rolled her eyes at me "Jake I've seen it all before and it didn't bother me then and it certainly doesn't bother me now"

I chuckled "Thanks, way to wound a guy Bells…besides Leech I'm much more comfortable like this and if I need to phase because one of you bloodsuckers vamps out… I'd rather not do it wearing a dress shirt and coat"

"Have it your way Jake but I really think you should consider the impression you're going to make on my family"

Bella slapped his chest playfully "Edward Anthony Cullen you know damn well she won't care what he looks like, as long as he's there"

Carlisle watched them with an indulgent smile but I was intrigued by the fact they all continually referred to their family and this mysterious "she" I had yet to meet. I got the feeling this meeting was so much more important than I had been lead to believe and I became agitated again.

What if I could not control my natural urges, what if someone ended up dead? On my own territory and with only three of them around I could deny the savage side of me that longed to kill them and rip out their throats. But could I do the same on their land if I was feeling threatened by the sheer amount and size of these vamps?

But as I took in the look in Bella's eyes, the hope, the emotion, I knew I had to do it, for her.  
After all I'd seen what they did for Emily and the child, putting aside their natures to save their lives, then surely I could do the same to save theirs?

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**A/N: So at first I wanted some other birth complication to introduce the Cullens to Jake and to be honest I couldn't find any that involved copious amounts of blood, and being a mummy myself I know there isn't always massive amounts in a normal birth…anyway the reason I did this was I felt Jake wouldn't trust the Cullens right away just because of Seth telling him they were good people...as animalistic as Jake is I wanted him to trust his own instincts and I felt the only way to do this was for him to see the Cullen's denying their very nature to save Emily and the baby…this would allow him to justify defying his own after everything he said about killing them…So hope that's cleared that up, I promise I really wasn't being lazy and just copying BD for the sake of it…Hope you liked it….Coming up Next Chapter…Jake and Nessie finally come face to face…Yay! (Bites nails nervously and bounces on the edge of her seat). See you next time. XX**


	12. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

**So this is it the chapter I've been waiting for…I'm not too sure how I feel about it so please drop me a line and let me know what you think…oh and today I wrote their first kiss…I can't wait to publish that one but you'll have to wait just a it longer for that…anyway enjoy and send me some love. XX**

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JAKE POV  
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Unsurprisingly it took me longer to shift than usual after I arrived back at the Cullen's, my entire body was taut with tension. I could feel it vibrating inside me, twisting me in knots, turning my guts. Bella stayed with me for a few minutes talking to me softly, her small delicate hand a calming influence as she reassured me that it would be okay, that I was safe.

I gotta say I didn't mind that she petted me like a dog, her hand soft and gentle on my body. Her touch reminded me of another, just as calming, just as gentle but I couldn't place the owner in my mind. It was frustrating to feel this lost in my own head, unable to remember how or why any of the pieces of my jigsaw fit together. While I considered this, Edward hovered around in the background, his face twisted as he paced watching me closely, no doubt incase I got too close to Bella.

The idea made me smile and I was tempted to see just how much I could get away with in my wolf form. I nuzzled close to her, licking the hand that stroked me. Surprisingly for a leech she tasted good. I grinned.

My wolf smile faded as I looked down at Bella. There was some tension in the lines of her body too, her generous mouth was pulled tight, her shoulders a little hunched, her knuckles white. She seemed as anxious for me to shift as I was. I didn't need to be a mind reader to realize that there was something significant and important about me being here today and in my human form. It was important to them all.

Carlisle had gone inside to warn the others of my arrival and within seconds I felt the collective eyes of the Cullen family on me once more. I was right, there was something special about this meeting, they were all waiting for me, waiting for something. The pressure on me to shift was great and the anxiety I could feel coming from everyone else didn't help. I whined and nuzzled into Bella, trying to communicate with her, to tell her to calm her emotions too, I needed to shift but whilst I was surrounded by such high angst I wasn't going anywhere.

"Bella, you need to relax...he can't shift while you're so on edge…I know you're worried…we all are…they all are" he said with a wry smile at the faces watching anxiously from the window above us.

Gradually it dawned on me that whatever else Edward may be, a bloodsucker, a leech, an arrogant,pompous prick, he was also extremely adept at reading others thoughts and that's why he had responded to my reaction to Bella, he knew exactly how I felt about her.

"I can't help it…what if he doesn't remember how close they were?" I heard Bella say in a low voice "It will kill her, she's so young yet"

So this person and I had been close, closer than Bella and I? I wondered idly and began to pick up on the little signs that Bella was relaxing in Edward's arms. Her body elongated, her shoulders relaxed, her face brightening.

Suddenly a sense of calm, like nothing I had ever experienced before floated over me and I felt as though I could sleep forever. Bella seemed to be experiencing the same nirvana as she snuggled close to Edward, a dreamy sigh escaping from her lips.

Before I became a big puddle of doggy love, I remembered to disappear into the tree line to shift. As proud as I was of my human form it wasn't something I wanted the Cullen's to get to used seeing on a regular basis. Edward's mocking chuckle followed me and I growled a little in warning. I didn't find this very funny.

By the time I had shifted and reemerged from the forest, Bella stood beside Edward, their arms wrapped around each other, Bella with her head tucked against Edward's chest, his chin atop her head as he murmured words of comfort. I strained to pick them, wondering if they would give me some insight into what was going on here.

"I'm just so scared for her Edward, you know how much this means to her...she hasn't even faced the reality that he may not remember her" Bella was murmuring.

"I know love but all we can do is be there for here…she knows _we _love her…she may think she's all grown up now but she's still our little girl" he told her, aware I think that I was listening.

So they had a child? They had a little girl? This was the person they were worry about me meeting? Did they truly believe that I would harm a child, vampire or otherwise? Was that why everyone was so on edge and anxious about this meeting?

I briefly imagined a little girl with pale skin and wide brown eyes, her mouth curving in a beguiling and toothless grin. She was adorably familiar, and I knew I must have met her before. She must be only a baby; Edward and Bella were far too young for her to be any older. Was I some kind of favorite uncle? Is that what this was all about?

In the same moment I wondered how the hell they had managed to conceive and then just as quickly, found I didn't want to think about Bella and him… together… like that. I heard Edward snicker as he followed my thoughts and I stamped down on the prickle of irritation I felt.

The anxiety we should have felt at meeting this tiny fragile child of theirs did not appear, just the sense of calm I'd felt earlier. This I could handle, make a few funny faces, bounce her on my knee and it would be all over, I could leave. Job done.

"You put her anywhere near your knee and I'll will take you apart piece by hairy piece" Edward said over his shoulder as I approached them.

"Lets get this over with, you may not need to sleep but some of us do...I'm exhausted" even to my own ears I sounded extremely lucid.

Bella took a deep breath and reached for Edward's hand, I could see her own trembling and I felt bad.

"Bells, please don't worry I won't hurt her…I couldn't hurt a baby, even if she is part of him" I told her gently.

A smile appeared and she giggled, sounding absurdly happy "Jake, you have no idea"

Puzzled I followed them inside, hearing the hushed voices of the gathered Cullens, listening for the tell tale baby noises which would give away her presence. I sniffed the air but couldn't smell anything remotely child like, but over sickly sweet leech scent there was something else, like clean linen in the summer and peaches and sunlight. It comforted me and evoked a tugging sensation in my naval, as though I wasn't where I needed to be. Part of me longed to climb the stairs, to follow whatever instinct told me to go there but I followed the Cullens instead, eager to get this over with and get back to La Push.

I followed the others into what I assumed to be the brightly lit living area and felt a defensive growl escape as I took in the assembled Cullens all watching me warily. The tension in the air was palpable and I found I would have given anything for that Zen like calm to suddenly appear again.

Like before there was Barbie and Gigangtor Vamp, this time holding hands, their knuckles both white and I wondered if they would be left with broken bones. Next to them Tinkerbell Vamp, her own face serious and I got the feeling this was not usual for her, she toyed with her fingers nervously. At the end of seemingly never ending sofa, a blonde haired male, had his arm protectively around Tink. He stared at me mutely, his eyes guarded and faintly threatening, yet he seemed to exude a calm I was grateful for.

Lastly there sat Dr and I assume Mrs. Cullen, their fingers entwined, their entire bodies alive with tension. I swallowed audibly, and wondered what to say to them. Bella and Edward flanked me on either side and I felt somewhat reassured, by Bella's presence at least.

"Hi" I said, unsure what else I could say and I rubbed a hand through my hair, frowning as I felt the grime and dirt against my palm.

"Jake this is our family" Bella said to me, the use of the word 'our' wasn't lost on me, was she trying to include me in that description?

"This is Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and of course you've met Carlisle and this is his wife Esme" she introduced us one by one.

Their faces remained drawn with tension; only Carlisle and Esme attempted a forced smile.

"Hey everybody…so this is it then? Roll call over?" I asked turning to Bella, who shifted from one foot to another, looking more nervous than I had seen her before.

"Not exactly…Jasper is Renesmee still sleeping?" she asked, tension lacing her tone.

He nodded, not saying a single word but his eyes narrowed slightly. I didn't get the feeling he was annoyed just that he never seemed to smile.

"Do you think you could…" she trailed away and I pondered her meaning for a few seconds until suddenly I was filled the strongest sense of excitement and stimulation I had ever felt. One by the one the Cullens shifted in their places, restless and I knew they were feeling what I was.

Energy sufficed my entire body and my heart rate picked up, adrenaline coursing though me. I felt as though I could run the length of America and back in seconds. I wanted to run, to find an outlet for this sudden burst but just as it began it abated again, like a head rush after a carnival ride. All this had taken place within a matter of seconds and I was still struggling to get my around just what I was doing here with them.

A soft beautiful sounding gasp from behind me met my ears and my entire body came alive. Goose bumps spread slowly across my flesh, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, prickling with awareness. My heart thumped, my jaw locked and I turned. My entire world span as I met a pair of wide, startled brown eyes……………….

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**REN POV**

"So is this it then? Roll call over with?" I heard him say in my dream. This was new; I thought as I awoke, I didn't always hear his voice in the state between waking and sleeping.

Stretching under the sheets I couldn't understand why I felt so full of energy in the middle of the night. I sighed, Uncle Jasper must be up to his tricks I decided. I attempted to listen to why he felt the need to wake me from the most restful sleep I'd had in over a year.

All the long I'd known Jasper could have influenced my sleep but perhaps he hadn't wanted to keep me doped up all the time, which meant he too would have suffered the pain and desire of my dreams. What I felt, he felt.

In a second it came to me, I remembered. Jake had been here. He had left with my parents and I had been reduced to a snoring, slumbering mass to prevent me from seeing him.

I took a deep breath and in that instant my heart stopped, the most delicious smell ever known to womankind was emanating from my den. Only a heartbeat later I was on my feet and flying down the stairs towards the source of the smell, my heart racing as I skidded through the doorway and came to a stop. There, between and dwarfing my parents stood Jake. Jake. My Jake.

My heart sang and my breath trapped in my throat, emerging as a strangled gasp, tears filling my eyes. I barely had time to take in the gleaming russet of his skin, the taught corded muscular line of his spine, the powerful muscles of his shoulders, which bunched and shifted. Time seemed to stand still and he began to turn towards me, I was hyper aware of everything about him. His smell, his body, the way he looked as he turned to greet me.

I was about to hyperventilate and everything in me yelled for me to fling myself into his arms before he had even fully turned to me. The entire room faded away and there was only this moment in time, as he stared back at me in amazement, his full mouth gaping a little like a fish out of water.

I wanted to laugh out loud with sheer relief, sheer happiness and at the look on his face. It was as though he was seeing me for the first time, as though the sun rose and set in my eyes. Shivers chased along my spine and I trembled in reaction to his expression. I suppose for Jake, he was seeing me for the first time and it was with this look I knew he did not remember me. Yet I found I wasn't upset or heartbroken in the way I expected to be, I was just thrilled to have him back. My eyes watched greedily as his magnificent bare chest rose and fell rapidly as he attempted to suck in air and his nostrils flared as he took in my scent. Suddenly, stupidly, the only thought in my head was that I should have showered.

"J- Jake?" I whispered, my entire body trembling from head to foot with the effort it took not to fling myself into his arms.

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**Jake POV**

The second my eyes met those of the trembling girl before me; I was lost, floating in space and time. All thoughts of Bella and the watching Cullen's forgotten. It was as though gravity had moved and the entire purpose of my life was changed forever. I was no longer on this earth to kill bloodsuckers, I was sent here for her, to protect and love this woman with everything in me.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak with the depth of the emotion running through me, all I could do was stare at her, my entire being weightless against the look in her eyes. That bizarre tugging sensation pulled at my naval and I wanted to step to her and pull her against me to feel the soft weight of her body against mine. I wanted her crush her to me, protect her, love her. I would be whatever she needed me to be; I would no longer be able to function without her.

She just stared back at me; so beautiful that it actually hurt me to look away from her. Her skin was creamy alabaster, tinged with a faintly creeping pink flush as she carried on staring at me. Her eyes were like rich deep bittersweet chocolate, molten and brown and gazing at me with such emotion, my throat closed over.

My own eyes raked over her, taking in her tousled, untidy auburn curls, falling around her shoulders, the tips teasing and caressing the upper swells of her creamy quivering breasts. I knew I had never seen anyone quite so beautiful in all my life and never would again. All the blood in my body began to head south and my heart rate increased rapidly. I couldn't help it and I continued to gape at her, my mouth hanging open.

"J-Jake?" she breathed, her face wreathed in smiles and her voice was like angel sighing, so beautiful that my gut tightened in reaction.

"Here we go again" I heard Edward murmur and there was a collective laugh from the rest of the Cullens, relief probably, the audible release of tension. My eyes flicked to Bella's for a split second. She stepped closer to the woman and I felt a warning growl emerge from my throat.

Before the sound had even completely left my chest, a huge brick wall appeared between us, the muscles bunching as he placed a hand against my chest to restrain me. I growled again, this time with menace as the wall, Emmet, pushed back against me and I began to tremble, the violence of my reaction surprising me.

"Mine" I growled, more animal than human in that second. They were trying to take her from me and the moment I could no longer see her, pain wracked my guts. I shoved Emmett roughly, my shudders warning of an impending shift and within seconds I was flying through the air, landing with a thug against a wall.

Barely registering the pain or the cries of the people watching, I shifted in a second, baring my teeth and growling at the Cullens as they stood between me and my mate. For that's what she was, my mate. She was mine and they could not have her, they would not hurt her. Crouching low I snapped at them, anger growing within me as I heard her cry out in fear. Bella appeared before me, kneeling a little.

"Jake, please don't do this…you have to calm down…we don't want to hurt you but we have to protect Renesmee" she said to me, her voice calm and even.

I whined. Renesmee. So my mate had a name. I whined again, relaxing my aggressive stance, sniffing trying to catch her scent amongst all the others. It was easy; she was smelt like purity, sunshine and innocence amongst the sickly sweet smell of decaying fruit.

"Let me go to him" I heard her snap and immediately I relaxed a little more, she was safe, for now. Whining again, I moved to see around Bella, surprised when the pack of Cullens moved with us.

"Emmett, go and get him something to wear for when he shifts and take Nessie with you, she can't see this" Bella murmured and once more I felt the panic set in. They were taking her from me, I howled, my claws scraping the floor as I tried to get to her. I couldn't be without her, missing her presence was like a physical ache inside me. For the first time I was grateful I could not remember my past, if I had felt like this every time I was away from her, I would rather not know about it.

"Jake, we need to talk and you need to shift…Renesmee will be back soon but if you continue in this manner, you will get hurt…she will be back soon...trust us" Edward came and knelt beside Bella looking into my eyes.

She was his young; his child and I knew he could not hurt her anymore than I could. He loved her, maybe as much as I did.

"No Daddy, I want to stay here," she was protesting. Hearing the pain in her voice caused a ripple of pain to explode through me and I yelped, whining again.

"Renesmee, please... you're distressing him…it's only for a few minutes and I want to speak with Jake…to stop this happening again" Edward said to her, his tone gentle and persuasive.

"Can I see him again?" she demanded sounding slightly worried.

"I promise Renesmee but you need to leave just for a little while...minutes even"

"C'mon Ness" I heard Emmett say and I knew she had followed when I began to get dull stomach cramps.

Barely a second passed before Emmett returned holding a pair of gray sweats and a gray hooded sweater, putting them on the floor beside me. Unsure if I wanted to shift with Bella and the rest of the Cullens beside me I whined. I hated the fact that they were constantly getting an eyeful of me naked.

Edward laughed, surprising me, in remarkably good mood considering what had just happened. I had felt certain that he would have ripped me a new one but instead it appeared he understood. Nothing made sense to me anymore.

"Why don't we take this outside?" he said to me and I gingerly followed him back out to the edge of the forest, wondering if I was doing the right thing. Was this where he would suddenly turn on me, do what he promised he would do if I caused a problem for his family. I would say that wolfing out and trying to attack Emmett Cullen was a problem for him. Still he seemed mildly amused rather than pissed. I wallked beside him baffled by this recent turn of events but i couldn't get Renesmee's face out of mind, I flet like i was a blind man seeing for the first time and i knew that I would do anything to make her happy.

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**The first time ever I saw your face  
I thought the sun rose in your eyes  
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave  
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,  
To the dark and the empty skies. **


	13. Home

**Woo hoo, thanks for all the reviews everyone!! Not too much to say today, just enjoy and review, review, review. Love ya. Tink. XX**

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**JAKE POV  
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"So Edward...what the hell was _that_?" I asked once I was fully dressed, and away from the seductive spell that was Renesmee. We walked pacing amongst the shadows, neither of us feeling the chill from the damp night.

"_That_… I believe is referred to as imprinting"

"Imprinting?" I repeated, testing the word on my tongue, waiting for a memory to accompany it. None surfaced. It sounded foreign, alien to me.

"Imprinting, so I've been told, is a very rare and very beautiful thing which wolves do when they find their...soul mate…you Jacob Black have imprinted upon my child Renesmee" he said ruefully, but he didn't not sound shocked by the statement if anything he sounded pleased. This as much as anything else that had happened tonight, puzzled me.

"I thought she was a baby?"

He shook his head and I saw the flash of his smile in the moonlight, it was doting and indulgent, full of pride for his daughter. Eerily it was the same smile I'd seen on Renesmee's beautiful face.

"Renesmee is half human, half vampire…she has a heartbeat and blood like any normal human but she also has other special abilities like a vampire... extra strength, hearing, rapid growth…chronologically speaking she is nearly eight but in reality she is the age and mentality of an eighteen year old"

"She's eight…I feel like this about an eight year old?" I felt sickened; there was something wrong with me, feeling that way about a child, loving a child in this way. I was pervert, everything I felt was wrong.

"There is nothing wrong with you Jake, in the same way that our aging process is suspended, hers is accelerated… she is an eighteen year old to all intents and purposes, and though her mind will mature a little more, she will be eighteen forever" this time he didn't seem to pleased by the notion.

"Why are you telling me this? Shouldn't you be warning me away from your daughter…we are enemies, I could hurt her badly...and not even mean to" I did not understand why he would be encouraging me and not ripping me limb from limb. One of the biggest concerns I had was the chance that I could hurt her. She was a tiny, fragile looking thing not much bigger than Tinkerbell Vamp; I could do her so much harm and not even know it.

That would devastate me, the thought that I was put on this earth for her and with one wrong move, one ill timed shift, I could end her life as easily as snuffing out a candle. Beside me Edward was silent for a few moment, I knew he was making sense of my thoughts.

" Despite what you think we are not enemies Jake and have not been for a long time…you have been Renesmee's best friend, her greatest protector, since the second she was born…you helped me save both her and Bella and I've never forgotten that…you and your pack helped us when we needed it most…I could never be your enemy"

I digested what he had told me, I had been her best friend since the second she was born and had I felt this way about her, all that time? That was sick! I was sick!

"No Jake, you have loved her like the child she was, a favorite niece or cousin, and her you…but she is growing older and besides she is not as fragile as she looks" he pointed to the tiny scar on my chest and smirked "How do you think you got that"

I glanced down at the tiny crescent shaped mark.

"Does she know… can she tell that I feel this way about her?" the thought terrified me, feeling a love this strong for a person I couldn't remember. I was barely coming to terms with it myself and didn't want to inflict this confusion on her.

He shook his head "No, she doesn't and I would ask for her sake that you do not reveal your feelings for her…no matter what she says or does"

I chuckled, "Persuasive is she?" I asked eager for details of this woman I loved unconditionally yet did not know.

"Only with everyone…you especially… you have never been able to deny her anything, you've given her whatever it takes to make her happy…you always said it was part of the imprint but personally I think she has you wrapped around her little finger…you never could say no to her" he said with a sad smile.

"Why don't you want her to know how I feel…is it because of what I am?" I felt suddenly as though I could never be good enough for this half vampire goddess and I wondered if the Cullens felt this way too.

"You are one of the best men I know Jake and you have only ever acted honorably around my daughter…but in many respects she still is child like…her childhood has gone by so quickly she hasn't had all the same human experiences as you…Bella and I would like to give her a little longer to be a teenager, to be a child, before things change for you both"

I thought about his words, primitive instincts surfacing as I thought about the possibility she could love me too.

Hope lit a fire in my heart "Do you think…do you think that she feels the same about me?"

Edward shrugged his face impassive, his hands jammed deep in his pockets "That I don't know and she would never volunteer the information, to me especially…I know you love her Jake and I know how much this must be to take in… but please don't tell her…let her get used to the idea of you being back at home…get to know each other again…if it is meant to be then it will happen for you"

The leech was right. This was all a bit surreal. I was attempting to come to terms with a whole depth of feelings for this woman child, when I did not even know the girl. Then a thought occurred to me, if I had been her best friend, how had she coped with my disappearance from her life? How had managed, if the pain I felt from this short absence was anything to go by then it must have been hell.

"It was hard Jake…very hard… I'm sure she'll tell you herself but I know how overjoyed she is that you've come back"

" I don't even know her… how can I feel this way about her?" I groaned and shook my head trying to make sense of it all. I tried to ignore the tugging feeling in the pit of my stomach that demanded I go back inside and claim what was mine, claim the body, the love I knew that waited for me. My lips tingled, my body throbbed and I wanted to find her and assuage this ache in me.

"_You_ may not remember her but your heart, your soul does Jake…none of us really understand how imprinting works…just that it does, just trust yourself, your instincts"

I shook my head and whistled through my teeth, attempting to be lighthearted "I wouldn't do that just at this second Ed"

I glanced back toward the house and I knew she was there somewhere watching me, I could feel her eyes on my body and it reacted instantly, my blood heading south, leaving me straining against the sweats I wore. Each surge of blood sent a separate pulse of desire through me and I couldn't help wanting to bury myself in her.

Next to me Edward cleared his throat and hissed a little. I looked sheepish, trying to clean up my thoughts "Sorry"

"It's something I have to get used to I suppose but for all our sakes try and control your thoughts… first it was my wife now it's my daughter"

"Yeah, ugh sorry about that…I was just kind of blown away by her for a little while" I couldn't believe I had even looked twice at Bella when I had Renesmee all the time…there was no comparison between them. Renesmee was like the sun rising, all beauty and warmth.

"Don't worry about it Jake, I've lived through it already" he said cryptically, patting me on the back and turning us back to the house.

**REN POV**

I watched them from the window as they walked up and down, up and down, chatting .My gaze ate Jake alive, he looked a mess admittedly but to my eyes that had been starved of him for so long, he had never looked so handsome. This had got to be one of only a handful of times I had seen him wearing so many clothes and as much as loved his half naked body and the steady thump of his heartbeat, I had to admit he looked good.

Rather than hide them, the sweats and top highlighted the play and shift of his muscles as he paced beside my father, making him seem bigger, more powerful. Sighing I had forgotten just how huge he was, he was head and shoulders bigger than my dad and judging by the snug tight fit of the clothes also Emmett. I made a mental note to ask him to wear clothes a little more often. He looked so dreamy.

I wished I knew what they were talking about but my mother had her shield up. I couldn't even see what they were saying it was too dark to make out. Frustrated I sighed, and I was still unable to believe that he was here. He was real. Jake was back. And though I knew he didn't remember me, I didn't care. We made a connection. I felt it and I know he did too, it was there when he looked at me. Like I was his lifeline and he was a drowning man. The Jake I loved was in there somewhere and I just had to bring him out and prove to him how i felt about him.

My heart pounded as he looked up, his eyes finding my window and I though I knew he would not be able to see my face, our eyes met anyway and I felt the electric sizzle of our connection. My entire body thrummed with energy. Oh I loved him, so much and I couldn't wait to tell him so but part of me was scared. I was afraid that he would not return my love, that he would push me away as he had done before he'd disappeared.

A muted squeal escaped me as they headed back in the direction of the house and I sprinted down the stairs just as they stepped in the door, my mother appearing at my side, looking at me as though I were crazy.

"Um Hi, Dad, Jake" I said breathlessly, trying to sound casual as I lounged against the stairs as though I had just happened by. I ignored my parent's combined laughter as I brushed my tangled hair from my face with a shaky hand and concentrated on breathing. In then out. In then out. In. Out.

* * *

**Jake POV**

"Jacob Black, this is my daughter Renesmee Carlie Cullen" Edward said introducing us properly, formally. My eyes were drawn to hers like a magnet and I was unable to look away, lost in the golden pools of her gaze.

"Nessie" I murmured smiling down at this tiny, fragile girl before me, unable to help myself. Just being close to her made me smile. Where the name Nessie came from I didn't know but I was thrilled at the result it evoked. Her face split in two with a hundred watt grin that made my heart swell with tenderness and my body stir in interesting ways.

"Not this again…her name is Renesmee" Bella growled from beside us but I didn't pay her any attention too lost in the beauty that was _my _Nessie.

"Afraid so…seems pretty…instinctual" said Edward and I heard his laughter but couldn't look away from her.

Wearing a pair of pink pajama shorts and a black tank top, her skin was the smoothest I had ever seen and I tried not to notice the impressive and rapid swell of her breasts, the gentle curve of her hip, the rounded twin globes of her heart shaped ass.

Beside me Edward growled and I jumped a little, feeling guilty, reminding myself she was still a child. Yet I couldn't stop staring at her and it seemed the feeling was entirely mutual. For the first time I wondered if she could possibly feel the same way about me. But that was impossible, she saw me like an uncle, a best friend.

"You're home then?" she asked me, tilting her head to study me with rapt attention; her voice sending shivers across my skin, so musical, so perfect.

Was I home? Was this my home? Did I belong here? Did I belong with the pack? I was torn. Right here, right now I felt like I belonged wherever Nessie Cullen was and if that meant moving into a house full of vampires then that was where I would be.

"I'm home" I replied hoarsley and was met with an armful of my Nessie as she flung herself at me with a squeal, wrapping her arms around my neck with joyful exuberance.

I went rigid with shock as she clung on to me and my arms hung limply at my sides for a split second, before her head found a niche in my neck and she tucked herself in with a sigh. Unable and not really wanting to stop myself, I allowed myself to hug her back lightly, burying my face in her hair, inhaling her clean, pure scent and allowed myself to feel the weight of her in my arms, her breasts crushed against my chest, her skin on mine, her legs around my waist, dangerously close to my groin. It was heaven and hell combined.

Behind us I heard a groan from Edward and I fought to keep my thoughts clean. I simply stood there holding her close and enjoying the sound of her rapid heartbeat against mine, lost in her spell. I felt as though I had come home, that I was where I was meant to be and I nuzzled close to her, breathing deeply.

"So you missed me then?" I whispered against her hair and her chuckle erupted as hot sweet breath against my neck. My skin prickled with awareness and I began to recite the national anthem in my head to distract me from the low dull throb between my legs that began again in earnest.

"I missed you so much" she nodded and I smelt the salty tang of her tears. I felt like a bastard all of a sudden, what had I done to make her cry, had I hurt her? Had I held her too tightly, crushed her in my arms?

"What is it? Nessie, what's wrong…tell me, please…did I hurt you?" I begged as I walked in the direction of the den, ignoring the scowl from Barbie Vamp and looked for a place to set her down. Guessing my intention, the arms around my neck tightened just a little and her legs locked behind my back, pulling her still closer to my throbbing body.

"I'm just so happy you're home" she murmured and relief flooded through me, yet I still felt like a fool stood in the middle of the Cullen's living room, with Nessie hanging off me, surrounded by, oh not surrounded by them, they appeared to have vanished into thin air.

"Nessie, where'd your family go?" I asked scanning the room for the vamps; sniffing, the place was still and silent, where only seconds ago we'd had a rapt audience.

She reluctantly lifted her head from its place against my neck and glanced around quickly, before smiling a little then settling back in. It was as though she couldn't bear not to be touching me… I liked it…more than I should. I couldn't help smiling, it was as though our bodies had been designed to fit together and I couldn't help but wonder at all the other ways we would fit.

"Way to clear a room Jake… I think they are trying to give us some privacy" she said softly, her voice a little slurred and her sweet breath tickled again. I bit back a moan; resisting the urges I had was going to be near impossible. It would kill me. I would spontaneously combust with the heat generated between our two bodies.

Glancing around I made for the sofa and sat down carefully adjusting Nessie against me so she rested on my knees without being too close to the throb in my groin. Having her this close was a bittersweet torment; she was too close but not quite close enough.

I couldn't help it. I just stared at her again, trying to take in all the tiny details I had missed the first time I'd seen her, when I had felt the earth shift.

This close I could see the gold flecks in her amber eyes, make out the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her pert little nose, see the dainty shadows cast by her eye lashes on her impossibly high cheeks and her slightly uneven yet adorably pouty mouth. Her soft breath was warm against my neck and so fragrant that I wondered if she tasted as good as she smelled. Clearing my throat I tried not to gape like an idiot and instead focused on her feet, her tiny adorable feet, with pale pink toes.

I felt her breathe deeply and she stifled a yawn behind her hand, as I looked around for a clock. It was nearly 4am and instantly I felt guilty, I was keeping her from her sleep.

"You tired Nessie...wanna go to bed?" I asked nearly choking on the unintentional innuendo, trying to keep my mind from the gutter.

**REN POV**

I thought my heart would stop when he looked down at me and asked me, so gently, so tenderly if I would like to go to bed. My first response was to scream yes and throw myself at him but after a deep breathe or two I managed to shake my head. For so long I had waited for him to come home, dreamed about this moment, about our reunion and now it was here I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Fighting the urge to sleep, I forced my eyes wide, I didn't want to miss a thing.

I couldn't help but stare at him, afraid to blink in case he vanished. My eyes measured the changes he had been through since I'd seen him last, he seemed bigger, his hair longer, dark and matted, setting off his midnight eyes, making them look almost black. There was the dark shadow of a beard along the powerful line of his jaw. And he still looked perfect to me. I sighed and relaxed against him, my body going boneless in an instant.

"It's been so long since you held me like this" I murmured and stared at his large hands where they rested loosely around my waist. I marveled at the differences between us, he was like night to my day, so big and dark where I was so small and pale. His fingernails were dirty and the skin on his palms tough and calloused with some faint scarring. Idly I reached out and traced one of the scars, hearing his rushed intake of breath and my stomach did a weird flip flop, clenching and releasing.

"I wish I could remember" he confided shakily, the words more a rumble I felt than anything else.

"What do you remember?"

He huffed out a breath "Not too much.... all I can really remember is waking in the forest and finding you...must have been a hell of a shock"

**JAKE POV**

She giggled her body quivering against me "You could say that, but I knew you were in there you know…everybody tried to tell me you were gone but I knew you were there, hiding" she whispered, huskily and I could hear her pain, feel it inside me.

"Why were you so sure?" I was intrigued by everything about this girl, the way she spoke, the way she looked, the way she felt, how she thought, what she liked, what she disliked.

"We've always been a team Jake…you would never have given up on me and I couldn't on you" she plucked at the hem of her shorts uncertainly and she suddenly appeared very young to me. I was brought back to reality, she was young, she was a child and I shouldn't feel this way about her.

"I still don't know if my memory will ever come back, I sometimes get flashes of things, images but that's it" I spoke softly, moving my face to her hair to inhale her sweet scent, enjoying the way her curls tickled me as I moved my face from side to side slowly.

"Anything about me?" she pressed, and though her words and tone were light, she was clearly vulnerable.

"No…you don't know how much I wish I could remember you…remember us…I've missed out on so much of your life and I'll never get that again…all those memories, gone forever" I murmured against her head.

I would never know Nessie as child, as a little girl, never remember my best friend. All I would ever think of now is this woman child I held in my arms and wanted with every fiber of my being. The innocence of her childhood would be corrupted with the knowledge that I was very sexually attracted to an eight year old, that I wanted her with an animal passion I would have to learn to control for all our sakes.

Nessie looked up at me, her eyes heavy, looking tired and she yawned behind her hand as her lids began to creep shut.

"That's not strictly true," she slurred before sleep claimed her and she was snoring softly in my arms. I grinned, the love of my life snored, her breath escaping in soft little puffs I found adorable.

Pondering her words, I let myself fall back against the sofa, resting her head on my chest and tucking my arms around her. I had to leave, to go back to La push but I needed to rest my eyes for a few minutes, to hold Nessie close to me without barriers, without worrying that she would see the feelings I was trying to protect her from. Five minutes, I promised myself, five minutes, then I would set her down on the sofa and leave no matter how much it hurt me. The last thing I saw as my eyes drifted closed was the beautiful face of my soul mate, sleeping peacefully at my side. I was home.


	14. Caught Between A Rock And a HardPlace

**So strange as it may seem, a few people have asked about Jake's whereabouts in the past year and what happened to him, just as I decided to give you another clue…I haven't forgotten and it is actually the main part of the story but I have been building up to it and laying little hints…most of you may be able to guess where he has been and with who but I bet none of you will be able to guess why but feel free to have a go…as always let me know your thoughts. Love Tink. XX**

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_I came awake with a strangled gasp, as the cold frigid, water poured over me, shocking me, tearing me from my restless slumber.. The cell in which I was held was still black as night, damp and cold, smelling strongly of decaying fruit. Leeches. They were in here somewhere, hiding in the shadows, hovering just out of my reach._

_Glancing about I tried to make my eyes adjust to the ever-present darkness, wondering how long I had been unconscious for this time. Slowly but surely the torture they inflicted on me was taking its toll on my body and I was no longer able to stand the pain as I had in the beginning._

_By my estimation it had been at least 14 days since I'd been brought here but with no daylight available to me it was impossible to be sure. I had no frame of reference, no knowledge of night or day. Gingerly I reached around my neck to see if the heavy metallic collar was still in place. Wincing I felt the sharp press of the spike against my neck as I moved my head. This and only this, was this was the reason I did not phase. The moment I attempted to shift my jugular vein would be punctured and I would bleed out in seconds._

_Feeling about me in the dark I located the bowl of water and drank greedily, wishing it could feed the gnawing hunger in the pit of my stomach. Sleep, food and sensory deprivation, all classic tactics to break down my defenses and as much as I hated the weakness within me they were slowly and painfully succeeding._

_I was aware of my captor's eyes even though I could not make them out. For now I was just grateful that I was alive and in one piece, that the scorching pains in my body had stopped. But I could smell __**her**__ near by, the little one, the one so deceptively childlike yet who was capable of inflicting such pain as I'd never felt. My ears picked up on the sound of their restless movements and I heard them, hissing to each other, hoping to understand why they had brought me here, what they wanted._

"_Why has he not broken master? Am I doing something wrong?" it was her, the child, sounding so disappointed and unhappy that even I felt a stir of empathy, wanting to go and reassure her that all was well. I snarled silently, wishing I could bare my fangs and leap at her throat, unable to comprehend that I felt even a second's sympathy for this little killer._

"_Patience my dear one, he will break, rest assured…his body is equipped to deal with physical pain and heal from it… it will just take a little longer that is all" the silken voice of her master said in an indulgent tone._

"_Perhaps brother, the key to breaking him lies within his mind, not his body…send for Gianna" came second, yet somewhat hesitant voice._

"_Master please let me try" the voice was pleading now and I could imagine the pout which accompanied it. Dread trickled through my soul as I knew what was coming._

_The voice chuckled, sounding like a proud father indulging his little girl "Oh very well, you may play little one but only until Gianna arrives…I know his weakness and that my dear ones is what we shall use to break him"_

_My heart pounded and I braced my body for the lightening storm I knew was coming. My greatest fear was now not for me but for my biggest weakness… Renesmee._

_

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_

My heart punched into my throat as I gasped out her name, coming awake suddenly, the nightmare drifting away like mist in the moonlight. Slowly, so slowly, that it seemed to take forever I turned my head to look down at the girl curled so trustingly against my chest, where my heart raced frantically with fear.

Was that another memory or simply a meaningless nightmare? I could never be sure and until my memory returned I would be none the wiser. I twisted my head again, expecting to feel the cool metal bite of the restraining collar around my neck, relief pouring over me when I felt nothing but the soft tickle of Nessie fragrant breath.

Clinging to me even in sleep, the smooth alabaster skin of her arm was across the broad expanse of my chest, her tiny hand fisted over my thudding heart. She was tucked against me, her head practically in my armpit and I could feel the warm moist heat of her breath against my nipple.

Gritting my teeth I fought down the sizzling awareness which streaked though me and my body tensed, all thought of the nightmare wiped from my mind by the savage need she evoked in me.

Nessie was smiling and I wondered what she was dreaming about, her full pouty lips tilted slightly at the corners as she suddenly began to stir against me. The long elegant leg which had become tangled with mine during the night shifted, brushing quickly against my aching hardness and I was aware of her bare thigh pressing against me in interesting ways.

Slowly she opened her beautiful, sleep heavy eyes and stared up at me, looking drowsy and soft and warm, a faint pink blush tingeing her cheek, as she appeared to notice the way we were lying.

"You're still here" she murmured in awe and gave me a heartbreaking smile. I swallowed and couldn't help smile back at her, it was infectious and I did it just to make her smile wider. Amazing that in the face of such primitive and savage need I could still feel tenderness, the desire to make her happy, to make her smile.

"Ugh yeah, I guess I fell asleep too"

" Don't worry, anyway it was nice having you so close again" she murmured, still coming awake, turning her face towards my chest, rubbing her cheek against my skin like a little cat. I fully expected her to start to purr.

Electricity zinged through me and I stifled a groan as a shaft of sunlight hit us and her skin glowed with a faint ethereal luminescence. Fascinated, I stared unable to help myself; each time I looked at her it was as though I were seeing her for the first time and in that second it would hit me again, that she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

* * *

**REN POV**

I opened my lashes slowly and stirred against the hot, hard and very male body. So it hadn't been another dream. Jake was real and he was here with me. He had stayed. Surreptitiously I glanced at his hard chest, ignoring the funny clenching inside me and gave him a smile to let him know I thrilled I was to see him.

"You're still here," I said quietly, somewhat in awe. I half expected him to be gone like a dream.

"Ugh yeah, I guess I fell asleep too" he told me his own voice slow and thick with sleep, it had to be the sexiest thing I had ever heard, had I been standing my knees would have been weak.

" Don't worry, anyway it was nice having you so close again" I replied and couldn't help but turn my face closer to his chest, relishing the feeling of his bare skin against mine. It was amazing.

He made a strange sound in the back of his throat and he closed his eyes looking pained. I stilled. Had I done something wrong? Maybe he didn't like being touched by me.

Opening my hand slowly, hesitantly, I brushed my fingers over the rapid thrum of his heart, feeling it strong and sure, the rhythm of my life, the heat of his skin as I dragged them slowly, gently, across his perfect pectoral muscles.

"You are so warm" I marveled, my fingers shaking a little as I touched him. He closed his eyes again with a strangled sound and I stilled my hand, feeling in over my head.

I wanted to continue to touch him so badly but he didn't seem to enjoy it. His beautiful face twisted each time I did, as though I were hurting him and he couldn't bear to look at me. Maybe I was being too familiar, too in his face; after all he could not remember me.

This and me, was probably all very new to him. I had taken for granted that he would enjoy being close to me the way he used to, maybe he simply wasn't comfortable. My point was proved when he moved, suddenly rolling from under me and jumping quickly to his feet, presenting me with his strong back, his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his sweats.

"Jake, is everything okay?" I asked hesitantly reaching out a hand to touch his back. He jumped as my skin touched his and stepped forward. The message was clear he didn't like me touching him. Sadness overwhelmed me and I felt the pain of his rejection once more. So it was just like old times, I mused, not everything _had _changed, he still didn't want me.

* * *

**JAKE POV**

The second she began to innocently caress the skin of my chest my body exploded and I had to move her, worried that I could not control this animalistic lust that consumed me. I made a mental note to ask Seth or Sam if imprinting was like this all the time, she was all I could think about, all I wanted. I felt powerless in the grip of such animalistic urges. Dangerous, wolf like, predatory. She was mine and I was more than ready willing and very, very able to claim her, with or without her permission.

Making a noise that was half moan, half groan I turned away from her, so she couldn't see the effect she had one me, couldn't see the heavy bulge straining against the material of the too tight pants I wore. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her. I had the most bizarre urge to protect her at the same time as I wanted to ravage her.

"Jake is everything all right?" she asked me and I felt the briefest touch of her fingers against my back like red-hot pokers. I couldn't help it; I jumped, moving quickly away from her. The urges inside me felt as though they could overwhelm me, all I could think about was turning to her, rolling her beneath me and making her mine, hearing her cry out my name as I slammed into her, feeling her wet heat milk my body as she gasped and cried out.

My heart galloped out of control and I knew that if I just gave in and took what I so desperately wanted, she would not be able to stop me. Tremors, not unlike those when I was about to shift uncontrollably, shook my body as I battled for control. Behind me she was silent and I instantly knew I had hurt her feelings. I had to fight the beast within me.

"I'm sorry Ness," I said as gently as I could around the need grasping me "I just need a little time to get used to this"

"Get used to what?" she asked in a timid quiet voice, approaching me but not quite touching. Yet she was still close enough for her scent to surround me, envelope me. I breathed deeply and the animal inside me reared its head to roar.

"Being this close to another human…I have been a wolf for so long that I don't know how to be close to you…it makes me uncomfortable" I stared at the floor, my back still to her as I willed my body to behave, ignoring the animal within me, ignoring the voice which whispered me to take her, to love her, to mate with her in the most primitive of ways.

"No I'm the one that should be sorry Jacob, I threw myself on you and then demanded you stay with me…of course you need space to get used to being around people again…it's my fault" she whispered and sounded so sad that I felt another wave of guilt that I was too much an animal to control my feelings around her.

"It's okay Nessie, please, please don't get upset" I was gravelly with emotion and desire.

"I'm not upset" she lied; her voice thick with unshed tears and it was the tears that drew me like nothing else could. Slowly I turned to face her, my heart aching at the way she stood uncertainly before me, chewing her lower lips, her bare toes scuffing the floor.

"Yes you are…but don't be please… none of this is your fault…I'm still more animal than human and I'm just havin a hard time adjusting"

"Oh Jake" she murmured and raised her eyes to mine. Once more our gazes clashed and held, it was almost instinctual the way it happened, we could never look away from each other.

Time seemed to stand still; I lost myself in her eyes, seeing my own reflection and the faint sheen of tears, as I'd hurt her feelings. Like a magnet my hand was drawn to the side of her face, my thumb tracing a lone tear down her cheek and she sighed, her eyes closing breaking the sensual spell between us.

"H'lo? Jake? Ness…are you guys up there?" I stepped away quickly, as I heard Seth's voice float up the stairs.

"Up here Seth" I called back hoarsely, putting some distance between us, glad of the reprieve, glad of the chance to control myself.

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**REN POV**

I made a mental note to kill Seth the next time I saw him alone, talk about timing! My heart was pounding furiously; I could almost still feel the touch of Jake's thumb against my cheek. The way he looked at me had turned my legs to jello; there was real emotion in his eyes, there was something extra there now when he looked at me.

"How are Sam, Emily and the baby?" I heard Jake ask as he crossed the room as far away as he could get from me. I didn't like it, it felt wrong. Stamping down on the instinct to follow I nibbled at a nail.

"It was a little hairy for a while but they managed to stop the bleeding, they gave her a transfusion and baby is doing great…Sam is still at the hospital but I promised him I would go home and clean up today…you two fancy helping me?" he asked, standing beside me, giving me what I called his puppy dog eyes, his arm loosely around my shoulders ruffling my curls affectionately.

I shrugged, glancing at Jake to see what he thought, shocked to see the tight look on his face, a furious glare replacing the look of tenderness which had been there so very recently.

"Sure Seth, whatever" he replied in a low voice, his eyes narrowing as he glared at us some more. Lifting my eyes to Seth's I was surprised to see him grinning at Jake as though there was some joke here, I was not aware of and his hand slid slowly from me.

"I need to go get changed and take a quick shower…will you guys be okay?" I asked doubtfully.

I had some concerns leaving them alone when Jake had such an intense look of hatred on his face. Jake eyes flicked to mine and they warmed for a brief second, before the ice reappeared as he gazed at Seth, nodding slowly. That pained look appeared and I didn't want go.

"Jake?" I asked when he didn't answer me, just carried on staring with that look of pain on his face.

"We'll be fine Ness, go have your shower" Seth answered for him with a grin, his eyes never leaving Jake's. Reluctantly I headed up stairs to shower.

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**Jake POV**

The second I heard Seth climbing up the stairs I wanted to howl in relief for breaking the moment between us. So Nessie was not as immune to me as I thought but given the terrifying feelings and urges I had for her, that wasn't such a good thing. At least if she didn't want me, I only had myself to battle with, if there was a chance she could feel the same, then I would have to fight her feelings too and try not to hurt her.

I watched with narrowed eyes as Seth cosied up to my mate, _my_ Nessie, his arm around her shoulders, his fingers in her hair, hair I had yet to touch. Forcing back the growl I tired to remain in control of myself in the face of his grin as he stroked and petted on her. He knew how I felt; he was doing this on purpose! He found it amusing. Stupid fucking kid, did he not know how dangerous it was? Did he not know that I would more than happily take him apart bit by bit?Did he not realize the animal that always prowled just below the surface of my skin would not care that we had once been friends? That he would just eliminate the competition for his mate without a second thought?

""I need to go get changed and take a quick shower…will you guys be okay?" I heard her ask and my mind immediately conjured up a picture of her in the shower. Hot, wet, naked, soaping herself, touching the curves of her breasts, her nipples rosy and pebbled, glistening with water, her flat stomach, the delve between her thighs as she sighed and moaned. I didn't hear Seth reply but all I knew was that she had gone from the room and Seth was grinning at me again.

He was up against the wall, my hands around his throat in less than a heartbeat, as I snarled viciously at him.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing Seth…do you know how easy it would be for me to kill you" I said in his ear, tightening my hold just a little, showing him, reminding him, letting him have just a taste of my alpha.

"Take it easy Jake, she's yours, everybody knows that…it's just amusing to watch," he said but his eyes were a little frightened.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I reared back to look at him but didn't let him go. The alpha, the animal in me demanded he recognize my authority and keep his hands and eyes off my mate.

"You imprinted again right?"

"Again? I've done this with someone else? The leech said it was a once in the lifetime kind of thing" The thought made me sick, I thought that this was unique and special, how could I feel this way about anyone else?

"You imprinted on Nessie the day she was born…didn't Edward tell you?"

That shocked me and I released him. I had imprinted in Nessie already? The day she was born? I had felt like this about a child? About a newborn? I was sick to my stomach. I was a pervert. Biting back the bile that rose in my throat I stared at Seth.

"No he didn't fuckin tell me… would you tell a temperamental new wolf that he was a pervert?" I growled beginning to pace up and down as shudders took over my body.

"Pervert…Jake what the hell are you talking about?"

"I've known her for less than 24 hours and the way I feel about her well...it's intense and very… animalistic…I have these urges, desires, needs" I confessed in a broken whisper, more surprised than ever when he threw back his head and laughed at me.

"It's not funny Seth…I could hurt her…"

"Jake this is normal, well I think…Sam said that it's possible to imprint twice on the same person…you imprinted on her when she was born and you became her best friend, you did whatever it took to make her happy… all you _wanted _was for her to be happy no matter what. There are some things you really need to see, like the time you played dress up and Ness made you up like a princess or when you had all her Barbie's over for a tea party, ask her, she'll show you…. But now she's older you imprinted again and how you see her has changed…you see her more as a mate than a child to be loved and protected…your hormones are just a little out of whack because this is all so new for you"

"This is normal…wanting to throw her down and …mate with her?" I said for want of a less graphic term, Nessie didn't deserve that to be reduced to being talked about like a piece of meat.

He shrugged but the knowing smile never left his face "You and Nessie are an usual case but you are not the first…no one really knows what is meant to happen but you are not and have never been a pervert Jake…you've always loved Nessie but just in a different way…this. … _Extreme_ reaction you have to her could fade away in time or it could stay the same… but what you do about it is up to you"

"I'm not going to do anything about it," I said rubbing my hands through my hair with a slight growl.

"You're not…but this is what you want…_she's_ what you want"

"Edward told me in no uncertain terms to keep my hands and my feelings to myself…she's still a child Seth I can't inflict…_this _on her, it's not right"

"Jake I've known you long enough to know that what you feel for her now, however… raw… and passionate… it's not the sum total of your feelings…you've always loved her Jake, everyone knows it…well everyone except Nessie herself… but don't turn away from her now because you think there is something wrong with you"

I looked down at the teenager before me, wondering how he could be so young yet so wise at the same time. His words surprised me but I deep down I knew I could not put her in that position, I couldn't risk hurting her with the depth of my need. Shaking my head I dropped to the sofa and looked over at him, speaking through clenched teeth.

"I can't take the risk of hurting her Seth…but for your own sake…keep your distance...this _thing_ tends to make me possessive and I could hurt you too"

Seth simply smiled but it was bitter "I think you're making a mistake Jake, but if that's how you feel than maybe I should give _you_ some advice…keep your distance if you can't keep your hands to yourself or you _will _hurt her and I don't just mean physically"

I stared down at my hands knowing he was right, she was too much temptation and I wasn't sure I had the strength to resist her. If I didn't manage to resist then I would surely end up hurting her, unable to control the need I had for her but if I did resist, she would be hurt, broken and rejected. I was caught between a rock and a hard on. Oh Fuck it!

* * *

**Just another quick A/N from me, the reason I put in the conversation with Seth was to show that there is a reason why Jake is acting like a dog that wants to hump someone's leg...it will not all be about how badly he needs to "mate" with her, this is simply a hormonal wolfish reaction that should hopefully settle down and we will see the fluffy Jake emerging for a while -thats if he lets me write it, I think he kind of likes being a horn dog ;)...Toodles. Tink XX**


	15. Busted!

**Sorry for the delay in updating but this chapter has proved very difficult to write and has come out as a bit of a filler...not what I wanted but having wrote three versions this one was the best….anyway _italics_ here show recent flashbacks and Jake has now been with the Cullens for nearly two weeks…let me know your thoughts, cos frankly I'm not too sure how I did with this one. Love to all. Tink. XX**

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* * *

REN POV  
**

When I look back at Jake's first few days home, I can't believe that no one in my family pulled me to one side and told me how obvious I was being about my developing feelings for Jake. I followed him around like love sick puppy for Christ's sake, my eyes always seeking his, my voice always calling out for him, my ears straining to hear him if he left the room, my hands looking for a way to touch him, my body yearning for a way to be near him. It was embarrassing.

The first time he left to run shifts with the rest of the pack in Sam's absence, I sat by the window and waited for him, for six hours, just in case he didn't come back. Like I said, embarrassing. To me it just seemed so natural that I would be around him constantly, as though that was what was meant but maybe for Jake it wasn't so easy.

Despite having been with us for a little over seven days, he was still very quiet and on edge, never completely relaxing into the easygoing carefree guy I knew and loved before he disappeared.

Then there was the touching issue, every time I touched him, or hugged close to his side, he would get this pained look on his face and his entire body would tense. I missed the old days when I could sprawl all over him and show him how I felt with a single touch.

I didn't dare now, didn't think he would be able to take the intimacy of my touch and all the emotions that went with it, should I accidentally transfer something I didn't mean to.

As the days passed into the second week it dawned on me he didn't know about my gift, he did not know that all those memories he hungered for, that we spent hours talking about, I could give to him. He wasn't ready, he couldn't deal, and he was having a hard enough time with some of his own memories. His nightmares.

He suffered a lot with nightmares, often waking me down the hall with his shouts or cries, sometimes even growls or snarls. Then I would hear him awaken and he would pace the room like a trapped animal, his breathing harsh and ragged until gradually he would calm and settle. Then and only then would he sleep once more, sometimes to awaken shouting again, sometimes to sleep until noon. This had begun shortly after his arrival with us and out of all my family I found it the hardest to deal with…..

_A pained cry woke me from my sleep and I sat up my ears straining for the unfamiliar sound in an otherwise silent house. In deference to my sleeping patterns most of my family hunted through the night so as not disturb me with their, uh, nightly activities._

_My heart pounded with fear, as the noise came again and instantly I recognized the source. Jake. It was Jake. Something was wrong. Swinging my legs out of bed and landing lightly on my feet I rushed through the door, surprised to be met with my fathers face._

_"Daddy, it's Jake," I said urgently, trying to get past him, pushing slightly._

_"He's okay Renesmee, he's just having a nightmare…he'll be fine" he told me placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder._

_"I have to go to him, wake him up, I can't leave him like this it's cruel"_

_My father shook his head "No Renesmee, it's too dangerous…you need to leave him in peace"_

_"Peace?" I gave a very Emmett like snort, quite proud of myself, and stared up at him "Does that sound like __peace to you…we can't just leave him like that, he's hurting daddy"_

_"Ness… Jake is still very unstable, if you try and wake him whilst he is in the middle of such a bad dream, he could shift and hurt you before he even woke properly, it's too dangerous"_

_"I don't care, I can't just ignore this…he shouldn't have to go through this...would you have listened to mom go through that and left her, did nothing?"_

_It was a low blow and I knew it but I had to make him understand, hearing Jake in pain, hurt me and I couldn't ignore him when he needed me._

_A shadow crossed my fathers face but before I could discern what it meant it had gone, "I have more than once and it is not something I'm proud of"_

_"Well I am not prepared to, let me by daddy" I demanded, tilting my head once more to look up at him._

_"No Renesmee…you have to see the wider implications of this…Carlisle believes that these dreams are manifestations of his memories…that he is remembering what happened to him and where he has been…we need to let them play out if he has any chance of regaining his memory"_

_"But can't you just look and tell him, that would help him get his memory back…he's hurting daddy"_

_"I'm sorry Nessie, I know this is hard for you but sometimes you have to be an adult …I know you want to protect him but his mind is trying to tell him something and as painful as it is, this needs to happen so he can get his memories back"_

_I tensed as down the hall he cried out again, pain and fear making bile rise in my throat._

_"Can't you at least ask Jasper to intervene…calm him down a little?"_

_Once more he shook his head but he sighed "Please believe me Nessie, if there was another way we would use it… but this is the best course of action…you have to be strong for Jake, Ness, he has done so much for us and now you can help him"_

_"By leaving him like this?"_

_My father ushered back into my bedroom, his face pained as he sat me firmly on the bed, and then took a space opposite me._

_"About a year or so before you were born…I left your mother" he confided in a pained whisper._

_My heart dropped inside me, my parents had one of the strongest relationships in my family, the idea that he had left her, abandoned her, didn't seem feasible to me. I eyed him suspiciously, wondering if he was making this up to make me feel better._

_" I only wish I were" he said bitterly, refusing to meet my eyes "What I'm telling you now is not a secret but it is something neither your mother nor I enjoy talking about…there was an __incident with your mother and Jasper"_

_"Uncle Jazz?"_

_"You know that was the youngest vampire when I met your mother and at times he had trouble controlling his thirst…it was Bella's birthday and she cut her finger…a silly little paper cut" he mused, his eyes taking on a far away look as he remembered "Jasper had to be restrained and she… fell when I tried to get her out of the way… hurting her arm quite badly…after that I developed the ridiculous notion that she would be better off without me, that I was only putting her in danger by being around-"_

_"So you left her?" I growled,_

_"We all did," he confirmed, sounding ashamed._

_"Everyone… even Aunt Alice?" my mother and Aunt Alice were as close as real sisters._

_"Everyone…I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, that I was saving her…I wanted her to have a normal human life, to grow old and have all the things that I could not give her"_

_"But obviously you came back? You knew you couldn't stand to be without her?"_

_"No it is much more complex than that…there are some things you are not ready to hear yet but I tell you this because I know how deeply it can cut you to hurt the one you love…to go against your natural instincts __not to hurt them but sometimes it has to be done for their sake"_

_"This is different, you chose to leave Mom, knowing it would hurt her and it wasn't to make her better in the long run"_

_"But don't you see, I thought it was, as much as it hurt us both, I felt I had to do it, to save her…loving someone can be painful for you both…if you really love Jake, then you should do this for him, no matter how much it hurts you or him"_

_"I just want to protect him," I whimpered "I can't hurt him Daddy"_

_My father chuckled and ruffled my hair as he had when I was small child, "Sweetheart Jake is big enough and ugly enough to take care of himself…but you have to let this happen, it is for the best in the long run"_

_I nodded, my ears straining to hear what was happening along the hall. Thankfully there was silence; I prayed he was sleeping peacefully_

_"His mind is calm, he is resting…I have to ask that you do not disturb him if this happens again, can I trust you to do that? I cannot in good conscience continue to hunt at night if I think that you could be sneaking into his room to wake him…it's too dangerous"_

_I thought long and hard before I answered him, I didn't want to lie to him but I didn't honestly know if I could control myself. But I was determined to try and if this helped him than I would do it. I nodded just once and hoped I wasn't lying to him._

_

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_

**Jake POV**

My early days with the Cullens were harder than I had anticipated, being around so many leeches set my teeth on edge and I felt constantly exhausted as I fought my natural instincts to phase. Course it didn't help that I wasn't sleeping well, my dreams plagued with nightmares, which felt like memories but were so horrifying, I prayed they could not be true.

It wasn't just the physical pain I dreamt of, there were visions, of Nessie, lying dead, hallucinations of her being tortured, raped, experimented on, crying out for me to save her whilst I struggled, bound and bleeding unable to help as she screamed for me to help her.

Those ones were the hardest to take, dealing with my own pain was one thing but dealing with hers was something else entirely. I lost count of the number of times I would jerk awake, gasping for breath, my arms reaching out for someone who wasn't there, images of her broken, battered and bruised body fading slowly from my eyes.

Then I would get up and pace or go into the kitchen, desperate for something, someone to replace the bad memories with good. For that was what I had come to believe they were, my memories, not nightmares but visions of my past.

What I struggled to understand is why Renesmee was in my memories, wherever I had been, I was certain it been against my will and I was more certain she had not been with me and had been here safe with her family. So why did she appear so frequently?

Perhaps it was my subconscious confusing all the time I spent with her during the day, just being together, and telling me stories from when she was younger. Just being with her was a balm to my soul, soothing the savage beast I knew was within me. I counted on her to be there, so when I awoke one morning and she wasn't there to greet me as usual I sensed there was something wrong not knowing that it would lead to another much more complex problem than her not being present………………

"Morning Bella" I called out as I strode into the kitchen and taking out the juice. I looked around for Nessie, expecting her to appear at my side with a large grin, as usual.

"Good morning Jake" she smiled as I drank greedily, my eye scanning the room.

"No Nessie?"

Edward got to his feet "She's not feeling too well this morning, she's decided to have a lie in"

I blanched, Nessie was a half vampire, she didn't get ill…did she?

"Yes Jake, sometimes she does get ill, it's her… human side" Edward told me reading my thoughts.

"Oh…well, maybe I'll just shoot upstairs and say good morning, see if there is anything she needs"

"No!" Edward and Bella snapped out together.

My eyebrows rose in surprise, what the fuck? Why didn't they want me around her?

"Jake, she's really not feeling too well…I don't think she would want you to see her" Bella said more gently.

"Well what's wrong with her?"

Edward rolled his eyes "Jake, she's just unwell…just leave her in peace, she just needs to sleep"

I wasn't buying it but if that's what she wanted then I would go back to my room and sleep myself, after all I hadn't slept well lately either.

"Thank you Jake" Edward said again reading my thoughts.

Mind carefully blank I headed back upstairs only thinking of how it would feel to slip into a peaceful sleep, how I was soooo tired. That's all I thought about as my feet carried me down the hallway, past my room and along to Nessie's door. I was so ready to sleep, ready for my own bed, not going to check on Nessie at all, I thought, as I pushed open her door with a little knock and peeked inside.

My entire body tensed as the smell hit me, it was like her usual scent but so much more potent and so arousing, my knees nearly buckled. I grabbed the doorframe as lust rose up inside me, driving me crazy.

"Nessie?" I growled, as the shape in the bed shifted, and I tried not to wolf out.

"Jake?" she murmured, her voice pained and weak "What are you doing in here?"

I took a deep breath as her scent hit me again, this time the animal in me was tempered by the knowledge she was sick, my mate was sick. As well as the usual lust I felt overwhelming tenderness, an urge to comfort her, to take away her pain.

"You're sick…I came to see if there was anything you needed," I murmured as I stepped into the room, half expecting Edward to come busting in on me at any second. Being in Nessie's room was not something I was normally allowed to do, for obvious reasons but this was different she was sick, she needed me.

"There is nothing you can do but thanks," she croaked, her voice trembling.

Crossing the room, I perched on the side of her bed, inhaling the scent that was as vital to me as air. Lust hit me like a wrecking ball again, I couldn't figure out why she smelt so good, so strong and so god damn arousing, my pants grew tight and I hunched slightly so Ness couldn't see the affect she had on my body. She was sick for fucks sake and all I could think about was how hot she made me.

Reaching out a hand, I placed it on her forehead, expecting her to be burning up, my entire body clenching at her sigh. She wasn't burning up but she did feel a little warmer than usual.

"What's wrong Ness…can I get you anything?" I asked smoothing her hair away from her forehead and ignoring the pull inside my lower body.

"I've got…cramps," she murmured, a delicate pink color spreading across her cheeks.

"Want me to rub it better for you?" I asked, wondering how a case of cramp could make her appear this ill, this fragile. I watched as the delicate pink, deepened to a vivid scarlet. Now what could provoke that reaction?

* * *

**REN POV**

"No…I've got cramps...you know…_cramps_" I stuttered out, my face flaming, unable to believe that I had to discuss this with him of all people. I stared up at him as realization dawned swiftly and he frowned.

"Oh, right…you want me to get some Tylenol?" he asked, his voice a shade higher than usual.

I wanted to die of mortification; this was so much more embarrassing than having the birds and bees talk with grandpa after we had tried to figure out what these cramps were. Being half human, half vampire meant that though I got cramps, I thankfully didn't get the bleeding humans did, but to make up for it I got twenty-four hours of hell.

"No, they don't really work…I just have to wait it out, try and sleep through" I murmured, wincing as another cramp gripped my insides. There were times I had prayed to bleed like other women; surely it must mean a release from this awful ache in my stomach?

He cleared his throat and looked a little uncomfortable for a few seconds; shifting restlessly on my bed "I remember Emily once saying that having her stomach rubbed helped with her pain when the baby was lying funny...think that would help?"

* * *

**JAKE**

I held my breath as I waited for her reply, wondering what on earth had possessed me to make such a torturous offer. But with that thought came another. I knew immediately why I'd offered to do it, because I couldn't bear to see her suffering, because I could override my savage need in the face of her pain.

Everything suddenly made sense, the reason why I was so overwhelmed by her scent, why I felt such savage lust towards her. As a now grown woman she was going through her fertile cycle and the animal in me was responding. Her hormones were calling to mine, my primal instincts brought to the fore.

"You would do that?" she asked seemingly amazed. Hell yes I would do that, anything to make her better, to take away her pain. I would walk over fucking hot coals if I had to, I would do anything for her, be anything for her.

I shrugged trying for a calm that I clearly did not feel.

"Sure…if you think it'll help"

Her eyes rose to meet mine and she flushed again "Okay…thanks"

She rolled to her side and shifted her blankets, to make room for me on her bed, giving me a tantalizing peek of the twin slopes of her breasts. The animal in me howled at the sight and I shook my head a little, trying to clear it, hoping for control.

Holding my breath I moved behind her, thankful she had a king size and carefully slipped an arm beneath her neck to support her as she shifted back against me trying to get comfortable.

Gritting my teeth I carefully moved my hips back from hers, so she wouldn't feel the erection that ached and throbbed inside my cargo pants. Placing my free hand on the soft cotton of her t-shirt I held myself still behind her, waiting, giving myself time to calm down. I breathed deeply through my nose and then exhaled through my mouth. Instantly I felt a wave of goose bumps break out across her skin, the little hairs on the back of her neck standing up.

This had to be a really bad idea, I thought as I buried my face in her hair, inhaling deeply and fighting for control.

"Is this okay?" my voice was gruff, hoarse even as I began to move my hand a little, in a slow circular motion, terrified that I would press too hard.

"Thanks Jake" she sighed, "I know how hard it is for you"

I chuckled into her hair; she had no idea and would more than likely run screaming and traumatized if she ever found out "No problem"

* * *

**REN POV**

My stomach clenched beneath his large capable hand, the searing heat from his skin, soothing the ache inside me better than any hot water bottle ever could. After only a few minutes I could feel the difference, the pain was still there, the ache still tangible but now so much more bearable thanks to my best friend and his wonderful clever hands.

Jake was silent behind me and I wondered if this was too hard for him, being this close to me, being this close to another human given his aversion to being touched. Maybe the fact he was doing the touching made this easier for him. Though judging by how still and tense he held himself behind me, I doubted it.

I could feel the heat from his chest through the vest I wore and after only a few minutes I began to heat up. He was like a furnace and the blankets were soon redundant, I kicked my legs, pushing them down, embarrassed but needing to cool down.

Sighing I felt myself relax against him, a new ache pushing in place of the old one. This ache too was deep inside me, but rather than painful this was nice, though it made me want to squirm closer to Jake and the clever way he touched me.

I wanted to twist, wanted him to slide his hand down a little further, lower on my stomach, lower to my hips and the ache that was rapidly blossoming between them. My breath hitched in my throat as I thought about him doing just that,

"Ness, are you okay…I'm not hurting you am I?" he asked, his voice deep and gravelly in my ear, sending yet more shivers across my body.

I felt my breasts swell against my top, and hunched over slightly, embarrassed, as my nipples pebbled helplessly. Unfortunately this had the effect of bringing my breasts into closer contact with the back of his huge hand. Just seeing them in close proximity made my stomach flip flop and I couldn't help but sigh, the pain inside me almost forgotten.

"No" I sighed out, my breath coming a little faster as his words tickled my ear and the hand beneath my head tangled in my curls, plucking at them. I felt like I could melt into a huge gooey puddle.

* * *

**JAKE**

She was trying to fucking kill me. Kicking the blankets off to reveal her slender legs, her milky white thighs and then bending over, presenting me with her heart shaped ass, the slopes of her breasts nearly on the back of my hand. Shifting once more I moved my lap away from her.

But I could still smell her, smell the heat emanating from her, smell how my touch affected her and the beast inside me roared, demanding I take what she was unconsciously offering me. She may not know what was happening to her but I sure as hell did and it made the entire blood surge hotly inside me, sending a pulse to my hard on.

I cursed myself for getting into this, I was trying to quell the savage, primitive feelings I got around her but lying her on her bed, surrounded by her scent was just making things worse. She was turned on and that fed my own hunger. I could hear her heart racing, her pulse pounding, her breathing unsteady.

What had I done, I wondered as she turned from her side onto her back to look up at me. Her eyes were soft, dreamy, languorous, a flush of heat along her cheeks. She gazed up at me and I could see the need on her face, her breaths escaping a little too quickly.. I couldn't look away from the wonder in her eyes, I was trapped.

My hand on her stomach stilled and the air around us grew thick with sexual tension. She took one of her hands and placed it over my heart and I could feel the tremor flow through her.

"Thank you Jake," she murmured and suddenly a feeling of love so strong it almost choked me, surged into me. It hadn't come from me; it was overwhelming and pure love, tenderness, passion, lust and confusion, uncertainty all bundled together.

"What was that?" I breathed around the feelings still crowding me.

"I have a gift too…I can show you my thoughts, my feelings…my memories" she murmured, her eyes on mine, gauging my reaction.

"All those things I felt, they came from you?"

The love, the lust? That was her? The unbearable need?

She nodded shyly "I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for me…. what you always do for me"

I frowned uncertain what she meant, "I don't understand"

"Doing this…I know how hard it is for you to be close to me…to touch me… to touch anyone now….but you've done that for me…you're taking care of me like you always have…but there is so much I need you to remember, so much you need you to remember" she whispered sounding teary.

"Tell Me," I begged, desperate for more pieces of the life I had shared with her but was missing out on.

"I can show you instead" she made it sound like a question, yet I could still hear her uncertainty and she stretched a hand out towards me very slowly, as though giving me chance to back away from her touch.

She reached up her hand and placed it against the heat of my cheek and I wanted to haul her close, trap her against my chest, the feeling of her was so amazing

And suddenly I was seeing myself as she saw me, younger looking, well groomed, clean, always smiling, always by her side, encouraging her, playing with her, looking out for her, swimming with her, hunting with her. I could almost hear her delighted giggles, she squeals as I threw her through the air as a small child, the joy she felt at having her uncle Jake around. The expression on my face when I looked at her was one of love, doting, and pride, almost father like. To my immense relief there was no trace of the savage need I felt at present on my past self.

As she grew I could see how she felt about me change, I went from god like, to best friend, someone who understood what it was to be human, someone who understood her grief when the pet rabbit I gave to her died, someone who held her as she cried over it, someone who liked the same dumb movies, someone who she could tell anything to.

And then her memories changed again, the way she saw me shifted, I could feel the prickle of awareness, the feeling of need without understanding what the need was, the pain of my rejection when I told her we couldn't share a bed anymore, that I needed space.

It was surreal to view myself through a filter of desire, see my body the way she did, my chest and arms featuring very prominently in her thoughts. I chuckled out loud, wondering if she knew the significance of what she was showing me. Hearing her gasp I figured she realized her mistake as she yanked her hand away, her face filling with color once more.

"Thank you Ness" I said touching her own face, rubbing my thumb along her cheekbone. Tracing her blush, I lingered along the side of her face and unable to stop myself slid my fingers across her bottom lip.

"Oh" she breathed, the action parting her lips, her tongue coming out to slick against my finger.

My entire body clenched with lust and I could not hold back the growl that escaped from chest at the feeling of her damp hot mouth on my skin.

"Jake?" she breathed, sounding uncertain and pleading at the same time.

* * *

**REN POV**

The taste of Jake's skin against my tongue was more amazing than any food, human or vampire, I had ever consumed. It tasted like his scent but much, much more potent, his fingers trembling, his body jumping as my tongue escaped for another taste. At his growl, liquid heat pooled between my thighs and I shifted, crossing my legs against the ache between them and wondered what would happen if I gave into the need to suck his finger deep into my mouth.

My heart was racing furiously, my breath coming in broken pants as overwhelming need coursed through me. I yearned to be close to him, to feel his mouth against mine. The way he looked at me, the way he watched my mouth, the intensity of his gaze made the ache inside me spring to life.

Slowly, so slowly that I thought I'd go crazy, he lowered his face to mine, until he was so close I could feel the heat of his rapid breaths, sense the savage pounding of his heart and my eyes flickered closed. Anticipation made it hard to breath and I was about to beg him to just touch me, kiss me, when I heard familiar footsteps out in the hallway, rapidly approaching my bedroom door.

"Fuck" Jake coursed and moved from the bed so quickly that I almost toppled over the edge.

He settled on the floor his back against my closet door, his legs drawn up against his chest, his handsome face taut. Seconds later my mothers concerned face appeared around the door frame.

"Hey…oh Jake, I thought you had gone back to bed" she said her eyes shifting between us suspiciously.

"Couldn't sleep, thought I'd stop by and see how Nessie was feeling" his voice was thick and slow and I shivered in reaction.

My mom came in and perched on the edge of the bed, smoothing the blankets around me, brushing my hair away from my heated skin, a small frown on her face.

"How are you Ness, any better?"

I nodded; not trusting my voice, hoping the color on my face would not betray what had nearly happened between us. Again my mom's eyes shifted back and forth between us, narrowing a little.

"So Jake, I think Edward wants to speak with you" she told him pointedly and I wanted to roll my eyes, talk about obvious. I was mortified. Not only had I nearly kissed Jake but then I was nearly caught by my mom. Not cool.

Jake glanced at me; his face no more relaxed than it had been only seconds ago but more resigned. I nodded at him, answering his unspoken question, allowing him to go while I faced the inquisition I knew was coming, alone. One word. _Busted._


	16. Angry fucking Father!

**So this one may be a little short as when I wrote this chapter is came to nearly 8000 words and so I have split it over three now…this bit is more of an explanation of why Edward is against Jake and Nessie having a relationship…the next focuses on where Jake has been and what happened to him that his mind has been trying to repress…. Anyway like I said it's a little on the short side… Please let me know what you're thinking as I'm not Edward and don't have his mind reading ability ;). Love Tink. XX**

**

* * *

JAKE POV  
**

To say that Edward looked angry, when I walked into the den, was the understatement of the fucking century, he looked ready to kill. There was a faint glimmer in his golden eyes I did not like and I felt my own hackles rise in response as he hissed at me. Oh shit, angry fucking father time.

"Give me one good reason why I should not throw you out of here, dog," he said his voice calm and even yet no less venomous or threatening.

"Edward I-" I began, not quite sure how I could even begin to defend myself but trying to stay calm, wolfing out would not help my cause. I needed to explain this to him, let him know how I felt. Nessie was my life and I couldn't say no to her, she was everything to me.

"Did we not talk about this Jake? Did I not ask you _specifically_ to keep your hands and your feelings to yourself…Yet still I find you in my daughters bed, with your hands on her, touching her… your thoughts about my child, because make no mistake she still is a _child _when it comes to _those_ sort of things"

"I couldn't help it, she was sick…it's the imprint" I tried to rationalize it for him, knowing he would not be able to comprehend the pull of the imprint, to recognize it's power over me.

Edward rolled his eyes with a sneer, "I'm so sick of this imprint bullshit mutt, all her life, the times when she wanted you rather than me, when you gave her everything she asked for, when you didn't let her have boundaries, when you kept her out past curfew, when you gave her candy, when you took her around humans, _'it's the imprint'_…that was your justification for everything"

I growled a little and drew myself up to my full height, determined not be intimidated by him "There is nothing I can do about this...you know as well as I do that I have to give her what she wants, what she asks for"

"So now she was asking for it?" he was incredulous and laughed chillingly "…she doesn't have the first clue what she wants_… she's still a child Jake_"

"She was sick Edward and hurting…I had to help her, I couldn't just leaver her like that…I had to help her somehow"

"How? By pawing her? How does that help anything you son of a bitch?"

I growled, the insult hitting me deep and felt my body begin to quake with anger.

"It wasn't like that… but I just couldn't help it" I bit out, unhappy myself about my lack of control around the woman-child I adored.

"Of course you couldn't help it...why do you think we tried to keep her away from you the second we realized what was wrong with her…we knew it would have this affect…that you would struggle to ignore the demands of your body… or of hers… and we didn't want to put either of you though this… neither of you are ready Jake, despite what you may think…this isn't fair, on anyone…we talked about this, you agreed with me, said she wasn't ready"

That had been then and this was now, spending time together, trying to ignore the hungry, curious looks she gave me when she thought I wasn't looking, it was torture. The thought that I was making her unhappy because I wasn't giving her what she really obviously wanted, was hurting me physically and emotionally.

"I love her Edward and I think she feels the same about me…why shouldn't we be happy? Why shouldn't we be together?"

I watched as he visibly gritted his teeth, his anger still alive, acting as a catalyst for my own.

"Because you have a huge chunk of your life missing…who knows where the hell you've been or what's happened to you…you could put her in danger and not even know it" he snapped, his hands going through his hair.

"I wouldn't do that to her…I wouldn't put her in danger"

"Don't you get it? You wouldn't know…what happens if they come back for you?" He was snarling, pacing the room now, his anger building again. I could sense it, taste it in the air and at the back of my throat.

"No one is going to come for me, you're being ridiculous Edward" I tried to keep my voice calm but it was a struggle.

" I didn't want to bring this up Jake… I didn't want to do it like this… but I have seen your dreams, the things they do to you…the things they have shown you… Nessie…you don't think I know where you've you been or who had you…the only thing I don't know is why" he said his voice dangerously quiet as he stared at me.

I felt the blood leave my face; he knew who had taken me? He had seen the nightmares I suffered, the torture I had endured during my captivity? Why the fuck hadn't he said anything to me? I could have some answers now instead of nightmares and the constant worry that those things they did, that I did to Nessie, were real.

"I wouldn't put her in that sort of danger Edward...I love her too much to let her be harmed, she is my life"

"Jake, it's the Volturi… do you really think that you have a choice? They wanted you for something, so they took you and then just as easily as they had taken you, they let you go…they _sent_ you here Jake, why do you think that is?"

I felt the trembling grip my body that forewarned of a shift and fought against it, I needed to know what danger I was in, what danger I was putting Nessie in. I shook my head.

"If all that is true, why did you let me stay here…knowing that I could put her in harms way?" I growled, furious that he would allow her to be in such danger because of me.

"This is the best chance we have of protecting Nessie…keep your friends close…."

"And your enemies closer" I finished bitterly for him. So it was down to this, I was his enemy now.

"No Jake, you are not my enemy" he said, this time calmer "but whatever is coming for us, for you…it's better to be faced head on...with our eyes wide open… to know what we are dealing with, then we can protect you both… but I'll need your help"

"I don't need protecting…I can take care of myself but you're right…I shouldn't be here…you've seen what they did to her...I'm putting her at risk just being here. I need to go back to La Push, back to my pack"

"I don't _want_ you to leave and Bella would have my head if she thought I'd pushed you out… but if I find you have even looked the wrong way at my daughter, let alone touched her…you will be out on your ass so fast your head will spin…she is not ready for that kind of relationship...despite what she thinks...how could she be when she doesn't even understand what's happening to her"

I nodded heavily; guilt wracking me, reminding me that she was still a child, no matter what my body thought and if me having a relationship with her was going to put her in danger then it was out of the question. There had to be some distance between us.

"I need your promise on this Jake, I can't leave you alone with her anymore if I think that as soon as my back is turned you will be in her bed again"

It went against everything in me to promise not to be with my mate, not touch her, hold her, to be with her in the ultimate way.

"Dammit Jake, this is for both your sake's…deal with what's happened to you, what could happen to you if the Volturi come back and then you have my blessing to pursue a relationship with Nessie… but until then she is off limits"

"I will _try_ Edward but the pull of the imprint is strong…you can't imagine how strong"

He tapped his head and smiled, though it held no humor "Oh yes I do, I got you both up here remember…if you love her Jake you will stay away from her…if you don't then you will have to leave…she is my daughter, my only child and I will do whatever I have to, to protect her even that means breaking her heart…don't test me on this Jake, I promise you won't like what happens"

I was torn, torn by my love for her. I had to do what was right yet I knew it would hurt her, could I be that strong, hurt her to protect her, it just seemed so wrong to me, went against everything I stood for, went totally against the imprint. To love her I had to hurt her, I had to wait.

"You've waited all her life Jake, a few more weeks is not going to make that much of a difference I promise you" this time his tone was gentle, almost understanding.

How could he understand? How could he know the pain I went through in reigning in my feelings, the pain I would go through in hurting her. Breaking her heart would break my own.

"I am her father…when she hurts, I hurt"

"You really think I'm in danger…that they will come back for me?"

Edward nodded his face grave "They do nothing without a reason…they will be back and maybe for you both, maybe for us all…Aro is very shrewd, he leaves nothing to chance… as I said everything he does has a purpose…all we need to do is find out that purpose…but there is something I could try if you are willing"

I looked at him warily, wondering what voodoo mumbo jumbo bull shit he was planning on pulling on me.

"What?" could I help it if I sounded cagey?

"I want you to try and remember your night mares…then I can try and see beneath the obvious layer of your mind, the layer you remember to your subconscious to the stuff you are repressing"

I eyed him and crossed my arms over my chest defensively "I'm not sure I like the idea of you poking around in my head"

He sighed "This is one the best chances we have to find out what is going on…what happened to you…what could happen to you …I've got Alice watching the Volturi but after the little stunt you just pulled, her and Jasper burst out of here pretty quickly"

I stared at him bemused "What the hell does all that have to do with Tink and the gloomy fairy?"

Edward frowned glaring at me, as this should be obvious "Jasper is an Empath what you feel, he feels," he clarified," but thanks to you we're going to be operating blind for a few hours"

A few hours?

Understanding dawned and I was chagrined, who knew the gloomy one was such a stud?

"What would I have to do?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest, feeling a little defensive.

"Just think about the things you've seen in your dreams…show me your nightmares and I will try and pick up any details in your subconscious"

"I don't understand how this will help" I grumbled, unwilling to have him poking around in my head, seeing my true nightmare, the ones which contained Nessie.

"I can pick up on things you may have missed…I understand they way the Volturi operates better than you…there may be something however small which could hold the key to your disappearance"

I nodded quickly before I could change my mind, if I wanted to keep Nessie safe and protect her then surely I could submit my mind to him for a little while.

"Before we do this…I want you your promise that you won't hold anything you see or hear against me…no matter what happens you will not stop me from seeing Nessie…I want your word"

"Jake I know you've been through a lot…some of the things they did to you were horrific...I know none of this is your fault" he said but I wasn't worried about what they had done to me, more what I had done.

Though I couldn't be certain, I was sure there was something hiding inside me, something I had done which I wasn't proud of, something I was blocking out. Some of my nightmares had started to recur, yet I only got so far before I woke up gasping for breath and wanting to call Nessie's name.

"Jake you have my word that nothing I see will change anything…I know you love my daughter and would never hurt her"

I nodded briskly "I warn you Ed, it's not pretty"

"Your thoughts never were" he said dryly and looked over at the sofa pointedly.

I followed his gaze "So how do you wanna do this? No offense but I don't think I'm gonna be able to concentrate with you staring at me…you're a bit off putting if you know what I mean"

He chuckled "I imagine so…the important thing is that you relax, don't try and force it, just remember your dreams and I will try and do the rest"

I snorted, "Well that's fucking simple then…hey presto I just remember…why the fuck didn't I think of that?"

"Jake" he cautioned me and I sneered, not wanting to admit that I wasn't looking forward to reliving my nightmares, I wasn't scared…just… not comfortable.

"Okay, I get it...relax…remember" I muttered and threw myself down on the sofa, closing my eyes. I heard him continue to move around the room and it made me edgy, the relaxation I'd been ordered to feel didn't come. Where was the gloomy fairy when you needed him? Oh yeah he was making out with Tinkerbell, I remembered with a snicker, as Edward continued to move around the room.

After a few minutes he was still and I fought against the urge to peek and see where he was.

"By the fire place" he chuckled obviously in my head.

"Will you please stay out of my head until I get his right" I muttered and crossed my arms behind my head trying to comfortable. Luckily or unluckily for me there were a lot of Cullens and this meant a big sofa, I could stretch out and unusually there was still room left for me.

Taking several deep breaths I forced myself to relax, to try and picture in my head what I had lived through night after night. Gradually I felt my body grow limp and heavy, my eyes drifting closed as I arrived back in my nightmare……………..


	17. A Nightmarish Reality

**Most of this chapter is Jake's nightmare, told as though he is going through at it at that moment in time………..kind of like a flashback….this is one of the reasons Jake's mind has been suppressing what happened with the Volturi…Please be warned this contains some swearing and implied dark themes of abuse, though nothing too graphic…if that offends you then please don't read. I'd like to say Welcome aboard to Manyan83 and thanks for the pm, I hope you enjoy this one... Anyway as always let me know what you're thinking, even those silent readers out there, drop me a line, say hi, wave shyly from the back, anything to let me know you're enjoying this….Love to all. Tink. XX**

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T_he cell was still as damp and cold as ever but with my extra body heat it had never bothered me before. Now however, as rabid hunger ate away at my insides and thirst burned in my throat, I did not feel as strong as I had once had. The chill affected me, the cold seeping deep into my bones, sapping my energy, my body temperature was lowering and I found myself sleeping even more than usual. I still had no concept of night and day; it was all just blackness, loneliness, and unending pain._

_I wondered if they thought about me, my family, my pack, Nessie. Was she missing me? Did she know I hadn't wanted to leave her? Smiling slightly, in the darkness, I pictured her as I'd last seen her, hair flying out behind her as she stomped her way up to the house, my tiny dynamo. _

_She was so beautiful, all fire and passion and energy. I stared unseeing through the darkness, picturing her face in my mind, her eyes molten like bitter sweet chocolate, her tip tilted nose angled haughtily in the air, the smattering of freckles I adored and used to kiss, her clever mouth when she chewed on her bottom lip, as she thought, usually, before giving me hell._

_Then I saw her eyes as I had last, full and shimmering with unshed tears and a familiar pain stabbed me. Pain that was a million times worse than that unleashed on me by those creatures, pain which would burn in me forever because __**I**__ had caused it. __**I**__ had hurt her. _

_I vowed that if I ever got out of this, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her, I would give her whatever she wanted, whenever and however she wanted it. No questions asked._

_A faint glimmer of light caught my attention and I figured it was just another of my hallucinations brought on by lack of food and water. I'd suffered from so many since coming here that I was having a hard time differentiating between the real and the sublime. The light grew slowly closer, flickering and dancing in the darkness, it was candlelight, seemingly hovering in mid air. _

_I was no longer alone in my cell. Someone was in here with me; I sniffed expecting the smell of decaying fruit, my body shaking as I took in another much more familiar smell. Sunshine, laughter, purity and overwhelming fear._

_There was a scuffle and then silence. My eyes used to the darkness, made out a face staring back at me. A face I never thought I would see again, and I couldn't stop the growl, which left my throat nor the rapid increase in my heartbeat, nor the icy cold dread spreading in the pit of my stomach. If she was here with me this could not be good._

"_Renesmee?"_

"_Jake!" she cried, fear echoing around the room but there was joy there too, along with disbelief and uncertainty. I could hear the tremor in her voice as she searched for me, probably unable to see in the dark._

"_Nessie!"_

_There was a malicious chuckle in the darkness as Nessie appeared before me, flung to her knees, her entire body shaking, her curls a bloodied mess, her face unnaturally pale._

"_Oh my god! Jake is that really you?" she cried._

"_Nessie…oh god Nessie" I tried to reach her but the chain around my neck held me fast._

"_Where am I?" she murmured, tears sliding down her cheeks as she shuffled awkwardly towards me._

_Fury erupted inside me as I took in the fear and pain in her eyes, and she reached out her hands as though to touch me. I growled when I saw the metal shackles biting in her skin, the raw raised skin that slowly oozed her blood. Breathing in her scent I could smell the underlying scent of leeches in the room, at least three of them, one of them that malicious she bitch Jane._

"_You mother fuckers…what have you done to her?" I snarled feeling my own body quake in response to her fear and pain._

"_Silly puppy...we haven't done anything yet…why do you think we should?" the girlish giggle came again and Nessie whimpered beside me, trying to get closer._

"_I'm scared," she murmured, "What do they want with us?"_

"_I don't know Nessie… but I won't let them hurt you, I Promise" I said softly, straining to get closer to her, relishing the painful bite of the metal against my skin, reminding me that she was real and she was here._

"_Silly, silly puppy…do you really think you can stop me?"_

_I raised my eyes fearfully to Nessie's and in that same second she screamed, writhing on the floor, her body convulsing in helpless spasms. Snarling I felt the shudders through my body and fought to control the wolf inside me, as she twitched agonizingly before me. My heart felt as though it were ripped in two, wishing I could take on her pain as my own, her screams of agony piercing my skin like a thousand needles._

"_Stop it you fucking bitch!" I snarled and lunged forward instinctively, almost garroting myself in the process. A sound of tinkling laughter reached me over Nessie's screams and then suddenly there was silence and she was still once more._

"_Nessie, Nessie…speak to me baby" I crawled as close as possible, reaching out my hands, my fingers trembling as much as my body as I clawed towards her._

_Her eyes opened and the sadness I saw there made my heart clench "Jake?" she whispered, weak, disorientated and confused._

"_Yeah Nessie...I'm here" my voice was the only comfort I could offer._

"_It hurts Jake, it hurts so bad" she whimpered curling up into the fetal position._

"_I know Nessie…I'm so sorry baby" I soothed "Just try and breathe baby"_

_I could hear the rapid beat of her heart, her breath coming in painful little pants as the after pains lingered. I hated that I could smell her fear, feel it as clearly as if it were my own but could do absofuckingloutley nothing about it._

"_Why are they doing this to me?"_

"_I don't know Ness…but your folks will be here real soon, they won't leave you here...they're coming Nessie, I know they are" I had to believe it was true._

"_If they're not already dead" came a singsong voice that sent chills down my spine._

"_Shut up you fucking bitch," I snarled, the wolf inside me ready to coil._

_She tutted "Naughty, naughty puppy…puppy must be punished"_

_I braced myself ready for the burning to begin and for a second I was confused until I looked into Nessie's eyes watched her pupils dilate and she began to thrash on the floor once more. I stared, helpless, as her body convulsed violently on the hard cold stones, her limbs flailing wildly, agonizing screams coming from deep inside her._

"_Stop it… please!" I was prepared to beg, seeing Nessie hurting was more than I could take and even though every word tasted like bile in my mouth I was willing to do whatever it took to save Nessie the pain._

"_Stop it…leave her the fuck alone" I cried desperate as Nessie's beautiful eyes rolled back into her head "Do it to me instead you fucking bitch"_

_Instead of the pain I expected, Nessie's scream increased and I felt my eyes grow wet in response, the burn of tears and bile cloying at the back of my throat. I briefly toyed with shifting, knowing it would kill me but in the few seconds I would have before I bled out, there would be chance to at least save Nessie from this pain and kill that fucking bitch Jane. I realized though that even if I saved her from Jane, me dying would not set her free and she would be at the mercy of the others, alone and undefended._

_As she quieted this time, it took longer for her to come around; I could smell the salty tang of her tears, taste her pain and her fear at the back of my throat._

"_Nessie, Nessie, speak to me baby" I demanded knowing she always responded to the alpha in me. Her eyes fluttered weakly and I smiled at her, she grimaced but I knew she was trying to smile back._

"_I'm so, so sorry baby," I shuddered._

"_Mmm she smells good", suddenly there was another much more masculine voice in the darkness. I had been so preoccupied with Nessie's pain that I hadn't sensed their presence drawing closer._

_My hackles rose at his tone, the male animal in me recognizing immediately that he was after much more than her blood._

"_Delicious, a very good vintage…think she's been fucked yet?" joined a second. These were not the cultured elegant voices of the Volturi, this were much more base, more vulgar and rough._

" _Look at the little bitch, the way she cowers towards him…Maybe she like's it doggy style…that right mutt?"_

_Fury and icy black rage fumed inside me, I wanted to kill, to bite, to lunge, to tear their throats out for the things they were saying, the things I knew they were thinking about my precious, beautiful, innocent Nessie._

"_Look at him, pathetic fucking dog… there's no way he's man enough to give her it" a face appeared beside Nessie's in the darkness. He was pale and blonde, the scarlet of his eyes, a stark contrast to the whiteness of his skin. _

_Instinctively I strained against the collar, wanting, needing to shift as his hands reached out and stroked down Nessie's shaking body. She whimpered, her eyes shifting to mine, her lips trembling as she stared at me, calling out silently for me to help her, to save her from this further injury, this indignity. Nessie was too young, too innocent to understand what they had planned for her but I wasn't, fear clawed at my insides turning my heart to lead and my stomach to ice._

"_Take your hands off her you bastard!" I growled and snarled, tensing, breathing heavily, fighting my shift._

"_See how she likes it mutt" he stuck out his tongue and licked the side of her face, sniffing as he did it. She cowered away from him, his hand traveling down her body to grope her breast, as he pinched her nipples and she cried out in pain._

_Rage suffused me as he ripped away the bloodied and torn dress she wore, leaving her shaking, trying to cover herself. His vile laughter filled the room and his eyes seemed to burn impossibly brighter with her terror and pain. _

"_Very nice...let's you and me have some fun…I can show what a real man feels like" he said and lunged at her, rolling her to the floor and covering her body with his, his hands everywhere at once, so in only seconds she was naked._

_My body was shaking and shuddering as I felt the rage grow and begin to bring on my wolf, the second I did though I would be dead and Nessie would be defenseless, I reminded myself over and over. But I wanted to kill him, needed to rip his throat out and feel his blood pour over my body as he thrashed in death. To shake his body as violently as hers was._

"_You better take her somewhere else Lucien…the mutt looks like he's gonna have puppies…bring to my quarters...we can share" said another deep voice, sounding only mildly amused, almost bored._

_Nessie scrambled to life, crawling towards me, her bound hands outstretched, tears rolling down her face as he laughed tugging at her leg, pulling her back within his reach. Her nails dug into the stone as she tried to find purchase and stop herself sliding back along the floor._

"_Fuck she's feisty…this is gonna be fun" he laughed, picking her up in his arms as though she weighed nothing and throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes._

"_Jake!" she screamed, twisting and writhing, kicking, clawing and pummeling him "No! Jake!"_

"_Nessie! Get your hands off her…don't fucking touch her…leave her alone!" I screamed back, all pretense gone now, I was terrified, really terrified. My own pain I could deal with but hers was something I couldn't take._

"_Jake!" she screamed herself raw, her voice hoarse as it echoed along the room until darkness enveloped me and I was alone once more, still screaming her name into the darkness, my heart beating a wild tattoo, my blood surging, my own tears coming freely now as desperation overtook me._

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_That set the pattern for me, they way they got to me, broke me. I don't know how long it was before I saw her again; it felt like days but was probably only hours. They brought her to me, dragging her across the cell of the floor by her tangled and bloodied hair. Laughing they chained her away from me again, not close enough to see or touch but close enough to smell and hear. _

_As soon as she came into the room, I could smell the blood, the tears and the scent of something so vile it turned my stomach…her purity was long gone, savagely ripped from her in an instant by those leeches, the scent of their venom, their bodies, all over her._

_I fought my own tears as I listened to hers and spoke gently so as not to alarm her,_

"_Nessie? I'm here baby…are you hurt?"_

"_N, N, No…" she sobbed, "I want to go home…I want mama"_

_My heart split again, as I glimpsed the child I had loved as my own for so long "Soon Nessie, I promise...Edward will come for us"_

"_I hurt so much Jake…they wouldn't stop…they were everywhere…they made me bleed…and they laughed as they took turns…how could anyone do that...how could they be so cruel" she sobbed and I wanted to take the spikes from my collar and stick them through my ears so I didn't have to listen to her pain, to hear her anguished cries in the dark. _

_I didn't know what to say to make it better; I made soft shushing noises, my own eyes growing damp again as I listened to my world crumble. Guilt ate away at me as I listened to her sobs, I couldn't protect her from them. No matter how much I loved her it would never be enough to make up for what they had done and the fact that I hadn't saved her, all her life I had vowed to protect her and keep her safe and happy. The one time she needed me and I failed her in the worse fucking way possible._

_Several times over the next few weeks, this happened, all without explanation, all without telling us what they wanted. Sometimes they would come in with that evil she bitch and torture her, beat her, sometimes it would be worse and I would have to listen to her screams as they defiled her time and again, and she would beg them, plead with them to stop. _

_She would cry out for me to save her, begging me to help her and I would cry with her, rage filling me up to the point where I felt like I was going to explode. Only the thought of leaving her alone in this hellhole prevented my shift. _

_For the most part they left me alone, occasionally allowing the evil she bitch to toy with me but it was more sensory and mental torture. We were given no food, only water and soon Nessie was thirsty, calling out for blood, wanting to hunt. Her eyes would flicker to mine and I could see her breathing in my smell, at first for reassurance that I was still around . But as the days passed there was a more primitive instinct that caused her to smell me, my blood and her savage thirst. Reminding her that I was venomous to leeches would make no difference; she was crippled with thirst, the scent of my blood another slow torture for her too._

_She grew weaker and weaker before my very eyes and I had to accept that maybe we were not going to be rescued and get out of this alive. That maybe this was it for us, our punishment for standing up to the Volturi those years ago, that I, her greatest protector would now have to watch her slow and painful death. It occurred to me that maybe what the evil she bitch had said those weeks ago was true, maybe the Cullen's were all dead. Just the thought alone sent a chill down my spine._

_The last time they took her from me, she didn't scream and cry out for me to help her as she usually did, by now she realized that I couldn't help her, that I had failed to do the one thing I had been put on this earth for. Her resignation and acceptance of the situation wounded me; nearly as badly as her screams of pain and fear._

_It was maybe days before I saw her again and for a while I thought the worst, that they had killed her and that she was gone from me. But just as grief began to overwhelm me, strip me of the will to stay alive and fight, she was back in the cell. Surprised I watched as she walked towards me, strong, tough and as beautiful as ever before._

_As I inhaled deeply, there was something different about her scent; the pain and fear had gone but so had the purity, she smelt like them. She no longer wore her restraints, she moved freely about the room, light from the candle she held dancing in her hands._

_My heart thudded with dread as she stepped closer still and I could see she wore a long red cloak, her shiny bronze curls cascading down her back, a small cruel smile curving her lips which were painted a deep scarlet. I couldn't help it when my eyes followed the motion of her tongue as she licked her lips and I tensed in response. Something wasn't right here. She had left me battered, broken and weak. The Nessie who stood before me now, was a million miles away from that girl._

"_Oh Jake…I've missed you so much" she breathed, her scent drifting over me, sending my pulse soaring and my body weak. Had it really been that long since she'd been taken that I had forgotten the impact she could have on me?_

"_What are you doing? Are you okay? What did they do to you?" I hissed, desperately wanting to reach out and touch her, to reassure myself she would not disappear in a puff of smoke. To be able to feel that she was real after all this time, she was here beside me and not chained across a chasm._

"_I'm wonderful…never felt better but baby…I missed you" she murmured seductively, her voice a little husky, her fingers toying with the golden clasp of the cloak she wore. I stared at her, wanting to believe it was her and that she was all right._

_She looked like Nessie and smelled kinda like Nessie but she wasn't acting like my Nessie, confusion swamped me and I didn't know what was real anymore. My weakened body throbbed and my mind swirled._

_Eyes wide I watched as she tugged at the cloak and in one move, allowed it to drift to the floor. I sucked in a breath as I became aware of two things simultaneously, one she was naked, and two she was aroused. My body responded instantly and she giggled, her eyes devouring me and she bent forward, tracing a long scarlet nail down my chest. What the fuck was going on here?_

"_Take me Jake…I want you…I've waited so long for you to see me like this" she gasped, sliding her hands further south to my stomach._

_I shook my head fighting for control, as the animal in me demanded I take what she was offering but my mind, my heart, continued to ask questions. Why was she here? How was she here? Where were my captors? How did she get away from them? _

"_Nessie, no…they might come back" I managed to get out as her pert breasts brushed my chest as she bent closer still. Her body was chilled against mine and I couldn't help the shudder of reaction._

"_Fuck me Jake…I'm a real woman now" she smiled kissing her way across my body, up the side of my neck. _

_I shuddered and quivered beneath her lips, her touch making me weak as her tongue snaked out and licked the pounding pulse point in my neck. She groaned against me, writhing, rubbing, against me, driving me crazy, distracting me, as the smell of decay slowly started to permeate my senses._

_I sniffed deeply, lost in a haze of sensation at the feel of her mouth against me but instead of the sunshine and purity I expected, she smelt strange now, sickly sweet, cloying. Glancing up, wanting to see the beautiful brown eyes I was expecting, I met a shocking scarlet and fear crystallized inside me._

_I felt the scrape of her fangs against my jugular vein and everything in me went on high alert. Fangs? She didn't have fangs and as she opened her mouth wide to bite me, I pushed her roughly away. She landed in a heap and with a hiss, leapt back at me, her fangs on show, her hands clawing at me. Remembering the fights I'd had with newborn vampires, I felt a surge of dread, for that was my sweet Nessie had succumbed to, she was now a full vampire. There was no trace of her humanity left, she was a full vampire. My hands almost of their own violation wrapped themselves around her tiny fragile pale neck as she struggle against me, trying to bite and claw me. She was going to kill me._

" _Nessie! Stop this…remember who you are, remember who I am" I groaned, still fighting her as her jaws snapped at my neck, she was hissing and spitting furiously._

_Staring into her eyes I tried to find the Nessie I knew and loved and had been made for, but only anger, pain and bloodlust stared back at me. This creature wasn't Nessie, she wasn't the child I had played with, laughed with, loved, adored and nurtured. This was a mindless, soulless killing machine; the girl I had loved with everything in me, was long gone._

"_Nessie please don't make me do this," I pleaded, panting as we struggled, my own body weak from lack of nourishment and hours of torture. My eyes burned with hot tears and the scent of death as I tried to hold her away from me without hurting her._

_She snapped at me, her teeth catching on the skin of my neck, a trickle of blood escaping. Flying into frenzy she fought against me, nails gouging, fangs bared, hisses unlike any I had heard coming from her scarlet lips as her jaws worked, snapping at my face._

"_Please Nessie" I gasped but she was gone, bloodlust had overtaken her._

_Tears burning behind my eyes, I squeezed, increasing the pressure of my hands around her neck, using my strength to twist her neck and I wondered briefly why I wasn't getting any images from her touch. I expected her to try and make me stop, to come back to me, to tell me it was her, she was okay and she was sorry for trying to kill me. There was nothing, just the strangled noises she made. And as I fought to turn her head, a flood of my own memories hit me, running through my brain._

_The first time I held her in my arms as a baby and she looked at me as though I were her world, the sweet weight of her body as she slumbered against me, the scent of her baby powder, her first smile, so sweet it brought tears to my eyes, her first laugh, the first time she said my name, her first steps, the first picture she drew for me, the first time she cried when I had to leave her._

_I could barely see through the tears that poured down my face as I remembered these things. I squeezed the life from her body, twisting her neck sharply until at last with the final memory of her laughter; I heard a sickening crack and a hoarse voice screaming. Long seconds, maybe days, even weeks passed by before I realized and I understood. It was my voice. I fell mind first into a deep black void……………………………………………………_

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I jerked upright, gasping for air, Nessie's name on my lips, my face damp with tears and a thick film of sweat coating my shuddering, trembling, body. Feeling the wolf inside me howling to be free, I sucked in deep breaths and concentrated on slowing my heart rate, the image of Nessie lying dead at my feet still visible in my minds eye.

"I'm sorry Jake…I truly didn't know" Edward said from across the room, his face and body strained. I knew it had been hard for him too, seeing his child subjected to that kind of torment and then death at my hands, the hands of the man who loved her more than life itself.

I said nothing as I continued to shake and gasp, simply looking at him as I fought for control. These were the nightmares I had fought so hard to forget and suppress, the pain was too great, so I had blocked them out, thinking I had witnessed those things, had murdered her with my own two hands.

"You must know Jake…that wasn't her…those things that happened…Nessie was safe here with us the entire time you were gone" he said his voice gentle, calm reassuring but sounding no less stricken.

I felt sick with myself, I had killed her…I had killed Nessie…I imagined for one awful second that this was reality and that I would never again see her beautiful face and hear her sweet laughter in her voice. Pain, like that from my memories, lanced through me, almost buckling my knees as I attempted to stand.

To feel that Nessie was truly gone from me was more than I could bear right now, I couldn't shake off the image of her dead, her head twisted from her body as I descended into screaming madness, the laughter of the Volturi echoing around me.

"You did nothing wrong Jacob…Nessie is safe…Nessie has always been safe…believe that Jake…these nightmares happened but the person you saw was not Nessie…that was not my daughter" he sounded as shaken as I felt.

I shook my head trying to clear it, a wave of sadness dragging me down.

"I can't deal with this now Edward…I need a shower and to clear my thoughts…I can't talk about this" I mumbled, deeply ashamed at the things which had happened in my nightmares, they still felt all too real for me to cope with.

With a long look at Edward I headed upstairs to shower away the sweat, tears and memories. He nodded just once but I knew he understood. I needed to come to terms with what happened to me before I could move on. Because even though I _loved_ Nessie, I could not love Nessie, until I was certain we were safe and she could never be placed in a situation as nightmarish as my memories.


	18. Shower Seen

**So a big thanks to all my reviewers, it's really nice to know that people look forward to this story as much as me…This chapter takes place right after Jake had left Nessie bedroom, it's her version of the "talk", as Jake is down stairs with Edward. Oh and please don't hate me too much at the end…it had to be done (avoids missiles). I would like to send this chapter with thanks for the great reviews to _AliceofTwilight71_ . That said let me know what you_ all_ think, reviews always make me work faster. Love to all. Tink. XX**

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**REN POV**

"Renesmee… just what did you think you were doing?" my mom murmured, looking into my eyes as I fought to avoid her gaze. Jake had left to speak with my father and I was more worried about him than I was about me.

"Nothing…hon-honestly" I stammered around the guilty flush which covered my face.

She raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching slightly as she fought to hold back a smile, "Nothing hmm? Then why did your Uncle Jasper suddenly grab your Aunt Alice and head for the nearest bedroom?"

I tried to suppress a little giggle at the thought, poor uncle Jasper, always so sensitive to the emotions of others.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen this is not a laughing matter" she scolded but then her face softened "…baby you have to be careful… you're not ready for that sort of relationship yet…you're still so young"

My face colored even deeper, I couldn't believe I was even thinking about discussing this with my mom, it was mortifying. "It's not like that mama…honestly"

She shot me a withering look "Please don't lie to me Renesmee…I could hear your heart racing from down stairs and your father could hear exactly what you were thinking loud and clear…I know you think you love Jake-"

"I do love him mom" I put in more angrily than I had intended.

"That may be Nessie… but you are still so young, too young to be thinking about having a relationship like that"

"I'm as old as you and Dad were when you met" I defended, frustrated that nobody was taking my feelings seriously.

"You are only _seven_ years old…I'd lived a lot longer, grew up slowly…Nessie things are different for you…. you haven't had the same life experiences I'd had… you don't know what this means…your world is so small it only consists of this family, the pack and Jake…there is so much more for you to experience, so much more to do and see"

"The only reason I haven't had the same experiences as you and daddy is because you wouldn't let me go to high school… and as for not knowing what it means, I live in a house full of people who have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves… I would have to be blind and deaf to miss what this type of relationship is all about"

"I'm not just talking about _sex, _Nessie, you haven't thought this through…Jake has been through a lot lately and the last thing he needs is you trying to complicate matters…it's not fair to do that to him…he needs time to deal with himself and his own feelings before he has to deal with yours"

"He loves me too mom, I know he does…" there was a slight waver in my voice as I said this and I frowned. What if I was wrong? There had been the whole thing with him not liking to be touched, maybe I had forced him, maybe he hadn't wanted to touch me. Oh god, what if I had just made a complete idiot of myself?

"That may be true Nessie but he's been through so much…your father didn't want me to tell you this but...his dreams…the things they did to him Nessie, the things they made him do…he has a lot of healing to do…we're not saying no to a relationship between you and Jake… but we are saying just not now…give him time please Ness…don't rush into things"

"But I love him… I want to be with him...you know like you and daddy and Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper" I confided in a whisper, my face surely scarlet now "He makes me feel amazing…when he looks at me, it's like there is no one else in the whole wide world apart from us… it's like he was made just for me…and I feel like I was made just for him"

"I Know baby… but he's not healed…if you love him Ness, you have to give him some space, don't invite things neither of you are ready for" she sounded almost frantic in her bid to keep me from acting on my feelings, usually she was so calm and laid back but this was different.

Tilting my head I stared at her, there was something missing, something she was leaving out, something she wasn't telling me.

"What aren't you telling me mom?" suspicion clouded my tone.

"Nothing Nessie" she said with a heavy sigh but I noticed she couldn't meet my eyes again, she was studying my bed spread as she plucked at it nervously," it's just your father and I are worried…I know how easy it is for things to get out of hand, for your feelings to run away with you"

"But I want them to get out of hand" I said and she laughed, ruffling my hair

"What?" I pouted, embarrassed yet slightly annoyed that she thought this funny. This was my life, my future, my happiness and she thought this was amusing?

"You remind me so much of me at your age… always pushing for more…I know how you feel baby, really I do, you have no idea… but you have to let these things develop in their own time…if you push him too far, too fast then you could end up pushing him away and you don't want that do you?"

I shook my head "It's just so hard…he makes me feel things, like I'm not in control of myself, like I just want to crawl inside him and be with him forever…like I could loose myself in him when he smiles at me or touches my hand"

My mom chuckled once more "Nessie, it's highly likely you are immortal…if this is meant then you will be with him forever… there is no rush baby… now can I have your word you will behave around him?"

I grinned; there was no way I was going to promise her that, now that I had an idea he could feel the same. I was going to grab this chance and my Jake, with both hands.

"Renesmee…if you don't promise me this, then he will have to leave… if your father and I cannot trust you to behave, he has to go back to La Push"

My eyes widened and I felt a moment's panic, they couldn't send him away, not when I had just got him back "You wouldn't do that would you?"

"If we felt it was necessary yes…just give it time Nessie…don't be in such a hurry to grow up baby, he will still be there waiting for you when he is back to his normal self…will you give us your promise?"

Realizing I was trapped I nodded, knowing my father was probably listening and hearing my thoughts. I promised to try and be good and resist him but there was a large part of me that worried I couldn't. He was like a drug to me, my own personal brand of heroin. (_couldn't resist it-sorry)_

"Yes mama I will try…is Jake okay? Daddy won't hurt him will he?"

"No Nessie, he just wants to make it clear what we think…now why don't you hop on into the shower, we're all going over to Sam and Emily's to visit with the new baby"

I felt a burst of excitement, my cramps almost forgotten. I hadn't been to La Push for a while and I had missed seeing everyone, chances were if there was baby visiting to be done the rest of the pack would be there too.

"Okay Mama…I'm feeling a lot better anyway…Jake really helped" I confided with another blush.

"Yeah, I bet he did" she smiled and pulled back the blankets to let me out, before reaching over and hugging me close to her in a tight, urgent, squeeze. Wincing a little I hugged her back, surprised at the little tremor that moved through her.

"You know your father and I love you very much don't you?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"I love you more mama…but I love Jake too"

"I know you do sweetheart…we just want you to be safe that's all"

Safe? Was she implying that I wasn't safe around Jake? I opened my mouth to ask her but she pulled back from me and was already on her feet before I could speak.

"Go on now and get showered up…we're leaving in fifteen minutes"

"I'll be quick I promise…Mom will you do something for me?" I grinned shyly and followed her out of the door.

"Sure" she smiled with an inquiring look.

"Will you put your shield up for a little while…I have some thinking to do and I don't want Daddy to hear me…I have to sort some stuff out in my own mind, make sense of my feelings and it's gonna be pretty embarrassing" I stared at my feet, wondering if she knew I meant sex stuff, trying to make sense of what had just happened between us and the amazingly scary feelings that evoked.

She looked at me for a long second and then nodded "Okay…but no funny business Nessie…I mean it"

"I know…thanks Mama" I smiled and kissed her frozen cheeks, my heart feeling a lot lighter as I headed for the bathroom.

I was inside in seconds and locked the door after me before stripping off my clothes, and wrapping myself in a large fluffy towel. Smiling, I noticed the shower was already running. Mom must have turned it one for me, the room filling with fragrant steam. I breathed deeply, it smelt like Jake. He must have been in here before me. My stomach did a little flip flop at the thought he'd been in here recently, and most probably not wearing any clothes. A grin tugged at my mouth, hmm Jake, hmm no clothes, yum.

Approaching the stall, I fiddled trying to knot the towel around me. My heart stuttered to a stop as I realized that the shower wasn't as empty as I had thought. Heart in my mouth, I studied the hazy outline through the slightly frosted glass of the door. Jake was stood with his back to me, the russet of his skin gleaming in the light; as the water coursed along his body, giving me chance to appreciate just how beautiful he was. Yum was immediately forgotten; Jake was more, so much more than that.

The muscles in his back, shoulders and arms shifted and bunched as he soaped himself, his hands working across his jaw in an unfamiliar movement. I stared wondering what he was doing and then it hit me. He was shaving. I had never seen anyone shave except on tv, being vampires my family didn't need to do it.

My stomach clenched and a million butterflies took flight inside me, as he tipped back his head, to reach the underside of his jaw. It just seemed so intimate to be seeing him like this, totally unguarded and unaware of my presence without the barriers he had erected around himself since his return. He moved do gracefully for so big a man, his movements swift and sure, as he stroked the razor sharp blade along his skin.

Unable to help myself, my gaze dropped lower on his body following the progress of the soap as it slid down his perfect form. Fat, fluffy soap bubbles ran down his back, over his tautly sculpted buttocks, down the backs of his powerful thighs, to his muscled calves to pool around his big strong feet. My finger tingled with the urge to trace the path taken by the suds, to feel his slick wet skin under my shaking fingers.

I felt a warm flush spread over my body and I bit my lip in the attempt to stifle the moan in my mouth as he shifted in the shower, still very much unaware of my presence. Staring at his naked body I felt moved beyond words, this beautiful perfect man was going to be mine someday.

Everything about him appealed to me, as though he had been designed to my exacting specifications, from the gleaming pectoral muscles of his chest to the sharply angled edge of his hips bones. Christ those hips bones. He was just so magnificent that my mouth went dry.

I was more than familiar with to the angle of his hips, as I'd stared at them sneakily before but what lay between them was something entirely and beautifully new to me. Fascinated, I gazed at his body; it was unlike anything I had ever seen before. Pictures I had seen in biology books did not do justice to the perfection and beauty of the human male stood before me.

His hips were a shade lighter than the rest of his russet skin, the flesh smooth and hard and all male angles. The water trickled in rivulets over his chest, down to the rippling curves of his abdominal muscles, over the angles of his hips, into the midnight black downy hair below his naval. I wondered briefly what that hair would feel like under my fingers? Would it be as soft as it appeared?

My eyes widened as I took the powerful length of satin and steel between his legs, nestled amongst the darkly curling hair and my curiosity peaked as heat flushed my cheeks. Like I said, biology texts book did not do justice to this vision of Adonis in front of me. I bit back a strangled gasp as he turned towards me, his head lowered, reaching for his towel, giving me a full frontal view. My knees went weak, my vision blurred and I stuffed my knuckles in my mouth, crossing my legs against the ache between my thighs.

**Jake POV**

I groaned slightly enjoying the feel of the hot water pouring over my body, washing away the tenseness, the tears, the nightmare of Nessie's degradation and subsequent death. The hot water seemed to purify me but it could not take away the pain of my nightmares. There was only one cure for that and I had given my word that I would not pursue that cure until I knew we were all safe.

Edward was right. I couldn't give myself to her or expect her to give herself to me, when there was this situation hanging over us, I couldn't expose her to that kind of danger. Although, thinking of Nessie whilst I showered wasn't the best move I'd ever had. I could feel my blood beginning to pulse in that familiar way and toyed with the idea of releasing my frustration, of taking the matter in hand so to speak but I'd never much been one for self-gratification…until recently.

But there seemed something wrong about indulging in a little self-love and using Nessie as my inspiration after what I had just remembered. The images and sounds of her being defiled chased all sexual thoughts from my mind and my mood was somber again. I needed to phase, to run, to connect with my pack and make sense of what I had seen in my memories. I turned the water off and reached out of the stall to grab the towel I needed.

Suddenly a strangled gasp met my ears and I stilled instantly, the noise reaching me over the slowing water and my knees nearly buckled. Nessie. I could smell her in the air. My hands trembled as I slid the shower door open and slowly stuck my head around it, praying for self-control.

"Nessie…what the fuck are you doing in here?" I asked, taking in the sight of her wrapped in towel, her face flushed with heat as the scent of her arousal hit me like a battering ram. I was in deep shit, deep, fucking, shit.

"I, I… I wanted to take a sh- shower," she stuttered , her eyes fixed on my chest as she stepped very deliberately closer.

"Stay where you are" my voice came out harsher than I had meant and her eyes widened just a fraction as Edward's words came back to me. With a flick of my wrist I turned off the shower completely and wrapped the towel around my waist before steeping out slowly.

My heart began to thump double time; she looked so beautiful, so perfect, so alive, a tempting mix of innocence and allure. The vision of her lying dead before me receded to the back of my mind and my blood burned hotly within me.

"Why?" she pouted, pretending a confidence I knew she didn't feel. I could hear her heart racing from where I was; see the fine tremor in her body, the way she toyed with the knot on the towel, the way her fingers shook, the way she licked her lips unconsciously. She really would be the death of me.

"Because this is isn't right…you shouldn't be in here…I don't think of you like that" I lied, each word sticking in my throat.

For a second she faltered but then she stepped forward, my temperature skyrocketing as she fiddled again with the knot at her breasts holding the towel in place. Half of me prayed the towel would hold and the other half was praying it would puddle at her feet and reveal her beauty to me.

"I don't believe you…you love me" she said almost accusingly, but her tiny coral coated toes were curling into the floor and she seemed to have lost her earlier bravado.

"Yeah I love you Ness…but not like that" I growled, hating the look that crossed her face as she stared up at me her eyes wide.

"But what about earlier…in my room...you, you were going to kiss me I know you were, I know you felt it too" she said quietly her eyes beginning to fill with tears. I felt like the worlds biggest to bastard, not to mention to worst imprint for hurting her like this.

"I don't want you like that," I said gently, gritting my teeth against the lie.

"Why not? What's wrong with me? You looked like you wanted to kiss me…I wanted you to kiss me" she confessed hotly.

"Ness…I was just trying to make you feel better…I didn't want to hurt you by saying no…you're still just a little kid to me…I felt sorry for you, I was trying to make you feel better" I bit out, desperately trying to ignore the pain as her tears fell from her eyes, burning into my heart.

She shook her head, her curls bouncing and flying, the tears in her eyes magnifying the golden color as a little half cry escaped her lips.

"I can't believe you would do this to me Jake…I don't need your pity" she cried and span on her heel for the door. I could see the silent sobs shaking her frame as she struggled with the lock and door handle. My heart crumbled as I picked up on her strangled breathing and tears. Suddenly I was back in that cell but this Renesmee was real and hurting and it was within my power to take her pain away like I hadn't been able to in my memories.

"I'm sorry Ness, don't cry over my please…I'm not worth your tears" I murmured fighting a battle within myself to comfort her. The sound and salty tangy scent of her tears reached me in a way her naive seduction attempt could not. Cursing under my breath I started after her, crossing the space between us in only a heartbeat.

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**REN POV**

Mortification flooded me as I stared at Jake, my eyes wide and brimming with tears

"Ness…I was just trying to make you feel better…I didn't want to hurt you by saying no, you're still just a little kid to me I felt sorry for you... I was trying to make you feel better" he said, his tone brusque and brief.

My heart crumbled, all my dreams turning to dust. I had been so certain that he felt the same as me and to hear he didn't, was so painful that for a few seconds I couldn't breathe. Suddenly I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him anymore and I bolted for the door, shuddering as I fought back sobs. I fumbled with the handle, tears close to the surface, my fingers shaking so badly that I couldn't maneuver them properly.

"I can't believe you would do this to me Jake…I don't need your pity" I sniffed as I tugged on the door handle, feeling as though I was going to be overcome with tears at any second.

"I'm sorry Ness, don't cry over my please…I'm not worth your tears" he said quietly, from across the room, his tone gentler this time, more even.

"I know that now! Just leave me alone…I can't believe I made such a fool of myself" I wailed, mortified beyond belief as I got the door open.

Suddenly two hands appeared over mine, slamming it closed again, the skin of my back burning with heat.

"Nessie, please, I can't stand to hear you crying...not over me" he said gently from behind me, his huge hands on the door keeping it closed. He sounded almost more pained than me and I realized it was the closeness thing again. Screwing my eyes shut for a second I was overcome with confusion, I was mortified to have thrown myself at Jake like that and after his rejection my first instinct was to run. But now he was here and so, so close to me, it made rational thinking impossible.

I glanced down and saw the muscles of his tautly corded forearms bunch into fists against the door at either side of my head. Unable to help myself I sucked in a deep shuddering; teary breaths as my stomach flip flopped. That didn't help matters any, a lungful of his delicious unique, sexy as all hell smell, clean from the shower smell, just served to exacerbate matters and my knees went a little weak from his closeness. I gulped audibly and felt the slight stirring of my hair as Jake puffed out a breath. Goose bumps broke out against my skin and my body tingled with electricity, everything in me springing to attention.

"Nessie" he breathed, and I could feel the heat radiating off his body "this is wrong…you're too young" he groaned but I could feel him nuzzle his face into my tangled curls and take a deep breath of his own. My knees threatened to buckle beneath me with the knowledge that he had not said he didn't want me again, just that I was too young.

"No…" I managed to gasp out as I shook my head "I'm all grown up Jake….and I… want you" I confessed shakily in a garbled rush, my face bright pink.

Behind me, Jake groaned, the sexiest sound I had ever heard in my life and suddenly he was against me, the weight of his chest pressing against my back, our bare skin touching for the first time.

"Don't say that Nessie…please" he pleaded, as he pressed me up against the door, his heart hammering in tandem with mine.

Feminine power blossomed inside me, along with need and want "But I do …you make me feel things…amazing, wonderful… scary things" I whispered, wishing he would let me go, not because he was crushing me with his weight but because I wanted to see his face, to see that look in his eye. Most of my embarrassment had fled in the face of my need, his need and I twisted slightly. Instantly the pressure behind me lifted and I felt bereft, glancing to my left and right, his arms were still in place, caging me in. I took a deep breath for courage and trying not to shake too badly I slowly turned to face him.

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**JAKE POV**

I told myself I had only meant to see that she was okay, as she struggled with her tears and the door handle but as soon as I got close, I lost it. I was overwhelmed by the need to be close to her, my imprint, my mate.

"Nessie, please, I can't stand to hear you crying...not over me" I said to her, unable to deal with her pain with my memories so fresh in my mind. Bracing my hands against the door, caging her in, I only wanted to see that she was okay, to comfort her before she left. The urge to comfort her was more for my benefit than hers; I'd felt so powerless before, trapped in my memories that I wanted to do something now.

Then she tilted her head down and gulped…she actually gulped, her heart suddenly picked up speed and her breathing changed, growing deeper and quicker. I felt as though I had been punched in the solar plexus and huffed out a little breath of my own as my body tightened in response to Nessie's primitive action. She had smelled me, my scent had caused hers to go wild. Arousal filtered through my addled brain, _Nessie's_ arousal and not for the first time today.

"Nessie this is wrong…you're too young" I groaned, fighting my own body's primitive instincts. I was always battling myself and beginning to grow tired of denying us both what we wanted, what we needed.

"No… I'm all grown up Jake…. and I… want you" she gasped out in a frantic garbled rush.

I closed my eyes for a second…aw… shit. She really was testing the limits of my control today. The memory of her abuse and death was still so fresh in my mind that if she asked carefully enough I would be able to deny her nothing, do anything to make her happy. I figured I would be safe so long as she didn't ask me directly to kiss her, to touch her. Anything else I could work around but a direct plea, I would be screwed. I groaned.

"Don't say that Nessie…please" I pleaded but couldn't help myself as I closed the scant distance between us and pressed her up against the door. My heart was hammering, my pulse pounding at the feel of her bare skin against mine. Worried I would crush her, I wanted to move again, but my feet would not let me.

"But I do …you make me feel things…amazing, wonderful… scary things" she whispered huskily and my knees nearly buckled. This beautiful, amazing, innocently perfect, woman child, wanted me. I made her feel things, amazing, wonderful, scary things. I wanted to howl at the moon, wanted to rejoice that I could give that to her but there was part of me that feared her feelings. Feared the not so unknown enemy that would be out there, waiting for me, waiting to make my nightmares come true.

She moved suddenly beneath me, twisting slightly and I jumped back as though burned. I didn't need her body adding to the tension of mine, her backside brushing my groin was enough to make me move. My arms still caged her in and I began to shake as she turned slowly towards me.

I gazed in wonder at the scarlet flags of embarrassment on her cheeks first, so vivid against the perfection of her pale skin, the self conscious twist of her lips, her teeth biting gently, the crescents of her eye lashes casting tiny shadows against her cheeks as she stared at her feet again, too scared to look me in the eye.

Telling myself I shouldn't but unable to stop, I reached out a hand and hooked it under her chin, tilting it gently, making her look at me. I knew she would be able to feel my fingers shaking but I didn't care. She gazed up at me, her teeth biting into her plump lip for a second before she released it and I saw the perfect little indentations she'd left behind. I wanted to soothe them with my tongue and I exhaled slowly, unsure what, if anything, my next move would be. Her tawny eyes were wide and limpid as she gazed back at me.

"Please, Jake, please" she implored breathily.

I had to be clear about this, had to give her an out and even though I knew I should be discouraging her, I was helpless against the will of my imprint, my mate. Edward's caution and warning to me forgotten in the face of our combined feelings.

"Please what?" I asked, noting the deep huskiness of my voice, my eyes trained on hers, noting every little flicker, every little nuance that crossed her face. I wanted to be sure, needed to be sure, if was going to do what I thought I was about to do. There could be misunderstandings or recriminations; we already had too much against us. Edward would kill me, slowly and painfully.

Slowly, so slowly she raised her shaking hand to my cheek _"kiss me," _she said inside me and an image of us wrapped in each other's arms appeared in my head. My heart thundered wildly and before I knew it my head was lowering to hers. Just a taste I promised myself, to see if she tasted as beautiful as she looked. My vow to Edward forgotten in the aftermath of my nightmare.

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**REN POV**

I turned around slowly, staring at my feet, more scared than I had ever been in my life, unable to lift my head. I nearly came out of my skin as Jake cupped my chin so gently in his huge hot hand and tilted my face up to his, to find him staring at me as though I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. His fingers where they touched me shook and I was moved that he seemed almost as nervous as me. Jake was always so confidant, so capable, that the knowledge this affected him as much as me unnerved me somewhat and provoked a fresh bout of tears. This time of wonder and love.

The intensity on his face, the look in his eyes made me blush and heat burn brighter inside me. I wanted this, I wanted him, more than I had ever wanted or needed anything in my life. Feeling I would surely die without the touch of his lips against mine, I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I pleaded.

"Please, Jake, Please" I hoped my voice wasn't shaking as badly as the rest of me.

"Please what?" he asked me, well more rumbled than asked, his voice came from deep inside him and the coil of need inside me grew a little tighter, burned a little brighter.

I couldn't bring myself to say the words, too afraid that he would reject me again at the last minute. Instead I communicated with him in the best way I knew how and lifted a shaking hand to his cheek. Concentrating on the way he made me feel I sent him an image of how I wanted us to be.

There we stood, staring at each other, our bodies only connected by our fingers. I watched as Jake's pupils dilated, until his eyes appeared a black as his hair and his head slowly lowered towards mine…………


	19. Captive Bird

**So here it is folks the one you've all been waiting for…I hope it's not too much of an anti climax for some of you but an anon review I received got me thinking and so I re wrote the entire kiss….as always let me know what you think. Lots of Love to all who review and those who are reading silently. MWAH XXX Tink. X**

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_The first time ever I kissed your mouth  
And felt your heart beat close to mine  
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird  
That was there at my command, my love  
That was there at my command._

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**REN POV**

I turned around slowly; staring at my feet, more scared than I had ever been in my life, unable to lift my head. My toes had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the world to me, they were tiny and pink and-

- I nearly came out of my skin as Jake cupped my chin gently in his huge, hot hands and tilted my face up to his. The skin of his palm was faintly rough and smelled raw and earthy like him. As I breathed I inhaled a lungful of his delicious scent and my head span. He was staring at me as though I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen and once I met his probing sable gaze, I couldn't help but stare longingly back.

His fingers where they touched me, shook and I was moved beyond rational thought that he seemed almost as nervous as me. Jake was always so confidant, so capable, so knowing around me, that the knowledge this affected him just as much, unnerved me a little and provoked a fresh rush of tears.

This time they were tears of wonder and love, healing tears and I felt so much emotion inside me, I knew I would burst if he didn't kiss me soon. My heart was racing wildly, fluttering against my rib cage like a butterfly against a window and I wondered for a second if he could hear it. But I knew he could, I could hear his the same way, thundering inside him, furiously pounding, galloping. Did this kiss really mean as much to him as it did to me?

The intensity on his face, the look in his eyes, made me blush and heat scorched my already flushed cheeks. I wanted this, I wanted him, more than I had ever wanted or needed anything in my life. Feeling I would surely die without the touch of his lips against mine, I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I pleaded, my self-respect disappearing in the face of my own need.

"Please, Jake, Please" I only hoped my voice wasn't shaking as badly as the rest of me.

"Please what?" he asked me, well more rumbled than asked; his voice came from deep inside him. The shimmering coil of need between my thighs grew a little tighter, burnt a little brighter.

I couldn't bring myself to say the words, too afraid that he would reject me again at the last minute. Instead I communicated with him in the best way I knew how and lifted a trembling hand to his cheek. Concentrating on the way he made me feel, I sent him an image of how I wanted us to be. Locked in each other's arms, hands joined, mouths joined, two hearts beating a rapid tattoo as one.

There we stood, staring at each other, our bodies only connected by our fingertips, yet I felt more in tune with him than I ever had. I watched, amazed and moved as Jake's pupils dilated, until his eyes appeared as midnight black as his hair and his head slowly lowered towards mine.

Never had I felt so sweetly terrified as his mouth came closer, so close in fact, I could feel the heat of his breath against my trembling lips and my eyelids fluttered helplessly shut at the first hesitant touch of his mouth on mine. My heart stuttered as he pressed his lips to mine just once before he pulled away a fraction, leaving me feeling bereft.

I ached for the sensation of his lips on mine again, they were warm and firm and so soft that I made a new of protest, unable to stop the slight pout. He hadn't retreated far, I could still feel the heat from his skin, feel the slight trembling of the fingers under my chin. Opening my eyes against the tears burning in them, I stared up at him, my one love, the person I cared about most in this life, the best part of me. The urge to touch him again flooded through me and instead of resisting, as I had previously, I gave in.

Trembling I trailed my hand from his cheek, across the softness of his full bottom lip, onto the skin of his neck before letting my hand drop to dangle at my side. The feel of his skin beneath my fingertips was like the softest satin. I couldn't believe anything on Jake's body could be soft but it was. Needing to feel his kiss once more, I couldn't stop myself from swaying towards him, my mouth yearning for his.

Leaning forward, I tilted my face to meet his, rising on my trembling tiptoes as he bent to me and captured my mouth. My breath hitched as I felt the sweet press of his mouth once more. He kissed me gently, tenderly, his mouth sweeping back and forth over mine as though I were the most precious thing in the world. His hands trailed slowly down from my face, onto my neck, stroking the skin of my shoulders, before continuing down my arms, his touch leaving goose bumps in his wake, to fist against the door once more.

I trembled from head to foot, not sure what to do, where to put my hands, only knowing that the feeling of him finally kissing me after all this time was heaven. All those scary, amazing feelings erupted inside of me. I found myself sighing against his mouth, the action parting my lips slightly against his, as my mouth clung to his, capturing this source of unending bliss and holding it close to me. Feeling a little dizzy and off center I grasped the hard muscles of his forearms in my hands. I wasn't surprised when I could not fit my small girlish hands around him, I was barely able to hold on, anchoring myself in this storm of sweetness, as my legs shook and my knees weakened.

When the need for oxygen became too great I reluctantly pulled away, ending our practically platonic kiss, resting my forehead against his, as I sucked in air. We hadn't opened our mouths properly, like my family or the couples in the movies did for the entire time we kissed and the human side of me demanded oxygen. I was embarrassed as I panted and gasped for breath but I couldn't help it. I opened my eyes to see Jake watching me, his eyes were dark and brooding, his breathing somewhat calmer than mine.

"Are you okay?" he breathed, his warm moist breath making my lips tingle to be kissed again. I smiled and nodded, feeling ridiculously shy now, as my finger ghosted up to touch my lips in wonder. I felt buzzed, as though I had received a shock and when I licked my lips, I could taste Jake. Pure undiluted Jake. It was the sweetest taste I had ever known. He groaned, a rumble coming from deep inside his chest.

"Are _you_ okay?" I asked concerned that he was making that strange noise, I had heard him groan before, with pain, or exasperation, or in fun but never ever like that before. My stomach twisted and then flip flopped. It was a bizarre sensation but I discovered that I liked it.

The corner of his mouth kicked up in smile, he was so close that I could almost feel it as well as see it and my heart skittered. I was relieved, he'd seemed so brooding, intense, that for a second I worried that he hadn't enjoyed kissing me.

"Only you could ask me that now…Christ Ness… _I feel_ like I've waited years to do that…but _I don't know_ if I have" he finished and there was an air of sadness around him that hadn't been there before.

I was instantly reminded about what my parents had said to me, maybe they were right, maybe I should have given him more time.

"I'm sorry Jake" I murmured and frowned as he did. I hadn't meant to make him unhappy.

"For me kissing you…do you regret it?" he sounded so insecure and vulnerable that my heart melted and I knew what I had to do.

Gathering my courage in both hands I moved my mouth a fraction of an inch and pressed my lips to his, my hands cupping his face as I kissed him the way he had kissed me. My mouth moved slowly against his, learning the contours of his lips, the shape of them, the feel of them against mine, with just the barest hint of pressure and none of the urgent need that was building inside me.

He hesitated for a brief second, his body held still but I pressed on, until I felt him relax, his mouth moving with mine this time in a simple closed mouth, yet never the less beautiful kiss.

"Never" I whispered against his lips, pressing my forehead to his again, knowing he would feel me "I want this…I want you, I don't care where you've been...you're here now...you're safe with me"

Jake froze, going still and then sighed deeply. His eyes grew stormy and troubled, shutting briefly before he opened them to stare at me. Then with great care and tenderness he removed my hands from where they cupped his face and placed them at my side, before stepping very deliberately back from me.

"Nessie" he began and already I could see the regret on his face, hear the anguish in his tone and my head shook of it's own accord.

"Please don't say it," I mumbled, staring at my feet again, unable to take the rejection I knew was coming as surely as I knew I loved him.

"Nessie, it's not you…it's me" he said the gentleness in his tone almost undoing me.

"Fuck, where've I heard that before?" I cringed, laughing humorlessly, because if I didn't I would break down and cry again. I had spent enough time crying like a baby around him. I wanted to be stronger than that, strong like Mama.

" Don't be like this…I'm not ready for this…for you… I don't want this… it's too much" he confessed and he sounded ashamed.

"I get it Jake, you were doing me a favor right? Well save your favors for someone who needs them" I muttered and span on my heel before I completely embarrassed myself for a third time that day.

"Nessie!" he hissed after me but I ignored him and stomped from the bathroom, fighting the burn in my eyes and heart.

* * *

**Jake POV**

The second my mouth had touched hers I felt as though I had come home, truly home. That here in her arms was where I belonged, that she could me whole again, replace the missing parts I had lost. Hesitantly, briefly I touched my lips to hers. In that scant second I was filled with a love so overwhelming and pure that the animal in me, which always prowled so close to the surface when she was around, receded. Her lips were so silken and soft under mine that it was all I could do to pull away but I was terrified of hurting or scaring her with my need.

My heart kicked up a notch to match the rapid pace of hers, when I heard her soft little sigh of protest as I put space between us. It was the most platonic kiss I had ever given a girl, yet it had shaken me all the way to my core. My body trembled as she lightly trailed her fingers across my skin, tracing the outline of my bottom lip, leaving the taste of her skin on my mouth, her scent marking _me_ out as _hers_.

Amazingly she leant forward at the same time as I leant down and are lips met again in another gentle, tender, soul shattering kiss. She pressed her mouth to mine, seeking it as I sought hers, our lips moving as one, as we learnt about each other in the only way that mattered. She grasped my arms in her tiny delicate hands and I felt the touch deep inside me, her skin cool against the burning heat of mine, the trembling of her fingers, reflecting the trembling of my heart.

This was everything I had ever hoped for but never thought to have. Kissing my Nessie was the culmination of a dream I didn't even know existed until a few days ago but I was certain that I had always loved her, even if I could not remember it, I had loved her.

When she pulled away we were both breathing heavily, our foreheads connecting as we fought for air. She looked so damn beautiful, her face flushed, her lips swollen from our kisses, her eyes heavy and slumberous with the need I knew she too must feel. The warm, fragrant moist air causing her curls to spiral even more out of control and she looked a little wanton, yet still innocent at the same time. Temptation thy name is Nessie.

"Are you okay?" I asked terrified that I may have hurt or shocked her. I couldn't bare the thought of that happening.

I watched as she ran her finger over her mouth in wonder, and then her little pink tongue snaked out to lick her lips, running over the place where mine had just been. She was tasting me on her skin.

I groaned at the unconsciously provocative action and the animal inside me stirred again. It sat up inside me and watched, growling for release, as she tasted me, the way I wanted to taste her.

She looked a little dazed.

"Are _you_ okay?" she asked me in a breathy shaky voice.

I smiled, unable to believe that she was worried about me, always thinking about others my Nessie and my grin widened despite the situation. I wanted to smirk, proud as punch; as little as I heard her heartbeat hammering against her ribs in reaction.

"Only you could ask me that now…Christ Ness _I feel_ like I've waited years to do that…but I don't _know_ if I have" I only realized how true the words were as I spoke them. It still bothered me, that my feelings before now were unknown to me, that I was still a pervert.

"I'm sorry Jake" she murmured and frowned as I did. She looked unhappy. Oh Christ, maybe she regretted it, maybe it wasn't what she hoped, maybe she had only meant it as a friendly gesture.

"For me kissing you…do you regret it?"

Surprise hit me as she cupped my face and sought my mouth again, my Nessie _kissing me. _She pressed herself to me with just a little pressure but already I could feel my need building, these kisses were no longer going to be enough for either of us. The tension between us was palpable and mounting. I hesitated wondering if I should pull back before it was too late but I was helpless to resist the lure of her mouth after all this time. Her lips rubbed against mine, so gentle, so loving that my heart threatened to erupt from inside my chest.

"Never" she whispered against my lips, our foreheads brushing once more "I want this…I want you, I don't care where you've been…you're here now…you're safe with me" she soothed.

I froze, going still, as though a bucket of ice water had been poured over me. That was just it, she didn't know where I had been and why. I had vowed that I would protect her and by indulging in kissing lessons, I wasn't protecting her, only opening her up to more danger. Feeling like I was taking a knife to my own heart I reached up and gently pulled her hands from me, before placing some much needed distance between us. She stared up at me aghast, as realization dawned. How many times would I be have to do this to her? How many different ways would I hurt her before I could be with her?

"Nessie" I began and already I could see her face twist in pain as she picked up on the anguish in my tone and her head shook, once, twice.

"Please don't say it," she mumbled, staring at her feet again, the girl who had blindsided me in the bathroom and kissed me so sweetly, disappearing before my very eyes. A little girl stood in her place once more, uncertain, vulnerable and in pain.

"Nessie, it's not you…it's me" I said gently.

"Fuck where've I heard that before" she snapped laughing humorlessly, bitterly. Okay, so a little girl with a potty mouth. Strangely or maybe not so strangely, hearing the word fuck from her pouty, slightly kiss swollen lips made my body swell and harden.

" Don't be like this…I'm not ready for this…for you… it's too much" I lied, not knowing what else I could say that would put enough distance between us.

"I get it Jake, you were doing me a favor right? Well save your favors for someone who needs them" she muttered and span away, marching from the bathroom.

"Nessie!" I hissed after her but she ignored me and I stood alone fighting the burn in my eyes at the thought that once again I had hurt Nessie, despite my vow to protect her. Fuck. Hoping I would not regret it, I started after her.

* * *

**REN POV  
**

Through my tears I heard Jake in the hallway and pause outside my door, obviously listening for me. He tapped lightly but made no move to enter.

"Go away Jake…I don't want to speak to you right now" I snuffled, knowing I sounded like a petulant child but he had hurt me...again. There was only so many times a girl could be rejected by the love of her life and not feel like a complete idiot.

"Ah Ness, I'm sorry… don't cry over my please, I hate it when you cry" he said quietly, remorse creeping into his voice. That was just it, remorse. He regretted everything we had done.

"I know that now! Just leave me alone…I can't believe I made such a fool of my self again…you think I'd have learnt my lesson the first time," I wailed, burying my face in my pillow that still retained the scent of his hair. I breathed deeply; taking his scent deep into my lungs and that provoked a fresh round of tears.

"Nessie, please, I can't stand to hear you crying… Especially over me…I'm sorry I never meant it," he sounded almost as upset as I felt but I was too hurt to care, to angry that I had given him the chance to reject me again. It was so embarrassing.

"I'll take it from here Jake" I heard my mom say, "You've done enough for now"

"I'm so sorry Bella…I never meant this to happen," he murmured." It's just so complicated"

"I know that Jacob…just give her a little time...why don't you head on over to Sam's without us… I know you must be dying to see the newest member of your pack"

"I can't leave her when she's like this…if she could just understand" he was saying, his own voice sounding thick and I wondered if I imagined the pain in it.

"Not yet Jake, please…Edward says to tell you thank you…he knows what happened and what it has cost you," I heard my Mom whisper and I sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to stem the flow whilst inside my room, I cringed.

My parents knew I'd thrown myself at him and he'd kissed me? This just couldn't get any worse…could it? They knew he had only kissed me because he felt sorry for me, they knew he had to reject me and now they knew things were weird. They knew I was crying over him again? That I was acting like a baby? This was all I needed. I buried my head in the pillow and stifled a scream of frustration.

"I wish…" he said and sounded so wistful, that my heart even ached a little for him. Part of me longed to go to him and comfort him.

"I know Jake, now go on…go and say hello to the baby...I think you two would benefit from a little breathing space right now"

"Maybe you're right Bells, thanks" he muttered.

"Give Sam and Emily our love and tell them we'll visit with them soon"

"I will…tell her I'm sorry…okay?"

I listened, holding my breath as his footsteps disappeared down the hallway and his door slammed.

In the same second my bedroom door swung open and my mom came in, holding out her arms to me.

"Oh mama" I cried and flung myself at her, tears rolling down my cheeks as she wrapped me in her embrace and rocked me gently, as though I were really her six year old child.

"I know baby, it's okay Nessie, it's gonna be okay sweetheart I promise" she soothed but I didn't believe her. Nothing would ever be okay again, I felt as though I had ruined everything between us.

I had thrown myself at my best friend and he didn't want me, I had offered myself to him and he felt sorry for me, pitied me. It was so embarrassing, I wanted to die, to curl up in a little ball and never come out again.

"I feel like such a fool mom...I thought he liked me, I thought he felt the same way as I did" I sobbed against her shoulder.

"Oh Baby…Jake loves you, he just wants what's best for you…he wouldn't hurt you for the world"

"He's best for me mama… but he doesn't want me…it hurts so bad mama" I wailed, a fresh wave of pain pouring over me as I said the words aloud.

"I know baby, I know" she soothed, kissing my brow, stroking my hair, holding me until my sobs abated but the pain was still there, choking me in a grip as icy as my mothers.


	20. As Clear as Water

**Hi everyone, big thank you to all those readers and reviewers out there…guess what? I have been nominated over at the Indies Twific awards for Most Original story line WIP…WOW...little old me…am thrilled and shocked that someone must like me enough to nominate me…big thank you wherever you are…so if you like what you read head on over and vote for me ( I think it's starts on July 7 ish) and check out all the other stories on there too…. Anyway back to the chappie… italics indicate thought conversations between the wolves .....it may appear a little bit off story but there is a reason which should become clear later on…as always drop me a line even if it is just to say hi and don't forget to vote over at theindietwificawardsdotcom. That's it for now. Love Tink. MWAH. X**

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I threw on my sweats and sprinted down the stairs, out of the door and into the forest at the back of the house as though my very life depended on it. Phasing took only a split second now I was used to it and my wolf claimed me quickly, almost without my permission.

Anger and pain fought inside for dominance inside me as I ran, anger that I couldn't take what we both so desperately needed, pain that I had hurt her again. All I ever did lately was hurt her and though I knew I should leave, go away until I was sure she was out of danger and I could figure out what was going on here, I could not bring myself to be away from her.

After all that I had seen in my mind recently, I never wanted to be away from her again. The images of her rape and subsequent death were forever ingrained in my memory, real or not. We seemed to be caught up in a vicious circle of rejection and pain, and after my session with Edward this morning I swore not to hurt her again yet that's exactly what I did.

I became aware of the pack mind as I drew closer to La Push and it was Seth who sent out his sympathies immediately, his compassion and empathy astounding for one so young. The others found the situation highly amusing at first, they watched as I replayed the scene over and over in my mind. I growled at them, feeling the need to pick a fight, with someone anyone, so I could get my ass kicked the way it needed to be, the way I deserved for hurting my Ness.

"_No chance Jake, the mood you're in no one will tangle with you…besides it Emily's homecoming… you really don't want to ruin that do you?"_ Seth's voice reverberated within my head.

"_No, but dammit I need to do something Seth…figure this shit out, I can't keep hurting her like this"_ even if there was no physical sigh, in my wolf form there was a mental one.

"_We're here for you bro,"_ Embry rejoined and this time I felt his sincerity. It couldn't have been much fun for them, picking up on my moods, seeing what I see, feeling what I felt as I fled the Cullen's. The constant lust, the uncertainty the battle against my baser instincts. I was instantly reminded of the quietest Cullen, and how he must feel negotiating my emotional mine field.

As I reached the house I caught site of Seth and Quil, lying supine, under a tree, sheltering from the misty rain. On my approach they got gracefully to their feet and together we loped up the porch steps. I briefly wondered what would happen if someone came by and saw three huge wolves heading indoors and the thought made me smile for a millisecond until Nessie's tear stained face appeared in my mind and I felt a stab of pain.

"Christ Jake, could you give it a rest… this is depressing the shit out of me" Leah said, her own voice angry inside me. I wanted to snarl back at her but then I remembered.

This had to be hard on her, the once love of her life now with her cousin and producing off spring. I glanced about but couldn't see her. I sensed she was nearby but obviously she wasn't ready yet, she wasn't ready to face the future that should have been hers.

The house was a hive of activity, most of the wolves were there in some form or other but I could pick up the scent of the baby easily. Sweet, powdery but with faint undertones of Sam and Emily, it was…nice, comforting and for a little while I could pretend to forget my own troubles.

Emily was seated in huge rocking chair, a tiny pink squirming bundle held in her arms, her smile beatific as she looked down at the child. Behind her Sam stood watching proudly, a big grin splitting his normally stern face. They both just seemed to radiate pride and love, it was almost enough to bring a tear to my eye, I wished I could remember feeling this way about Nessie. Despite my conversations with the Cullens there was still the shadow at the back of my mind that I had felt something improper towards Nessie when she was born.

Looking up at our entry Emily grinned and beckoned us over with a watery smile. On near silent feet I moved in for a closer look, a wolf smile appearing on my own face, my tongue hanging out of the corner of my mouth as I looked down at the tiny baby. There wasn't much to see, as she was all bundled up, only a shock of black hair peeking from under the blanket and a tiny fist waving haphazardly.

Suddenly in my mind's eye I saw another wrapped bundle of pink, in another time, another place, still as small, still as precious, held in the protective of embrace of Barbie vamp. But rather than the affection I expected, I felt a murderous rage, the urge to take the child and kill it, to punish it for what it had done to Bella.

Inside me the memory unraveled and I watched almost as a by stander in my own head, as Blondie shifted the tiny killer to her shoulder, nuzzling her cheek against it's own. Drawn by a force stronger than I had ever known I started forward ready to spring, to rip the thing from her arms with my bare fangs, to sink my claws into it's skin and rip it to shreds. I felt the familiar tremble that marked a shift, start and as though ordered to by my alpha I stepped closer still, my lips drawn back over my teeth.

The thing looked up and its gaze focused on me, so intense that for I second I stared back into its eyes, warm brown eyes, the color of melted chocolate. Everything went silent and still, my attention utterly focused on the child, held by Barbie vamp and I jerked in my own skin as heat blossomed inside me. Pain choked me back as I realized the baby I was looking at was Nessie; I had wanted to kill Nessie?

But then just as quickly my vision changed, blurred and shifted and I was back to reality. As I looked at this tiny child, I felt the familiar floating feeling, as though gravity was shifting and I was no longer tied to the earth. I no longer had an identity, my name, my family, my fear, my joy, my hope, my pain, my future, all gone and there place, a reality, a peace I had never felt before.

Everything in my life now seemed to suddenly make sense. I knew why I had been created, why I was alive. I was here for one reason and one reason only. I was now tied to the small child held gently in Emily's arms. My heart was filled with a love so pure that had I been in my human form I would have shed tears of joy at being this close to this perfect person. It was overwhelming and so very, very pure.

With this thought a second came another just as quickly, I knew this feeling, I knew what I was feeling…Imprinting. Had I just imprinted on Emily's baby?

Panic filled me as I realized what this meant; Nessie was no longer my imprint. Was this even possible? Why had nobody warned me? I was going to hurt her again. I wanted to throw back my head and howl. Pain filled me at the thought that I could no longer love her and would have to leave, leave my pack, my home, my family. It was my only option.

_I_ would not do this to her, I would not do what Sam had done. I could not stand by and allow this to happen. I would make myself do what Sam could not; what he didn't have the strength to do, I would leave. I wanted to reject the imprint, I didn't want to love Emily's child.

It nearly crippled me, nearly brought me to my knees, yet the love I felt would not dissipate, just growing stronger with each furious beat of my heart. Nothing else mattered, I could see no one else only the child who I loved with every fiber of my being.

My heart began to race and my mind span in circles, I was so caught up in my own feelings, I didn't hear the laughter at first, the amused yips, and the low whine of protest.

I turned to my left to see Embry with a very amused glint in his wolfish eyes and then to my right, where Seth stood staring at the child Emily held close to her. He whined and butted against Emily's arm just once, then sat back on his hind legs and waited. For a split second I waited for the jealously I knew would come and the anger, at Seth being so close to my imprint. It had happened before. Nothing. There was nothing there but love. What the fuck did this mean?

"Don't you get it Jake?" Embry laughed in my head, mentally peeing himself.

"This isn't funny Embry…how can I feel like this…I love Nessie…don't I?" I growled, my claws sliding across the floor, as I was about to lunge for his throat. Fuck but this was the thing furthest away from funny.

"Of course you do…which is why Seth isn't trying to rip out your throat for being too close to his imprint"

"_His_ imprint?" I repeated, sounding like an idiot.

"Yep…Seth imprinted on Sams little girl" he chortled some more "This is too funny"

I breathed a sigh of relief and felt as though a massive, crushing weight had lifted from my own shoulders. I wanted to sing and dance, wolf form or not. I could still love Ness.

"Did you feel that too?"

"Every damn thing" he confirmed with a laugh "Christ Jake, I thought you were about to throw yourself over a cliff"

"This isn't funny, I thought I was going to have to leave"

"You're not doing anything about it anyway, so why beat yourself up…she'll come around man"

I hoped he was right but with Ness, I never could be sure.

Suddenly curious how this imprinting was different from my own on seeing Nessie as an adult, I tuned in to Seth's thoughts.

"ho-lee crow… would you look at her, she is the most perfect little girl I've ever seen…her tiny nose, her hair… she's amazing…she's so perfect and cute…isn't she the most beautiful baby you've ever seen Jake, isn't she?" he crowed, sounding paternal and proud and though I couldn't see it, I could sense the soppy grin which accompanied it.

"_Yeah Seth, she is a cutie_" I replied as her lids fluttered, revealing dark eyes, locking onto Seth in an instant.

_"See, see how clever she is already, she knows me, she knows I'm here"_ he chuckled, totally smitten with this little girl. Searching his mind I attempted to find some part of the imprint I recognized but apart from the never-ending love and urge to protect there was nothing. Nothing like the all consuming lust and need I often felt, just love, lots and lots of love and pride.

His feelings were as pure for this baby, as mine were lusty for Nessie. A warm glow filled me and I felt a wave of bitter sweetness. This must have been what I felt the first time I imprinted on Nessie, how I must have felt .It was a beautiful primal, paternal feeling, yet I could not remember ever experiencing it on my own. Feeling it through Seth would be the best I could hope for until my memories returned. It pained me that I couldn't remember.

_"You don't need to, you looked at Nessie exactly the same way, with that stupid grin and big dopey eyes_…" Embry snickered, sensing my conflict "You grew a vagina over night"

A strange sense of calm filled me. I had loved her; taken pride in her but never once had felt anything else.

"_I can't wait to see what Sam is going to think of this"_ Embry chuckled and I allowed myself a laugh, I felt much better on so many levels.

Seeing Seth imprint and feeling what he felt had finally silenced the voice inside me, the demon on my shoulder which made me worry that I had been _attracted_ to Nessie since the day she was born, it made me see that all I felt was the same overwhelming love and need to protect.

"_I think it's time we shifted…put Seth out of his misery, think he's gonna bust a gut if he doesn't get a cuddle with her soon_" I said watching the look of blind adoration in his eyes as he stared at the baby.

Embry agreed and when we turned to leave, Seth followed reluctantly, his eyes lingering on the baby, a whine escaping from him.

We shifted quickly and headed back inside. Seth was anxious, he didn't like the feeling of being away from his imprint and I wanted to say how d'ya think I feel but couldn't spoil this for him. Beside I was more than curious to see the look on his human face as he saw the baby again.

If it hadn't been so serious I would have laughed at the stupid, goofy grin that spread across his face as he approached Emily and Sam. His eyes were fixed on the child and full of wonder. He doted on her already and I allowed myself a fully-fledged grin. He was a good kid and would make an even better imprinter; well nobody could make as bad a job of it as me.

"Three, two, one" Embry murmured behind me and I watched as Sam's face changed and become twisted.

"No," he barked out, his body tensing, outrage making him stiff "Tell me you didn't"

Seth looked up apologetically at Sam and offered a sheepish smile, to which Sam reacted with a loud " hell no!"

Emily shifted in her seat, holding the baby closer to her shoulder, who picking up on the tension began to fuss. Seth's face took on a pained look, the baby was out of his line of sight and clearly not happy and I knew first hand the pain he would be experiencing. That familiar gut wrenching, heart aching, nausea, that tore up your insides, a constant niggle like a toothache that would not go away.

"Sam, what is it?" Emily asked gently as she rocked the baby who continued to fret and fuss.

"Seth…he imprinted on Anai" he growled, staring daggers at Seth, trembling slightly. The room went silent, tension growing between us

"Oh…but that's wonderful" Emily murmured and this time smile encompassed Seth too, "I can't think of anyone finer for our little Anasazi".

Seth smiled gratefully at Emily but his eyes were anxiously on the baby whose cries were escalating audibly.

"Could I?" he asked nervously, looking at the baby, anxious, edgy. I knew her cries would feel to him as though they were carving themselves onto his heart.

"Sure" Emily smiled gently and without a second thought held out the baby.

There was not a single person or wolf in that room, who was not aware of the importance of that gesture, of the symbolism. She was placing her trust in Seth, showing that she was willing to share her child with another who loved her just as much. Emily, in accepting the power of the imprint, was granting Seth permission to be in her life, knowing that one-day, he would be the most important person to her, not her parents or any siblings she would have, just him. Even at this tender age, she was giving her daughter up, sharing her love.

Something inside me moved and broke loose, as I took in the look of love on Seth's face as he held the child in his arms, his future mate, the girl he would love in whatever capacity she needed him for the rest of his life. Was this how I had looked the first time I held Nessie? With such pure love and adoration?

Pain, my ever-present reminder of all the fuck ups I had made, coiled though me again at the thought that I was still hurting her. I was trying and failing to protect her from pain, pain that I had caused because I wasn't a strong enough mate for her. I couldn't protect myself and there was uncertainty surrounding whether I could protect her from whatever danger stalked me.

Turning my attention back to the latest member of the wolf pack I watched as the baby stilled in Seth's arms after only a few seconds and gazed up at him with solemnity, her eyes wide as he spoke softly to her in the language of our ancestors.

My throat grew tight with emotion and at that moment I would have given anything to have Nessie with me, to hold her against me, to love her, to tell her I loved her. I wanted to share this with her, to see the light in her eyes when she smiled at me, the dimples in her cheeks when she laughed.

Acute longing filled gnawed at my insides as I watched Seth and the baby bonding. I was dimly aware of Sam prowling in the background growling almost inaudibly to himself, yet he made no move to remove the baby, who was now beginning to doze happily in Seth's arms.

He watched her constantly, unable to take his eyes from her, like a blind man seeing a sunrise for the first time. It really was beautiful to see, so poignant a reminder of what I was missing, putting on hold.

Suddenly I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, and stifled by the presence of my pack, I needed to let loose, and run some more. Crossing the room, I bent and kissed Emily, giving her my congratulations and excusing myself. She smiled and murmured her thanks but her attention was also on Seth and the baby, yet unlike Sam who stared at them intensely she watched with indulgent eyes, almost amused.

Like my arrival at La Push I phased quickly, needing the freedom and immediately became aware of Leah's presence in my mind.

_"How was the happy family?_" she asked me bitterly, I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know the words held a lot of pain.

"_Leah, I know this is hard on you_-" I began as I sniffed the air trying to track my pack mate, running low to the ground following her scent.

"_No Jake you don't know how hard it is…you love Nessie and fuck knows she adores you, always has…but this…I loved him Jake, really loved him and because of a fucking imprint...they were my feelings, my choice"_ she snarled inside my head, "_and now there's a child and everybody expects me to forgive and forget…and I'm not ready to do that yet_"

I groaned internally desperately trying not to think about the child, as I knew she would see my thoughts, see what had happened, see Seth and Anasazi.

"_How could he?_" she cried, only seconds later tormented. Too fucking late. "_How could he do this to me… what is it with the men in my life, always loving someone else more than me…I'm his sister, his fucking sister….I should be his priority not that little bitch_" she lashed out, had she been human there would have been angry tears rolling down her face. I knew Leah had carried some pain but I had underestimated how much.

"_Leah, you know we can't help it, it's involuntary…she's a baby Leah, it isn't her fault_" I reprimanded, my alpha tone springing readily to the surface, ready to protect my pack's imprint's even if I couldn't protect my own.

"N_o it's Sam fucking Ulley's fault_!" she screamed in my head "_Involuntary…have you noticed that it's only the men in out pack who say that…I loved Sam… he was my world, I loved him just as much as you all love your imprints, more so because it was real love, not something forced on me by the fucking universe"_

"_Leah you just don't understand_-" I tried to placate her as I finally located her, prowling anxiously in circles, her head down, as I approached her.

"_Don't tell me I don't fucking understand…I understand well enough to know that you guys use imprinting as a fucking excuse for anything…I don't love Leah anymore so I think I'll screw Emily and say it was the universe not giving me any choice…I can't be with Nessie but I don't want anyone else to have her…it's the imprint…I am so sick of this imprint shit Jake…either be with Nessie or don't but don't fuck around with her anymore…it's unfair…it hurts Jake, you don't know how much it fucking hurts"_ she finished in my head as she let out a long pained howl.

The sound of her pain echoed inside me and I couldn't help but respond with a low howl of my own, taking on everything she felt, adding it to my own angst. Leah was suffering, everyone had thought she was over the whole Sam and Emily thing, but right there as she broke down in front of my eyes, her body shifting to human form and wracked with sobs, I knew she was a long way from over it.

I shifted, pulling on my sweats and gathered her small naked trembling form against my own, stroking a hand though her short gamine hair, murmuring soft words of comfort as she cried against me, all her pain, her bitterness, flowing with her tears.

"It should have been me," she chanted over and over again, sobbing, almost choking on her own pain.

Seeing Leah in this kind of state instantly made me think of Nessie, was this how she had felt only this morning? Twice she had offered herself to me and twice I had rejected her, both times resulting in her tears. Christ, I was a bastard, she must be so confused, so unsure of herself. I would have given anything in the world to be able to just tell her, just tell her that I loved her and that I was protecting her from whatever danger lurked in my past and that I wanted her as much or more than she wanted me. She was still so young yet to understand the depths of my feelings.

As Leah sobs quieted into shuddering breaths she pulled herself away from me looking ashamed and I knew she would see this as weakness. I turned my back as she dressed quickly before she drew her knees up to her chest, and rested her cheek on them.

"I'm sorry…you have enough problems of your own to deal with" she said softly, the voice thick from crying as I turned back to her.

"It's okay…it's nice not to have to think about my own for a little while...though everything does tend to make me think of her " I confessed and she smirked a little at me.

"Pathetic" but there was no malice in her voice.

"You know Seth can't help how he feels Leah…none of us can"

She looked pained and she hit her fist against the floor "I know that really…but I feel as though I have lost everything…first Sam, then Emily- we were always close until this and now Seth too…there is no one just for _me_"

"I wish I could tell you there would be…but none of us really know what will happen"

"Not even your pixie Cullen? I'm so tired Jake…so tired of being known as a bitch, as the one who hates everyone and everyone hates…how many people could live through what I have and still carry on as normal…I'm thinking about leaving La Push"

"What? No, you can't Leah…it would kill your mom and Seth"

She looked at me with one eyebrow raised "I think you and I both know that Seth has other priorities now …maybe it will be for the best, give me chance to clear my head…get to know someone who isn't a supernatural being…give me someone for me, I'm sick of watching everyone else get what I can't"

"Christ Leah…" I stared at her, the pain she felt etched clearly into her features and once more I was reminded of my Nessie.

"Jake, you're beating yourself up again," she chastised. Was I that obvious? "Just be with her Jake put you both out of your misery"

"Are you really leaving?" I enquired ignoring the eye roll at my rapid change of subject. She shrugged lazily, some of her tension gone with her tears.

"Perhaps… I don't know…it's just a little raw at the minute"

"Are you planning on going inside?" I didn't want to event think about how much that would hurt her,

She shook her head, "I don't think so, maybe in a few days…what about you? You going back to Casa Cullen when you're through here?"

I sighed, nodding "Have to, she may hate me right now but I can't stay away from her…besides if she's close by then I know she's protected"

Leah tilted her head studying me, a frown crinkling her face

"Your memories still taking their sweet time coming back? Don't the Cullens know where you've been?"

I flopped back against the grass and stared up at the dark and angry clouds rolling across the sky "Oh they know alright…what they don't know is why" I confessed in a muted whisper.

"Do you?" Leah prodded, when I stared for longer than I intended.

"I don't know…part of me still feels like attacking them all you know…I have this urge-"

"Yeah I've seen all your urges thanks Jake" she chuckled, obviously trying to lighten the tension that had suddenly sprung up around us.

I grinned at her but then the smile fell from my lips "sometimes I don't feel quite in control of myself, like this very…animalistic reaction I have to Ness…it almost doesn't feel like me…it's as though my wolf has taken possession of me…and it worries me Leah…I could hurt her" I confessed in a strained voice.

"Hurt her how?"

I sighed "I want her so bad, that I think I'll go mad if I don't take her…like I'm going to come out of my skin"

Leah snorted "Bet that goes down well with Edward"

I ignored her but she had a valid point, I didn't dare think about what he had seen in my head, I just couldn't face it.

"He saw one of my nightmares…it wasn't pretty…I know he wants to discuss it, he thinks it holds the key to reclaiming my memories"

"And?" she prodded.

Another sigh, Christ I was turning morose "I don't know if I am ready to face all that yet…I don't know if I can deal with what happened to me and where I have been"

"Are you scared?" she taunted but her words were almost gentle.

I paused for long seconds and just listened to the noise of the world around me "Not scared exactly, more... concerned" I chose my words carefully.

Her face twisted "Jake you need to do this, you owe it to yourself, to the pack and to Nessie, to get your memories back, to get you back…if there is something chasing you, we have your back…but we all need to know…we need to be ready"

I knew she was right, I couldn't put this off any longer, whatever was coming for me, the best chance I had to defend myself was to know what I was dealing with and why.

"Promise me Jake, promise you'll talk to Edward…it's not just for you, it's for all of us…_we_ need to be prepared for what's coming"

I gave her a sideways look "Thought you weren't sticking around?"

Her face broke into a grin "If there's a fight coming, then there's nowhere else I'd rather be"

I laughed for the first time in a long time and my mind was made up, this evening when I returned to the Cullen's I would speak to Edward and see what he had discovered. Then and only then would I be able to give myself to my Nessie.


	21. Revelations

**Hey everyone…just want to say a big thanks again to everyone who is still reviewing and letting me know their thoughts…I would like to remind you that I have been nominated at the Indie Twific awards for most original story line and that voting closes at midnight tonight I think…so if you're a fan of Wolves Moon please stop by and vote for me it would make my day to be short listed ;) Anyway here's the latest installment, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. Much Love. Tink. XX**

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The house was silent and still as I let myself in many hours later, I'd spent the rest of the day down in La Push with the guys and we celebrated Anai's arrival with a bonfire. Now at nearly two in the morning I was wiped out, feeling exhausted, physically and emotionally. Being around all those happy, perfect fit imprints had taken it's toll on me and it was all I could do to remain civil and in control of my beast. Deep down I knew it wasn't their fault their imprints had worked out well and that mine hadn't, but dealing with their emotions and my own was so draining.

I winced as the door swung shut, sounding loud in the silence of the house but then I remembered. Creeping around on silent feet was a waste of time given the vampires I lived with possessed enhanced senses similar to my own and no matter how quiet I thought I was being I knew they would hear me, if not smell me. My lips curled in a sardonic sneer at the thought, they didn't smell too good too me either if truth be told, only my Ness, her scent so provocative it could bring me to my knees, literally.

Lost in my thoughts, I came to a stop at the sight of Edward and the cute pixie like one sat on the couch, both watching, obviously waiting for me. I hid a sigh and crossed my arms across my chest, knowing I was about to face the Spanish inquisition. Ignoring their presence as best I could I came into the room and yawning unapologetically, threw myself down on a chair wearily.

"Edward I'm really not up to this tonight...I know you don't have to sleep but I'm still human," I pre-empted pointedly, knowing I was doing it only to rile him. If he wanted to do this then I wasn't about to make it easy for him.

After what happened in the bathroom this morning with Ness and I, there could only be one thing he wanted to talk to me about. My ass was grass and I was bout to pay for my lapse in judgment where Ness was concerned.

"Don't think we don't know that dog… but I don't want to talk about Nessie, I want to speak with you about your nightmares…Alice and I have been talking and we think we may have some answers"

All thoughts of rest and sleep were suddenly erased from my mind and I sat up a little straighter "And?"

They shared a grim look for a second, it was quick but not at normal vampire speed, which told me they meant for me to see it, probably to prepare me for what they were about to say.

"Edward told me today that it was the Volturi who had you…when you were missing and I tried to look for you I couldn't see you because of who you are…but after Edward told me he thought it was the Volturi who captured you…well I have been trying to see them…spent most of the day trying to see them actually and I don't mind telling you Jake, you've given me a bitch of a headache" she said with a grin.

"Pixie is this leading anywhere?" I said barely disguising my irritation, desperate for answers, desperate for something anything which would give me the green light to make things right with Ness, to tell her everything.

"You were right Edward, he is a foul mood," she muttered again at human level, annoying me even further. She could easily have communicated through her thoughts, it seemed she was determined to have fun at my expense.

I glowered at her but waited in silence for her to go as slight tremors moved through me. Breathing deeply I concentrated on something else to calm me. I searched for Nessie's scent but could only detect a faint lingering trace of the evocative smell that was my Nessie. Worry stirred uneasily inside me, where the hell was she?

"Jasper took her hunting with Bella and everyone else…I didn't think she would want to see you just yet and to be honest this is easier when you give it your full attention and you're not thinking about my daughter" he said dryly answering my unspoken question.

"I'm always thinking about your daughter Edward" I grinned wickedly; two could play at this game. He wanted to rile me then I could rile right back, I was just in the mood for this tonight, maybe he would give me the ass kicking I deserved and I could take out all my anger and frustration on him, show him who the alpha of this house was.

"Animal" he murmured but he said it with a faint smile.

"If you two have quite finished measuring yourselves" she smirked rolling her eyes "I think I should tell him what I found out"

"Go ahead…there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it anyway"

"I've been watching the Volturi all day and for the most part it was pretty normal, all consuming power, dealing with the daily business, meal times, weather checks yadda yadda…but then something caught my attention…it was Aro and I had a vision…he was asking if Gianna was prepared for her trip yet…that she has to do what he asked of her, since her last attempt failed… he's very angry with her…She's coming here…to Forks and bringing Demetri, Felix and Jane with her…she's coming for you… she is not allowed to fail, if she does she will die"

Chills broke out along my spine and my heart rate increased with fear. Not fear for my own life, but fear for Nessie's and for my pack. I had to go. I had to leave now, while it was safe to do so, to lead them away from Nessie. I would not put her in danger, this had been a mistake to stay here, I had placed her in grave danger because I was too selfish to be away from her. Leaving was now my only option.

"No" Edward snarled, "Don't think just because you leave they would ignore the rest of us…you leaving will slow them down but not for long…you stay"

I shook my head and crossed my arms across my chest again "No fucking way… if you think for one minute I am going to put Nessie in danger by hanging around and waiting for the Volturi to pitch up then you're even more stupid than I thought" I snarled, needing to vent the anger and fear swirling inside me. Edward being immortal and pretty much unbreakable seemed the logical choice.

"It won't work dog…if you leave now think what it will do to Nessie"

I grimaced, gritting my teeth I knew he would play this card, the guilt trip "I know it would hurt her but she would be safe, that's all that matters"

Alice rolled her eyes and made a sound of exasperation "Did you not hear what he said Jake, they won't care that you're not here…they'll hurt her anyway, maybe even take her in your place" she said.

I flinched and could not stop the low growl, which rumbled from inside me at the thought they would harm Nessie and that I would fail to protect her again.

"I'm not subjecting her to them…to Jane…you and I both know what she can do"

"Jane's not the one you need to worry about" Edward and Alice spoke together, making me jump a little.

I looked at Edward, had he forgotten the agony she could inflict? Had he forgotten what I had seen them do to Nessie?

"No Jake I have not… but with Bella here there isn't a problem…we are not concerned about Jane…it's Gianna…she's the one" Edward explained as though he were talking to a five year old.

"What the fuck is so bad about a secretary?"

There was a long silence as Edward and Alice appeared to be communicating, their beautiful features perfectly composed, not showing any emotion. After a few seconds I cleared my throat to remind them I was still here.

"Gianna has been changed"

"So she's a leech, you've dealt with them before, we kicked their asses then and we will do it again and it's not even the whole guard…no biggie" I started to feel more confident, perhaps I wouldn't need to leave after all. Perhaps I could stay and this would finally be resolved. This would be a walk in the fucking park.

"No Jake, she's more, so much more than that, she's part of the Volturi now and the Volturi only keep people around if their gift is useful to them…Gianna has a gift" Edward said gravely.

"I still don't see the problem"

"Exactly" Alice put in with a rueful grin. I stared at her, clenching my jaw against the growl inside me, still not understanding, why the fuck couldn't she just come out with it?

"Alice can't see what Gianna's gift is… we only know the Volturi is relying on her to eradicate you, your pack and …us" Edward said slowly, almost as though he did not want to speak the words out loud.

"We'll turn their biggest ally into their greatest enemy…neutralize the threat of the Cullens and the shifters" she said her voice sounding as though it was coming from far away.

I shivered again, it was the pixie's voice but at the same time it was deeper, more mature, deeper, no trace of the bell like sound I associated with her, it was almost male. It sounded eerie and once again I worried for Nessie and my pack, the rest of the Cullen's could take care of themselves.

"How long?" I ground out between my teeth, a stronger tremor moving through me now, my wolf prowling under the surface of my skin, demanding to be let out.

Alice shrugged delicately and I could see she wasn't happy about what she was about to say, her delicately elfin features pulled into a frown "I don't know exactly…weeks maybe a month…they are still so unclear…I can't be sure… they are waiting for something"

"Well try to be fucking sure," I growled, feeling my fangs descend a little in anger, my primal instincts coming to the fore with the urge to protect my imprint. In that moment I felt more animal than man and I knew they sensed it too. Their body language changed minutely from relaxed to defensive in a split second.

She hissed at me in response "As soon as I know…you'll know"

"I have to go…I can't be here…I can't put her through this…Ness has to be my priority"

"How many times can I say this Black before you understand…that is exactly why you can't leave…if you want to protect her then you need to face this head on, make a stand with us…you can't run away"

I growled deep in my throat and bared my now prominent fangs in anger, as I jumped to my feet "I am not running away leech…I am trying to protect Nessie, can't you see that?"

"And can't you see that won't change anything" Alice said calmly "They are coming for you… for all of us…they don't expect to fail"

"So what do we do?" I was pleased my voice did not betray the panic and turmoil that was beginning to spread through me, just the white-hot anger as I thought about Nessie being in danger.

"We wait…until we know more and then we deal with it" Edward said with calm equal to my own anger.

"That's it? We wait? That's the master plan? What about Nessie? Can't we send her away…get her away from here?"

Alice shook her head "They want her too…they would only come after her"

"So we sit and do nothing…Unfuckingbelieveable…" I snarled punching the wall, leaving a large angry tear on the back of my hand and a dent in the wall. I stared it and made a mental note to apologize to Esme later.

Edward watched me still exuding calm and more than anything I wanted to punch him, to fracture his facade, make him feel the pain I felt when I thought about someone harming Nessie, I wanted to pound him.

"I wouldn't advise you try it dog," he said dryly.

"How can you be so fucking calm? Do you know what they did to me, what they'll do to her? You do remember my nightmares Cullen... the ones where they rape and torture her before I end up killing her" I yelled.

I watched a look of pain cross Alice's features and I realized he must have kept some of the finer details of my dream from her.

"They won't get the chance… but there is nothing we can do until their plan is more concrete…until they decide we can't know anything…we don't know what they want but if I know Aro there will be something" Edward spat bitterly his voice as venomous as his blood.

"What about the others, Bella and my pack, do you plan on telling them?" I asked as I paced, running my fingers through my hair, trying to think, to take in everything the pixie was telling me and all that it implied. I had to make sure Ness was safe, she was my priority now, maybe I could get the pack to smuggle her out, to get her to safety while I stayed her to deal with the Volturi.

He shook his head with a low hiss " Forget it dog Ness stays here…as for the others they should know what's coming, what they are dealing with"

"And Nessie?" I whispered coming to a standstill before him.

He shook his head vehemently "I don't want her to worry…she is still very young, she isn't mature enough to deal with this-"

"Bullshit! You can't keep this from her, she's a grown woman Edward" I protested, she had to know, had to be part of this.

As much as I wanted to carry her off and protect her if that wasn't an option then she deserved as much as a chance as anyone at seeing off this threat. I'd had enough of lying to her, hiding my feelings, hiding our reality from her, she was a grown woman now whether he liked it or not.

" But she's still a child, my child" he snapped his calm exterior slipping to reveal his own fear, his own worries. Gone was Mr. Cool, Mr. Rational, Mr. in Control and in his place stood a father, a worried, tormented father.

"She has a right to know what's going on…we can't keep her in the dark about this Edward…you can expect her to be able to protect herself if she doesn't know what's coming for her, she's old enough" I argued back.

Surely he could see I was right. I loved Nessie as much as him, maybe even more so and the thought of putting her in danger made me feel physically sick but at the same time, her best defense was knowledge of what she was dealing with.

"He's right Edward…Nessie will be okay with this …I've seen it…she's more grown up than you realize…she can handle this Edward," the pixie rejoined, coming to stand at my side in a show of solidarity

"No!" he snarled, hissing the word "Not yet…not until we know more"

"By then it could be too late Edward…you have to tell her" she said more gently.

"She's still too young Alice" his voice was a little desperate, almost a plea, his face a bitter twisted mask and for a second I got a glimpse of the predator within him. It was then I knew, he would do anything to protect his child just as I would do anything to protect my mate but he was scared.

" The Pixie is right Edward…we don't have to tell her everything but we should tell her enough so that she is aware" I said prepared to compromise and offered Alice a genuine smile.

It felt good to have someone on my side. She beamed back, almost blinding me with the brightness of her pearly white teeth. He sighed and nodded briefly at human speed. I was surprised by how quickly he had conceded; where Nessie was concerned he was apt to be a stubborn ass. He glanced at me with a grimace.

"I heard that"

I smiled "I meant you to…tonight?"

He shook his head "She'll be tired after her hunt, and it's getting late… we'll call a meeting in the morning, invite the wolves and everyone can be told together"

I nodded in agreement, almost glad that something was going to happen which would take the focus away the kiss Nessie and I had shared. Nessie.

Pain curled itself around my heart as I remembered what had gone between us. It felt like forever since this morning, since I had seen her beautiful smile, touched her lips against mine. I missed her desperately, the pull of my imprint now stronger than ever since I had not seen her in almost twenty-four hours. I hoped she wasn't still upset, that she wasn't blaming herself, that she wasn't hurting as badly as I was.

"You did the right thing" Edward said answering my unspoken thoughts "She will be okay…she'll forgive you"

I only hoped he was right but there was something else troubling me now, niggling at the back of my mind, a question I did not dare think to ask, for fear of reprisals. A question I shouldn't ask but it burned inside me anyway.

"Just ask Jake…I already know what you want," he said with a small yet slightly irritated smile on his face.

"Then why should I even bother asking assward?" this mind reading trick of his really pissed me off sometimes.

"He just likes to make you sweat…. kind of a revenge thing I think" Bella laughed as she appeared in the room with us and was drawn immediately to Edwards side where they shared a lingering kiss, their arms wrapping around each other in perfect synchronization.

My eyes searched for Nessie and disappointment rampaged through me when I couldn't even locate her scent.

"What's got Jake looking so anxious?" she asked Edward, sighing as she leant against him. Sometimes watching those two was sickening. It reminded me of everything I wanted yet hovered just out of reach.

"He wants to know if he can tell Nessie how he really feels"

The smile vanished instantly from Bella's face "Why? Edward what's happened, why would he need to tell her now?"

Edward touched her cheek in a reassuring gesture "Bella love…nothing has happened yet but I believe we are expecting company in the coming weeks"

"And he aint talking about the Denali's" I growled, thinking of that sick twisted little bitch Jane and then what would happen if she got within two feet of me again.

"The Volturi" it wasn't a question.

"Not all of them, just Jane, Felix, Demetri and Gianna…they don't want her to fail again"

"Again?" a look of bewilderment crossed her delicate features and I realized he hadn't shared what had happened in my nightmares with her. I was grateful, the last thing Bella needed was the mental images of that happening to her daughter.

"They are coming for Jake…for all of us…we don't know how and we don't know when but…soon we think" Alice chimed in sounding so calm I wondered how she did it, maybe being with the zombie like one had rubbed off on her.

"Jake wants to tell Nessie how he feels now, tell her about the imprint, in case he doesn't get the chance later" Edward explained to Bella, his eyes on her, as mine were, gauging her reaction.

She looked at me and a frown tugged at her mouth "I'm sorry Jake but I'm not sure that's a good idea…the way you keep blowing hot and cold, though we understand it, she doesn't and it's confusing her…to tell her how you feel now will only make that confusion worse and you'll end up hurting her even more"

I nodded, expecting that kind of response, feeling guilty for hurting her, making her this tormented. I understood where Bella was coming from but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"Let me guess…give her time right?" I muttered sardonically and Bella looked at me with a soft smile.

"I'm sorry Jake, I know this is tough on you-"

"Actually Bella, no you don't, nobody can understand the pain of not being with their imprint unless you are a wolf" I was a little irritated with everyone's condescension, assuming they knew how we felt, when only wolves could truly understand the pain, the desolation, the pain of knowing you were hurting your mate.

"Jake" Edward said cuttingly "We love Nessie and like you, she is our priority… only want what is best for her and this _thing_ between you needs time to right itself"

I nodded not really listening I had heard it all before, time, wait, not ready to deal, not ready to understand, too young. It all passed over my head and once again I found myself exhausted. I glanced at the clock, it was the early hours of the morning and if the pack were coming for a visit I would need to be ready and waiting. I'd enough for one night, like I'd said when I came in, I am only human and exhaustion was creeping up on me again. I made my choice and without saying anything else I headed toward the stairs.

"Nessie has gone to bed, please don't disturb her Jake" Edward's voice came from behind me. I could not see the point in staying to argue with Edward and Bella, they were her parents and would do what they thought right no matter how much it hurt her or me.

I wondered if Nessie was okay, if the hunt had done her good, had distracted her from the pain of our brief but amazing kisses. Her scent grew stronger as I climbed the stairs and I felt it calling out to me, wrapping itself around me, seducing me.

I stopped outside her door and listened intently to the sound of her heart racing, was she awake I wondered? Her breathing was not even and I realized she probably was awake, maybe even reading, as she liked to do in the evenings.

It took all my self-control not to push open the door and peek inside. Having my mate, my imprint so close and yet further away than ever tormented me, burned me like nothing else and I pressed my hand to the door, my arm flexing ready to push should my brain give the command. I stood there my hand against the wood, my head bowed, eyes closed, resting against the door, wishing it were her skin, my fingers splayed and slightly bent. I jumped back startled, as the door was yanked open from the inside.

Nessie stood proudly in the open doorway, illuminated by the moonlight as it shone through her window. My heart kicked up a notch and my guts clenched as I took in the gentle curves of her body, highlighted by the light shining behind her.

My eyes traveled up her body slowly, from the minute perfection of her feet and toes, to the graceful length of her bare legs. I felt my eyes caress the dip and curve of her hips hinted at under her red silk nightdress, they drifted across her beautiful breasts which peeked though the lace covering and slid up the slender column of her neck to meet her stunning face… her mouth twisted in the most furious scowl she could muster.

It was like my body had suddenly been doused in cold water, all lustful thoughts leaving me at the sight of her anger. She braced a hand on her hip and tilted her head to glare at me. Nessie wasn't just mad at me she was furious.

"What do you want Jake?" she sniped, her eyes spitting fire at me, her bronze curls shimmering like satin down her shoulders.

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish; she was so magnificent even furious and ready to kill, she was so beautiful that she stopped my breath.

"I, I, I" I gaped like a fuckin idiot.

The little minx had the audacity to look pleased with herself, a smug grin tugging at her full lips, as she crossed her arms under her chest and tapped her foot impatiently. I tried desperately not look at the way her arms pushed the creamy globes of her breasts up and together, so that they jostled for space and almost called my name, begging me to reach out and touch them. Fighting to keep my eyes on her face I tried for coherence again, and failed miserably, all that came from my mouth was strangled moan.

"Well spit it out, I'm tired" she snapped as my eyes dipped below her collarbone again and I felt all the blood in my body begin to head south. Damn it.

"Hey Dog! I'm up here" she bit out though I could see her eyes were amused as she struggled for composure, her cheeks began to color a delicate pink. I realized she was embarrassed by my blatant staring and was instantly chagrined.

"I'm sorry," I blurted feeling like a small boy, caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You always are" she was unmoved by my impassioned words, all two of em, shit.

"Ness" I whined, though still trying to sound manly and not like a twelve year old "Please don't be like that…if there is anything I can do to you, I mean for you... to make it up to you" I said stumbling over the words, feeling heat building inside me.

My wolf wasn't far under my skin; I could sense it prowling, demanding to be unleashed, to be free to mate as I took in her mouthwatering scent, heard the increase in her heart, watched as her eyes warmed.

Her face softened for a fraction of a second and I thought she was actually going to laugh but then the light left her eyes and she looked sad, so unbearably sad that I took an instinctive step towards her to comfort her.

Quickly she held her hand palm up to keep me away but it connected with my bare chest as she attempted to push me back.

"Hold it right there buster" she snarled and I swallowed at the feel of her tiny fragile, delicate hand against my bare, heated skin. It stopped me dead, all the air ripped from my lungs.

Inside me, my heart beat a little faster and more blood pooled, altering the fit of my sweats rapidly. I watched fascinated, unable to look away, as her pupils dilated and her breathing altered, become more rapid. The action doing amazing things to her breasts, as they quivered and shuddered beneath the lace of the nightgown. I hid a grin of my own. She was as affected by my nearness as I was by hers.

Despite the fact we were going around in circles, as I had sworn to keep my hands to myself, my body and Nessie's for that matter had other ideas it seemed. Slowly so as not to alarm her I reached up and covered her hand with my own, pressing her palm flat against my chest, feeling hers tremble against my heart. She looked down where our hands touched and then back up to me, a look of confusion in her eyes.

"Jake? Why do you keep doing this? You push me away and then reel me back again…why Jake, why?" she whispered and I could hear her uncertainty, her confusion, her pain. I couldn't bare the thought that this would never happen between us.

"Nessie…I'm so sorry, more sorry than you'll ever know about this morning"

A look of hurt flashed across her face and she tugged at her hand mutinously. I gripped harder knowing I wouldn't hurt her but refusing to let her go. I enjoyed her touch too much. This was what I needed, what I wanted, what I couldn't have.

"Let me finish" I chided softly, steadfastly holding on.

She glared at me again and I wanted to laugh, except I knew this would hurt her and I'd done that enough times since my return.

"I'm sorry I hurt you…I'm sorry that I made you cry… I'm sorry that I keep hurting you, confusing you… I'm sorry that things aren't simple the way they used to be between us and most of all I'm sorry that I have to keep doing this… but I'm not sorry for kissing you, for holding you"

She stared up at me mute, the sheen of tears sparkling in them like diamonds "I don't understand Jake," she breathed, frustrated but I could see the hope flare briefly in her eyes, making them glow.

I nodded, my eyes closing once against the beauty of hers before they opened again quickly "I know and I'm sorry Nessie but for now this is the way it has to be…there is so much I want to tell you, so much you need to know, so much I want to share with you…but not now, not yet"

"Then when?" she cried plaintively, her fingers biting into the skin of my chest and heat curled inside me in response. I loved the feel of her touching me, so did my animal. Mine. I stamped down on the possessive thoughts as they appeared.

"Soon Ness, I promise soon…I know I don't have the right to ask after everything I have done but I want you to do something for me"

"Anything" she vowed immediately and I knew in that instant she had forgiven me. I don't think she ever really had a choice, the imprint was designed to keep us together forever and maybe part of that meant never staying mad at the other for long. It was too physically and emotionally painful to stand for too long.

"I want you, no, I need you to stop doing this," I said as gently as possible, knowing if this wasn't handled right I could hurt her all over again.

Her eyes widened innocently as she stared up at me, looking suddenly so young despite the provocative nightgown she wore. I made a mental note to thank pixie vamp one day, no doubt she was the one responsible for Nessie even having this in her closet. I'd never been in one but I didn't doubt this delectable scrap of material came from some very exclusive and high-end boutique.

"Doing what?" she asked flexing her fingers once more, her nails biting into me. I barely suppressed a shudder in response as desire took over me. My wolf howled and demanded to be free, to sink it's fangs into her neck, to bite down on her and make her his own, to claim her as his mate. I tempered the thought, knowing somewhere Edward was most probably listening; though why he hadn't come charging up the stairs ready to kill, was beyond me.

"Doing this…tempting me" I gritted out, as she pressed a little closer, a small grin tugging at her lips, her scent enveloping me, making me light headed. My body was rigid in reaction to the proximity of hers, every single inch of me was…rigid and I prayed Nessie was not close enough to notice.

"I…tempt you?" she looked absurdly pleased by this notion and a radiant smile broke out across her face warming me even more, as I nodded tersely.

"More than you know" I got out harshly, my hand cupping hers, learning its shape, feeling the increase in her trembles as I tangled our fingers, entwining them. My body responded instantly and my breathing grew heavier. Her mere presence, her scent was like a drug calling to me, affecting me like nothing else ever had or ever would. She had been made for me and me for her, nothing could ever be more right than this.

Bending down to her I pressed my forehead against hers, breathing raggedly, both of us taking greedy gulps of the air we shared. My other hand cupped the back of her head, feeling her hair run like silk though my fingers.

"Please Ness, please…don't do this to me…I can't give you what you want…and that isn't fair on either of us…your parents they will send me back to La Push and I can't be away from you...not now.... not again when I have just found you…please Ness" I begged, knowing my voice was an octave deeper, and shook a little with the depth of emotion I felt.

Her other hand moved to touch my face; it was shaking as badly as mine. I found myself seeing images of us entwined on her bed, our bodies heaving together, our limbs curled tightly around each other, our hearts and mouths joined as we moved as one. I knew what she wanted but I also knew she didn't understand what she was inviting and how hard it would be for us to stop.

The erotic images crowded my brain and sent more blood to my throbbing hardness. Before I could do something that would land us both in hot water, I pulled back and pressed a searing kiss to her forehead, my lips feeling singed where they touched her skin. I released her hand and stepped away abruptly, jerkily. She gazed up at me; eyes wide and slightly dazed but made no further move to touch me.

"You should get some rest," I chided, looking pointedly over her shoulder at the bed. Shit! Nessie. Bed. Laid out. Calling for me. Wearing nothing but a smile. Oh holy fuck. I was so dead.

"Black!" I heard a warning growl from the floor below me and knew that Edward was listening.

A grin pulled at my mouth and despite the impending battle I knew was coming, I felt settled and happy in myself once more. Nessie and I had made up as best we could for now. I had kept my word but also managed to confess some of my feelings. At the same time I hadn't hurt Nessie by denying what was between us. Maybe I was getting the hang of this imprint stuff again, if what I'm told is true, I had always made such a good job of it in the past. But that was then and this was now, Nessie was no longer a child to be placated. She was a young woman with a woman's needs, problem was she didn't understand what that meant.

She dimpled, seeming happier too, now that things were only slightly clearer than mud between us.

I yawned stepped further back from her doorway, determinedly trying to ignore the way her nipples were now pebbled against the lace of her nightgown. "You better get some rest Ness, and I'm beat…I'll see you for breakfast?"

I knew if I was forgiven, she would cook me something.

She graced me with a smile and nodded just once; stepping back from the door "Night Jake" she said softly and turned going back into her room, closing the door behind her.

"G'Night Ness" I said into the dark and turned to my own room, exhaustion claming within minutes and I slept, deeply and peacefully, no nightmares to disturb my slumber.


	22. One Word

**Thanks so much for the reviews you guys really made me smile with some of your comments…So I have written Nessie's POV of the last chapter but I thought it was too similar to Jake's so am not gonna post it…however if you want to read it send me a review or pm with your email and I will send it to you…you don't need to read it to understand this chapter…. Oh and this may be my last update for a few weeks as I am off to Disney World in two weeks and I have an essay due in for my course so posting may fall behind. It just blows my mind that I will be in the same country (sort of- I know Vancouver is Canada- not in America) as the Eclipse cast when they filming SQUEE…. Anyway let me know what you think. Love Tink. XXX**

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The bitter wind whipped past my ears as I ran on, not feeling the icy bite of it against my skin like humans did. My heart was pounding in time with my feet as I glanced quickly over my shoulder, the action speeding up my heart and my strides. I was breathless but not from the exertion. It was the anticipation. He was following me, chasing me, hunting me down. A thrill rippled through me as he gained on me easily. I sprinted faster, determined I wasn't about to make this easy for him, my stomach flipping with excitement as his low growl reached my ears.

I made out the dense forest ahead as I zigzagged this way and that, sure footed and steady, determined. A nervous, excited, giggle escaped my throat as I suddenly darted behind a tree and held my breath. He'd never find me here; he would expect me to run right on to home, as I had done so many times before.

Statue like, I heard him pass by, the rhythmic beat of his heart, his unaltered breathing as he sped up his steps. Then everything was silent. Holding my breath I peeked around the tree and prepared to run back the way I had come. All was still, silent, as I peeked first left, then right and then -

"Gotcha Red" Jake appeared before me, his amazing mouth curved into a predatory grin as he stalked closer to me, so graceful, so dangerously beautiful.

Giggling breathlessly I stepped back as he advanced on me. I jumped a little as my back came into contact with the abrasive bark on the tree.

"I'm not scared of the big bad wolf," I teased, loving the wicked gleam in his eyes as he came closer still. So close that I could smell his deliciously tempting earthy scent, feel the scorching heat from his skin, hear the thumping of his heart.

"You should be little girl, didn't your mama ever warn you what happened to little girls that go into the woods alone" he breathed staring down at me through his sinfully long sooty lashes.

I grinned again, my knees a little weak from the unusually husky timber of his voice as it shivered across the skin below my ear as when leaned into to whisper to me.

"As I remember it, she kicks the wolves ass" I sassed unable to help the smirk or the feeling of acute longing that blossomed inside me being this close to him.

"Not before he bites her" he husked, licking his lips, his eyes heavy and possessive where they met mine. I could see his fangs begin to erupt from his gum, their pearly whiteness glinting in the near darkness. Oh dear god. I felt those strange feelings beginning in the pit of my stomach again and I shifted from one foot to the other, restless.

"B-bites her?" I stammered a hot flush coming to my cheeks as I took in the double meaning of his words.

He nodded slowly and reached out a hand to touch my cheek, so seductive, so dark "Every tasty inch of her, starting with her lips"

His voice made me shiver despite the furnace like heat coming from his skin as he lowered his head to mine, claiming savage possession of my mouth. Ho-lee crap. My mind went blank, I couldn't think, couldn't breathe as his mouth met mine. Hot. Wet and so very hungry that it left me shaking.

I could feel the softness of is lips against mine, the rough texture of his tongue as it swept inside. I moaned into his mouth and clutched at the strength of his massive forearms to keep me up right, as sensation after sensation overwhelmed me. This was what I had waited so long for, waited for Jake to take me, to kiss me and I crushed myself against him, needing to feel the heat and hardness of his body against mine. The sound of his growl sent liquid heat pooling between my thighs and I whimpered.

"Ness" he groaned against my mouth "Nessie there is something I need to tell you" he breathed as he kissed his way along my jaw to the sweet spot just below my ear.

"What Jake, what is it?" I panted, coming unraveled at the feeling of his lips teasing me, feeling a little wild and out of control. I was addicted to the feeling of his lips on my skin, my legs trembled and I pressed myself closer to his body, my breasts crushed against his wide chest, desperate to take away the ache inside me.

"You need to get your ass out of bed Ness or I'm turning the hose on you" he growled, laughing wickedly at the hurt expression on my face as I pulled away from him. I. What? What did he say?

Stunned, I stared at him as he and the forest around us began to fade away like the light from a dying flame. I blinked, squinting trying to see around the sudden burst of light and when I opened my eyes again I found myself lying in bed, my breath coming in rapid pants and my body on fire with need. Daylight poured through the window, dazzling me for a second and I shut my eyes quickly.

"Renesmee, I will come in there and get you" there was a booming voice, accompanied by the not so gentle sound of a fist thudding against my door.

"Emmett, please don't damage my paint job…she's awake now" I heard my mother's gentle voice call up the stairs, her amusement tangible.

I sat up in bed, struggling for air. It had been a dream? Disappointment moved in me but it wasn't enough to chase away the last vestiges of the burning need.

"Nessie?" he was sounding impatient now and I wondered why my most laid back and lighthearted uncle was hammering at me door, demanding I get up.

"I'm coming Uncle Emmett" I snarled a little pissed that in fact this was not the case. Then I stilled. Where the hell had that thought come from?

As I spoke I got a whiff of what all the excitement must be about. Wolves. Plural. Not just one but the pretty much the whole pack if my sense of smell would be believed. I could just about pick out the low buzz of conversation coming from the floors below me, the muted growls and snarls and the soothing pleasant tones of my grandmother.

There was something amiss here, rarely if ever did the pack congregate here. Jake. My first thought was something had happened to Jake. But as I hurriedly threw on my clothes I heard his loud guffaw as he shared a "joke" with my Aunt Rose. I allowed a smile of my own as she threatened to castrate him with a pair of kitchen shears and he chuckled, unconcerned as my grandmother admonished her.

By the time I reached the kitchen where most of the noise was coming from, I felt a little more relaxed though very curious as to why the wolves were here.

"Good morning Renesmee" My mom smiled weakly, I noticed my father place a comforting hand on hers and grip gently. She squeezed back and then smiled at me again.

"What's all this about?" I nodded to the wolves that were assembled around the table, all eating furiously, my eyes seeking Jakes. He caught my gaze and smiled gently at me, my stomach fluttering wildly as I thought about my dream and the touch of his mouth hot and wet against my skin. My father coughed and looked at me pointedly, his mocking eyes taking in the faint flush on my skin.

"There has been a development…we think we know where Jake was and why he was taken…Alice and your father want talk to us about it…all of us" my mom said gently brushing a stray curl from my face.

"Even these mutts, hell, we will never get the smell out now," Rosalie muttered acidicly, glaring in their direction.

"Rose" My grandfather cautioned and looked pointedly toward the table, where the wolves were assembled "Shall we?"

Together mom, my dad, grandparents and I took our places around the table as we exchanged grim smiles with the wolves. Sam had the grace to look uncomfortable, Seth pained and I wondered what was wrong with him. Seth was normally so bouncy and smiley, he was such a good guy and I wondered what could have possibly happened to take away his smile. Leah looked annoyed as usual, as though she was inhaling an unpleasant smell and I supposed being surrounded by my family she was. Quil and Embry grinned at me around mouthfuls of rare steak, Jared and Paul merely nodded in greeting, they were always the most intense wolves, so quiet it was often hard to tell what they thought, well unless you were my dad.

I smiled at Jake again as I took the vacant seat beside him and his scent tickled my nose, making me feel faint yet energized at the same time. Instantly I was reminded of my dream and felt more heat flood into my already flushed face.

He winked and grinned but there was a pain, a distance in his eyes that hadn't been there before. Instantly concerned I frowned at him, putting my hand on his with an inquiring look.

Gently, discreetly, he flipped our hands o his was one top and he squeezed it, stroking his thumb across the back of my hand. I hoped he could not feel the Goosebumps, which followed his touch. The corner of his mouth kicked up a little, and I knew he could. I tried to catch his eye, though he remained looking around the table, almost not acknowledging my presence beside him.

I was aware of my parent's eyes on us and my father frowned. Remembering what Jake had sent about being sent away, I slipped my hand from beneath his and placed it in my lap feeling the loss of his touch instantly.

As the buzz of conversation slipped away, my father took a breath and prepared to speak. Unsure why, my heart began to pound, I knew I was about to hear something that could change my life, and I was scared. More scared than I could admit. I had to remember what Rose had said to me yesterday when she comforted me. I had to be strong. I had to be a woman, not a little girl, an equal, a partner. I had to grow a set. Jake was alpha. I wanted to be his mate. He deserved someone strong and capable who could be by his side, not constantly whining and whimpering after him. My father's eyes flashed and he turned his glare on Rose who met his gaze head on with a casual shrug and a smirk.

Clearing his throat he began speaking in his soft melodic voice, though his words were no less terrifying in spite of this.

"I've called you all here today because we have discovered some information regarding Jake's recent where abouts…He was, we believe, held by the Volturi"

My blood turned to ice in my veins as I heard the word that as a child had been for me like the bogeyman. As a half vampire, half human there was very little that instilled fear into me, but the Volturi and their earlier attempt to destroy me was something that still gave me chills.

I could remember the fight between Rose and Emmett when as a little girl, he had told me if I wasn't a good girl and finished my mountain lion, the Volturi would get me. He thought it was funny, Jake, Rose and my parents had not. I had nightmares for a week and would only sleep if my wolf was at my feet. My father's irritated growl jerked my back to the present and I shuddered a little.

Glancing around the table I saw that the others reaction was the same as mine, the wolves made various growling sounds in their chests, their body language changing in an instinctual need to protect. Beside me I felt Jake grow tense and sensed how hard this must be to listen to. This was his past and I knew things had happened to him, dark things I couldn't possibly know about.

"We all know what this means…if they let him go, there was a reason for it…Alice has seen them, they are coming…coming for Jake but also for my family…" he said, clasping my mothers hand, his face grim.

My heart fluttered wildly, not with love this time but with a flicker of fear, the icy cold hand of dread taking hold of me.

"When?" Sam barked out the word, his entire frame trembling and I suddenly feel the tension in the room begin to abate. My uncle Jasper took on a pained look, but I knew this was his doing. The waves of calm he sent out made me feel a little drowsy, as though I wanted to just drift away but I couldn't give in to that feeling, I needed to see this through, for my family for Jake.

"Weeks, a month maybe…they want Jake but they seek to destroy anyone that stands in their way"

"Is it all of them?" I asked feeling an icy finger of dread as I pictured the entire guard and their wives, all dressed in red cloaks. The knowledge that I could loose Jake was more terrifying than the fact I was in danger too.

"Just Gianna, Felix, Demetri and" my father hesitated, his eyes flicking to Jake "Jane"

Beside me Jake shuddered and I wondered what happened to call forth this reaction by the mention of her name. There were things in his past I knew I was not privy to, there were things everyone kept from me, for my own good. This was one of those things.

"They want Jake… but they will try and take down whoever stops them"

Panic engulfed me and I sucked in deep breaths, I couldn't loose him or my family. It was as if my nightmares had returned to haunt me and my life as I knew it, was going to be over. Shaking I looked at my mother who sat on my other side, gripping my hand so tightly that I felt the pinch. I loved my family so much and now they would be in danger again. But I loved Jake too and I had to do something I had to protect them. I had to lead them away from here, lead them away from my family. I had to leave, to make Jake leave with me, to keep him safe, take him somewhere they would never find him.

"You want to what?" My father said incredulously, staring at me and I jumped, I had been so lost in my ruminations that I had forgotten his powers.

I cleared my throat nervously and tried to speak "I want to leave…I want to go to" I floundered, trying to think of the safest place; a place where they wouldn't be able to track him and suddenly it hit me. The most obvious place to go would also be the last place they would look "La Push"

Even as said the words, I knew there would be a backlash but it suddenly seemed to make sense to me. Demetri would not be able to find Jake nor I amongst so many wolves.

"No! No way!" My father and Jake spoke at the same time, both tensing as they spoke, glaring at me with identical expressions. If the situation had not been so serious I would have smiled.

"It makes sense…I'll be safer there…they won't be able to track Jake or I because of all the other wolves…if we stay hidden we should give you time to deal with them…to… stop them" I couldn't bare the thought of anyone being killed, of losing my family, my friends.

My father shook his head but I pressed on as though he had not moved "Daddy if the Volturi are coming here that is because they expect Jake to be here with us, they think we will try to protect him here, they would not think to look there…Aunt Alice if we go to La Push will they still come here looking for us?"

I glanced at my tiny aunt and watched her beautiful features contort in concentration, across the table I felt my father watching her thoughts, his own face twisted in a grimace.

After the longest minutes of my life she sighed "I, I think so?" she sounded quite unsure and disappointment flared in me. It was unusual for my littlest aunt to be so uncertain.

"You just think so?" Sam growled in disbelief and I knew immediately he was concerned for his own family, his pack. But couldn't he see that we were all in danger?

"It's hard for me to see around all you ah…wolves," she said choosing her words carefully. "But it is their intention to come here, not to La Push…what Nessie says makes sense, it will confuse them, slow them down if Jake is not here…it may just give us the time we need…please remember that they want to use Jake to harm us, all of us but until we know what they really are up to…this would make the most sense"

I smiled gratefully if not tremulously but my smile faded when I heard my father's next words

" That may be so, and Jake should go to La Push but there is no need for Nessie to go…. Renesmee we can protect you here…there is no need to go anywhere" My father said from between clenched teeth.

"Edward is right Ness" Jake said from beside me and I could not help feeling betrayed. I had assumed he would be on my side, that he would want me to be with him.

"What how can you even say that?" I turned to him, anger permeating my voice.

"You are better of here, where everyone can protect you…in La Push you would be totally exposed…Besides I am the one they want, being around me will only put you in danger"

"Hiding in plain sight Jake…they won't be able to find either of us, you wouldn't hurt me…you had the chance already and you didn't"

"How can you be sure Ness?" he sounded desperate like a man on the edge and it occurred to me then that maybe he was afraid for me as I was for him. Warmth shimmered through me.

"It makes sense…if Alice has such a hard time seeing us, I think that Demetri would have just a hard time tracking us…especially if there are other wolves around, it will just confuse them…slow them down and give everyone a chance to stop them…besides I don't know I want to be here when they arrive,"

"And what about Gianna?" My father asked Jake. I looked from one to the other watching, as they seemed to hold some kind of internal conversation.

"Gianna?" I echoed, frowning.

"Gianna was a human who worked for the Volturi before you were born…she has been changed…she has a gift, a very powerful gift the Volturi are relying on to help her destroy us…the problem is we do not know what that gift is…we cannot know what their plan is until they put it into practice"

"All the more reason for Jake and I to leave…La Push is not that far away…if you need to get there quickly you can…but I think this is the best chance for everyone"

Across the table Sam frowned "If it is true they are looking for you…then coming to La Push will only endanger us all"

I felt a spurt of anger towards Sam. But then remembered that he had a newborn daughter, and it was natural he would want to protect his family in the same way I wanted to protect mine.

"You're in danger anyway…they want Jake…not me I would be a bonus right?" I asked my father. He nodded gravely.

"If they want Jake, you don't think they would go after his pack to get to him anyway? Besides Alice has already told us, this is where they will come first"

"This goes against everything in me as a mother but I think she is right Edward…we were prepared to trust Jake with her life once before…why not now?" she said gently.

"You know why" he hissed and a look passed between them.

That piqued my interest, why would my father not trust Jake to take care of me? Once more I was struck with the feeling there was more going on here than I was being told. I hated the thought that my family, my parents and more importantly Jake was keeping things from me.

"Edward this isn't about that anymore…this about keeping Nessie and Jake safe…you know he will take care of her, he has to" Aunt Alice chimed in with her lilting voice confusing me more.

My father glared at Jake clearly trying to read his thoughts "I'll keep her safe Edward" Jake replied almost hesitantly, as though he didn't really want to speak, didn't want to admit that my idea was a good one.

"It's for the best Edward…we can deal with the …problem…and then when it's safe Nessie can come home to us," My mom said with a smile though everyone could see it was forced.

"So that's it…you're just gonna allow her to disappear with the dog…not a second thought? What happens when he has to phase and patrol or if he gets hurt or even better killed…who will protect her then?" Rose snarled and I felt a pang deep inside at the thought of my Jake killed or injured.

Seth spoke for the first time "We all will Rosalie…you better than anyone should know that she's one of our own and has been since birth…we protect our own" he spoke in his usual quiet voice but there was an edge to it, an almost alpha like quality which had not been there before. His face remained somber.

Once more I was left with more questions than answers, everyone was being so cryptic, so careful about what they said around me.

"I know you all think I'm being a bitch but this is Nessie we're talking about…can we really just let her leave our protection when there is this threat hanging over us?" her voice softened slightly as she looked at me.

"Bella can shield her… and if she's in La Push, she will be that much harder to track…I think it is the best option she's got" Alice put in.

"I want to go to La Push…I can't stand the thought of staying here and if something went wrong and you were killed…I couldn't watch you all die…at least if something does go wrong, we can get away, far away where they can't find us" I explained past the clog of emotion in my throat. I loved all my family dearly and didn't want to leave but I wanted them to be safe, wanted Jake to be safe and I would do whatever it took.

"I want to go to La Push…if you'll have me" I said softly looking at Jake. The vulnerable expression on his face took me by surprise, as did the look of pain in his eyes. I was filled with the urge to comfort him, to reassure him that everything was going to be all right.

It felt like an eternity as I waited for Jake's response, after all despite the need I had to protect my family, it didn't make much sense going somewhere I was not wanted.

My father growled "Not alone"

Jake's eyes fell to the table, looking almost guilty, as I heard a sigh and I wondered what my father had seen in their thoughts.

"I'll stay with them…when Jake has to patrol I'll stay with Nessie" Leah spoke for the first time, her face twisted in a grimace like she did not relish the task. Jake shot her a look of gratitude and her lips flickered into one of the first genuine smiles I'd seen, the look they shared made an odd feeling stir inside me and I felt an irrational spurt of dislike towards her. He looked away from her and then back to me, our eyes meeting, he looked…resigned to his fate.

Hope flared inside my heart but I had yet to hear Jake's affirmation.

"Well Jake, do you want me?" I asked softly, unable to tear my eyes from him. It was as though everyone around us had disappeared.

I was unaware of the low hiss my father made, nor of the restraining hand my mother laid on his to prevent him rising up. All I could focus on was Jake, and pained expression on his face. He closed his eyes as though in prayer and when he opened them, they shone brightly; with the same look I had seen in my dream. Awareness curled inside me as he said only one word but it was enough.

"Yes"


	23. Silence isn't golden

**I was so thrilled by the reviews for the last chapter and am sorry I haven't been able to send Nessie POV from the last chapter to those want it, there are too many words to do as message and I don't know another way to send unless you want to PM me your email and I will do it that way…Anyway here is another update because all you lovely people made me smile with some of your comments. Enjoy. Love Tink. And you know the drill let me know what you think, please? Pretty Please.? XXX**

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Several hours later I threw open my closet and began rummaging around, needing something to do to take my mind off the fact I was leaving the only home I had ever known. Uncertain what I would need for my stay in La Push I stopped, hands on hips, mystified as seconds later sweaters, shirts, and pants sailed past my head and I jumped, startled.

"You can thank me later" My littlest Aunt tinkled, folding things into a large red holdall. I felt a warm surge of affection for her and bizarrely, homesickness, even though I had not yet left.

"Alice, I am doing the right thing?" I asked, suddenly uncertain that I was making the right choice. Despite my vow to be an equal to Jake, to be stronger, I was still so unsure, there were so many things swirling around in my head.

She picked up a hoodie and folded it over her arm, her eyes down cast and her face serious. It troubled me, that she seemed pained, her normal spark, her endless energy, muted.

"You are…it will be tough Ness but you are doing the right thing…when the Volturi get here they won't stop to ask questions, it's better that your not around"

I shuddered once more the image of the red cloaks swirling inside my head as Alice pulled out my tennis shoes and slid them into the bag with a sad smile.

"What no stilettos?" I smiled trying to lighten the somber mood in the room.

"Tennis shoes are easier to run in," she said softly and that was when I knew. Just because I was going to La Push didn't mean I was safe, my future wasn't certain and my heart was heavy with the knowledge. I wanted to do something; I couldn't just sit around while everyone else took care of me. I wanted to learn to defend myself, I wanted to learn to fight.

"Oh"

"Still try to look on the bright side…you get to spend some "quality" time with Jake" she waggled her eyebrows and I pretended not to know what she was on about, ignoring the blush which colored my cheeks.

"And Leah" and I could no more help the resentment in my tone than the anger.

"Oh sweetie, Leah is just there to keep you both safe, think of her as an extra pair of eyes"

" Or hands …I know," I mumbled flinging a shirt into the bag with more power than I realized as it slid across the bed.

We were silent for a while as Alice worked her magic in my closet discarding everything I didn't need. I used the opportunity to mull over the discussion we'd had, there were things I still felt excluded from, things between Jake and my parents. Things about me, I was certain of it.

"You may as well ask me now and save yourself all the emotional knots" she smiled as she stopped packing to look at me.

"What's going on between my parents and Jake?" I blurted before I could think better of it.

She sighed and flopped down onto the bed, signaling for me to come sit with her. I did so and she took my hand in her tiny cold ones.

"Ness there are things which happened after you are born, things which are very important for you and for Jake but sweetie… it's not my secret to tell"

I knew my face would betray my endless frustration with this situation "But if it concerns me, why won't they tell me?"

"They are only trying to protect you, to give you as much childhood as they can…you've grown so fast Ness that just like when your father wanted your mom to have human experiences, they still want you to have childhood experiences"

"Childhood experiences?"

"Yeah you know, building sandcastles, playing hide and go seek, tea parties with your dolls-"

"All stuff I've done with Jake"

"Exactly but there is still so much to do…you world has always been very insular… you know that until you and your mom came along we all lived through high school time and again… but that's different now you're here…they just want to protect you"

"I understand that… but by protecting me I've missed out too" I admitted softly, I didn't like to criticize my family but it was how I felt.

"Aw honey…we all just want what's best for you, you know that right?"

"I do, I really do but part of the reason I wanted to go to La Push is that it's a place I can have a little more freedom, more adventure, less boundaries"

"Whoa there little lady…not too much adventure I hope…anyway I have a feeling that your stay in La Push is going to be exciting enough" she said with a wink and a chuckle.

"Really?"

She nodded "Really…you deciding to grow up a little has changed things for him…even if he doesn't know it yet" she laughed some more, and I smiled just because I loved the sound of her laughter "and if you are patient all those secrets will come out…but Ness don't push it, you won't like what happens if you do"

"I won't I promise, girl scouts honor" I grinned as Aunt Alice pulled me back to my feet and we continued to ravage my closet.

"You were never a girl scout"

I winked and couldn't help the smile "I know"

* * *

Nessie was coming home with me. To La Push. Where we would be alone. Away from prying eyes and minds. I was so fucked! As my pack left one by one, I could feel the tension in the room rising. Edward clearly was not happy about Nessie's decision to leave and I knew he probably blamed me. But if he hadn't learned by now that Nessie had her own mind then it was his problem, not mine. She was growing more and more each day and getting quite willful with a strong mind of her own, kinda reminded me of Bella. I smiled at the thought but at the back of my mind I was worried.

What if we made the wrong choice? What if the Volturi came not to Forks but to La Push? What if they attacked? What if I couldn't save her? The thought did not bare thinking about; it made me physically ill to think of my life without my imprint.

"She's more than that Jake, so much more than that, she's our daughter too" Edward's voice interrupted my worrying.

" You think I don't know that" I was angry and on edge, the tension in the room, provoking my inner beast.

"What Edward was trying to say Jake is that we love her too and it's hard for us to let her go…to let her go to you" Bella spoke, her voice was kind but her face was sad.

"She'll be home before you know it Bells" though I had to admit, I knew I wasn't going to like it.

"Oh Jacob" she laughed softly "We, all three of us know she won't be coming home again"

I blanched, nausea almost overtaking me, did they mean they expected her to ….die?

"Jake when I spoke of her letting her go, I didn't just mean physically…. she belongs with you now…her place is by your side, we understand that"

What? How? Fuck?

"When she goes to La Push, whatever happens, Bella and I know that when it's all over she won't want to come back to us…. won't want to leave you again…so she's yours now" Edward spoke his voice soft but there was pain in his words, bittersweet pain.

"I…I don't know what to say" it was true for once I was fucking lost for words, the gift they were giving me was unbelievable. They were telling me Nessie would be mine and I would be hers.

Without saying so they were telling me I had their blessing to pursue a relationship with Nessie now that the situation had changed and the Vamps were coming for me. Who knew how much time we would have or what would happen? Should I not try and be happy while I could? But at the same time I wanted to be focused on protecting her and my pack, could I deal with that if my mind was on a relationship with Ness? I couldn't afford any distractions that would put us all in danger.

"You'd better take care of her Jacob Black or Rosalie will be sporting an new but very interesting pair of testicle shaped earrings," Bella threatened but then continued, her features composed in a mask of pain "All we ask is that you love her Jake and make her happy… and if things go wrong here…take her far away and let her know that she was loved, that we loved her more than our own lives"

I felt humbled, despite the fact I had loved Nessie since she was born and she had loved me back, this was the first time I had ever seen the pain it caused Edward and Bella to think about Nessie as belonging with me. What was it Bella had called it, stupid, moronic wolfy claim? I had never questioned the fact that one day she would be mine but I had also never thought what it must cost them to know I was her priority. That was how the imprint worked for us both. She was made for me and me for her. End of story.

"Does it have to be tonight?" Bella questioned softly and I could see what this was doing to her. For the first time since she'd changed, she looked…fragile.

"I think so" Alice spoke from the door way, where she stood grasping a hold all, Nessie hovering just behind her biting her lip looking nervous.

I could see Nessie's face was pale, even as pale as her families and there was a faint sheen of tears in her eyes. My heart ached for her and it was on the tip of my tongue to call the whole thing off, just to leave them all in peace, to draw the Volturi away and deal with them by myself.

"They would kill you Jake" Edward murmured shaking his head in warning. I felt so useless, so powerless to heal the hurt I could see on so many faces in this room. I was supposed to be alpha and there was not one thing I could about this, I had caused this problem.

"No Jake, the Volturi have…. this isn't your fault"

"So I'm all packed" Nessie forced a grin as she came further into the room, to stand with her parents.

"My baby" Bella murmured wrapping her arms around her and clutching her to her.

"Mama, it's not like I'm going to the other side of the world" Nessie tried to make light of it but I could hear the wobble in her voice, the emotion fighting to the surface.

"I know, but I'll miss you, we both will"

Nessie turned her tear filled eyes on her father "Daddy, look after mama for me, you know how she gets"

Edward smiled lopsidedly and ruffled her hair before enfolding in his arms

"You mind your manners young lady and do what Jake and Leah tell you to …they tell to you to run, then you run, they tell you to leave them, then you leave…do you understand?"

She nodded "I'll be home soon, before we know it…you'll keep in touch won't you? Let us know when they get close?"

Edward nodded and placed a kiss to her forehead, letting her go when she stepped away and looked at me expectantly.

"Leah has already gone on ahead, we're staying at Billy's old place, she's there now sprucing it up for us all" I said trying to say something, anything that would lighten the emotion in the room.

I watched as she looked around the room, her eyes going to the door again as the rest of her family appeared, their faces just as still, just as somber.

Rosalie flew to her side, holding her close, stroking her hair from her eyes.

"Make sure you listen to him, he may be a mutt but he loves you and wants to protect you…" she then turned her attention to me "Now listen here dog, you bring her back with so much a hair out of place and I will have your balls as earrings" she snarled across the room.

I chuckled and grinned wickedly "I've heard that one already... Hey Rosalie how do you confuse a blonde? You don't... they're born that way"

Blondie sniffed, her nose poking jauntily in the air as Emmett bellowed out a laugh beside her as he drew Ness into a bone-crushing hug.

"Take care Ness…and don't worry, we got this shit covered" he said cockily.

Nessie nodded, smiling weakly.

Jasper stole her, sweeping her up into a brief but intense hug and I was immediately overcome with waves of calm. Everything was going to be okay. I grinned goofily.

"Ness, don't worry about us, we'll take care of everything, never bet against Alice right?"

"Thanks" she mumbled as her face relaxed, Jasper's gift influencing her.

I watched as Nessie was passed from embrace to embrace, coming to rest between Carlisle and Esme who hugged her tight, murmuring words of comfort into her ear as she shook lightly. Together they walked back to her parents "We'll miss you so much baby…but it won't be forever…we'll be right here waiting for you" Esme crooned and Nessie blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears I knew were no doubt threatening.

"I know" Nessie's voice wobbled more and the ache inside me intensified, as though knives where tearing at my gut.

"Nessie, honey…we need to think about heading out, I want to be there before it gets dark," I said softly, not wanting to cause her any more pain, feeling like a bastard for taking her from her family.

"So soon?" she sounded wistful, glancing at Alice questioningly.

The pixie nodded "better safe than sorry, besides I can see you are going to have a great time…why wait?"

Nessie didn't look convinced, her eyes darting back and forth between her parents and me.

"Alice is right Nessie, you and Jake should head out soon" Edward soothed, wrapping an arm around her slender shoulders, Bella flanking her other side and I heard the catch in her breathing seconds before I smelt her tears.

With a muted sob she turned into her parents embrace, her arms going around Bella's neck as she sniffled, fighting the tears. Alice and the rest of the Cullens rushed to her side and rubbed her back, muttering soothing words of comfort as Edward and Bella held her close. I listened to her tears, wishing there was something I could do to take away her pain.

"Nessie, you don't have to do this honey, you can stay here," I said, the words out of my mouth before I thought better of it.

She spun around and looked at me, almost as though she had forgotten I was there. Her beautiful face was red, blotchy, tear stained and her eyes met mine. I lost myself instantly, drowning in them, feeling need stirring in the pit of my stomach.

I don't know what she saw in my gaze but she shook her head, squared her shoulders and sniffed loudly, inelegantly, making us all smile.

"No, I'm ready…lets do this" her smiled wobbled and she held out a hand to take the bag Alice held.

I was there before her, surprised by the weight of the bag in my palm. I was strong but was easily able to feel the heaviness.

"Ever heard of packing light Ness?" I joked using two hands to hold the bag off the floor as though it was too heavy.

"We need to be prepared for every eventuality," she said with a little sniff. Oh Ness. I felt like a shit and immediately regretted my words.

"That we do," I agreed "Cliff diving, cook outs on the beach, bike racing"

I smirked at the horrified expression on Bella's face, she really should know me better than that "Shit Bells, when did you become such a worry wart, it's not like she's breakable"

"Jacob Black she is still half human"

"And _she_ is still _here_" Nessie muttered with a slight flounce "Besides we gotta have something to pass the time"

I gulped and tried to stop the images invading my mind of all the things I would like to do to her to pass the time. Edward scowled and turned to Bella.

"It's not too late you know, we can still say no" he murmured.

Busted. Ah shit.

"Daddy" Nessie growled and I blinked at her. She sounded so much like a wolf that I felt a surge of pride.

Edward looked at me pointedly "This is your influence Jake"

And I was made up to discover it probably was.

"Guys…I really think you should be on your way" Alice spoke and the room went silent. This was it.

"You ready Ness?" I asked her, gently, not wanting to rush her but at the same time eager to get back to my own land, where I felt marginally more protected. It was nothing against the Cullens, I knew that they would protect me but my pack was in La Push and nothing or no one gave me the same sense of security.

She heaved in a breath, a little shaky, her heart racing but nodded. I turned and headed towards the door, towing along her bag. Once outside I stowed it in the car and held open the door for Ness to climb in. It tugged at my heart how young and vulnerable she looked, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"It'll be okay Nessie…anytime you want to come home, you just say the word and you're here" I whispered though with the vamps hearing I don't really know why I bothered, they could hear everything.

She nodded but didn't speak. I knew she didn't trust herself not to cry again.

With a last long glance at Edward I waited, did he really want me to take her away? Did he know that I loved her more than life itself, that I would fight to the death to protect her? That no one would ever hurt her while I was around? Our eyes met and he nodded, just once sharply and I sent a mental thank you for his trust in me.

Starting the engine I hit the gas and we were off. Glancing in my mirror, I saw Bella wrapped in Edwards arms, the rest of the Cullens gathered around them, watching until we had disappeared from sight.

Then and only then did I turn my attention to Nessie. She was shivering slightly and still chewing on her bottom lip.

"It'll be alright Ness, I promise…think of it as a vacation, you can visit with Emily and the baby, spend some time with Claire and the others" I suggested, my heart aching for her, wishing I could take away her pain.

"Jake if I asked you to do something for me, like you asked me last night…would you?" she tilted her head as she studied me. My heart thudded she looked so fucking adorable when she did that. I clenched my hands on the steering wheel to prevent myself reaching out and touching her.

I blanched; asking Nessie not to tempt me was a moot point now considering we were no longer in her home. Part of me wondered if she was going to ask me to revoke my request and a huge part of me prayed that was the case.

"Yeah" I prayed I was not going to live to regret that answer

"Would you teach me how to fight?"

That was the last thing I expected her to say and for a second I was rendered mute by shock.

"Why in the hell would you want to know how to fight?" it was against all my primitive protective instincts to even think about her fighting.

"Because I want to be prepared for whatever comes our way…I need to be able to protect myself…and the pack,"

I shook my head "Ness no, I will protect you, don't even think that I won't"

She gritted her teeth beside me "God you're just like my father…I want to be able to do my bit, to take care of myself…I want to be able to help Jake…I'm not a little kid anymore"

Fuck, no one knew that more than me. "It's not about that Ness…but it's my job to keep you safe…you don't need to worry about that sort of thing, that's why I was made"

"Don't patronize me" she sniped "If you don't want to help me then I'll find someone who will…I want to be ready when the time comes, I don't want to slow anyone down… to put anyone in danger because I can't take care of myself"

My Nessie, fierce warrior woman. I stifled a laugh. But seriously I was made for her and everything that entailed, including protecting her life with my own. Letting her fight would go against every single instinct I had but at the same time I could see her desire for independence.

There was another issue which concerned me and that was keeping my hands to myself, wrestling with Nessie was not going to help that. I could easily imagine how soft and warm she would be as we grappled, how easy it would be to roll her beneath me and pin her to the floor with the weight of my body. I could almost hear her groans of submission, her soft panting breaths; smell the faint tang of her sweat, feel the soft curves of her body beneath my hardness. I shifted in my seat as all my blood pooled south and altered the fit of my jeans in less than a heartbeat. Fighting with Nessie. Not such a good idea.

"Are you even listening to me?" she huffed, crossing her arms and staring at me expectantly. I felt a faint flush begin to creep up my cheekbones at being caught daydreaming about her.

"Sorry Ness, what was that?"

" I said are you going to help me or not?"

"Not" I grimaced, shifting again as my erection throbbed in time with my heartbeat.

"Fine I'll ask one of the others" she glared ahead at the road.

Jealousy and possession flared to life inside me and I growled, "Leah, Leah will help you". Nobody would touch my Nessie. Mine. She was all mine.

Looking slightly mollified and she nodded "Tomorrow?"

Knowing I wasn't going to win this battle I nodded and turned my attention to the road.

* * *

Jake stared straight ahead, his beautiful face taught, lines of tension in his whole body as he drove, his arms bent at his elbows where they rested on the steering wheel, slightly hunched forward. I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that he wasn't happy about my plans to learn how to fight. Well tough, it was about time I started to take care of myself and if Jacob Black didn't like it he could lump it.

Besides I wanted to show him that I was strong and capable, that I could look after myself, that I could be a partner, an equal not some dumb baby he had to protect and take care off. Part of me had to admit though; there was something that appealed to me about him taking care of me. But when I had asked him to teach me to fight, that part of me was over ruled by the part that wanted to get up close and personal with him again.

Learning to fight would be the perfect excuse to touch without feeling guilty that I was breaking my promise to him. So I was majorly pissed off when he refused, I was even more pissed off when he got his funny look over his face and zoned out. Jake was so male, so masculine, that I knew there would be part of him, that felt like it was his duty to look after me, but I wanted a partnership and wanted to be able to hold my own, protect him and myself.

If Leah was my best bet then I was going to take the opportunity with both hands. So now there was the silence, the kind of silence that made you want to scream. It wasn't pleasurable or companionable, but tense and thick with something I didn't understand.

Shifting restlessly in my seat I cleared my throat, ignoring the tingling inside as I thought about sparring with Jake. He would grab me around the waist and take me to the floor, pining me in place with his big hard body, not let me up so I was helpless beneath him. I imagined his eyes, heavy and intense as he stared down at me, in victory. My heart rate increased and I felt my breathing coming a little quicker. I slanted a furtive glance at Jake to see if he had noticed but he seemed unmoved, only his nostrils flaring slightly as he breathed. Suddenly the air in the car seemed stifling hot and tense. I felt as though there was electricity crackling around us, shooting sparks along my skin, tiny little prickles of energy.

Did he not feel it? His face remained as unchanged as ever. Impassive. I guessed not.

"I can't take this anymore Jake!" I groaned.

"Huh?" he said casually.

"This, the tension…I feel like I am going to come apart at the seems"

He got a strange look on his face as he stared right ahead at the road.

"I know you're mad at me for undermining your wolfy protectiveness because I want to learn to fight for myself but Christ Jake, we're going to be living together...I can't deal with you like this"

"You think I'm mad at you?" he sounded incredulous and it occurred to me in that instant I was maybe wrong.

"Aren't you? You've barely said two words to me all the way here"

He sighed heavily "I'm sorry Ness, really…I'm not angry with you… I just have a lot on my mind that's all…how about a little music?"

I looked at him not sure I bought what he was telling me but nodded anyway, anything to dispell this tension. Apparently silence isn't golden.

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**AN**: So thought I would try this chapter without the obvious POV markers...does it work? Let me know if not and I will pop them back in. Love Tink. XX


	24. No more Miss NiceNess

**La, Another update? Well that's what happens when all you wonderful ladies (probably?) review…the more you do the faster I type and let me tell you Jake and Nessie have some exciting adventures coming up… This chapter is all in Ness POV and I am hoping to post Jake's version later today… Please don't judge anyone too harshly in this chapter, as all will be revealed later. Share your thoughts with me? Love you all. Tink. XX**

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Jake pushed open the door and I followed him silently inside, feeling as though I had come to my second home. I had spent a lot of time here as a child and was always so comforted by the beautiful, intricate native decorations. Knowing there were traditions and cultures older than my family and myself gave me comfort and security but since Jake's disappearance I hadn't spent any time here.

If I was leaving home and facing possible death then at least I was pleased to be somewhere familiar. Beside me I heard Jake sniff loudly as the scent of steak wafted through the house and he grinned, already moving towards the kitchen.

"You cooking Leah?" he called sounding delighted, following his nose. He was such a mutt sometimes, I thought with an indulgent smile, always starving.

"Knew you'd be hungry Jake" she called back laughingly "You're alive"

He chuckled as he carried on walking. I followed, immediately feeling a little like a third wheel, as he entered the kitchen, grinning at Leah, who beamed back. Quickly, moving with wolf like grace, he crossed the room to steal a bit of the bloody steak from the pan, wincing as Leah slapped his hand with her own.

"Hey that hurt," he whined, licking the steak juice from his fingers. My eyes followed his fingers, greedily as he put them to his mouth, my stomach clenching as he lightly sucked on them. It wasn't the hardest stretch to imagine his beautifully sculpted lips sucking on me and I trembled a little.

"It was meant to Black...hey Nessie" she added almost as an afterthought, turning to smile at me.

"Hi" I managed to get out, my eyes still fixed on Jake's lips, fascinated as his tongue stole out to catch a droplet of juice that had escaped and was trickling down his thick middle finger. Heat blossomed inside me, turning into that little ache which was becoming more and more familiar the more time I spent around him.

"Ness I put you in Jake's old room, thought you would be more comfortable…Jake you're in Billy's room and I'm gonna take the couch when I'm here" she said as she turned the steak, and adjusted the heat as it sizzled.

"Thanks" I murmured, feeling like a nervous outsider. This was ridiculous. I hated the feeling of insecurity that whirled around inside me, taunting me.

"You want steak Ness?" Jake asked me reaching out towards the pan again, moving his hand rapidly with a smirk as Leah lifted her own to strike.

I shook my head, my appetite deserting me, in the face of their blatant camaraderie. Though I knew they had been friends before, I was still surprised at this bond, the familiarity, the closeness they now seemed to share.

"You should you know, you won't get many chances to hunt on the rez…I know you dislike human food but for now it's all we got"

"Maybe later…I'm a little tired, so I would like to put away my things?" it was both a request and an attempting at reminding him I was here.

"Oh sure…you know where my room is" he stated sitting himself down at the table with a deep sigh. Shocked and hurting, I managed to nod before I turned and fled the room, anger and pain warring inside of me.

Why was he treating me this way? Treating me as though I didn't exist, as though I were an outsider here. Fury simmered inside me and where once I would have found refuge in tears, I was determined to not to let my feelings show. I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction. However this did not prevent me stomping belligerently into the room that was to be mine for the next few weeks.

Jake's room was exactly like I remembered only much, much tidier. His desk still situated under the window, his television and DVD player in tact if very dust free. I smiled as I remembered how the now tidy pile of DVD's would have been scattered haphazardly across the table. The little Mermaid, Snow White, High School Musical, Harry Potter, and my personal favorite Beauty and the Beast, all of them reflecting my influence on his life. But it went both ways. As a little girl, before I'd understood what the feelings were, I'd had a massive crush on the beast; there was just something so wild and untamed about him that I loved. Even then my penchant for dark and hairy had been obvious for all to see.

Unable to stop myself moved my gaze to the bed, which took up most of the room. It was a king size. Obviously Jake was a big guy but I remembered then even then his feet could dangle over the end unless he slept on an angle. The black and red bed linen looked to be freshly pressed and, I stroked my hand across it absentmindedly as I studied the rest of his room. Something about this place seemed different. It was too clean. Too organized. Too….

Leah.

I knew instantly she had been in here cleaning up and it angered me. Jake was mine, she had no business in his room, in his personal space. I glanced about; looking for the old sweats and baggy shirts that usually littered the floor. Instead there were clean surfaces everywhere I looked. Dropping my bag I reached out for the rustic picture frame beside his bed, smiling despite my anger and pain.

Jake smiled at the camera, with me wrapped around his body, grinning cheekily over his shoulder, aged three looking more like a ten year old. He was my best friend but things just seemed so complicated between us, would it ever be simple again?

He was sending me such mixed messages, he wanted me, he didn't want me, I tempted him, he ignored me. Setting the picture aside I curled up on my side on Jakes bed, inhaling deeply, disappointed when only the smell of laundry detergent reached me. I felt lonely, abandoned. Despite the reasons why I was here there was a large part of me which had expected Jake would change his mind about being with me the second we got back on his own territory.

I imagined that he would confess his true feelings to me but instead he didn't seem bothered at all by the fact I was here with him. I lay there for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts, put together a plan. Decide what I wanted to do. I had already told him I wanted to know how fight. We both had strengths and weaknesses. There was only so much he could teach me, after all he was a wolf and I was a vampire. But then who better to teach me how to defeat my own kind, than those equipped and designed by nature to destroy us.

Sighing I reluctantly got up and began to unpack the holdall, shirts, check, jeans, check, sweats, check, tennis shoes, check, lacy lingerie… lacy lingerie? I stared at the gossamer soft panties and bra's, the delicate lacy under things almost making me blush. A note pinned to a fine lace Cami top read:

_"Just in case you need them. Love A. XX"_

I smiled at the same time as I flushed, the implications of her note sinking in. Had she seen that I would need them? Would I get what I wanted after all? Grinning in anticipation I hurried to put away the rest of my things, stashed the toiletries in the bathroom and headed back down the stairs at past human speed.

As I got closer to the kitchen I could hear whispered, hushed voices talking and as my heart began to speed up, my steps deliberately slowed down. I felt a knife twist inside my gut when I came to the doorway of the kitchen and saw Leah wrapped in Jake's arms, his chin resting a top of her head, her arms around his waist, she was totally relaxed against him. Horrified I watched as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

"You need to tell her Jake and soon" she said softly looking up at him, her fingers tangling in the long tresses of his hair, as she tugged playfully.

My heart froze inside me as Jake nodded, giving her waist a squeeze "I know Leah but I can't, not just yet…it would kill her to know that I've been lying to her all this time, I can't do that to her, not now, not like this"

I stuffed my hand in my mouth to muffle the cry of pain inside me and dropped back against the wall, so they would not see me. Jake and Leah? I was struck blind and deaf with the agony of his betrayal. All this time I'd thought he'd wanted me, but he was with Leah.

I couldn't hear anything except the sound of my pulse roaring in my ears. It drowned out all noise except the rapid burst of my poor heart as it stuttered back into motion. I felt sick and disgusted, the burn of ready tears prickling my eyes. My first instinct was demand he take me home, run crying to mama and never set eyes on him again. Blinking away the sting Aunt Rosie's words came back to me.

I couldn't run away like a little girl, I wouldn't show him how much he was hurting me. Besides he had instantly looked more at peace since we had arrived. At first I thought it was being back in La Push but maybe it was more to do with Leah's presence than I had first realized. However hurt, betrayed and angry I felt, I couldn't deny this had been a good move for Jake.

Suddenly I understood so many things; this was the reason she had volunteered to come live with us. She was why he had rejected me all those times, why the only kiss he had given me was almost platonic. I felt like such a fool. Sucking in breaths around the pain threatening to buckle my knees, I backtracked quickly, silently to the stairs. Swallowing back the hurt and allowing my anger to surface, I stomped down each step, alerting them to my presence.

Entering the kitchen I found Jake sat at the table, whilst Leah washed the dishes. He lounged back against the chair, his hands folded across his washboard stomach, his large feet bare, an empty plate before him. Well wasn't this the picture of fucking domestic bliss, I thought bitterly and hoped my feelings were not showing on my face.

"So" I began, trying to keep the ice from my voice as I fought not to glare at Leah's back "Did Jake tell you?"

She jumped and turned to look at me. I watched as a guilty look crept over her face and she avoided my eyes "Tell me what Ness?"

She had fucking reason to look guilty, stealing _my_ Jake. " About us"

Take that, bitch, you can read whatever meaning you want into my words, see how you like feeling insecure.

Her eyes darted from me to Jake and she shifted uncomfortably, I glanced at Jake but he seemed as puzzled as she did.

"N, no"

"Oh… must have slipped his mind, since you were both so busy and all…but I've decided I want to be able to take care of myself…no more Miss Nice Nessie… I _need _to be able to take care of myself…I want to be able to kick Jake's ass if he's a jerk to me…I want to learn how to fight…he said you would help me"

I stared right into her eyes as I said it, wanting her to know that I wasn't scared of her. That I was more than ready to kick her scrawny ass. A fierce possessive instinct I didn't know I had was rearing its ugly head and making itself known.

Jake just looked at me, a frown marring his beautiful features, I knew I was confusing him but I didn't care. He'd confused me long enough. I was as my Aunt Rosie and Uncle Emmett had suggested, "growing a pair".

"You sure that's wise Ness…I mean I am stronger than I look...I wouldn't want you to get hurt" she said softly, sharing another meaningful look with Jake.

I pulled myself up to my full height and stuck out my chin a little "I'm sure…It's taken me a while to get the message but I know there is no one out there to do this for me…besides I'm stronger than I look too…right Jake? This is what I was designed for…to take down wolves like you" I bit off and Jake's frown grew wider. I could see the anger sparking in his eyes and I thrilled at the feeling of victory it gave me.

I knew I was acting totally out character, more like Leah than myself, but hey it seemed like Jake liked bitches so maybe this was the way to play it.

"You okay Ness…you seem a little…odd?" he asked me huskily, his gaze measuring my every movement. I felt each sweeping movement of his eyes over me as though it were an actual touch against my skin.

I nodded stiffly "I'm fine…I'm just eager to get on with this…as soon as this is over I'll be able to return home and leave you two to your own lives"

Jake looked wounded for a second but the look was gone before I could even be sure that I had seen it.

"Leah? Is tomorrow good for you?" I asked her but my eyes were on Jake as I continued to stare him down.

"Sure, sure…if it's what you want…if you think it will help…but if I kick your ass Ness, you have to promise not to let Jake hurt me" she said lightly but I knew she wasn't stupid. A blind man could see the tension building in this room.

"Oh I think he stopped doing what I wanted a long time ago" I sniped archly.

Leah put down the cloth she held and looked at Jake again, I watched them share a look and tried to pretend it didn't feel like I was being dragged across broken glass.

"I think I am gonna patrol for a little while, give you guys some time to settle in…. maybe to talk" she said with a pointed look in my direction. Oh Christ this was it, this was where he told me about them. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to know. My bravado was wilting. Nasty Nessie was feeling scared again.

Suddenly I needed something to do, anything to take my mind off what was about to happen. As Leah passed me by without another word, I opened the refrigerator and took out a can of soda, needing to keep myself busy.

"Ness" Jake said from behind me.

"Uh huh" I murmured, flipping the tab and bringing the can to my lips, still giving him my back.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

" This…The whole bitch routine" he grumbled and I heard the chair scrape across the floor as he got to his feet.

"Why Jake, I thought you liked bitches…you are a wolf after all" I said with a sickly sweet smile I was far from feeling.

"What the fuck? Where in the hell has this come from?"

"This?"

"The attitude, the snarky comments, refusing to look at me" I knew he was behind me when the heat from his skin burned against my back. His scent filled my nostrils and I couldn't help it. I inhaled. Deeply. Twice.

I fought the urge to turn around and fling myself into his arms, to plead with him to break up with Leah, to tell him that she didn't love him the way I did. Instead I dredged up all the anger and hurt I felt, the only way I was going to be able to deal with this.

"I'm having a soda Jake, I wasn't aware that looking at you was mandatory" I sniped back, determined I was not going to retreat into the old Nessie who cried when things got too tough.

"Soda? Bull shit Nessie, you don't even like soda"

He was right, damn it but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting to it.

"Well, like you maybe my tastes have changed," I said airily, waving my hands about with a gaiety I was far from feeling.

"Jesus Ness, what does that mean?"

I shrugged and took another mouthful of soda, it was vile, thick and syrupy, tasted like pure sugar and I was sure it would take weeks to scrape the remnants of my teeth.

"Dammit Ness look at me when I'm talking to you" he snarled, his alpha commanding me. Almost against my will but unable to help myself I turned around but refused to meet his gaze, staring somewhere in the vicinity of his shoulder.

"What the hell is this all about Nessie? Why are you being like this?" he asked, his tone softer this time, almost…no I couldn't allow myself to think that…but he sounded almost like he cared.

"I'm not being like anything Jake…I've just grown up…had my eyes opened and I think I've acted like a spoiled little girl for too long now"

"Well you're sure as shit acting like a spoiled _big_ girl now…Christ Ness you were barely civil to poor Leah-"

"Poor Leah?" I almost screeched, "Poor Leah can just kiss my ass"

"Renesmee Cullen!" he growled my full name and I knew then he was angry with me, more angry than he had been in a long time. He never, ever used my given name. "Leah has come here to help us, to help me and you are treating her like she isn't welcome here…this is still my home, don't you dare pull this shit here"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I snarled furious that he was calling me out on my behavior. He was the one that had started this by having a relationship with her in first place.

"It means you are acting like a bitch and I want you to stop it, whatever the deal is here Ness, we don't have time for it…the Volturi are coming…the Volturi… you remember them? Kidnapped and tortured me? Coming for me again? Coming to kill me…maybe you too… Ring any bells Ness…I need to keep my shit together and you acting like this is not helping," he snarled but beneath his words I heard something I had never expected. I heard his fear; his vulnerability and that shocked me like nothing else could have.

My anger drained as shame flowed over me, mixing with the seething rage and pain of his betrayal. I was a jumbled, confused mess and though I was hurting, this wasn't just about me, this was about him. He was right; this was not the time to do this. His life, our lives could be at stake and having a tantrum was not going to help anyone. But I would not forget, would not forget how he had lied to me and betrayed me.

"Look I'm tired, I'm away from home…I'm sorry okay…this is hard for me too you know, what with Leah being here" I mumbled, staring down at me for.

"Leah being here isn't going to change anything Ness… we're still _friends_… you and me always" he said softly and there was that look again, the one where I thought maybe he did care about me. Friends. Right.

"I know, I just thought I'd give being a bitch a try," I confessed with a small yet very sheepish smile.

"How's that working out for you?" he smiled some and I felt the tension between us begin to disappear.

I wanted to laugh. Jake had always had a gift for making me smile, even we had had fought or argued. But now I almost hated myself for allowing myself to fall for his charm so quickly, knowing how much he was hurting me.

"Not to well…ask me again tomorrow after she's whooped my butt for being such a bitch to her"

"I wont let her hurt you Ness, I would never let anyone hurt you…I promise," he murmured and our eyes caught. Heat sizzled through me and I felt powerless to move, not that I wanted to; he was looking at me as though I were the most precious thing in the world.

His eyes were so dark they looked almost black, little flecks of gold shimmering and moving in their depths. They were so beautiful that I wanted to sigh, to swoon like the women in those black and white movies my grandma Esme loved so much. I was held captive, prisoner and found that I didn't mind one bit.

"I know" my eyes filled up at the sentiment in his words. The painful thing was I knew he meant it, he would never let anyone hurt me…except himself.

"Ness there is something…something I need to tell you, something I should have told you before" he said, his voice nervous, shaking. This was the first time I had ever seen Jake scared and it unnerved me.

In fact I would go so far as to say he looked petrified, his hands shaking a little as though he was going to shift. He couldn't meet my gaze, his eyes fixed on the floor I wanted to put him out of his misery, wanted to stop his worrying.

"It's okay Jake, I know," I said in what hoped would be a soothing tone. As much as I hated the thought of him with Leah, I couldn't put him through the big confession thing. And I knew deep down I would not be able to cope hearing it.

"You, you know?" now he looked truly petrified, his face a little pale below the russet of his skin. His eyes were wide, seeming to change from brown to pitch as his heart beat sped up.

I nodded and forced out the words, surprised with the calmness I pulled off "I know"

"And you, you don't mind? It's okay with you?" he sounded amazed, like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was almost smiling, beaming while inside I was dying.

Fighting the painful tearing in my heart, the ripping, the pulling, I answered "No I don't mind… you…you can't help how you feel and neither can I… after all it won't change anything between us right?"

A shadow passed over his eyes, his mouth pulling down in the corners "It wont'? But I thought this was what you-"

"No, I understand now and it's okay, really… but it won't, it can't change anything for us"

I wasn't exactly going to give him and Leah my blessing but at the same time I didn't want him to think he could lose our friendship, after all I was the one who wanted something more, he was the one who constantly pushed me away. Now I knew why. Leah.

"Don't you think we should discuss it?"

"What's to discuss, we both know how things stand now, lets just leave it at that" I could not discuss his relationship with Leah Clearwater, being civil was one thing but getting the details was quite another. As I crossed the room to the doorway my own morbid curiosity got the better of me. Looking over my shoulder at him, I asked the question that I needed the answer to; despite the pain I knew it would bring me.

"How long?" I murmured and he took such a long time answering that I wasn't sure he had heard at first.

When he spoke he sounded almost… sad "A while"

"Before you…went away?" I didn't want to bring up more bed memories of his disappearance by mentioning it directly.

He nodded once sharply and that was all I needed to know. I wrapped my arms around my chest, holding in the sobs that were so close to the surface.

"I think I need to sleep…tell Leah I said goodnight" I mumbled and like the coward I was, I fled upstairs, fighting the old Nessie and her bitter tears along the way.


	25. No more Miss NiceNess?

**So this is Jake's take on the whole thing…nothing very different, which is why I am posting them so close together kind of like one update. Oh and by the way the soda Nessie drinks is Surge…I had it once a few years ago in Universal Studios and became addicted...then when I went back again I couldn't find it anywhere ;( So that was my homage to Surge…I miss you…Anyway let me know your thoughts and remember Jake does not know that Ness saw him and Leah together. Love Tink. XX**

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Having Nessie in my home with me gave back a sense of peace and security. Stepping through the door I felt truly at home for the first time in ages, I could literally feel all my tension and worry drain away. Nessie on the other hand, seemed quiet and strained. I guessed it was to be expected, she had left all her family to be with me. Left everyone she loved and that loved her, to help save me from a certain death at the hands of vampire royalty. Vampire Royalty she knew could very well kill her in a heartbeat.

Part of me wanted to take her into my arms and hold her close, to comfort her, to thank her for being here for me. I longed to kiss her, to stroke her, to hear her sigh my name as I touched her. No longer under the confines of Edwards "gift", I could pursue my relationship with her as I wanted.

But there was still something holding me back, there was still something that didn't feel comfortable with me. There was still so much hanging over us. Was it dangerous to be distracted by her? Was I putting us all at risk if I allowed myself to tell her how much I loved her, to tell her about the imprint, to tell her that she was my mate?

I had to get a grip of my self and my feelings towards Nessie. Now was not the time to complicate matters any more than they already were. I had to control myself around her, not let her see how much having her here would effect me. Keep my distance, keep my hands to myself and act as though her presence here and us being alone was normal. Painful as it was I had to act almost as though she were not around.

Sniffing, I caught the delicious scent of raw steaks frying, the sizzling reaching my ears and my stomach growled. Grinning in anticipation, I set off towards the kitchen, still amazed that despite what was hanging over us I could feel this at peace with myself.

"You cooking Leah?" I crowed excitedly, unable to help the goofy grin that I knew would be gracing my face. I was home and best of all Ness; my Nessie was with me at my side.

"Knew you'd be hungry Jake" Leah called back chuckling to herself "You're alive"

Glancing over my shoulder I noticed Nessie's face was pinched, her mouth pursued in a stubborn line and I knew then and there that this was not going to be good. Going with my earlier instincts I attempted to act as though everything was normal, I stamped down the urge to coddle her and ask what was wrong and continued into the kitchen with her on my heels. The irresistible smell of steak beckoned me across the room and as Leah turned to smile at me over her shoulder I attempted to filch a piece of meat from the pan. Sighing I felt my fingers come into contact with the tender fleshy meat and then jump as Leah, sharp as ever, slapped my hand away.

"Hey that hurt," I couldn't help the whine, or the need to lick my fingers where the juice and scent still lingered. Heat zinged through me as I felt Nessie's eyes on me, watching my every move hungrily, as I sucked the juice from my fingers. She licked her lips and my entire body stiffened, what I wouldn't give to have her lick and sucking at my fingers, or any other available part of my now very erect anatomy.

"It was meant to Black...hey Nessie" Leah smirked and then turned to smile at me again, her eyes dropping to my pants and back again. I shifted, embarrassed and uncomfortable a little as a knowing look appeared in her eyes.

"Hi" Nessie murmured distractedly and it was _hard_ knowing her eyes were still on me as I caught a stray drop of juice, a slight flush appearing across her cheeks. Primitive instincts battled inside me with my common sense that said being with Nessie now was a bad idea for us both. But the erection in my pants wanted to argue, wanted to sate itself inside Nessie, to hear her cry, to hear her call my name as she came. There it was again, my old friend the animalistic lust, which I thought I'd managed to get a handle on at last.

"Ness I put you in Jake's old room, thought you would be more comfortable…Jake you're in Billy's room and I'm gonna take the couch when I'm here" Leah chattered on, interrupting my thoughts as she turned the steak.

"Thanks" her eyes were finally away from me and I felt a could breathe a little easier, that girl really did not know the effect she had on me.

"You want steak Ness?" I rasped my voice somewhat gravellier than I had anticipated. To counter act the effect and so as not to call attention to the fact I had a raging erection I reached out towards the pan again. Leah was too quick for me and she moved her hands as though to slap me again. I chuckled as Nessie shook her head, with that same look on her face. I hid a sigh.

"You should you know, you won't get many chances to hunt on the rez…I know you dislike human food but for now it's all we got"

"Maybe later…I'm a little tired, so I would like to put away my things?" she asked but wouldn't meet my eyes.

So it was going to be like that? Besides there was no way in hell I even trusted myself to be alone with her in my room in my current state, for however short a time. I knew I would not be able to keep my hands to myself and that would land me in a whole heap of trouble.

"Oh sure…you know where my room is" I said casually, feigning nonchalance as I sat down at the table, looking as though I had all the time in the world.

Hurt flickered across her face and I expected to see tears but she simply nodded and squared her shoulders before fleeing the room.

"Well this is going to be fucking fun isn't it?" Leah commented turning away from the stove to look at me, her eyes narrowed.

"Don't Leah, please I don't need this now" I expected my alpha command, surprised when it came out more like a whine.

Leah laughed again "She really has you by the balls doesn't she…fucking imprints"

"I'm glad you find this so amusing Leah thanks"

"Shit Jake, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while, Nessie stood there eye fucking you and you pretending not to notice…I though she was gonna spontaneously combust"

"I didn't notice" I lied, hoping she would buy it.

"Well I have a dollar that says that beast in your pants did" she looked pointedly to where my hardness now seemed to wither away under her mocking gaze. Great. I had just discovered the solution to all my problems with my lustful instincts. Leah Clearwater. Erection eradicator extraordinaire.

"Funny"

"I know…seriously though Jake, I think you need to tell her"

I shook my head "Things are to complicated at the moment…It's not the right time"

"That's bullshit, it's the perfect time…tell her how you feel Jake…before it's too late…you don't know what you have till it's gone…there were so many things I wish I'd said to Sam before he imprinted…maybe things would have been different, maybe I could have stopped it" there was a sadness in her tone and unable to help myself I got to my feet.

I pulled her towards me and tucked her head beneath my chin, as she wrapped her arms around me. It felt strange holding someone else the way I did Nessie, but I knew she needed comfort and Leah was doing me a great service being here.

"She doesn't know any of it… imprint, nothing…I told her I didn't see her like that"

"So tell her now" she argued glaring up at me. "You are so pig headed"

"Leah I already said it's not the right time, there is too much at risk now"

"I think you're just scared to admit how you feel incase she rejects you" Leah taunted, her outer bitch returning.

"What, what if she does?" I blurted and then winced "What if I tell her about the imprint and she can't handle it…that she wont want to be tied to me forever" I gave voice to some of my darkest fears, fears that I had never really acknowledge before, even to myself.

"Jacob Black…that girl is mad about you, she was practically drooling when you licked that juice from your fingers…she loves you, though Christ knows why you're one of the biggest ass holes I know"

"Thanks for that…. But really thanks, for being here and everything…and sticking your nose where it isn't wanted"

"You need to tell her Jake and soon" she said softly and I winced again as I realized that she was tugging non-to gently on the ends of my hair to make a point.

"I know Leah but I can't, not just yet…it would kill her to know that I've been lying to her all this time, I can't do that to her, not now, not like this" I gave her waist a squeeze, not hard but enough to know that she had to leave my hair alone.

There was a stomping noise from the hallway, alerting me to Nessie's presence and I almost flung myself back to the table, not wanting Nessie to see me with Leah. God knows I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Seconds later Nessie appeared at the door, her face a carefully composed mask. I was in trouble. More trouble than I had initially realized when she seemed to be glaring at me and my skin prickled as tension began to build inside me. I'd fucked up. Again.

"So" she said, turning to stare at Leah with a look of intense dislike on her face "Did Jake tell you?"

Leah jumped then looked at Nessie. Even I could see the guilty look on her face as she spoke softly, almost cautiously. I knew she could sense the mood in the air. "Tell me what Ness?"

" About us" she said it venomously.

I saw Leah shoot me a worried look as she realized just what was happening here and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I wasn't sure but I thought maybe Nessie was jealous of Leah. I felt closer to her since our conversation at Sam's and obviously it showed in our new relationship. Ah Nessie. You silly, silly, girl.

"N, no"

"Oh… must have slipped his mind, since you were both so busy and all…but I've decided I want to be able to take care of myself…no more Miss Nice Nessie… I need to be able to stand on my own two feet…I want to be able to kick Jake's ass if he's a jerk to me…I want to learn how to fight…he said you would help me" Nessie said defiantly, her eyes flashing a warning to both Leah and I.

She had gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick, but I was on the short end of my fuse and sick of Nessie having these tantrums. Being my imprint I was designed to make her happy, it was like a reflex thing. But at times it wore a little thin, like now when she was acting like a complete bitch.

I loved Nessie more than I loved anyone but I was not blind to the fact, she was half human and as such had human moments of weakness. Mood swings, crying and acting like a bitch. From the way she was glaring at Leah I knew she was severely pissed. It was odd to see such a different side to her, the sweet and kind Nessie in contrast to this much moodier, bitchier one. Gotta admit it was kind of a turn on but then everything about Nessie was.

Yet for all that, I thought she looked magnificent, beautiful, her eyes practically shooting sparks. Yep. If looks could kill. Kill… The thought caused me to remember why she was here and I frowned.

"You sure that's wise Ness…I mean I am stronger than I look...I wouldn't want you to get hurt" Leah said softly, glaring at me as if to say sort this shit out Black.

I wanted to laugh as I watched Nessie bristle and stand a little taller even though Leah already towered over her. She had guts my Ness.

"I'm sure…It's taken me a while to get the message but I know there is no one out there to do this for me…anyway I'm stronger than I look too…right Jake? Besides this is what I was designed for…to take down wolves like you"

"You okay Ness…you seem a little…odd?" I asked her, wanting to stop this before it got any further.

Leah was being extremely tolerant of her cattiness but I didn't know how long it would last. The last thing I wanted was to get between them two if they came to blows, I knew I would have to protect Nessie the imprint would over ride me and I hated the thought of having to hurt Leah.

"I'm fine…I'm just eager to get on with this…as soon as this is over I'll be able to return home and leave you two to your own lives"

The instant I thought about her leaving me, going back to the Cullens an ache blossomed inside, an almost physical pain, reminding me of that I experienced during my separation from her.

"Leah? Is tomorrow good for you?" she continued in the same awful tone.

"Sure, sure…if it's what you want…if you think it will help…but if I kick your ass Ness, you have to promise not to let Jake hurt me" she said lightly but I could hear a warning in her words.

She was telling Ness to back off and I had to agree. I didn't want to think about what would happen if they really came to blows, my imprint and my second.

"Oh I think he stopped doing what I wanted a long time ago," she said waspishly and I just stared at her, who was this person. She was like Jekyll and Hyde. She wasn't happy, she was hurting but if I babied her now, then she would never learn. I hated the fact she was hurting but if I backed down now, she would think it was acceptable to treat me and Leah like this.

I felt Leah's eyes on me and knew she was reaching the end of her rope with this confrontation. She put down the cloth she held and I noticed it was now ragged and torn.

"I think I am gonna patrol for a little while, give you guys some time to settle in…. maybe to talk" she told us glancing from me to Ness and then back again.

Leah strode out of the room and I could practically see the anger simmering around her like an aura. Nessie in the meantime darted to the fridge and began to rummage around, finally emerging with a can of Surge.

"Ness" I began, trying not to let my eyes wander over the shapely curves of her hips nor the peachy shape of her butt.

"Uh huh" she murmured but would not turn to talk to me. As much as I loved to sneak looks at her I wanted to talk to her face not her back.

"What the hell is going on with you?" I let just enough of my anger show through for her to know I was serious.

"What do you mean?"

" This…The whole bitch routine" I said and pushed back my chair, making as much noise as I could so she could hear me coming. I hated to use the word in connection with my Nessie, but there was no other way to describe how she was acting.

"Why Jake, I thought you liked bitches…you are a wolf after all" she said sweetly. I stared aghast and couldn't stop the words from coming out.

"What the fuck? Where in the hell has this come from?"

"This?"

"The attitude, the snarky comments, refusing to look at me" I was behind her in a second and I could easily pick up the rapid hammering of her heartbeat as she reacted to my nearness or maybe it was my anger, I couldn't be sure.

"I'm having a soda Jake, I wasn't aware that looking at you was mandatory" she bit out.

Soda. She was drinking a fucking soda?

"Soda? Bull shit Nessie, you don't even like soda"

"Well, like you maybe my tastes have changed," she tried to sound mean but I could hear the pain in her voice. Underneath all this bravado she was hurting and uncertain.

"Jesus Ness, what does that mean?"

She shrugged negligently as though she didn't care enough to answer me. Frustrated I tangled a hand in my hair and huffed out a breath.

"Dammit Ness look at me when I'm talking to you" I couldn't help my alpha's snarl from coming out. She turned reluctantly but would not meet my enquiring gaze, she just stared at my shoulder her eyes cold and dead.

"What the hell is this all about Nessie? Why are you being like this?" I asked, trying a different tack this time. I was shocked and a bit worried about this abrupt personality transplant that had taken place with Nessie. I was pissed off but I was also worried.

"I'm not being like anything Jake…I've just grown up…had my eyes opened and I think I've acted like a spoiled little girl for too long now"

"Well you're sure as shit acting like a spoiled _big_ girl now…Christ Ness you were barely civil to poor Leah-"

"Poor Leah?" Nessie looked like she was gonna have a fit as she screeched, "Poor Leah can just kiss my ass"

"Renesmee Cullen!" Fury erupted within me, and I couldn't help her full name slipping out. I had only ever called her that when she was a little girl and had done things wrong. She wasn't being fair to Leah, she was here to stop me throwing myself at Ness, to save us both a lot of hurt.

But it was also obvious that Ness was jealous, if not of Leah herself then our new relationship. Didn't she know there was no one else for me but her? Could she not see the love in my eyes whenever I looked at her? This had gone far enough. I couldn't carry on, everything was getting so fucked up and

I had to man up.

"Leah has come here to help us, to help me and you are treating her like she isn't welcome here…this is still my home, don't you dare pull this shit here" I continued, reprimanding her, almost feeling like her father. Edward would probably rip my head off for speaking to her like this and I would probably deserve it but fucking hell she was acting way out of line.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" she hissed.

"It means you are acting like a bitch and I want you to stop it, whatever the deal is here Ness, we don't have time for it…the Volturi are coming…the Volturi… you remember them? Kidnapped and tortured me? Coming for me again? Coming to kill me…maybe you too… Ring any bells Ness…I need to keep my shit together and you acting like this is not helping," I spit out, I needed her to understand and quickly, that her actions could lead to life or death situations for us if Leah left. I wanted her to see that this wasn't about her; it was about me and what I needed to do to keep us all alive, her included.

I watched as she wilted almost before my eyes, the anger and hurt disappearing from her gaze. Her face softened from the scowl that had been etched there since she first stepped into the kitchen. The Nessie I knew and loved was there; she had just been hiding under the guise of Superbitch.

"Look I'm tired, I'm away from home…I'm sorry okay…this is hard for me too you know, what with Leah being here" she mumbled softly, contritely.

I knew she was jealous but I wanted her to know that she was still mine, she was still my girl.

"Leah being here isn't going to change anything Ness… we're still _friends_… you and me always" I replied gently, trying to reassure her, to let her know that nothing would ever take her away from me. Not Leah, not the Volturi.

"I know, I just thought I'd give being a bitch a try," she smiled sheepishly and I couldn't help but notice how adorable she looked doing it.

"How's that working out for you?" I smiled some and I felt the tension between us begin to disappear. My Ness was back.

"Not too well…ask me again tomorrow after she's whooped my butt for being such a bitch to her"

"I wont let her hurt you Ness, I would never let anyone hurt you…I promise," I finished as we locked gazes. Christ she took my breath away, she looked so young and vulnerable and so damn beautiful.

"I know" she breathed, a faint wash of tears glinting in the light.

My heart and anger melted, my breath caught and I knew inside this was the time. It was right. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her everything, so there were no secrets, no barriers between us, no more misunderstandings. I'd worried that she would be a distraction that a relationship between us would complicate matters. But situations like this were just complicating it more, she had to know, for our survival we had to move forward.

"Ness there is something…something I need to tell you, something I should have told you before" I could hear my voice trembling, I was terrified. What if she did reject me? How would I handle it? What would I do if she rejected the imprint, if she didn't want to spend her eternity with me.

"It's okay Jake, I know," she soothed, her voice sounding so calm as I began to freak out.

Shock bounced inside my head. She knew? How the hell did she know? Her parents? Alice? Who had told her and why had nobody admitted to me that she knew?

"You, you know?" I choked.

"I know" the words seemed forced from her and considering everything she seemed unhappy. I expected her to throw herself into my arms, to laugh, to smile. But there was nothing, no joy, just blank.

"And you, you don't mind? It's okay with you?" I was amazed, relieved at first.

"No I don't mind… you…you can't help how you feel and neither can I… after all it won't change anything between us right?" their was a dull edge to her tone and I wondered if we were having cross conversations.

"It wont'? but I thought this is what you-" Rejection shuddered down my spine. The imprint thing must really have scared her off.

"-No, I understand now and it's okay, really… but it won't change anything for us" she told me and I felt like I wanted to howl.

She didn't want me? Didn't want this? So what had all that been about in her room and the bathroom? Her parents were even convinced of her feelings.

"Don't you think we should discuss it?" I couldn't let it go just like that. I had to fight for her. She was mine, my imprint damn it. This was wrong, she wasn't supposed to do thing.

"What's to discuss, we both know how things stand now, lets just leave it at that" her tone was cool, but her eyes were no longer on mine. She crossed the room and I felt it spin a little around me as I fought to stay in control of the choking pain. Everything I had believed, all her life, was for nothing. She did not want me.

" How long?" I heard her voice as though she were talking across a great distance.

Pain made it impossible to speak for a second and when I managed it I knew it would be hard to hear.

"A while"

"Before you…went away?" She pressed on, oblivious as knives shredded my heart.

I nodded numb, she really didn't want me? Something wasn't right. She was made for me and me her; we were supposed to be together. Even when I couldn't remember who I was or remember her, I knew there was something about us, something special. That was the reason I went against all my animal instincts and did not kill her the first time I saw her again. She was my mate, my imprint, my split apart and I could not comprehend that it had come to this.

"I think I need to sleep…tell Leah I said goodnight" she breathed in a rush and fled from the room at vampire speed. I stared after her tears burning in my own eyes, for once Nessie was the strong one.


	26. Not a Chapter Sorry X

_**Hi everyone….am sorry to say this is not an update as am off to Disney World later today and I ran out of time….However I felt so mean leaving you all for two weeks in the sun I thought I would give you all a little going away present from me……Here is a sneaky peak of the next chapter to give you all something to look forward to ( though it may change a little with editing)………Hope you enjoy and as always let me know your thoughts…See you when I get back. Love Tink XXXXX**_

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"Please do we have to talk about this? Leah's gonna kill you when she finds out anyway" I mumbled mortified that she probably already knew, which was why she hadn't come home yet. Pulling my hand from his wrist I continued with my ministrations, was it wrong that I was enjoying this?

"Leah knows, she kinda saw everything when I shifted" he rumbled, watching my hands on his body as they stroked across his magnificent chest.

"And you're still alive?" I quipped then a horrid thought occurred to me "She didn't do this to you?"

Jake chuckled, wincing as he did so "Nessie Leah may be able to kick your ass but there is no way in hell she can kick mine"

My relief must have shown on my face because he grabbed my hand again, as I stared at his chest, unable to meet his curious gaze "What _is_ this obsession you have with Leah, Ness?"

"Gee Jake, why would I not be worried that your girlfriend had a front row seat of our earth shattering kiss, you know you can be so du-" I jumped as Jake yanked on my hand, pulling me across his lap, his other hand cupping my chin making me look up at him. His eyes blazed down into mine, making me shiver.

"What did you say?" he all but growled at me.

"I said I feel awful about Leah seeing our kiss, after what happened with Sam and Emily this most be a nightmare for her"

"Leah?" he repeated " As in Leah, my girlfriend?"

I rolled my eyes to disguise how much his words actually hurt me "Yeah Jake, can't you keep up"

"_This_ is what you were talking about the other night? You meant my relationship with Leah? How _did _ you find out about that by the way?" he asked me with a huge grin.

I really couldn't see what was so funny about this situation and huffed, shifting around on his knee. My eyes flew to his as he made a strangled sound like a moan. Oh shit ! I was hurting him. I scrambled to move, but his arms locked around me and when he spoke it was though gritted teeth…………..

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_**There you have it folks, like I said there may be small changes due to editing but that is about the jist of it…..Hope it gave you all something to look forward. See you in two weeks. XXXX**_


	27. Winded

_**My most humble, humble apologies everyone for the huge delay in posting, I am safe, so there is no need to put out that wanted poster Nessiejakeluver… that one really made me smile...What can I say there have been so many things going on since I came home but I am hopefully back on track…so the original chapter from my teaser has now been spilt into two so the juicy stuff is not gonna come just yet (please don't hurt me) but will be with us very soon I promise. That said I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you all think. Love to all. Tink. XX**_

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I winced as I landed flat on my back again, the air knocked out of me momentarily and I looked up to see Leah bending over me her lips stretched in a smug grin. Bitch.

"You gotta be quicker than that Nessie, these leeches don't stand around waiting for written invitations you know" she crowed laughing down at me.

I scowled blackly. This was like the thirtieth time in as many minutes that I had ended up on my back in the dirt and it was starting to get old. Convinced she was doing it on purpose I really, really wanted to throttle her but a little voice inside reminded me that was the whole point.

_I_ wanted to learn to fight and she had agreed to help me, so she attacked me as she would any other leech. Course she had never shifted into wolf form, so it wasn't as though I was getting a real insight into how to attack and destroy my own kind but it was enough for now.

My lower back throbbed and I rubbed it, hoping to take away the pain. It wasn't as bad as if I had been all-human but I bet my ass would be black and blue tomorrow and it was still damn embarrassing. I was a Cullen, a vampire and was supposed to be the world's most dangerous predator. At the moment I was the worlds most dangerous doormat.

Screwing my eyes up and I jumped lightly to my feet, braced myself and gathered my wits, totally missing the kick she aimed at my legs, sweeping them from under me. God Damn it.

I lay there winded, for a few seconds as Leah backed off, and my eyes followed her. She came to a stop, her feet looking suddenly tiny as another familiar pair of much larger naked feet appeared in my eye line. Lifting my chin I forced myself to look up and meet the mocking grin I knew I would find there.

Jake stared back down at me but instead of the humor and the smirk I'd expected, he simply stared. His face was impassive, carefully devoid of any emotion. His arms crossed over his massive chest, yet it was his eyes, which caught my attention, his dark eyes so stormy and troubled.

"Don't you think she's had enough?" he said to Leah as she lounged against him, her head resting on his shoulder casually. Anger prickled inside me, how dare he interfere? It wasn't like he cared about me anymore, now that he had her.

"I can say when I've had enough thanks Jake and anyway I'm here to learn" I muttered and got quickly to my feet.

This was my fourth day in La Push and our relationship was again at breaking point. At best it was strained, at worst non-existent. Jake seemed to do his best to avoid being alone with me, and was quiet, withdrawn. I spent most of my time with Leah, and yeah I hated every second of it.

It wasn't her I didn't like, so much as the fact she had the one thing I wanted, needed most in this life. She had Jake. The downside to this was that I had to be around them, the up side was I managed to see to it that they spent very little time alone and thankfully wasn't privy to any more of their intimate moments.

I winced as I brushed the dust from my palms, ignoring Jake's eyes on me and my body's answering tremble. My entire body was an aching, throbbing pulse of pain, my human side not keeping up with my vampire side. Squaring my shoulders to attack, I rounded on Leah, pouring all my hurt and anger into the blow I aimed at her solar plexus. Grinning she danced away from me and aimed another swift kick. I was ready for her this time and caught her leg, twisting and yanking it from under her, smiling as she slid onto her stomach. Fangs bared I jumped onto her back, my teeth only inches from her jugular vein. Ignoring the slight smell from her skin I continued to hold her down.

"Impressive Ness but remember most leeches aren't just going to lay here and let you do this to them" she smirked over her shoulder at me and I flexed my knees, gripping tighter to her body as she attempted to buck me off her.

She may have been a wolf but I was strong and fast too, holding her easily in place once I was comfortable and sure what I was doing. I could feel the slight tremor in her body, hear the rasping growl at the back of her throat and I knew I was inflicting a little pain on her. No more than she had me.

"Okay let her up"

I glanced up to see Jake watching us, concerned, and my eyes narrowed. Always looking out for _her_, he always intervened before things could get really interesting between us. I knew he was afraid I would hurt her and it made the monsters inside me want to. The vamp _and_ the green-eyed one.

"Ness" he repeated in his alpha tone, glaring down at us. Sighing I shifted my weight and went to move away from her. Suddenly the world span and I found myself flat on my back once more, as Leah chuckled.

"Never back down Ness, and never, ever take your eyes off them"

I snarled, a defensive sound coming from deep inside me and then hissed at Leah as she continued to watch me with obvious amusement. I was tired, embarrassed, sore and sick of having my ass kicked. I was getting nowhere fast. As soon as I thought I had one over on her, she would turn on me and I'd end up on my ass again.

It was humiliating, especially when it happened in front of Jake. Everyone in my family knew how to fight; it was practically an Olympic event in my house. The guys in my family made the WWF look like a bunch of girls. I'd even wrestled with Uncle Emmett and won but then I had been only four, so he probably had let me win. But why now when it counted could I not even manage to take down a shifter? Because I was still half human and this time my opponent was not going easy on me.

Scrambling to my feet I brushed the dirt from my ass and shifted immediately into a defensive posture. Leah was not going to do this to me again I vowed. She was going to be the one to end up in the dirt this time. She came at me once more in a blur of wolf like speed and grace. I caught her wrist, swinging her around, twisting her arm behind her and wrapping my other around her neck, exerting just a little more pressure than was probably needed.

Fighting the triumphant smile on my face I pressed a little harder, wondering if she saw spots yet. But she began to wriggle and as I struggled to hold onto her sweat-slicked body, she bucked and twisted, grabbing my arm from around her neck. I had less than a second before I felt her kick my knees from under me and I went down once more.

This time I stayed down, as pain exploded in my head, my skull cracking against the floor. The noise of the impact so loud that even I gasped, or maybe that was just in sheer blinding agony. Blinking, I tried to focus but everything was swimming in and out and I was dimly aware of someone calling my name urgently. Jake. It was Jake. I wanted to answer him but my eyes felt heavy and there was too much pain. As the blackness closed in around me from all sides, I gave in to it.

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I froze, the events of the last few seconds playing out in front of me as though in slow motion. I saw Leah twist her body and buckle Nessie's knees from under her, and I knew instantly what was going to happen before it did. The noise of her skull thudding against the unyielding ground is something that will live with me until I die, which knowing Edward, would be very soon if Nessie got hurt.

Yeah she was half vampire and her skin was impenetrable but that didn't stop her getting bumped and bruised. She was still half human. But that hadn't stopped her; she wanted this so badly and was pushing herself so hard to learn to fight that although it went against all my natural instincts to protect her, I could not deny her this opportunity.

This had been going on for days. Nessie and Leah would be out here for hours, sparring, neither one willing to back down even though they both took some licks. Nessie mainly, she still had too much in human in her to make her as deadly a predator as the rest of the leeches. But she never gave up, falling down time after time and still getting up, ready and willing, if not able to fight back. She was a stubborn little thing.

There were times when I had to intervene and stop them, when their instincts to kill or maim came too close to the surface. When I could hear the warning in their growls and hisses. When I could see the shift start in Leah and the venom gather in Nessie.

But this time I had been too late and Nessie was still acting cold towards me, since our talk things were tense between us. I knew she must feel awkward for rejecting me and keeping me at arms length was just her way of handling it. It killed me knowing she didn't want things to change between us but I was still hopeful that when this was all over she would come around.

She was my imprint and despite all my other royal fuck ups, letting her get this badly hurt, to the point where she blacked out- was my worst fuck up to date. I wondered briefly which god's shit list I had managed to end up on for this to have happened.

I thought my heart had stopped, as she lay motionless on the floor, I was beside her in half a heartbeat, fear making my stomach clench and my heart stutter.

"Nessie!" I groaned "Nessie, talk to me baby please"

Beside me I was aware of Leah's tremors "Shit Jake, I'm sorry…I didn't mean for this to happen, I was just trying to help you know" her voice was as shaken as her body, and though I could hear her regret I found I couldn't make myself accept her apology. She had hurt Nessie. My Nessie. My imprint.

"How?" I barked out "By kicking the shit out of her…she is still half human Leah, you can't go at her like that"

I turned my attention back to Nessie; her eyes were still firmly closed and counted quickly in my head. She'd been out what thirty, forty seconds? I expelled a breath I didn't know I had been holding as I touched her face gently, pushing away the stray curl that obscured my vision of her.

"Ness, come on baby, wake up" I pleaded, staring down at her pale and prone form. This was just like my nightmares, only so much worse because it was real and happening.

"Get her inside Jake and if she hasn't come round in a few minutes we need to call Carlisle" she said firmly, bending over Nessie reaching for her hand.

Unable to help myself I snarled a warning to her, the sound ripped from my throat. Do not fucking touch her. She stiffened instinctively and I knew she had recognized the anger and warning in the noise.

Stooping I swept her up into my arms, marveling once more at just how tiny and delicate she was, how she weighed barely nothing in the circle of my arms. Holding her unconscious form close to my chest, I hurried inside the house, praying silently that she would come round, that I hadn't lost her forever.

Gingerly I set her down on the sofa, hovering over her and moved my hands into her hair to check for knots and bumps. I tried not to think about how soft and silken it felt against my fingers, how good it smelt and instead concentrated on gently tracing her scalp. Bingo. There was a knot the size of a golf ball. Ah my poor, poor Nessie.

"Fuck" she muttered as I traced the shape of her bump and my eyes flew back to hers just in time to see them flicker open.

"Nessie, Jesus, you nearly gave me a heart attack" I couldn't help the shit eating grin which spread over my face at the familiar sound of her voice.

"Who are you?" she asked, her brow furrowing in concentration, a wary look crossing her face.

My heart stopped for the second time that day as I gazed down at her. This could not be happening.

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"Who are you?" I repeated, the banging pain at the back of my head distracting me from the look of terror on his face.

"Nessie, it's me…honey it's Jake" he said urgently, the hand still tangled in my hair trembled lightly.

"Do I…do I know you?" I croaked, licking my dry lips, which wanted to smile despite the pain I was in. Coming to, I'd been hit with an instant urge to be close to Jake, despite the distance of the last few days. I wanted to see him smile at me to see the light in his eyes and I figured this joke was a way to do it.

He looked down at me, his face aghast, his eyes wide and haunted, full of pain. Instantly part of me regretted the path I had chosen when I muttered those words.

"It's me, Jake"

"Wha-" I winced and tried again "What happened to me?"

"You hit your head, when you were fighting with Leah, you blacked out but it was only for a few seconds…shit this shouldn't be happening" he murmured almost as an after thought to himself.

I drew in a deep shuddering breath as pain exploded behind my eyes and my noise wrinkled in distaste, as I smelt something unpleasant.

"Is Leah our dog? I stink… whew she stinks, you really ought to bathe her once in a while" It was true, I smelt like dog.

"A dog? No honey, she's our friend…maybe we should get you to a Doctor" he seemed frantic with worry.

"Can't you take care of me? I don't want to go anywhere…I don't remember you but I feel safe here…are you my… boyfriend?" I widened my eyes and batted my eyelashes, alright it was corny but it seemed to have the desired effect.

Jake's eyes almost bugged from his head and I thought I saw the beginning's of a blush start on his beautiful cheekbones. He was gorgeous, even all flustered and I wanted to taste him badly, to see if his lips were still as soft as I remembered. Not stopping to think about what I did next, not wanting to think about the repercussions, I snaked an arm around his neck and a split second later tugged his head towards mine. It was an impulse and as impulses go it was so, so worth it.

As my lips met his, I let out a sigh of pleasure, and tangled my fingers into his hair, moving my mouth under his, surprised when he took control of this kiss and kissed me back. This was not what I had expected at all. This was heaven. This was bliss, feeling Jake against me, the weight of his body pressing down on me as his mouth stole over mine.

A loud coughing noise distracted me and I turned my head away from Jake, our lips disconnecting, leaving me wanting more as we both gasped for air.

"When you two have quite finished, she needs medical attention Jake" Leah hissed at him, her face twisted and I felt sick with guilt.

"Just give her some time Leah, if we call Carlisle he's sure to call Edward and I'm damn sure you don't want to meet him after knocking his daughter unconscious…can you just leave us for a few minutes? " Jake asked her grimly but continued to stare down at me his brown eyes melting me from the inside.

I didn't hear her reply, I was too busy staring back at Jake and wallowing in guilt but I knew within seconds she had left the room and we were alone again. It was like as soon as she was out of my sight, she was out of my mind and the guilt disappeared like magic. Swallowing a smile I reveled in the feeling of Jake being this close to me after such a tense and strained time between us, all the barriers he had erected, since his relationship with Leah, now breached.

"Are you okay Nessie?" he asked, the concern in his voice sending shivers dancing down my spine.

"I think, think so" I mumbled weakly, grinning on the inside, wanting to do cartwheels.

He may have been with Leah but I was a Cullen and had learned a few feinting tricks from my family. So playing the "I've lost my memory card" wasn't very fair on Leah but this was too good an opportunity to waste. Jake was treating me like he always had and I wasn't about to let him in on the secret just yet. I moaned weakly and panic flared in his eyes. I should have felt bad about worrying Jake but somehow I just couldn't.

"You want me to get you anything Nessie?"

"No I'm feeling better…so you're Jake and I'm Nessie…how long have we been together?" I asked hesitantly, innocently.

I held my breath as I waited for him to tell me he was with Leah, that we were only friends but he didn't say anything. Looking away from me I saw him suck in a deep breath and was shocked to see a look of torment cross his face, as he appeared to battle with himself.

When he turned back to me, his hand reached out and touched my face hesitantly, as though he couldn't quite help himself. Leaning into his touch I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of his skin against mine. It was amazing. Shivers raced through me as his thumb caressed my cheekbone and traced the shape of my bottom lip.

My stomach flip-flopped when I nipped at it gently, taking the earthy, salty taste of him into my mouth. Hearing the low moan he made, I struggled to sit up and close the distance between us, desperate for one last kiss before I confessed that I was faking, that a practical joke had gone too far.

I tried to stop the moan as our mouths met once more and what had begun as a soft hesitant exploration of his lips, shifted and evolved into something much more wild and dangerous. My thighs clenched as I heard Jake make a rough sound against my lips and I gasped, inviting his tongue into my mouth.

Jake thrust inside me, our tongues meeting and dueling in a passionate dance that sent sensations skittering through my system. He took control claiming me, his tongue thrusting, teasing, and stroking the inside of my mouth.

My hands wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling the heavy weight of his body down on mine as I leant back against the couch. Desire flared inside me and I fought to be closer to his clever, questing tongue. I was trapped beneath him, his hands cupping my face, tilting me, changing the angle of the kiss to allow him deeper.

But kissing was no longer enough for me, I felt as though I was no longer in control of my own body and I wanted more, needed more. I wanted to feel the shift and play of his muscles beneath my hands, feel the gentle strength of his arms where they held me close. So I gave into the urge, let my own feelings guide me.

Shaking with nervousness and need, I allowed my hands to wander down over the heavy corded muscles of his broad shoulders, to the smooth muscles of his chest. I was amazed to feel the furious race of his heartbeat, his lungs moving quickly as his breath came in rapid pants against my mouth. Urgent hunger splintered inside me and I wanted something more, something that I did not understand. I needed something to take away the ache between my legs. Damp and needy I heard Jake make a low rough sound again, his hands tangling into my hair as my legs tangled with his. My stomach flipped as his hips brushed mine and I felt something heavy and solid against my thigh. Heat burned inside me as I realized what it was and my own breath came in sharp rapid bursts.

Suddenly an ear splitting howl echoed around the room. With a snarl of frustration Jake pulled away from me, his mouth still so close that I could taste him, feel the heat of his breath as he panted, fighting for air that we both needed.

"Fuck, Ness" he groaned, his forehead dropping to rest on mine "I have to go, but when I get back we'll talk…don't be scared, you're safe here baby, I'll be back before you can miss me"

I wanted to tell him that I always missed him but the words lodged in my throat, I just stared up at him, my heart thundering in my chest.

Swooping down he pressed a quick, hard hot kiss against my now swollen lips and then was on his feet, moving with inhumane speed, hurrying out the door. Stunned I stared after him, not understanding what had just happened.

He was with Leah, wasn't he? How could he do that to her? If he loved her, wanted her how could he do those things with me? What had started out as a practical joke had backfired in a way I had never imagined and now I was here needy and aching inside, restless, shaking.

Licking my lips I could still taste him, smell him all around me, feel the heat and muscled strength of his body pressing down on me. Rather than feel crushed, I had felt protected, felt as though I could never be close enough to him. I wanted Jake badly but guilt wormed its way into me as I thought about Leah. As much as I loved him, I couldn't do this to her could I? Could I betray her? And why would Jake?

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I shifted in an instant and hit the ground running, following Leah's scent, unable to believe what had just happened. Nessie had kissed me, despite everything she had said, despite the fact she didn't want things to change between us. I tired to stop myself responding but I could no more stop my reaction to her than the sea could fight the tide. And when she made those soft sweet sounds against my mouth, I was lost. All the barriers between us had been swept away as though they never really existed in the first place.

She tasted amazing, the sweetest nectar, like a drug, making me shake badly with a need I have never known. When her tongue had hesitantly touched mine, heat had licked up my spine and I fought my natural instincts to possess her, to claim her. I'd allowed my tongue to thrust into her in the only way I could, hoping it would ease my aching throbbing erection. I was wrong, it only made it worse but it was a bittersweet torment one I would gladly get used to if it meant I could be close to her again.

She felt so soft below me, so alive, so fucking good that I wanted to bury myself inside her, to feel her tremor and convulse in my arms. Nessie was addictive and I would never be able to get enough of her. I thought I'd come apart when she slid her hands over my heart; I needed her so badly, needed to possess her and make her mine. Needed her to touch me, needed to touch her, to seek out the velvet soft skin of her hidden recesses.

"Jake, this isn't the fucking time…we got a rogue" Leah's disgusted voice came into my head as I pictured Nessie below me, her hair disheveled, lips swollen and red, her breath coming in little hot pants.

"A rogue?" I forcefully shifted my thoughts away from Nessie, needing to focus on what Leah was saying. It was hard to believe it could be a rogue. We were the only wolves in this area and each of us instantly knew the others scent.

"A rogue…a young male, I think"

"A shifter?"

"Could be, I can't really tell...want me to track him?" she offered. I knew she was still trying to make up for braining the love of my life but that shit still rankled.

"No wait for me…I'm not far behind" I commanded, my alpha tone appearing and preventing her from disobeying the order.

I picked up speed and in only a few minutes I picked up the scent of the other wolf. It was fresh, full of musk. Leah was right, a young wolf and a powerful one too. There had been no attempt made to cover his scent or his tracks, which worried me. The pack scent was a strong one. If he were a pure wolf he would smell us and avoid us, if he were a shifter he would know we were around, should be naturally cautious of a pack like ours but he wasn't. He was dangerous because either way he did not seem to care and leaving his scent in the way he had seemed to state that he was almost marking his territory. My hackles rose instinctively. This was my pack and my land.

"Leah I want you to go back and stay with Nessie, she's still pretty confused about who she is-" I told her as I drew nearer, the males scent growing stronger still.

"Well kissing her within an inch of her life isn't gonna help…oh and thanks for the memories… never knew you had it in you" she smirked and I could hear her patronizing tone.

"Shut up Leah, just go and keep her safe…keep your comments to yourself, I'll be home as soon as I've established if there is any threat here"

"Is that wise Jake? It could be a trap...could be those bloodsuckers"

" There's no way this is down to them…we both smell wolf Leah not bloodsucker…Trap or not I need to know what's going on…besides he's a wolf not a leech, I can handle this shit… it'll be fine…go home Leah" my alpha commanded when she still had not moved.

Seconds later I saw a gray blur rush past me with a snarl and I knew she didn't agree with my decision but I was alpha. I needed to know what danger there was. I could handle this alone. I had to. I could not risk my pack until I was sure what I was dealing with.

Lowering my body closer to the floor, I flew through the forest, hurtling through the trees when a loud cry brought me to a stop. A warning howl but it was not from my pack. I stopped running as a massive wolf with rich brown fur and intelligent green eyes appeared before me. He was huge, bigger than Sam and myself and was obviously a shifter. I felt a moments concern.

"Who are you?" I snarled into his mind, unsurprised when there was no reply. I was unable to hear his thoughts, so not part of my pack then. He was not from these parts, I couldn't even be sure he was a shifter, only his size giving him away.

The wolf lowered into offensive position, snarling, bearing its bloodied fangs at me, as I responded in kind. Hostility rolled off it in waves, forcing my own primitive instincts to the surface.

I didn't stop to wonder where this wolf was from and why it was here as it launched itself at me. Teeth and claws bared I threw myself at it, swiping at it's fur, trying to get my teeth around it's throat. Rolling across the ground I ended up on my back, scrambling to my feet as I felt claws slash against my skin, the scent of my blood filling the air.

Dammit. This wasn't as easy as I had expected. This was a fight for dominance. Because that's what it would come down to, this was a challenge, a fight to see who would come out of this as alpha.

Time and time again he came at me, trying to take me down, ripping into my fur, his teeth tearing at my skin until I was weakened and in agony. Blood poured from my wounds but I refused to back down, I was alpha here and for whatever reason this wolf wanted my position I wasn't about to give up.

Lunging for him with a snarl I felt my fangs connect, inches away from his throat, the taste of his blood filling my mouth. It tasted strange, acidic, burning my mouth and throat, not like the blood of other shifters or animals I had tasted. Something was wrong here, it was too strong, I was struggling, weakened, loosing too much blood. My vision was blurring, my limbs trembling and I was struggling.

"Jake! We're coming, just hold on" it was Embry and Quil, I could sense them close by and huffed out a breath of relief as I prepared to fly at the rogue again.

Before I could it shifted it's weight; it's massive head pulled back, sniffing the air as it growled, backing slowly away from me. It must have caught the scent of Quil and Embry on the air and as it turned to run I felt the fight slip from my body, weak from blood loss. I stumbled a little, my paws feeling as unsteady as the rest of me. Quil and Embry approached whining softly nudging me with their damp noses.

"Leah told us what you found, why didn't you come for us" Quil growled as he nosed around me, taking in the scent of the other wolf and of my blood.

"I thought I could handle it…but there's something not right about that wolf…it wasn't pure shifter"

"No shit Sherlock, look at the state of you…we better get you home and cleaned up" Embry nudged me as he whined, worried.

I rose to my feet and managed to take up a run, though every muscle in my body screamed in protest. As we darted though the forest I searched for the scent of the rogue but he had gone, lost to me….for now.


	28. Open Wounds and Healing hearts

_**First thing I want to say is that I must have the best reviewers in the world, it was great to hear from so many of you, really made my day so thank you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it felt a little surreal writing it, I could hardly believe that we have come to this point in the story already. Any I'm sure you're all dying to see what happens after Jake is attacked, so please enjoy and don't forget to drop me a line if you liked it. Love always Tink. XX**_

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Pausing mid stride I stopped pacing as I heard the noise of the wolves outside. I threw myself back onto the couch, taking a deep shaky breath. My nostrils flared as I took in the unmistakable scent of blood. Jake's blood. Fear hauled me back to my feet and to the doorway, where Jake stood uneasily balancing his weight between Quil and Embry.

My eyes widened in horror, as I looked him over. Beneath the beautiful russet of his skin he was pale and wan. I stared aghast, bile rising up in my throat. I swallowed it back. Never had I seen Jake look so weakened and vulnerable. Growing up he had seemed almost God like to me, a superhuman who never aged and was never ill. Any scrapes he got into healed quickly and I never saw him looking anything other than perfect.

This was something I had never thought to see, something I had never seen, something I realized I did not want to see again. He was bleeding, bruises marring his face and body. Red, raw and bloody claw marks stretched across the muscled expanse of his chest. His left eye was swollen and puffy.

My heart ached inside my chest as my eyes traveled over his face. It was torn and scratched, his lips busted and bloody. But already I could see evidence that he was healing; some of the smaller scratches were fading to faint pink marks, the blood congealing in his open wounds.

"Oh my god, what happened to you?" I asked him appalled, as he shuffled into the room. Rushing forward to help him, I ducked under his shoulder, taking some of his weight, helping him to the couch. Jake muffled a groan as he bent to sit, his hands coming up to the angry wounds across his ribs.

"Had a bit of an accident" he hedged and I realized instantly he thought I had no memory of what I was, of what he was. Shit. I had dug myself into this and now I could see no way out.

Quil and Embry exchanged puzzled looks behind him, and I smiled weakly at them.

"Where's Leah?" he asked them and pain splintered though me. He wanted her, not me. I supposed it was only natural but it didn't mean it had to hurt me any less. It was always going to be her wasn't it?

"Running patrol" Quil answered, shooting me a cautious look.

" Dammit does she ever listen…I told her to come back here… Go get her back I don't want anyone in the woods until we know what this things is" he told them, painfully his voice strained.

They hovered in the background a little while longer, clearly uncertain about leaving him alone with me. The scent of his blood was strong in the air, making my throat burn just a little. Jake had always been my favorite flavor. Yet it still rankled that they did not trust me not to hurt him.

Crossing my arms across my chest in a gesture I had seen Jake use so often I glared at them. Didn't they know I would never hurt him? Quil stared right back at me, unashamed of protecting his alpha. I knew at the end of the day they cared about Jake too and were just worried about him. Forcing myself to relax my defensive posture, I pasted on a reassuring smile as Embry muttured,

"You going to be okay Jake?" his eyes shifted from me to Jake and then back again.

He nodded "Just take a little while…I need to clean these wounds and then take a long hot shower"

"I can help with that," I blurted, wanting to do something for him. Needing to take away the obvious pain he was in. I felt every wince and hiss he made as though it were my own.

He looked at me quizzically; a weak but wicked grin appearing suddenly on his face and one eyebrow rose "You wanna give me a shower?"

Quil and Embry chuckled as my face filled with color, yes please, I wanted to blurt but settled for sticking out my tongue "Stay there I'll go get some iodine and cloths"

Scurrying from the room, I tried to ignore the images that filled my head of Jake in the shower, images I had seen already, his hard body wet and gleaming, so beautiful. Busying myself in the kitchen I gathered what I needed and returned to the room, my heart aching for Jake as I took in the true extent of his injuries.

He looked pale, his shoulders drooping, his eyes closed, lines of pain bracketing his eyes and mouth as he breathed raggedly. This time not from a kiss but from the pain. My poor, poor Jake.

"Jake?" I said hesitantly. His eyes opened and his warm gaze captured me, mesmerizing me.

Setting the bowl of fragrant water and cloths down on the coffee table, I perched next to him on the couch, more worried about him than I had been in a while.

"Bet you're wondering what the hell happened to me huh?" He asked his tone faintly amused but with a pained undertone.

I didn't know what to say. It seemed silly and so very immature to admit that I had faked my memory loss for a few cheap shots over Leah and to have him kiss me. I felt like such a fool, a silly, immature, little girl.

Reaching for a cloth I dipped it into the warm water and squeezed, as I shook my head "No, I remembered…most of it as you left…I know who you are…what we are…what happened to you? Who did this?"

He exhaled heavily, clearly favoring his lungs still and I felt an answering pain inside.

"There was a rogue-"

"Rogue?" I had no clue what he meant.

"A lone wolf…shifter I think…huge son of a bitch, bigger than Sam, bigger than me…he attacked me but it was weird…there was something off about him, I couldn't put my finger on it but there was something wrong…no normal wolf could do this to me"

"Do you think it's them?" I couldn't bear to say the word, I didn't want to think that they could be here already, that the danger had come for us.

He shook his head, his eyes closing for a second in pain.

"Pixie would have called, besides he was a wolf…last I heard there were no wolf leech hybrids…though it does seem too fucking coincidental…maybe you ought to check in with Alice later" he mused, as I cast my eyes over him once more.

His eyes closed again as he lay heavily against the couch, his injuries were taking more out of him than he was willing to admit.

"I will…so what are you going to do about it? Will Leah be okay, what if she runs into it?"

" Leah can take care of herself beside, Quil and Embry will bring her home…I'm gonna heal and them I'm going back out there to protect my pack, it's what I have to do…I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to one of them, I have to take it down"

I shook my head urgently, the thought of Jake putting himself in harms way again, made me feel physically sick.

"No Jake, it might just be passing through, you don't have to" I protested, rising onto my knees beside him so I could peer up into his face. Even sat down he towered over me.

"Nessie, I have to do this, it's my job…I need to keep them safe, they're my responsibility you know that"

"No you don't...look at what he's done to you already, just let him go Jake, please"

"I'm sorry Nessie but I have to…I'm going as soon as my wounds close, the sooner the better, I just can't take the chance that he won't attack one of them, I couldn't live with myself if they got hurt because of me"

Deep down I knew that Jake would not change his mind, his sense of responsibility and commitment was just one of the reasons I loved him and he would not be the same man if he backed away from his duty. I knew there was nothing I could say to stop him. His loyalty to his pack came before anything, they were his family.

I was immediately reminded of Leah and the kiss we had shared. The kiss I had tricked him into. That would hurt Leah. The sickness in my stomach swelled and I looked away from him. Taking a deep breath, I dipped the cloth into the cooling bowl of iodine and leaning across his chest dabbed at the drying blood on his cheek edging my way around one of the gashes.

"I'm so sorry Jake"

I apologized both for the pain I knew I was going to inflict on him and for the kiss I'd forced him into. I tried to ignore the hiss of breath, tickling my fingers as I pressed as gently as I could against his wound. The corner of his mouth kicked up in acknowledgment but he said nothing, just stared at me with his dark fathomless eyes. There was silence as I wrung out the cloth time and again, returning to his battered and bloody body.

Wiping away the blood smears from his chest, I prayed he would not notice how badly my fingers were shaking both from touching him this way and my fear for him.

"What have you got to be sorry for?" he eventually asked tilting his head to look down at me.

"You know earlier…kissing you," I mumbled, dipping the cloth again and then wiping away some dried blood, not wanting to look at him. Mortified was not the word.

"Why are you apologizing?" his voice was gentle, tender even and I felt a corresponding prickle of tears.

I huffed out a breath, embarrassed "Well you know, it's awkward with Leah and everything"

His hand snaked out and caught my wrist, stilling the motion of my hand as I made to clean the large angry crimson slash across his pectoral muscle.

"Ness, it's me who should apologize I took advantage of you, I know you don't feel the same, I know it was the bump on the head-"

"Please do we have to talk about this? Leah's gonna kill you when she finds out anyway" I mumbled, my cheeks hot and flushed.

I was mortified that she probably already knew which was why she hadn't come home yet. I knew about the pack mentality, that you could hide nothing from them, it worked in much the same way as my dad's ability. Poor Leah.

Was she somewhere right now, hurting, feeling betrayed by us? Pulling my hand from his wrist I continued with my ministrations, wondering was it wrong that I was enjoying this? Was I bad person for enjoying the way I could touch his body, feel his skin, be this close to him?

"Leah knows, she kinda saw everything when I shifted" he rumbled, watching my hands on his body as they stroked across him. Something glittered inside me, knowing he watched me so intensely.

"And you're still alive…She didn't do this to you did she?" I said in a feeble attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

Jake chuckled, wincing as he did so "Nessie, Leah may be able to kick your ass but there is no way in hell she can kick mine"

My relief must have shown on my face because he grabbed my hand again, as I stared at his chest, committing its perfection to memory, taking in every slide and pull of his muscles, every shift and play.

I had a feeling that after this I would be seeing a lot less of it "What _is_ this obsession you have with Leah, Ness?"

"Gee Jake, why would I not be worried that your girlfriend had a front row seat of our earth shattering kiss? You know you can be so du-" I jumped startled, as Jake yanked on my hand, pulling me across his lap.

My eyes flew to my lap, inspecting a tiny speck of dust on my pant leg, unable to meet his gaze.

His other hand cupped my chin to make me look at him. I shivered, his eyes blazed down into mine, alive with a heat I was beginning to recognize. Heat shimmered inside me helpless response.

"What did you say?" he all but growled at me.

"I said I feel awful about Leah seeing our kiss… after what happened with Sam and Emily this most be a nightmare for her" mumbling I hung my head in shame.

My parents hadn't raised me to be this way. But I just could not help myself my feelings for Jake were just too strong. It was a poor excuse but it was the only one I had.

"Leah?" he repeated "Leah, my girlfriend?"

I rolled my eyes to disguise how much his words actually hurt me "Yeah Jake, can't you keep up...I thought it was me that took a knock to the head and lost my memory"

"This is what you were talking about the other night? You meant my relationship with Leah?" he was silent for a few seconds, looking at me speculatively.

"How _did _you find out about that by he way?" he suddenly asked me with a grin.

I really couldn't see what was so funny about this situation and huffed, shifting around on his knee, struggling against his embrace wanting to get down. This felt so right but I knew it was oh so wrong.

My eyes flew to his as he made a strangled sound like a moan. Oh shit! Was I hurting him. I scrambled to move, but his arms locked tight around me and when he spoke it was though gritted teeth.

"Will you _please_ sit still Ness?" he moaned.

I thought once more of his injuries and I froze immediately. Oh, I was such a bad person to be lusting over his body when he was injured and obviously in agony. Bad Nessie.

"Now talk…tell me how you found out about me and Leah," he commanded, that smirk back on his face, his body language changing.

"Why?" I really couldn't face doing this; it was painful and embarrassing to admit that I had eavesdropped on them.

"Humor me" he grinned lazily, clearly enjoying himself despite the pain he must be in. I glanced down at his body once more. His wounds were still closing rapidly, the scarring beginning to form a pale pinkish silver, only the tempting scent of his blood remaining.

"It was the day we came here… I went upstairs to unpack and when I came down" I gulped, wiling the pain of the memory to go away and I began to tremble "When I came down I saw you…_together_" I emphasized.

He looked at me arching one eyebrow, the hands at my back began to slowly stroke up and down my spin, offering comfort, reassurance. Trying not to melt into a boneless puddle, my breath caught as frissons of awareness trickled through me. It was hard enough to do this without the delicious distraction of his hands. Was he really trying to drive me mad?

"And" he prodded waiting for me to continue; all the while his hands carried on their gentle stroking. I knew it was his intention to soothe me, to calm me, to encourage me I couldn't help it if my body had a mind of its own and I felt my pulse spike.

"I saw you _together_…I heard what you said about telling me, about how you had been lying to me all this time" I finished on a whisper, ashamed and embarrassed.

He groaned, his eyes squeezing closed for a brief second before popping open revealing his smoldering eyes.

"Nessie, Nessie, Nessie…you silly girl is that why you've been so awful to Leah? Why you barely said two words to me, why you've avoided being alone with me because… you think that Leah and I are together?"

I nodded, not proud of myself but relieved that at last it was out in the open.

"I'm sorry Jake, I really didn't mean to invade your privacy that way but it just happened…and I know I've been a bitch at times but I just, just…" I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I was jealous and hurting.

"Just what Nessie?" he asked, his voice a velvet rumble that made goose bumps break out across my skin.

I exhaled shakily and mumbled, "I was jealous"

God this was humiliating.

"Jealous of Leah, why?"

I rolled my eyes; did I really have to spell it out for him? Did he really not know how I felt about him?

"Because you're so close to her, I always thought it would always be just you and me against the world you know…I never considered you would need anyone else…I'm sorry Jake, that was selfish of me"

The hands on my back stilled "Ah Nessie, I don't need anyone else, only you"

"What about Leah? Jake, it's okay… I understand you're a guy and I shouldn't have expected you to stick with me all this time, I know you'll have … ne…needs and I understand…I won't get in your way, I promise nothing has to change" I stuttered, mortified to be discussing Jake's _needs_ with him.

He laughed, his lips curving into a sexy grin, the corner of his eyes crinkling "Nessie, you don't understand anything…Leah and me… Leah and me are just friends, that's it"

Friends? Just Friends? My heart stopped inside me for a second and when it found its rhythm again I thought it would explode out of my chest with happiness. I couldn't help the grin of elation that spread across my face.

"Friends…she's not your girlfriend?" I asked hesitantly incase I had misunderstood what he was telling me.

"Christ no! We'd kill each other…can you imagine dating that, she's a pain in the ass," he laughed and I joined him, giggling like a little girl.

Relief gushed up inside me and found its outlet in my slightly hysterical chuckles. The sound of our combined laughter soothed the wounds in my heart and I wished that it could heal all Jake's wounds just as easily.

When we quieted I looked up at him, slightly puzzled as a thought occurred to me "So what was that conversation I overheard? What did you mean you had been lying to me?"

I felt his chest expand and release as he took in a deep breath, the hand at the base of my spine caressing the skin above my sweat pants.

"Jake, it's okay you know…whatever it is, whatever you've done…I'll forgive you…you're my best friend" I told him gently, lifting my hand to his face and showing him pictures of us over the years, laughing and smiling.

I showed him how much I loved being with him, how safe I felt, how much I had missed him this last few days, how relieved I was that he wasn't with Leah in that way.

When he looked at me my breath hitched in the back of my throat, his eyes were burning, molten and flecked with gold, pinning me in place in a way that his arms could never have.

"Is that all I am Ness?" his voice was deep and raspy.

I bit my lip nervously, heat scalding my cheeks, feeling as though I was on the precipice of something hugely important. I didn't dare to speak in case I broke the spell that seemed to surround us. Shaking my head I managed to breathe out a no, knowing that what happened next would be crucial to my future happiness.

"I'm not with Leah, Ness because she would really kill me, she's tough and will always have my back but I don't see her that way…because there's someone else…there's always been someone else"

Hope flared and died inside me, if there had always been someone else, it couldn't have been me. It was her, he'd mentioned her just before he disappeared. I hated her, this nameless faceless stranger who held his heart.

"Who?" I croaked, call me a masochist but I wanted to know who my competition was.

I wanted to know if she was good enough for my Jake, I suspected no one would be but I had to at least try, for his sake. I wanted him to be happy even if it killed me. I loved him that much.

One of his hands came up to cup my chin, his fingers threading into my hair, pulling me closer to him

" Ness…Oh Ness…It's you… it's always been you," he whispered.

My stomach clenched, my heart dropped and I held my breath. Had I heard right? Did Jake really just tell me he felt the same way about me?

"M- me?" I croaked and became aware that he was trembling lightly beneath me.

He nodded just once but it was enough, my heart expanded inside my chest.

His pupils dilated until his eyes became black, his nostrils flaring slightly as his lips parted. I could smell his scent all around me, salty and rich, woodsy and musky, it drove the need inside me to spiral tighter mingling with the scent of his blood, making me light headed.

The hand on my cheek tugged me closer and then I felt it, the barest brush of his lips against mine, once then twice, hesitantly as though he were afraid of hurting me.

Shuddering against him, I opened my mouth, wanting, needing a deeper caress, needing the thrust of his tongue, needing the mouth-watering taste of him inside me. His mouth took over, taking charge, dominating the kiss, passion flaring to life between us as he kissed me, hotly, wetly, deeply, He was branding me, I realized as his tongue swept through my mouth, searching out the moist dark recesses of my mouth. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I let me fingers tangle into his hair to hold him tightly against me.

My heart and body sang as he kissed me urgently, this was no gentle seeking. This was a dominating kiss, he was staking his claim.

"You taste so good Nessie," he growled against my lips and I trembled, a little moan coming from my lips.

It was a breathy sound and evidently Jake liked it as he hauled me even closer still, not caring about his wounds as he feasted on my lips.

My hands lowered from where they played in his hair and slid across the heat and hardness of his chest, feeling his chest vibrate under my palms with the rapid pounding of his heartbeat. I felt Jake's hand tremble as it curved around my cheek and knowing he needed this as much as me made my breath hitch, making it even harder for me to breathe.

When my demand for oxygen could no longer be denied, Jake seemed to sense it and pull his mouth away from mine, breathing harshly. I rested my head against the furious pounding of his heart, listening to the steady rhythm as I fought to get some sense of control back.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" I fretted, as soon as I was able to form a coherent sentence.

His chest rumbled beneath my cheek as he chuckled "Only you would ask me that again Ness…I'm great…I'm better than great…I'm amazing"

""Is it really me?" I breathed, a little afraid to ask in case I had dreamed the last few minutes.

"It's always been you Nessie…I've waited so long for you honey…there were times when I thought it would kill me or at least Edward would"

I smiled and pressed another kiss, loving the taste of his skin on my lips "I would never let daddy hurt you"

"Somehow I don't think you could have stopped him," he said ruefully, his fingers tracing over my cheekbones.

"I would have found a way…I thought you didn't want me" I confessed in a hushed tone "You kept pushing me away…you told me you didn't see me like that"

He dropped a kiss to the top of my head "Ah Nessie, I lied…I had to do that…I could have been dangerous to you, I couldn't bring that danger down on you…so I fought my feelings… I was trying to protect you, trying to stop you from getting hurt"

"You hurt me…when I thought you didn't want me, you hurt me so bad… I wanted to die" I confessed shakily.

He squeezed me close "I know honey and I'm so, so sorry but there was nothing else I could do… I was hurting myself to hurt you but it was too dangerous"

"So what's changed? Why now…I'm not complaining" I admitted shyly "But we're in more danger now than ever"

I felt him sigh, his huge chest moving beneath me as he breathed deeply in then exhaled slowly, "Because we don't know how much time we have...I couldn't wait anymore…we don't know what it going to happen with those bloodsuckers and I want whatever time I can get with you…if it all ends tomorrow than at least I got to hold you, kiss you"

Sliding my hands slowly from his chest over the broad power of his shoulders, to the corded muscles of his neck and up to his cheeks I thrilled in the touch of his skin beneath my fingers.

Staring at him through my lashes I saw his eyes close as the extent of my words and emotions hit him in one go. Our lips met and opened against each other, my tongue finding his and following in into his mouth. I was intoxicated with the taste of my Jake, lightheaded with the feelings sweeping through me, my hands clutching him to me incase he tried to escape.

I felt rather than heard his sharp intake of breath and his hands covered mine gently moving them away from the angry looking slash across his body. Instantly I pulled away from him, feeling pained that I had somehow hurt him.

"I'm sorry" I panted, my eyes focused on his lips, slightly damp and swollen. He had such a beautiful mouth.

"S'okay Ness, you didn't hurt me really, it's just a little…tight" he murmured with a sardonic smile.

Unable to help myself I reached out to let my finger ghost across his lips, where the skin was still raw and tender looking. I sucked in a startled breath of my own as he drew it into the moist heat of his mouth and tugged gently on it. Instantly I felt a corresponding clenching of all my internal muscles and I pressed my legs together tightly to take it away. Jake watched me as he nibbled on the end of my finger, his eyes growing heavy and slight drowsy looking, a faint golden ring surrounding his irises. My body responded to that look, everything inside me tightened, filling me with the sweetest ache I had ever known but I didn't know what to do to take it away. Jake's eyes were on mine and I knew he was watching me, gauging my reaction to his touch. I slipped my finger from between his lips and raised them to my own, my tongue darting out to capture the essence of Jake.

He sucked in a sharp breath and let out a low groan, his eyes taking on a predatory look. Never before had he looked more like the wolf he morphed into when he shifted.

"Nessie…we should talk, there is so much you need to know, so many things I should tell you" he muttered, his voice gravelly and grave.

I nodded my eyes still on his lips as I leant closer to him fighting the urge to kiss him again "like what?"

I wasn't really paying him close attention, I was too busy trying to come up with ways to get him to kiss me, ways to get him to touch me, ways to get him to slide his hand where I needed it.

He seemed to war with himself, his emotions flitting across his face, from sadness to happiness and back again before he shook his head.

"It can wait... for now I just want to be with you"


	29. Together

_**Hey everyone…big THANKYOU to all those people who have reviewed and hello to those you have just joined us…sorry this one is a little short but there is some pretty packed chapters coming up soon and I didn't want to cram too much into this…anyway that's all from me except to say let me know what you think. Love Tink. XXX**_

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I stared at the cell phone in my hand about to punch in Alice's number when it rang, startling me for a second. I jumped my eyes flicking to where Jake dozed on the couch, his long body stretched out for my perusal. I was worried the sound would disturb him but he slept on, his chest rising and falling in the same deep rhythm.

Healing always tired him but when the damage was as significant as it had been today, it was exhausting for him. He had slept soundly for the past three hours, leaving me to watch over his body, taking in all the minute changes which happened second by second so quickly a human would miss them. But I was far from human and besides Jake was mine now, I noticed everything about him.

I still couldn't believe he was mine, after all this time, all the confusion, he actually liked me, he actually wanted to be with me, not Leah and not anyone else. I wanted to pinch myself to sing and dance and tell the whole world that I Renesmee Cullen was a wanted woman. Following this thought came another much darker one, I was wanted woman in more ways than one.

"Aunt Alice?" I murmured into the phone as I heard an exasperated sigh reach my ears.

"Thought I would save you the trouble of the call…is everything okay Nessie?" she chirped.

I felt a moments unease, I wasn't used to my aunt being blind "Can't you tell?"

She snorted down the phone "Nessie you are surrounded by wolves, that is the whole point of you being there…I barely saw enough to see this call coming…so I'll ask you again is everything okay?"

"I don't know…Jake was attacked, there was a rogue wolf but Jake said there was something unusual about him"

"Unusual how?"

"I don't really know, he said it was wrong, that he wasn't really like a wolf….you don't think it's them do you?"

"No, I don't think so…the key players are still in Volterra but they are waiting for something, planning for their next move…the first phase of the plan is completed… I hate this" she sounded frustrated, slightly exasperated.

" First phase? What does that mean…. Could it be them? Could they have a wolf on side?"

"Nessie if I knew that don't you think you would be the first to know…besides I don't think the Volturi would lower themselves to working with the wolves, it's just not their style, they have always seen them as insignificant, below their radar if you like… How is the big mutt anyway?" she asked and I noticed her voice softened. Alice and Jake had always gotten on.

"He's great" I said my cheeks filing with hot color as I struggled to sound casual.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen…just what is that supposed to mean? Has something happened between you….Nessie, you're killing me here…Oh I hate being this blind… On second thoughts don't tell me, I don't think I could hide this from Edward and he needs to be focused now, we all do" she said pointedly but I was still to happy to feel bad about my developing relationship with Jake. This felt like the culmination of my life's dream, I had always loved Jake and now this was just another way to love him.

I was just dying to share this with someone, I wanted everyone to know that we were together; I wanted to shout it from the rooftops that he was mine.

Glancing over at him a goofy smile appeared on my face as I stared at him, admiring the long, strong, masculine lines of his body, ignoring the fact his amazing body was still marred by angry looking scars and welts. Anger bubbled inside me as I thought about what had happened to him and I felt a protective urge well up inside me.

"Quit it Nessie" he rasped in a sleepy voice, his eyes popping open a grin curving his full lips.

I flushed again, embarrassed to be caught so obviously checking him out. As our eyes met, memories of our recent kisses invaded my mind.

"Hello...Nessie are you there?" Alice said impatiently. "He's awake isn't he…I'll say this and only this, please don't rush into anything, give things chance to develop on their own…. besides knowing Jake you're gonna have a battle on your hands and…I need time to plan when this is all finished, don't be Bella all over again" she pleaded with me.

I stared at the phone in my hand in confusion; sometimes my favorite Aunt still boggled my mind with her own. But now Jake was awake I was eager to spend some time with him, to reveal in the fact we were together.

"Uh sorry Aunt Alice I gotta go, give my love to mom and dad and please stay in touch" I said as I heard her sigh before the call disconnected.

Jake sat up slowly, my eyes fixing helplessly on him as he stretched, the muscles of his chest doing interesting things to my insides. I watched as he scratched one of the faint scars across his perfectly formed pecs and yawned lazily. My stomach flipped as he winked at me.

"See anything you like?" he asked his voice still gravely from sleep.

"No" I managed with a perfectly straight face, despite the fact I was on fire.

"Oh really, then maybe I will just have to try harder" he smirked and immediately struck a pose, flexing the powerful muscles of his arms, making them dance as though in time to some invisible tune.

I giggled as he preened in front of me "You're are such a goof Jake"

"Made you smile didn't it? So what did the pixie have to say?"

I faltered for a second "You heard that? I thought you were sleeping"

He shrugged rubbing his hands over his face "Ring tone woke me up… I sleep a lot lighter these days," he said somberly.

I knew he was referring to his time in captivity and a chill moved over me, we still had not discussed what that entailed. Broaching the subject always made me feel uneasy but I wanted to know what had happened to him, wanted to know the affect it had on him.

"Hey where did my smile go?" he asked his tone easy and joking once more.

I looked across at him and suddenly he seemed so very far away, even though he was just across the room from me. I wanted to go to him, to feel his arms around me, remind me he was safe and he was with me. But I wasn't sure how to proceed.

It was different now, before I wouldn't think twice about touching him, going to him, cuddling with him but not now. It almost felt like I would be bothering him, I didn't want him to think I was going to be one of those clingy girls. Something of what I felt must have shown in my eyes because he got to his feet and crossed the room to me.

He was still favoring his ribs slightly but all of his wounds had closed, only pink scars marking the spaces they had once been. My heart beat a little faster when he hunkered down in front of me, so he was at eye level.

"What's up?" he asked gently.

I wanted to be honest and tell him but I didn't want to back him into something I didn't think he would be ready to talk about. Shrugging I moved my eyes from his.

"Nessie" he warned.

"I'm fine honestly" I murmured, "I just have a lot to think about"

Like you and how you make me feel, like what you've been though that you can't share with me, your best friend.

"Have you changed your mind?" he asked quietly, so quietly even I had to strain to hear him.

"No!" I blurted and then chuckled, embarrassed a little at my own vehemence.

He laughed and I smiled at him, just because I loved the sound. It reminded me that he was alive and well and we were together at last. It was the sound of life.

"So what is it?" he coaxed, giving me a lopsided smile, which seemed to melt my heart.

I shook my head wanting to put my melancholy mood behind me "Its nothing honestly…besides I don't want to talk about it"

His eyebrow quirked, "So there is something…you now I could always make you tell me"

"Yeah?" I pursed my lips familiar with this game "You and whose army?"

He grinned wolfishly, showing me all his bright white teeth and my heart knocked against my ribs as I knew what was coming next.

"These armies and these handies" he muttered and with a playful growl lunged for me.

Within seconds I was giggling hysterically as Jake tickled me, his hands mercilessly attacking my ribs. I screamed and struggled against him but trying to fight off a two hundred pound were wolf even in a fun fight was not easy. We hadn't played this game since I was a little kid and he had always let me win even though he had always been bigger and stronger than me. This time though, things were different.

I gasped for breath, as his hands stole over my body and I pushed against him as he pulled me closer. With a muffled cry I felt myself falling, toppling from the sofa. The result was us, in a heap, on the living room floor, Jake's body braced over me, as he grinned down at me from his position on his hands and knees.

As he looked down at me ,his eyes seemed to glow, and our shared laughter faded away to be replaced by something entirely different. My body tingled with awareness, I felt the increase in speed of my heart, heard his own heavy breathing and my stomach did that flip-flop thing again. I wanted to kiss him so badly and unconsciously parted my lips, wetting them nervously with my tongue.

Impossibly his eyes darkened even more and I heard and felt his groan a mere second before his mouth was on mine. Sighing I opened my lips to receive his tongue and was assailed by his scent and taste. It made my head spin and goose bumps break out across my skin.

A tingling feeling spread put from between my legs and I shifted a little, feeling tense but not really knowing why. Jake made me feel giddy and tingly and needy and frantic. My skin was on fire both from his amazing body heat and his touch. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to pull him down to me.

I needed to feel the heat and hardness of his body pressing against me, covering me but he resisted, his arms braced on either side of my head, holding his weight from me. Following some buried instinct I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in the long length of his hair and arched myself against him, lifting my hips towards his.

I heard a low rumble in his chest as he deepened the kiss and I shuddered as I felt one hand slowly slide down the side of my body, tracing my shape where only seconds before he had tickled me. As inexperienced as I was at this I knew I wanted something more, the feeling of the fingers of his hand biting into the skin of my hip through my pants made me realize just how big and strong he was and just how small and fragile I was. Rather than alarm me the comparison made me feel funny between my legs and I could feel myself growing damp. Embarrassment and need battled inside me but need won out.

He was giving me just enough to leave me desperate for more and I wondered if he knew just how much I loved him, just how he made me feel. I flexed my hand prepared to show him, to let him feel what he did to me, wanting him to experience the same heady rush of feelings I did. Wanting him to take things further, wanting him to do something about the funny feelings inside me.

"Well now this is new" Leah's sardonic drawl came from above us, and I felt Jake stiffen over me. He reluctantly, slowly, ended our kiss but made no move to leave me, instead he pressed a whisper soft kiss to my still trembling lips and then turned his head to the side.

"Leah" he all but growled. He. Was. Not. Impressed. And at that moment despite being extremely embarrassed, neither was I.

"Hey Jake, Nessie" she said sweetly grinning down at us.

"Um Hi Leah" I managed weakly, knowing my face was scarlet.

"Having fun?" she enquired lazily throwing herself down on the couch where Jake had recently napped and spreading her arms across the back of it, looking as relaxed as I felt tense.

I almost strangled on my tongue, mortified to be caught making out with Jake on his living room floor, knowing that I probably looked a messed, with my hair all over, my face red and panting as though I had just run a marathon.

"We were," he muttered ruefully his own breathing none to steady.

"Well it's about fucking time," she said casually, reaching for the remote and flicking the television on as though we were not even there.

Jake smiled at me apologetically and sat back on his knees, holding out his hands to help me sit up. I took them gratefully, smiling when he gave them an extra squeeze.

"Ness honey, I need to speak with Leah, can you give us a few minutes?" he asked me gently.

My first instinct was to refuse; I'd had enough of being left out of the loop, enough of being treated like a child but I knew if he wanted to speak to her privately there must have been a good reason.

"Sure…you want me to fix you something to eat?" I asked, wondering if it was normal that I was excited to do this for him, to take care of him the way he always had me.

He grinned widely at me and it was enough to set my heart racing again, knowing he could probably hear it I tried to brazen it out and gave a little shrug.

"Thanks Ness" he said quietly and I knew he meant for more than cooking his dinner. It was important whatever he had to say to Leah and I wondered if he had expected me to put up more of a fight.

Jake hauled me to my feet and bent to press another brief kiss to me, which left my lips tingling and my body wanting more. More. I seemed to be feeling that a lot around Jake but I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted more of. Jake maybe?

With a last smile I felt the room, Jake's voice following me out of the door.

* * *

"Leah where the hell have you been?" I growled, angry that she had interrupted Nessie and I, angry that she hadn't done what I asked and angry that I had been worried when she wasn't home. My body was still very tight with unfulfilled need and that didn't add to the bad mood my ass kicking had provoked. Leah arriving back so late and disobeying a direct command, pissed me off just as much.

She was my pack, my responsibility. I couldn't handle the thought of facing Seth and telling him his sister, however big a pain in the ass, would not be coming home.

"I know what you said but I wanted to see if there was anything else out there….it just seems too coincidental…I saw what happened to you…what is he Jake?" she sounded alarmed, something rare for Leah. Angry she did, snotty she did, a pain in the ass she did but never alarm, never anxious.

I exhaled deeply and felt the answering pull across my chest, still not fully healed. That was the question I had asked myself a hundred times since coming home.

"I don't know Lee" I admitted "He's not something we've ever come across before…he was so powerful, if it wasn't for Quil and Embry showing up…I don't think I'd be here now"

It was a humiliating confession to make, I had always been one of the biggest, strongest wolves, well from the time I could remember anyway.

Shock registered on her face for a second before it was gone "What are we going to do?

"_I'm_ gonna heal and get back out there…I want that thing-whatever it is…_I'm_ taking it down"

She pursed her lips and shook her head slowly "You think that's wise? He beat your sorry ass and don't tell me you're not still feeling the affects, I've seen the way you been moving…you need to leave this alone for now"

"No way, if this thing is something to do with those Leeches then I want it eliminated a soon as possible…deal with one threat before another arrives…and if it's just a rogue then we will teach it a lesson, make it think twice before coming onto our territory again"

"Jake this is a bad idea, you're still healing…let me take care of this for you…I can do this" she told me, her casual stance gone as she leant forward, bracing her arms on her knees, her eyes glinting with excitement.

"Lee, it would tear you apart in seconds, you're a small wolf…I'm twice as big as you and it nearly destroyed me"

"Exactly" she looked triumphant "which is why you can't face this alone…when you're ready we'll come with you, we'll handle this…together"


	30. Like Catching Lightning

_**Okay so I am more than a little nervous about this chapter…I wasn't sure if I have things moving too fast and getting out pace with the rest of the story…and I am still unsure but what the hell in for a penny in for a pound…so if you would please spend a second or two and let me what you think…have I moved too quickly? That said hope you all enjoy and thank you so much to all those who have stopped by and said hi. Oh and a warning I changed the ending of this during editing in document manager, so any mistakes are my fault…hmm maybe I really should look into getting a beta reader…anyway on with the show…. Mwah. Love Tink. XX**_

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I awoke with a start, the jarring crack of thunder that rumbled across the night sky tearing me from my sleep. Lying still I listened for any sound which would tell me if Jake was home or not. It had been three days since he was attacked and even though he was now fully healed, it had taken a lot out of him. Not just physically but mentally too. He would never admit it to me but I know it bothered him, called on memories that he would rather forget.

Around me he was his usual goofy self but when he thought I wasn't looking-and I was always looking- I could see the darkness creeping up on him. I could see it stealing into his eyes day by day. Maybe it was the not knowing what was coming, maybe it was the fact he had to admit he was vulnerable but something was eating at him, something he wouldn't or couldn't share with me at least.

Below me I could detect no noise, no sound of his heart, no rhythm of his breathing and I knew he must be patrolling with the pack. Leah and I had both tried to stop him phasing so quickly, from going back into the forest but with no luck. He wanted this taken care of, wanted it sorted, wanted one less problem to deal with. The feeling of sheer terror, which washed over me the first time he went back out there, was something that would stay with me for eternity.

But after finding only a lingering trace of the rogue's scent he'd returned home. I thought that would be it, thought he would be happy but if anything Jake seemed more worried. It ate at him that he didn't understand what this rogue wanted and why now it had disappeared as quickly as it had come. Embry with this usual confidence thought Jake had ran it off, the pack were as confused as Jake but deep down I _knew_ it'd would be back. Despite Alice's reassurance that it was nothing to do with them, I couldn't help feel it was too coincidental a wolf suddenly appearing and attacking Jake, yet it had stayed away from the others.

Sighing I turned over in bed, breathing deeply taking in the faint trace of Jacob's scent, feeling it comfort me, soothe me. Huffing a little I punched the pillow, thoughts chasing round and round in my head, the noise of the rain on the roof and the thunder in the sky all conspiring to keep me awake. I never slept well when Jake was patrolling.

Gathering the sheets around my shoulders I slipped from the bed and wandered to the window. With my vampire vision looking past the crystal collection of raindrops and into the night was easy. Looking down at the forest I wondered where he was and if he was okay. The rain was heavy and the lightening forked though the sky, it's spiky fingers striking the ground.

My heart began to race as Jake stepped from the forest, my eyes picking out the now very faint marks on the burnished skin of his chest. It never failed to move me just how beautiful his body was. I was breathless as I watched the rain rolling off his skin. He was so perfectly ruggedly beautiful that my fingers itched just to touch him, to trace the line of rain as it ebbed and flowed.

Need welled inside me, pushing aside my worries, my insecurities. My eyes followed him as he stalked towards the house all masculine lines and grace. I heard the door open and close and the kitchen light flick on. Shivering slightly I padded from the room, needing to be close to him, wanting to be with him.

* * *

Shaking the excess water from myself, I stepped into the door and made my way into the kitchen. The house was silent and still, Nessie must be sleeping. Nessie. I missed her every second I was apart from her but I needed to find that wolf. Worry gnawed at my insides, my permanent companion. There was still no sign of the rogue but it didn't reassure me. Embry and some of the others were convinced we'd done our job and scared it off but I wasn't so sure. That wolf had been strong, fixed on his attack and very nearly fucking lethal to me.

My own mortality had never bothered me before but now it stared me in the face every time I looked at Ness. Dying I wasn't afraid of, but leaving Nessie…. I couldn't imagine. Hurting her, leaving her behind to have an eternity without me, filled me a dread that invaded every fiber of my being.

I felt tired, more tired than I had in ages. Physically I was strong and well but inside I was tired, worried, on edge. The rogue had fucked with me in more ways than one, he had made me face the fact that in heartbeat my life could be extinguished and she would be alone. I sat heavily on a chair, my head in my hands, thoughts chasing round and round. Spearing my fingers into my hair I concentrated on just taking deep breaths, long, slow deep breaths.

And suddenly she was there; I could smell her before she appeared in the doorway, looking all sleep tousled and hot as hell. Her silken bronze curls had escaped from her braid, and tickled her cheeks, her arms wrapped around herself, holding a blanket close. But it was her eyes, which really got me, they were liquid and full of heat, soft and doe like. Ah hell.

I felt my body stir in response to her scent, and I wanted to curse, loudly and explicitly. This was gonna be hard, if you pardoned the pun. Since the change in our relationship I had struggled to keep things simple, fought my body's natural instincts to mate and claim her for my own. Nessie deserved more than that and in our precarious position I couldn't give her anywhere near what she deserved. Couldn't give her hearts and flowers and meals and dates, necking in the back seat of my rabbit. All the things a teenager should experience. Instead now I had a death sentence hanging over us.

The only thing I could give her was respect, and my love, my never-ending love. But I was hanging on by a thread and she was testing my limits. Every time we kissed or touched I could feel her desire, smell how much her body wanted this even if she did not understand it. I was doing a battle with us both and fuck it was hard. Pun fully intended.

"Jake?" she asked softly from her place in the doorway and I looked to see her move closer to me.

Cursing my own weakness I inhaled deeply, taking her peaches and cream scent inside me, noticing the spicy tang of her desire and feeling an answering throb as blood rushed to my rapidly burgeoning hard on. Dressed in a pale nightgown I could almost make out the line of her body beneath it and I knew she would be bra less. I almost swallowed tongue as I fought to appear normal.

"Yeah honey?"

"Is everything okay?"

No, I'm suddenly morbidly afraid of dying and leaving you, I'm fighting with my wolf to take you to bed and not let you out till we're both howling at the moon. I can smell how much you want me but I know you don't understand it.

"Sure" I lied and we both knew it.

"Patrol go okay?" she asked moving a little closer still, her eyes running over my body as though she could not quite help herself. I wanted to smile but I couldn't, need held me in it's iron grip.

I nodded and sighed, inadvertently getting another whiff of her scent. Fuck she smelled so good and I clenched my fingers against the urge to touch her. God Nessie why do you do this to me?

* * *

I knew he heard me coming, I could tell he way he sat up from his hunched posture as I got to the doorway.

His face so sad it pained me more than his words ever could and I felt a corresponding ache inside me. My eyes were drawn to the broad expanse of his chest as it moved slowly in and out with each slow deep breath he took. In. Out. In. Out. I walked slowly, silently, steadily, my only thought to comfort the abject misery I saw on his face, the longing, the sadness. I knew the second he sensed me for he stilled at my approach and lifted his head to look into my eyes.

There was a wary expression on his face. And what I saw there made my heart clench painfully, he looked so utterly wretched, so utterly miserable that I could not stop myself from reaching out to him. I asked him if he was okay and I knew he wasn't. He lied to me, again. This was what I meant by the darkness. My Jake, my fun loving, wicked, Jake was slowly disappearing before my every eyes.

He was so utterly different to the boy I had grown up with. Since his disappearance he was a much more complex man, as dark as he had been light. But then there were things I had yet to learn, horrors he had lived through that I could not comprehend.

Seeking only to comfort him I closed what little distance there was between us and bent down to him. Trailing my hand across his cheekbones, I traced the sensual fullness of his lips and only a heartbeat later his mouth was attacking mine.

My own heart went wild as he kissed me harder than he ever had before, with breathless urgency, his tongue plundering my mouth as he hands reached for me and he suddenly stood towering over me. Wrapping my arms around his neck I held on for dear life as he moved and suddenly I was back against the wall without knowing quite how we got there.

Kissing him back, I couldn't help moaning as I felt his hands slide down my body and grasp my hips lifting me a little. Something long and hard brushed against my thigh and I shivered in reaction. Whatever that was it made me feel good, very good. Unable to help myself I rubbed myself against him again and I was filled with a sudden understanding as my biology lessons with Grandpa came flooding back.

He growled my name into my mouth and my stomach flip-flopped as I pressed into that hardness again, loving the reaction I got, his low rumbling growl coming from deep inside him as his own hips moved slightly against mine. Though I knew it was almost a reflex he couldn't control. He pulled away from me, breathing heavily.

"Shit Nessie, I'm sorry" he panted his magnificent chest moving rapidly.

I blinked up at him unsure why he was apologizing "Huh" was about all I could manage. I swear to god my legs were shaking and my insides were on fire.

"I shouldn't have kissed you like that, it's too much …I don't want to scare you Ness" he sounded tortured and despite the angst look on his face and the funny feelings inside me I laughed for a second before I realized he was deadly serious. Jacob, don't you know that nothing you do could scare me?

"Oh Jake you don't scare me" I whispered and gathering my courage felt my cheeks heat up as I confessed "I liked it…it made me feel…. good"

His arms caged me in, as his stared down at me, hid golden gaze only flaming the fire which shone brightly inside me.

"Ness" he groaned, "You can't say stuff like that to me"

Instantly I felt as though I had done something wrong and I stiffened, looking for a way out "I'm, I- I'm sorry"

"Christ honey, don't be sorry… Christ, I didn't mean for you to apologize…it's just when you talk like that I have a hard time keeping my hands off you"

I blinked up at him owlishly "You do?"

The knowledge thrilled me and I wondered suddenly what I could do with it. This was my opening, this was my chance. He may have thought I didn't notice but I knew Jake was trying to be noble about us, he was always so sweet and tender and so, so…. frustrating. I was ready for more, I wanted to kiss Jake like I'd seen my parents do when they thought no one was watching. Despite the struggles he may have had with my age, I knew what I wanted…well kinda.

"I do" his voice was more of a rumble as he grinned ruefully.

"How about if I touched you?" I asked suddenly finding my toes interesting, I felt mortified to be saying this out loud but I wanted to explore his body, wanted him to explore mine, just wanted to be close to him.

* * *

"You want to touch me?" I barely managed to get out, while strangling on my tongue. My mind was suddenly filled with a million images of just how I wanted Nessie to touch me and in what places. And I wasn't talking, the bathroom, kitchen and diner.

She nodded shyly, her eyes fixed firmly on the floor, looking adorable, and yet still so sexy I felt tight and needy.

Praying for the control I thought I had I reached down slowly and took her tiny hand in mine, placing it against the hot skin of my chest, feeling her tremble. I knew she would be able to feel the rapid thrum of my heart as I dragged her hand slowly over me. My breath hissed out she grazed my nipple with her thumb and everything in me tightened.

Almost as though she had no control over it her other hand came up to rest alongside it. I clenched my jaw against the overwhelming urge to force her hands down my body to where I needed them most. Seeing her tiny pale hands on my skin and feeling them too was probably the single most erotic thing I had felt yet and I could not prevent the low moan which escaped as she stroked over the muscles of my ribs. Her fingertips whisper soft, tickled my skin, causing the muscles to contract and my breath to break. How I held myself still while she tormented me I do not know.

* * *

My thumbs skimmed down his hard body, as I lost myself in the exploration of his body, feeling his muscles move and shift beneath my touch. I loved the fact his breath broke when I touched him, loved the sounds he made at the back of his throat, loved that he trembled and shuddered under my hands.

Slowly I moved my hands down, to the rippling eight pack of his stomach muscles and wondered if I should continue to the waistband of his jeans. Feeling achy low in my stomach I wondered if he felt the same, and I wanted to smooth my fingers below his belt line, to soothe his ache. But I was in way over my head, totally unsure how to proceed. Hesitating I felt both relief and regret when Jake slid my hands back up his body and placed a gentle kiss on both my palms, biting me gently.

"That's enough for now Ness," he rasped, letting my fingers link with his.

I shook my head, so I was stubborn "Don't turn away from me again Jake please"

Every time he touched me or kissed me he would pull back, he was always the perfect gentleman and that's not what I wanted. I wanted all his passion, all his heat, everything about him. Though inexperienced, I was not stupid and I knew the logical end to my wants, to my feelings. I knew what would happen eventually and I yearned for it while I feared it. Technical, scientific things I understood, theory I understood but practice, real life left me feeling inadequate and unsure of myself.

"Nessie" he cautioned, "I'm sorry but we have to stop now"

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head vehemently "No baby, no but you don't know what you're asking of me, of yourself"

I lifted my hand to his collar bone and smiled encouragingly "Do you really think I could be the granddaughter of doctor….live where I lived and not know what I am asking of you, of us both"

I would swear he blushed, his cheeks coloring a deep red "I'm not a child Jake" I continued.

He laughed low and husky "Believe me Ness I know that…but you are inexperienced… you don't know what it is you feel"

I tugged on the hand that I still held and yanked him a little closer to me before I looked up at him, batting my eyes and pasting on a seductive smile.

"I know how you make me feel Jacob"

His pupils dilated and I heard his heart rate kick up a notch, feel the incredible heat from his skin. Round one to Nessie.

* * *

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them "how do I make you feel?"

She looked at me from beneath her lashes and bit her lip, my erection twitched and I fought the urge to rub against her like the dog in heat I was.

"You make me feel warm and tingly and shaky and I…ache ….I ache so much Jake" she breathed, as she dropped her head to rest against my chest.

Gritting my teeth, I could feel her increased heartbeat, smell her arousal and I knew she was as on edge, as turned on as I was. Knowing how badly she needed me, sent a wave of tenderness and lust rampaging through me and anticipation swelled inside me. Could I do this? Could I take things just one stop further? Did I have the control to give her this?

"Want me to make it go away?" I all but growled at the thought of finally touching her the way I wanted to.

Ness looked up at me her cheeks flying twin flags of need, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, her eyes wide and blazing…and she nodded. She nodded, just like that. It was as though someone had set a red flag to a bull and I wanted to throw her over my shoulder carry her to my bed and never let her out again. Breathing deeply I forced myself to slow down.

"Come with me?" I asked, unsure still giving her chance to back out as I tugged lightly on her hand. I smiled at the confused look she gave me as I lead her across the kitchen and lifted her, setting her down on the edge of the table.

Ignoring the erotic connotations of the action, I spread her legs a little and stepped between them. I clenched my jaw as she wrapped her legs around my waist and locked her ankles. We'd been in this position many times to before but only when she was a child and I had carried her. Now it felt so different and so very erotic.

"Tell me again how I make you feel," I commanded, breathing in her ear, nibbling lightly on the edge of her earlobe, loving the way she squirmed at my touch.

She let out a shaky breath "I feel so tense, achy and all funny…you do something to me"

"Me?"

"Just you Jake" she panted lightly as I sucked her lobe into my mouth, taking her taste inside me. Her words sent yet more blood rushing to my groin in a primal instinct to claim what was mine and I deliberately held myself away from her.

"Jake" she moaned, twisting in the circle of my arms as I kissed my way along her delicate line of her jaw, breathing deeply of her scent, felling her pulse race beneath my tongue.

"What do you need honey?"

"Touch me please Jake," she panted, sounding a little wild.

* * *

I couldn't take it anymore, the feeling of his mouth on my skin, on my neck, kissing me, sent me reeling. Heat flooded me and I grew damp and restless to be touched. I wanted him to touch me the way I had him, needed to feel him cupping me, holding me, stroking me.

I jumped a little when I felt his hand slowly close over my breast, cupping me, holding my thundering heartbeat in his capable hand. It was heaven, bliss, his mouth at my throat, his hand holding me so gently, caressing me.

A gasp escaped my lips as his thumb stroked across my nipple that pebbled helpless under his touch, as his mouth continued it's gentle patient biting kisses at my neck. I knew I should be embarrassed as sat there panting and moaning, while Jake stroked me gently. Shifting on the table I tried to rid myself of the ache between my legs that had intensified rather than dissipated with the touch of his hands through my nightclothes.

Unable to help myself my head tilted back to give Jake better access to my throat, which also thrust my breasts into Jake's hands. If him touching one breast was good, a dual assault nearly blew my mind. My hands bit into the table beside me and I felt the wood crumble a little between my fingers as he plucked at both my nipples rolling them between his fingers making me groan softly.

Seeing her like this was something I had dreamed about. A lot. Lately. Every night since she'd first kissed me. Nessie was so beautiful her head flung back, her breath coming rapidly, her breasts quivering in my hands as I cupped and loved her. The scent of her arousal rose, driving my own forward and it was all I could do not to pull her onto my hardness and thrust against her. She arched her back as I nibbled lightly on her collarbone, tasting her unique Ness that was all sunshine and laughter and fairytales. She was red and I was the wolf.

"More, please, more" she gasped, her eyes heavy when she looked at me.

"Do you want this?" I needed her answer more than I needed my next breath.

"Always Jacob…now please touch me" she sounded close to tears and I sympathized with her frustration. I knew how much I needed her and I understood about desire and wanting. My heart ached for her as did my erection but this wasn't about me, it was about my Nessie, doing what I could for her while I could.

With a flick of my wrist I popped open the top buttons of her nightgown and slipped my hand inside, touching the naked skin of her collarbone. Fuck, she was soft and though I wanted to palm her I made myself go slow, give her chance to change her mind. But she didn't and I was moaning when I came into contact with the silken skin of her bare breasts. My eyes dropped, easily able to see the creamy pale perfection of her breasts, such a stark, erotic contrast to my large dark hands. Nessie gasped, her goose bumps breaking out across her skin as she looked down at where I touched her.

"Is this okay?" I asked through gritted teeth, swallowing back the urge to take her berry pink nipples into her mouth and suckle on her.

"More than okay…it feels amazing" she panted, twisting slightly her breath coming in heavy. "Will you kiss me?"

I froze, only the sound of out thundering heartbeats roaring in my ears for a second before I captured her mouth with my own. Nessie kissed me for a second, her tongue stroking mine but then pulled back.

"Not there" she whispered, heat flooding into her cheeks.

Fuck, she really was trying to kill me.

"You want my mouth on you Nessie?" I growled. The idea turned me on so much I felt each heartbeat as a separate drum of blood.

"I need you," she whimpered.

* * *

"I need you," I panted, not really sure what I was saying but so overcome with desire that I didn't care. I would say or do anything so long as Jake didn't stop touching me this way. I felt lost in a whirling storm of emotion, my body tense and close to breaking. My thighs tightened when Jake began to place kisses along the line of my collarbone, kissing my shoulder, the swells of my breasts. I could feel the tension in the lines of his body and I knew what this must be costing him.

My back arched violently when I felt the first tentative stroke of his tongue against my nipple. Everything inside me pulled in tight and I felt out of control as he took me deeper into his mouth. I gasped again and shifted frantic as I tried to get closer to Jake while at the same time discovering I felt boneless and would have collapsed in heap on the table if it wasn't for Jake's hands curved under my shoulders supporting me as I moved restlessly. With every hungry taste, every slow lick, he teased me more and more.

"God Nessie, you taste so good" he growled, the vibration of his tongue against my nipple sending shivers shouting through me.

I couldn't stop myself from tangling my hands into his hair, holding him against me where I needed him. I knew my nails bit into his skin but I didn't care, all I could think about was how amazing he was making me feel. Wild. Out of control. Like I wasn't in charge of my own body anymore, and more than that I needed something, wanted something more. I could feel something starting to build inside me and I knew that this must be why all my family spent so much time in their rooms. This was addicting and so dangerous but I felt like I couldn't stop.

* * *

Beneath me Nessie was writhing and panting, her nails biting into my skin. I moaned against her, I loved the bite of her nails on me. Her skin tasted so much better than I could have ever imagined yet I knew it was time to stop, to slow things down. Reluctantly I moved my mouth back across her body, up to the delicate skin of her neck, along her jaw line and came to her ear.

"Ness…I'm sorry but we have to stop this now…I'm sorry baby but we can't do this…especially not here" I murmured in her ear trying not to look at her breasts as they rose and fell in time with her gasps.

Slowly I made myself pull back from her, gathering the edges of her nightgown and pulling them closed. My hand trembled and she would never know just how close I had come to tearing that fucking thing in half and bearing her body to me. But I couldn't do that to her…one-day maybe, I thought and I knew I grinned like a pervert. Closing my eyes to block out the image of Ness panting and flushed, her eyes heavy with need I slid my hands away from her body to the edge of the table.

I could see her reluctance as she unwrapped her legs from around my waist and hung her head a little, seeming to find her feet fascinating once more.

"You okay Nessie?" I asked gently, looking down at her tiny toes too.

She nodded but wouldn't look at me.

"Hey" I cupped her chin in my hand and tilted her face to met mine.

She was avoiding my eyes and I knew it.

"What's wrong, I didn't… hurt you did I?"

The very idea horrified me and I jerked standing over her, my eyes falling to her chest as though I could see what damage I had caused there.

" No! You didn't hurt me…I'm fine Jake honestly…I just didn't know how hard it would be to stop…I like the way you make me feel" she confessed in a rush, more color rushing to her cheeks.

She was embarrassed. I kept forgetting how new this was to her, how alien it must seem. But then I wasn't the most experienced guy either. Feeling a rush of tenderness, I stroked my finger over her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I like the way you make me feel too"

"Is it always like that?"

I drew her close as dared and looped my arms around her neck, as hers came around my waist, her legs still dangling free. Shrugging lightly I decided to be honest

"I'm not too sure honey"

She looked surprised by my admission "But I thought…"

I sighed and pressed another kiss to the top of her head "I've waited on you a long time Nessie"

I could read the confusion in her gaze but I didn't elaborate any further, this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have now. There was a lot to tell her, just not now, not tonight.

* * *

I could see him withdrawing from me, despite the fact I held him close, it was there in his eyes. He didn't want to talk about this, he was already retreating, the darkness was gathering.

"Thank you" I said simply. The thought that he had waited for me, humbled me. I was happy just to have him in my life, he was the most amazing guy I had ever known and the fact he wanted me in the same way I wanted him was just a bonus. I pressed a shaky kiss to the hard muscled warm of chest and then was still.

We were silent and though I couldn't ignore the warm shaky feelings inside me, I was with Jake and we were together. For now it was enough.


	31. Bubble

_**Okay, it's a biggie and I feel an important stage in their relationship, just hope you like it. Thanks for reviewing and you know the drill, let me know what you think. Love Tink. XX**_

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* * *

  
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I know as Alpha I was supposed to be objective but one I was an imprinter and two I was male. Watching Leah and Ness go at it again, I was supposed to be paying attention to how well Nessie fought, how she was finally managing to hold her own against Leah.

I should be thinking about how many kicks she managed to land and how quickly she moved on her feet. I wanted to be able to tell her how proud I was that she was thinking defensively and finally countering all the moves Leah sent her way.

But right now all I could think was how damn sexy she was. My eyes were fixed on her heart shaped ass as she bent and twisted and I swear I didn't mean to notice how well her cargo pants hugged said ass.

And when she bounced lightly on her toes, my intention was to notice how quick and light she was on her feet, not how the action made her breasts bounce prettily against the material of her shirt. I promise tried desperately not to remember how those breasts had tasted in my mouth but… Meh, that was an epic fail.

When she was hot and her skin glistened lightly, her bronzed curls coming loose from her pony tail and sticking to the side of her face, I honestly wasn't trying to think about how good she would look sweating beneath me but it fucking happened anyway.

As she rolled to the floor taking Leah with her, I promise I wasn't praying that one day she would tackle me like that and sit astride me as she now did with Leah. All my good intentions disappeared and I wanted to whimper as Nessie groaned , the sound making a shiver travel up the length of my spine

Beside me Embry stared at them, an intense look of concentration on his face as he watched them tussling. Why couldn't I be more like him? Why couldn't I get my mind and my body out of the gutter and do what I was supposed to. I was here to make sure no one got hurt, least of all my Nessie and to give them pointers on their technique. Being an Alpha meant that I was supposed to suggest how they could shake things up, be better prepared. But all I could see was Nessie. My Ness. Hot, sweaty, gorgeous Nessie, rolling around on the floor making all manner of sexy moans and groans, sending my imagination into over drive. I shifted my stance to hide my growing hard on and turned my attention to Embry, who was still staring.

Managing to drag my eyes away from Ness I looked closer at Embry. I noticed he had a more a glazed look on his face than I had first realized and in fact, was that…drool? Elbowing him sharply in the ribs I heard his breath hiss out but his eyes stayed trained on Leah and Nessie.

"Is it wrong that I'm finding this such a turn on?" he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth still sounding dazed.

I slapped him upside the head without as much force as I would have liked.

"Hey that's disrespectful," I muttered back.

Nessie was my imprint and as far as I was concerned, I was the only one allowed to have those kinds of thoughts about her.

"You're right though," I conceded with a chuckle as another of Nessie's little moans met my ears and I was immediately reminded of the noises she made when my mouth was on her.

Embry grinned and snickered as on the floor, Leah and Nessie began to separate their tangled limbs and get to their feet. Clearing my throat I started forward and threw an arm around her shoulder, telling myself I was inspecting her for injuries. In reality it was just because it had felt too damn long since I had touched her.

"You okay? Hurt anywhere?" I asked glaring at Leah, as she winced slightly.

"I'm fine Jacob, I promise…so I did good huh?" she asked me her eyes sparkling with excitement.

I knew she was thrilled she was finally getting the moves but in the heat of battle her enemy wouldn't have an alpha watching her and warning the same enemy not to hurt her. Not that I ever intended to let her get anywhere near a battle, if we all did our jobs that would never happen.

"You did great" I nodded and dropped a kiss on her hair, inhaling deeply. She smelt warm and female and spicy and yet still so sweet. I felt my blood surge hotly again as inside my wolf raised it's head.

"So does that mean I can get my reward?" she asked sweetly, steering us up the porch steps and back into the house.

"Gee I don't know" I pretended to consider my options, shaking my head slowly from side to side.

"Please Jake, please…you promised…you said we could, if I could keep up with Leah you promised we could" she badgered, the arm she wrapped around my waist tugging a little.

"Well since you asked so nicely" I turned to call over my shoulder "Lee, you mind giving us some privacy this evening, me and Ness have a date"

Under my arm Nessie beamed at me and I felt like a conquering hero rather than a guy who had just agreed to spend the night watching chick flicks and eating junk food.

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do Black" she hollered back, though she damn well needing have bothered, she knew we had super hearing.

I knew she was just trying to embarrass me in front of Ness. Glancing down I expected to see a hot rush of color on Nessie beautiful face and I was right but what I didn't expect was when my precious little Nessie hollered back.

"That doesn't leave us with a hell of a lot of options Clearwater"

I chuckled and heard Embry's snicker and Leah's exasperated huff before they phased and disappeared into the tree line, leaving us alone. Oh crap. This was going to be hard.

* * *

Dropping heavily onto the sofa, I smiled as Jake flung himself down next to me and my nose wrinkled as I got a whiff of myself. Ugh. God knows how I smelt to Jake with his super wolfy senses.

"I need a shower… a nice, hot, long wet soapy shower…rub away all my aches and pains" and then I moaned softly, as though it was the best feeling in the world.

I saw a funny look cross Jake's face and bit the inside of my cheek to hide my smile. He cleared his throat twice before he spoke and I felt him shift position beside me. Success, I hoped.

After our, um, encounter, last night I needed some advice, some girly advice about what to do next, where to go from here. I didn't want to talk to my mom or Grandma Esme and I didn't think Alice would want that many details, which left only one other female in my family.

Auntie Rose, would be able to give me the answers I needed. One quick phone call solved my problem, her invaluable advice ranging from "You've seen legally blonde haven't you…bend and snap kid" to "since he's more than likely a dog in heat, all you have to do is get him to think about sex and then he's yours"

These were the secrets to her success with Uncle Emmett? Mind you he was so besotted with her, I think he just gave in half the time to please her…and quite possibly himself….

So I had spent the day flirting, dropping things, moaning and groaning like an idiot to very little reaction from Jake. I was frustrated, thinking this was never gonna work when occasionally I heard his heart rate increase and his scent seemed to get stronger and he would shift pulling a weird face. Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner.

"Want to help scrub my back?" I joked; truth was just the thought of Jake seeing me like that made my blood run to my cheeks but not in an altogether unpleasant way. Him seeing me barely dressed filled me with a combination of nerves and need. But there was no way I was ready for _that_, even if I was ready to explore our relationship a little further.

He looked horrified and for a second I was deflated but then he leaned over and kissed me, pressing his lips to mine possessively, his hand cupping the back of my neck to keep me close. Wow. When he lifted his head I was out of breath and panting.

"Go ahead and take your shower, I'll set up in here" he said softly and then kissed me once more, this time gently, softly.

As the water washed the dust and dirt away I mulled over how I came to be on this date. After my first disastrous days sparing with Leah, Jake had promised me that once I could hold my own I could have anything I wanted, anything at all. I knew he meant presents or money, or trips away and I thought long and hard about what I wanted and there was only one thing I could think of. Jake.

I wanted to be with Jake, like any other normal couple, wanted to hold hands and kiss and go on dates and go parking, go to the movies, make out. But instead I was forced to hole up here; waiting for a death sentence to strike me or the man I loved.

What I wanted most of all was a date, some time to be _normal_ with Jake, to pretend we weren't waiting for impending doom. He had seemed a little puzzled when I told him but he agreed nonetheless.

So now here I was, getting showered, preparing for my first ever date. My first ever date with Jake. A million butterflies launched in my tummy as I washed the soap from my body. I was nervous, nervous to be spending time alone with Jake, which was stupid because it would be no different than any other time I'd watched movies with Jake. But it felt so different, everything seemed so carnal, son intimate now because I knew on dates there was kissing and touching and making out and getting to bases you were not supposed to.

As much as I loved kissing Jake there was still some worry about what would happen between us. I knew where this would to lead but I didn't know when or how. And that was where Aunt Rosie was supposed to help but bend and snap only got you so far. If I listened to anything else she had to say I would no doubt have ended up a sexual gymnast and despite what Leah said I had no intention of that happening…. Well, not yet anyway.

I smiled to myself at the idea that I could even be like that. Never been kissed until recently and here I am sick with nerves over a seduction that probably won't even happen…yet. But I couldn't deny the wildness I felt when he touched me, the need which over took me and it wasn't too much of a stretch to imagine that soon I would want to take that final step with him.

I stepped from the shower, dried, dressed carefully in a button down shirt and leggings and was back down stairs in less than twenty minutes. My aunts would be horrified, I had made no attempt to wear any make up and had just tossed my hair up into a messy bun. Yes this was date but we were only staying in and watching movies, I didn't want to look like I had made too much of an effort.

The room was dark, only the lights from the television letting me see where Jake was sprawled across the length of the sofa, idly flicking through the channels. I smiled as I spied the large bucket of popcorn, super size bag of chips and bucket of ice cream.

"Are you going to shower?" I asked him as I perched on the arm of sofa.

"You trying to tell me something Ness?" he asked with a wicked smile.

I shrugged but said nothing, hoping he would know I was teasing. In all honesty I loved how he smelled, freshly showered or freshly phased, it was all good to me.

"Don't start without me" he smirked getting to his feet, planting a kiss on my head and I swear I heard him sniff my hair.

"You mean you expect me to wait High School Musical on you?" I asked cheekily. He sighed heavily as though in the grip of some deep sorrow

"Well if you have to start without me then start without me…see you in ten"

As soon as he left the room, I patted my hair and adjusted my shirt wondering if I should maybe leave some of the buttons undone, give him something to look at. But maybe that was being too obvious, like I was screaming come and get it big boy. In the end I settled for undoing the top two and revealing the barest hint of cleavage that couldn't even be classed as scandalous.

He was back in less than ten minutes and wore a loose fitting shirt and gray sweats. As he passed me by I caught a whiff of his freshly showered smell and my heart turned over inside my chest. Nerves blossomed inside me again as I thought this was it, my date was about to begin. I sat stiffly on the sofa as Jake settled in beside me, his long body stretched out in front of him. Everything suddenly felt so…charged. My heart rate kicked up a notch in response to his nearness, though an entire cushion separated us.

"You planning on staying there all night Ness?" he asked giving me a sideways look, the corner of his mouth kicking up.

"Maybe" I meant it sound playful but it just came out pissy.

Jake sat forward hunching his elbows on his knees and he looked me in the eye.

"Okay Ness, what's wrong?"

"Nothing"

He raised an eyebrow and my pulse jumped in response "Really…then why are you as stiff as a board and look as though you are about to face the Volturi rather than a movie night with me?"

I flinched as he mentioned the Volturi and it was only then I noticed just how rigid I held myself. Color flooded my cheeks when he crooked his finger at me and lent back against the sofa.

"C'mere Ness"

I didn't wait to be asked twice just scooted closer to the place I wanted to be, as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I let my head drop against his shoulder, well arm really.

"Better?"

I nodded against his skin as he reached for the remote and hit the play button and soon I was lost in the movie. Vampire I maybe but I was still female and a sucker for Disney Movies and a happy ending.

* * *

I watched her from the corner of my eye, paying her more attention than the movie. Stupid chick flick, I was more of a Zombie Land fan, maybe because it seemed to be the only supernatural creature I had yet to meet. But watching Ness, watching the movie was far more entertaining than anything I had seen so far.

Every emotion she felt flickered and danced across her face, her lips moving in time as she sang along, her voice soft, musical and lilting.

"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, you were always there beside me, thought I was alone, with no one to hold but you were always right beside me"

I bit my own to counteract the need to capture hers and plunder her soft lips with my own as I thought about the possessive nature of the words.

It was harder than ever to give her the time and space she deserved, my entire body was now in tune with hers. The slightest signal from her would set me off, from the tilt of her head or the catch of her breath, everything she did affected me in ways I had never imagined even with the imprint.

Less than an hour later I came rapidly to the conclusion that she was trying to kill me having spent the last hour watching her nibble and lick her way through various sweet treats I'd set out for us. Though she didn't really like human food, she, like me, loved candy. My eyes were drawn to the way her pink tongue snaked out to steal some ice cream from the spoon she held. Blood rushed south as I pictured that tongue on me, licking me.

"That looks good, can I have some?" I asked trying to play down the fact my voice came out more like a growl.

Nessie smiled and slid the spoon towards me. I took it from her fingers, pulling her towards me and swept my mouth over hers. The taste of Nessie, only sweetened more by cake batter ice cream, exploded in my mouth and I groaned at the combination of heat and ice. Mental note to self, always eat from the spoon after Nessie. The moist heat of her mouth contrasted starkly with icy coolness of her tongue as her hands tangled in my hair and I hauled her across my lap. I wanted to howl as she inadvertently brushed against my straining hardness and my hips bucked slightly, the movie forgotten.

Between us we maneuvered as we kissed and I lay back against the sofa, with her straddling my stomach, only centimeters away from where I most wanted her.

"Jacob" she whispered as my lips left hers to steal across her skin, letting me taste the satin perfection of her skin as I nipped her jaw, the pulse point which pounded beneath her ear.

She moaned softly as I slid my hands slowly down her body, my mouth following the same path. I nudged aside the top button of her shirt and I sucked gently on the soft skin of her neck, thrilled when she whimpered and shifted on my lap. I couldn't help groan as she moved her head to give me better access and her shaky fingers came up to the buttons of her shirt, popping them quickly.

I could see the flush on her cheeks but knew it was more from her heightened desire than the embarrassment of being with me.

"Take it off" she sighed and I felt her tug against my shirt.

Breaking the contact with her skin, I stripped of my t-shirt in seconds moaning when her hands came into contact with the heated skin of my chest.

"Now mine" she said on a shuddering breath and I paused to look at her unsure if I should give her what she wanted.

* * *

I felt my insides turn to mush as Jacob stared at me, his eyes full of heat and need. Craving, needing I was getting used to it the more time I spent alone with Jake but right now this was something I had never experienced. I wanted to shed my clothes, to shed his, to feel his naked skin on mine, to let my hands wander unhindered across the perfection of his body. After what felt like an eternity and keeping his gaze on mine, he slid each button through the hole until, at last I was bare before him.

The intensity on his face made my stomach flip gently and in that instant I knew I wanted his hands on me, wanted him to make me feel the heat and wildness again. His eyes dilated as I gently arched my back, silently offering myself to him.

"Oh God Ness, Christ you're so beautiful," he rasped and his hand shook as it came out to cover my breast, his palm skimming deliberately across my nipple. I heard the raw moan of pleasure I made as though it came from far away as his mouth swallowed the sound as his tongue sought mine. I felt the touch deep inside me making molten heat flow between my legs.

"I can feel your heart racing Ness," he groaned against my lips, as he palmed me, cupping me, his fingers gently teasing me.

"For you Jacob, it's only for you" I gasped back.

He moved his hand slowly, teasing me, his finger, dipping and tracing the shape of my quivering breasts, sliding across my nipples, making them pucker and darken. My forehead rested against his as we watched him touch me, the sight making the fire burn more brightly inside me, making the coil of need twist tighter.

I whimpered, shifting restlessly, unable to be still as slowly his hands moved away from my breasts and moved around my body, sliding up and down my back. His large hand cupped my neck, the other moving further down the length of my spine, to rest just above my behind. His mouth covered mine again and I stiffened for a split second as his hand inched lower. I gasped as he cupped my behind, squeezing me gently.

* * *

I watched Nessie' s reaction through my lashes as I cupped her ass the way I had wanted to all day. Her eyes were soft and huge, a slightly surprised look in them. Had I gone too far? Worried I had pushed her I was about to move my hand when I felt her move, almost push herself onto my hand her breath catching where her mouth met mine. I felt her raise her hands hesitantly.

"You can touch me Nessie," I murmured. Fuck I would give anything for her touch right now. Timidly she stroked over my heart in an echo of the way I had touched her.

"I like this" she admitted breathily, her hands moving slowly down my body, tracing the shape of my abs with her fingernail. Fascinated she looked down as my body trembled and moved beneath her questing fingers.

The room was now silent, the movie long faded to black and even though we could both see in the near darkness, it seemed so intimate, so private. The only noise came from Nessie's soft panting breaths and my own rasping inhalations. For long seconds we kissed, our hands exploring each other's torsos, excitement rising in our mingled breaths. The soft mewling noises that spilled from her throat, urged me on and I closed my hands over her tiny waist, lifting her slightly.

Jake's growl as he took my breast in his mouth, vibrated against my skin and I felt his touch grow more possessive, more biting. I was lightheaded and having trouble breathing, the tightness between my thighs was increasing and instinctively I moved my hips. Lightening and heat splintered through me as I brushed against the iron hard heat of his hardness. The feeling was amazing and I could not stop myself doing it again, harder this time. Jake's hips moved under mine almost as though he couldn't help himself and I shifted position, bringing my core into direct contact with the hardness beneath his sweats.

With his mouth on my breast, his tongue laving me, his teeth gently scraping, biting me I bucked helplessly. Following some ancient instinct I moved my hips in counter point to Jake's and felt the need inside build even more. Whimpers met my ears and it was a few seconds before I realized they were my own. I felt warm and wet between my thighs, so tender and sensitive that I knew if I carried on like this for only a few more minutes I would go crazy with wanting. Something had to give, I felt swollen and heavy.

Jake groaned as I pressed myself against him, thrilled at the way his hardness pressed against me in all the right places. The feeling was indescribable, overwhelming and I felt myself becoming carried away. I was spiraling higher and higher, building towards something I didn't understand but unable to stop moving against Jake.

* * *

My hard on throbbed with painful need as Ness moved above me, our mouths and tongues tangled as she rubbed her hips against mine. I moved my hands down to cup her hips in mine and thought briefly about stopping her but I knew she needed this, knew she wanted this. Instead I found my hands holding her, helping her move in opposition to me. I could smell the musk, the hot spice of her need; feel the heat and dampness of her even through my sweat pants. Her hands gripped my biceps, the nails biting into my skin as she gasped and gyrated over me.

"Fuck Ness, that's it baby" I moaned as she slid slowly along my length once more. My hands moved her slowly, drawing a low groan from us both where our mouths met.

"Jacob" she cried against my mouth. I could see she was almost mindless with need but didn't understand what was happening to her.

"I know baby, I know, it's okay Nessie…just go with it baby" I groaned against her lips, as she began to move quicker now.

* * *

Licks of fire spread up my spine, radiating from the place between my legs and I couldn't stop making soft panting noises. I was tense and on the edge of something so phenomenal that words could not describe all the feelings rushing through my body. Beneath me I felt the thick solid length of Jake pressing between my legs intensifying and soothing the ache all at the same time.

"Something's happening to me," I cried, as the knot inside me tightened impossibly and indescribable pleasure began to build.

I knew I was panting and gasping and making little whimpering sounds that would embarrass me later but at this moment I didn't care. All I could think about was the fact I half naked in Jake's arms, my breasts crushed against the heat and hardness of his chest, his large yet incredibly gentle hands cupping my hips, showing me how to move with him. I trusted him to keep me safe, to know how to help me through this. I could feel it coming, a tidal wave ready to sweep over me and I felt wild, out of control, unable to stop. And then I couldn't think, couldn't see, couldn't hear anything but Jacob's groans and encouraging whispers in my ear as I fractured into a million sensitive pieces. Blind and deaf with pleasure I went flying, coming apart with a raw moan in Jacob's arms.

* * *

All her life whenever there was a first experience for Nessie, I had been there. Her first tooth, her first words, her first steps, her first kiss and now her first orgasm. It fulfilled something deep and primal inside me to know that I was the only person to ever make her feel that way. Watching her break in my arms, her head flung back, her body bowed with pleasure, her breasts arched only millimeters away from my mouth, was probably the single most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my life.

I loved the way she moved with such wild abandon, a look of almost concentration on her face as she moved awkwardly at first, then more quickly, shifting herself this way and that. She clutched at me, unaware of what she was doing, until at last she had cried out, her raw moans, almost sending me over the edge with her. And I held her, unable to stop the words which spilled from my lips, telling her how beautiful she was, demanding she come for me, telling her it was okay, I was here, for her, always just for her.

When she finally went limp and fell against my chest, her head tucked beneath my chin, I held her tightly. My hands stroked the long line of her back, soothing her even as I felt the after shocks moving through her frame.

I could feel dampness against the skin of my neck and I heard something suspiciously like sniffles. Despite the near savage need still running through me I managed to smile. Ah Nessie. I felt like a conquering hero, moved and haunted by the sight of her moving above me to find her release.

"Hey, Nessie, baby, you okay?" I asked softly and she nodded so vigorously that she almost bruised my chin.

"Do you plan on coming out of there sometime soon, so I can see your beautiful face?"

I smiled wider when she shook her head fiercely and I chuckled, giving her a squeeze. I felt emotionally charged and my heart ached with the need to tell her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her. But my body ached with another much more pressing need. The heat, moistness and smell of Nessie's newly awakened body was having a very profound and painful affect on me.

"Nessie, please come out…I need to see you're okay" I knew I almost sounded as though I was begging but I had to see her face.

Slowly she pulled away from the crook of my neck and raised her eyes to mine. My heart swelled with love and I had to swallow past a lump of emotion in my throat. Her cheeks were flushed with her passion, her eyes soft and sparkling with her tears, her lips swollen from my kisses. I couldn't help but stroke my knuckles over the soft swell of her cheek.

"Hi" she murmured.

* * *

"Hi yourself" he said with a tender smile with made my insides melt all over again.

I felt wrung out, exhausted, boneless and limp and so very embarrassed. I couldn't believe I had made all those noises, Jake must have thought I was an idiot. Surprised he could look at me with such tenderness I blurted,

"I'm sorry"

One dark eyebrow lifted "What the hell for?"

"This" I gestured with my hand and rolled my eyes down towards our bodies.

"You mean what just happened? You're sorry for the that?" he asked and immediately I heard the hurt in this tone.

I shook my head frantic "Not for what happened, more for making an idiot of myself"

I felt him sigh and the friction of the movement of his chest against mine sent renewed sparks of pleasure between my legs. Incredible that even after that, I could still want him.

"Nessie, what the hell do mean making an idiot of yourself?"

"You know" I didn't want to have to say the words out loud but Jake just looked at me expectantly.

"No I don't know"

"I mean making all that…noise and thrashing about…I can't believe I looked so stupid, I'm sorry Jake it's just I couldn't help myself and felt so...wild and out of control and-" I babbled in a mortified whisper, my words lost as Jake's mouth captured mine and he kissed me, hotly, wetly, deeply.

When it was over he pulled his mouth away, rested his forehead against my own and said

"Don't ever apologize for how you act when we're together…that was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, ever" his voice was low and dark.

"But I made all those idiotic noises" I grumbled, still feeling like a fool.

"Do I sound like an idiot when I make those noises?"

"No" I responded immediately

"And how does it make you feel when you hear me like that? Do I repulse you?" he asked, his voice gentler now, more even.

"Never…it makes me feel like I can do anything, it makes me feel good that I can do that to you" I confessed, my eyes downcast.

Gently he crooked a finger beneath my chin and forced me to look at him

"Then why would you think it is any different for me? God Nessie, holding you in my arms, feeling your skin on mine, hearing the sweet noises you made…it was the sexiest thing in the world to me"

"Really?" I looked at him doubtfully, wondering if he was just saying this to make me feel better.

I squeaked when his hips bucked and pleasure shot through me as his hardness brushed against the exquisitely sensitive wetness of my core.

"Do you feel that Nessie? Do you feel what you do to me? Do you even know how much I loved seeing you that way…never feel your responses are wrong Nessie…there is no wrong, not between us" he told me.

I felt guilty; Jake was tight and hard beneath me. He had helped me find pleasure, release and yet he was still unfulfilled. I wanted to make him feel good, to make him feel the way I had.

"Can I touch you?" I asked shyly, squirming on his lap just a little. He groaned and his eyes closed briefly before his hands came to rest on my hips. This time rather than encouraging he stilled my movement.

"Nessie…not tonight baby…it's late and we both need our rest," he murmured though his tone was strong and sure.

"Please? It doesn't seem fair…I want to make you feel like I did," I confessed shyly.

He smiled and my heart turned over.

"Thank you…. but not now, it's too much Nessie" he told me.

"But what about..." I gestured awkwardly to his lap.

"It will go away if we don't talk about it," he said with a smirk.

"Are you sure…I want to do this for you Jacob, I know how hard this is for you"

"I thought we agreed not to talk about it" he said wryly and I flushed as I took in the hidden meaning in my own words.

"I'm sorry" I tried to sound abashed.

He looked at me sideways and pressed a kissed on my hair "Don't be Nessie…I can't help how my body reacts but I can stop myself acting on it…we have time Ness"

But we didn't. I knew that and he knew that. Time was the one thing we didn't have on our side and just like that my bubble burst.


	32. A blast from the past

_**First off, big apologies for my recent delays in posting but you know working full time, attending uni and college and having a nearly three year old...well life sometimes gets in the way...so am very very very very sorry and I hope it won't happen again....that said this chapter is kind of a preface to some important interactions and actions between Jake and Nessie....ooh and it's New Moon tomorrow..have my ticket booked and am so excited to get to see Jake and the rest of the wolves in all their glory and yes I suppose it will be nice to say Hi to Edward too....anyway enjoy. Love Tink. xxx. Ps italics are wolf thoughts.**_

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* * *

**_I hummed softly into Jake's mouth as his lips met mine, a sound of pure pleasure escaping as slowly but surely he began to walk us backwards. Passion flared to life between us and within seconds I was light-headed and weak kneed, as his tongue sought mine. Gripping his arms tightly I allowed him to lead me towards the door and the inevitable separation but my lips clung to his unwilling to be parted for longer than was necessary. Unable to help myself I tried to jump, to wrap my legs around his waist and align my body with him. I didn't make it very far before we were rudely interrupted.

"Uh hum" a familiar cough met my ears and I felt myself flush. I peeked around Jake to see Leah stood there expectantly, watching us.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she said with a small smirk.

The arms around my waist flexed a little "I was on my way" he grumbled

"With Ness attached to your lips?"

"Hey I have to say goodbye properly" he teased but underneath his words I knew there was a deeper meaning, in case he didn't come back.

"Looks to me like you were saying goodbye improperly" she said with a grin as he reached for me again to press a last lingering kiss on my ready mouth.

"Oh give me a break…Will you just get out of here, she'll still be here when you get from patrol" I heard Leah mumble.

Then from outside my attention was caught by an impatient howl and I felt rather than saw Jacob sigh. It was time to go.

"Go Jacob…they're waiting for you" I murmured against his lips.

"I'll miss ya," he whispered but I knew Leah would still be able to hear anyway.

"Me too…be safe" I told him and reluctantly stepped from the circle of his arms. My eyes lingered on him as he vaulted across the porch and hit the ground running, before disappearing into the thick forest line. Seconds later I heard a hauntingly familiar howl and I hugged myself, holding the sound inside me until it trailed away. I felt empty, bereft, as though part of, me was missing.

"Fucking imprints" I heard Leah murmur, as she turned to head back into the house.

I jumped.

"What did you say?" I gasped, not upset but intrigued. She said imprints. She knew what it meant.

For a long second she looked uncomfortable but then she pasted on a smile and said "Nothing"

Imprint. I had heard the word before, many, many times in relation to the pack. Nobody had ever explained it to me no matter how many times I had asked.

"You said imprint, I heard you," it sounded almost like an accusation "Leah do you know what it means?"

I expected a quick shrug followed by a hasty and obvious denial but instead I heard her sigh softly.

"Ness, this isn't a conversation you should be having with me, ask Jake he'll tell you"

"But you know what it means and you're here now… who knows how long they will be patrolling…I want to know what you know"

Her face twisted a little and the old angry Leah appeared "Trust me Ness, you really don't want to know what I know about imprinting"

I could hear the pain and anger in her tone, what had happened to make her sound this way? Even as a child she had always seen so angry and so hard, so bitter and cynical. But now there was an edge to her voice, a layer to her pain and it was obvious it was something I knew nothing about. I knew she was reputed to be the bitch of the pack, literally.

"Leah please…all my life I've heard people talking about imprints and imprinting, as though it were a dirty little secret"

She snorted derisively "You know that might be a good way to see it for some of us"

"Is it bad…I am bad?" was that why no one would tell me, it was a bad thing. Was that why Leah was so hurt? In so much pain?

The hard lines of her face softened as did her voice "no Ness, imprinting isn't supposed to be a bad thing… unless you're me"

"Then why will no one tell me about it?"

"Probably because it's not their place, just like it's not mine"

I growled in frustration sounding so much like Jake that I smiled a little. Beside me Leah smiled wryly "Ladies and Gentleman we have an imprint"

Realization hit me like a battering ram "I'm an imprint?"

Her eyes were wary, her face betraying her unease "Yes…you're an imprint"

"But I thought it was a pack thing…a wolf thing"

"It is…Ness this really would be so much better coming from Jake you know"

"He won't tell me"

"Just ask him outright, tell him you want to know, to know everything"

I crossed my arms with a defeated sigh "He still won't tell me"

Then to my surprise she grinned widely "Oh Nessie, if you ask him I think you'll find he has no choice"

* * *

I ran south, my nose close to the ground Seth and Embry on my flanks. Lately I'd begun to resent my patrols; they took me away from time I could have spent with Ness. Though I wanted to be sure she was safe and patrolling reassured me that I still had my finger on the pulse, it was an interesting and yet painful dichotomy. I had to be away from her to protect her, but when I was away from her I couldn't protect her.

None of us knew exactly how much time we had left, which was why I took every opportunity to kiss her, hold her, feel her coming apart in my-

_"Whoa there Jakey…think I'm way too young to hear about this"_ Seth's amused voice intruded in my thoughts.

_"Sorry man"_ I apologised, but sometimes thoughts of Ness overtook me so much that I forgot about the shared pack mind.

"_No worries…seems like you finally got your shit together then?_"

_"Yeah I do, I really do"_

_"How do you do it Jake?_" he asked sounding interested, real interested.

I came to a dead stop _"What…the…Fuck?"_

I growled, turning around to look at him, noticing his wolfy grin _"Not that dude, you really have a one track mind lately…I mean how do you be away from her? It aches man… Saszi is only a baby but it still hurts to be away from her…how do you do it?"_

I took off running again and thought for a moment about what he had said

_"Because I know I'm coming back"_

_"What about when you were away…when you were kept away from her?"_

I snarled inadvertently, hating to think about that time, hating the unease and dread, which washed over me. I didn't want to answer, didn't want to think about it, wasn't ready to face it yet. There was silence. Seth was waiting for an answer and as his alpha and as a fellow imprinter he deserved to know.

_"The physical pain was incredible but the emotional pain was far far worse…I relied on the torture to distract me, to stop me missing her… I could cope with the pain but the thought of never seeing her face again. It burned me up inside man…I tried not to think too much"_

I heard him clear his throat _"And what about after….when they…you know"_

Seth had seen what happened to me, knew what had finally broken me, all the wolves had seen it when I phased, seen what I had to endure and survive.

The knowledge shamed me _"That's why I finally went feral I think…I just couldn't live with myself knowing what had happened to her…knowing that I hadn't stopped it, death would have been fucking easier"_

_"You ever asked her how she feels when she's away from you? Will Sazi be in pain, will she be hurting?_" the idea horrified him.

_"I don't know…she still doesn't know about the imprinting and we've never discussed it…I think she feels something, uneasy maybe but nothing as extreme as we feel"_

_"I can't believe you still haven't told her"_

"_I don't want her to feel obligated…especially now…I like the fact I know she has feelings all by herself…if she knew about the imprint then it would change things"_

_"I don't know, I think you're selling her short Jake…she'd understand…you're made for each other…she'd have to"_

I snorted, Seth was still so young sometimes _" Exactly…the imprint"_

There was silence again, we ran in close formation, circling through the forest, when something hot and sickly tickled my nose. Vampires? I growled at the thought. It smelt like bloodsucker and the scent was eerily familiar, like someone I knew but could not place. How had the pixie missed this? There were leeches here and she hadn't told me? Were they from the Cullens?

_"You smell that?_" I growled, searching for the source. I heard the answering snarls of the pack as we moved swiftly and silently following the trail back the way we had come. We moved through the forest as silent as shadows.

Engrossed in the tracks I didn't realise where we were until I heard a familiar voice calling my name and I lifted my head.

_"Nessie!"_

I was home, the scent of the vampire overpowering. Barely suppressing a howl of fury I tracked the smell, across the ground and up onto the covered porch. It had been here, recently, the scent stopping at my door. Hissing out a growl I turned to look at Nessie who watched me guardedly. There was an uneasy look on her face. Shit! Had I scared her?

"Jake?"

I whined, moving my head to nudge her hand gently, trying to reassure her. Behind me Seth, trailed around, growling as he too realised the scent dispersed by my door. Where the fuck was Leah? Why hadn't she smelt this?

I could see the worry and anxiety in Nessie's eyes but was torn between the need to carry on the hunt and phase so I could reassure her.

"Speak to her Jake, we can take it from here" Seth voice interrupted my thoughts.

"You'll call me immediately if you find anything" it wasn't a question and Seth took it as such. He inclined his wolfy head and with a sharp bark took off into the undergrowth.

I nudged Ness again and shooed her towards the door. I needed her inside, where I knew she would be safe and so I could phase. When I finally got naked with her, it would not be under these circumstances.

"So pushy" she murmured but she was smiling, her fingers tangling briefly in my fur for a second as I continued to move her along. I loved that she didn't question me; it warmed me that she trusted me enough not to argue with me. With a final butt against her open palm I turned and charged back into the tree line to phase.

* * *

I was worried. I tried desperately not to show it but seeing Jake appearing home so soon after starting his patrol I knew something must be very wrong.

I would never be scared of him in wolf form but there was something about him phased which touched me inside, appealed to me in a way that made me want to stay beside him. Like there was a pull towards him which was especially strong since we had become a couple and when he was in wolf form. Trying for relaxed I sat on the couch and waited for him to appear. When he didn't I couldn't help the way my heart beat just that little bit faster, to see him shirtless and slightly sweaty.

" Everything okay?" I asked feigning nonchalance.

"Leah around?" he asked ignoring my question; I noticed the way he clenched his jaw when he spoke and knew it wouldn't bode well for Leah.

"She went to check in with Sue"

He took several deep breaths and appeared to be struggling for control. That worried me. If Jake was worried and on edge then I was too, there must be something wrong.

"Jake? Is everything alright?" alarm had crept into my tone.

"I don't know…have you had anyone at the house? Anyone at all…anyone from your extended…family?" his teeth were gritted and alarm flared inside me.

"No one Jake...why what's wrong?" I pressed coming to my feet to stand beside him, his presence offering me some comfort.

"I'm not sure Nessie…we picked up a scent…a familiar one but I don't know whose…I need to speak to Alice" he squeezed my hand in his and tugged me with him as he moved down the hall to the phone.

He sat down at the table and pulled me into his lap even as he dialed Alice's number. Just being close to him calmed me and I could see it was the same for him, his jaw relaxed as pressed me close breathing deeply. I saw his nostrils flare and realized he was taking my scent inside him.

"Something you need to tell me pixie?"

I could hear everything Alice said.

"Why what's happened? Is everyone ok?"

"Nessie's fine Alice…but I picked up the scent of a l- vamp…something I recognise but can't place"

I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Nauhel"

My heart jumped. Nauhel. I hadn't seen him in years. Why was he here now?

"What's he doing here Alice? Is he with them?"

"No… but he thinks he …Christ why didn't I see this coming…whenever you dogs are involved it really clouds my thinking"

"Spit it out Alice…what is he doing here?" Jake was vibrating with anger and I stroked his face trying to soothe him, reassure him I was with him.

"He thinks he would be better for her…he's here to claim her…save her from the Volturi" she finished on a whisper.

Fear dropped like lead into my stomach. He meant to claim me? I didn't know what that meant but I knew it couldn't be good.

"Over my dead fucking body"

I felt Jake tense and heard his words escape as a barely human growl.

"I think he's relying on the Volturi to do that for him"

"You have to find him Alice…warn him to stay away from her…otherwise he'll have the whole pack after him…I can't be responsible for what would happen to him…you know the rules for touching someone's imprint, it doesn't matter who he is to you" he murmured his voice no less menacing

Imprint. There was that word again, it made me heart beat a little quicker.

"Jake I understand but Nauhel feels that she's like him...it makes sense to him" Alice was trying to placate him, explain it to him but I knew from Jake's face it didn't make a damn bit of difference.

"I don't care Alice… find him and tell him to back the fuck off or I won't be responsible for what happens to him"

"Jake…he's not going to listen to us…he thinks he's saving her…doing what's best for her"

"How in the hell does he even know what's happening here?"

"You know how word spreads in our world… especially after last time… Jake he won't stop until Nessie is with him…he totally believes that he is helping to save her…so he has no fear, he thinks he's doing the right thing" she sounded worried now, which scared me more.

I felt numb inside…why was this happening now; didn't we all have enough to deal with? How could he think he was best for me? Jake was best for me. It was him I needed, him I wanted, him I loved.

"And what about the Volturi?"

"They don't know about him yet…. but when they do…watch your back Jake… you don't have long…a week maybe" her voice was flat devoid of emotion, sounding as numb as I felt.

"A week…"

* * *

Nessie turned her startled gaze up to mine and instinctively I reached out and comfort her, to reassure her. I hugged her closer to me, feeling the heat of her next to me, her gentle weight on my lap and I breathed deeply taking her inside me as she snuggled her face into the crook of my neck.

"I'm sorry Jake, I really am…I wish I could tell you more"

I sucked in another deep breath, inhaling Nessie's scent as though I couldn't breathe without her. Beneath me I felt her nostrils flare as though she were doing the same thing.

"I know…but I meant what I said Alice, find him and tell him to stay away"

"I'll see what I can do" she said and ended the call.

For long seconds I crushed Nessie against the wall of my chest, ignoring the press of her breasts in favour of the feeling of her being close to me. My body shook but not with suppressed desire, this time it was anxiety, tension and something I hated to admit to…fear. I had only a week left with Nessie, a week in which to cram in a lifetime of memories in case the leeches succeeded and I didn't survive…or even more horrifying…she didn't.

"Jake?" Nessie's voice was soft against my skin.

"Yeah honey?"

She lifted away from me to look into my eyes and I felt her hand touch my cheek, almost reassuringly.

"We need to talk don't we?"

I sighed "Yeah Nessie we do"

As much as I didn't want to think about the possible bleak future ahead of us, we had to discuss it sometime, to talk about what she would do if I were not there to protect her. To talk about the worst possible scenario.

She stretched up her mouth to mine and kissed me tenderly yet thoroughly, her fingers tangling in my hair as she tugged lightly. When she pulled away again she forced a smile but it was sad and didn't reach her pretty eyes.

"Can I go first?"

I nodded too overcome with emotion to trust my voice.

"What's imprinting?"

Oh fuck.


	33. Nothin But The Truth

_**Okay folks, here it is…this one is pretty long winded and full of dialogue but I think it needed to happen…sorry about the epic update fail but to make up for it I promise the next chapter is juicy and coming up very soon…thanks to all those who have been leaving me reviews and if you haven't yet, think of it as a very cheap Christmas prezzie …love to all. Tink. Xx**_

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* * *

  
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I watched fascinated as Jake's face shuttered, his expression going blank. But his eyes were different; he couldn't hide them from me. He couldn't stop me from seeing, from knowing. They fixed on mine. I could see the shock and torment laid out there for me to see.

"Why would you ask me that…what's Leah being saying to you?"

His entire body tensed beneath me and he shifted as though to stand up. If he did that I would have to get off him, to move away from him. I knew what he was up to, already I could feel him withdrawing from me. Putting a physical distance between us would just increase that. My stomach churned uncomfortably, knowing what was coming.

Looping my arms around his neck I determinedly snuggled closer, not giving him the chance to push me away. If he wanted me off him, he would have to dump me on the floor. And I knew he would never do that to me, not my Jake, not now.

"Nothing, she told me to ask you" I sighed "Said something about her not being the right one to tell me"

"Where did you even hear about imprinting?" his words were laced with frustration and if I wasn't mistaken, amazement.

"I've heard it loads over the years but nobody would ever tell me what it means…it's a wolf thing right?" I looked up at him, willing him to answer me, to trust me with whatever this secret was, however bad it may be.

"Yeah" he replied cautiously, avoiding my eyes now.

"And Leah said" I sucked in a nervous breath "Leah said I'm an imprint"

"Fucking Leah needs to learn to keep her mouth shut"

"Hey!" I smacked him lightly on the arm, "Leah has given up a lot to help us…don't talk about her like that…anyway I think it kinda slipped out"

Jake didn't look convinced and I watched as a muscle worked in his jaw, he was pissed.

"What is it with these Clearwaters and their inability to keep their snouts out of my business" he muttered to himself.

"Jake…please tell me…I've been going crazy thinking all sorts of things since she mentioned it…is it something bad, something I should be worried about?"

* * *

Beneath her calm demeanor I heard the undertone of panic. You see this was why I didn't want anyone talking to her about imprinting until I was sure I was ready to do it; was sure that she wouldn't run screaming from me. But fuck it, she was already scared and confused.

Unable to stop myself I stroked one of the arms wound around my neck gently, reassuring her, pleased when the flesh beneath my fingers puckered into goose bumps.

"No honey it's nothing to worry about, it's nothing bad…it's actually kinda wonderful" I murmured against her hair, inhaling her sweet, sweet scent.

"Then why will no one tell me? I'm not a child anymore Jake, hasn't these last few weeks proved it…I need to know"

She was forcing my hand but I couldn't deny her simply because I was afraid that she would look at our relationship differently. I didn't want to face the reality that she may reconsider her feelings and leave me, taking my soul with her.

Despite the fact I thought I knew how she felt about me, there was still a part of me who felt like a teenager with his first crush. A part of me which couldn't believe anyone as unique and beautiful and as special as Nessie would want me. Sometimes I was still a stupid injun boy from the rez and there was always the chance she would realize she didn't want me anymore and leave me. But looking into her beautiful eyes I had to believe that she saw me, that she loved me, regardless of our differences, regardless that she was so much better than me.

"You know the legends of our tribe? You've heard the stories? Well something we don't talk about is Imprinting…Imprinting is the way some of our pack have found their mates, their soul mates, their other halves…nobody really knows why it happens to some and not to others it just does…maybe it's based on the best genetic match, maybe it's who can survive, another form of natural selection or maybe it's just who's the best looking" I attempted a lame joke, which fell flat as Nessie stared at me dumbly "I don't know why but it happens…and it happened to me"

I dared a glance down at her, wishing she would open her connection so I knew what she was thinking. Did she realize I meant her, did she understand that I had imprinted with her? My eyes were drawn to her bottom lip, which she nibbled, on, a sign she was worried. Inside I felt my gut twist painfully in silent response to her suffering.

"When?" she breathed her eyes glittering "When did it happen to you?"

This was is, I had to tell her. Closing my eyes for fear of what I would see in hers, I took a deep breath and murmured "The second I looked into your eyes…and then again when I saw you for the first time after I came home"

She was frozen, still in the circle of my arms and after a few seconds I became aware she wasn't even breathing. My eyes popped open.

"Nessie? Are you okay?"

She scrunched up her nose as she frowned in concentration and she spoke slowly "So you imprinted on me when I was a baby?"

"Yeah" it came out like a strangled noise.

"You knew I was your soul mate even as a newborn?" I was sure I could hear the censure in her words and hoped I wasn't going to hear repulsion in her next.

"Yes, no…it wasn't like you seem to think…when you Imprint you become what that person needs most, because you were a baby it was more of parental bond-"

"I have two parents, thanks Jake" she bit off and I knew this wasn't going well.

"No, Nessie" I groaned and dug my hands through my hair, wanting to growl "Maybe that was the wrong word….when you were a child, you were like a favorite baby sister, I loved you and was so, so proud of you my Ness…and even as you grew I still saw you as a kid but more a friend, a best friend…but then everything changed"

I stopped, not wanting to talk about that time, unable to bring myself to discuss with her what had happened to me, what I had gone through.

"Do you remember before I left, we fought…things were changing between us…you were growing up" I carried on, even as fear curled in my gut.

I watched her eyes take on a hazy look slightly unfocused, she was remembering, thinking back to that time. Pausing I gave her time to collect her thoughts before continuing. But she beat me to it, her voice soft, a near whisper.

"The way I saw you changed…my feelings changed and I didn't understand it…one minute I wanted to kiss you then the next I wanted to scream and cry because you didn't notice me…I was so angry with you… but when you left me, I was devastated Jake…the pain…the feeling inside me…aching…it was terrible, like I was existing but not living…like part of me was missing"

A flare of hope kindled inside me "That was the imprint Ness…you feel it too…because the universe wants us together, the aching the discomfort…it's the universe's way of making sure imprints stay together"

"So you're saying that the only reason we are together now is because we would be in too much pain to be apart?" she seethed. Oh shit… Nessie baby please understand, you don't know how much this means to me.

* * *

I couldn't believe it. Jake was basically telling me that he'd had some freaky bond with me since I was baby because it would hurt too much not to. Imprinting sucked. All the feelings I thought Jake had for me were caused by some freakish wolfy bullshit obligation.

I stiffened in his arms and withdrew my own, this was worse than any rejection he had put me through. Now I find that he is only with me because he has to be. Immediately Jake's arms clamped tighter around me and I knew if I wanted to be down there would be a struggle.

"No, Nessie, No never…fucking Leah!" he growled, sounding very much like the animal he could become.

"Nessie when I came back from, from…Sam's house I saw you again and that was it for me, it happened all over again but this time it was different…so, so different…there you were so beautiful and perfect and I didn't just imprint on you, I…I fell in love with you"

My heart pounded against my rib cage so furiously I thought it was going to burst through my chest. For so long I had dreamed of Jake saying those words to me but now they just seemed to leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt the bite of tears against my eyelids and blinked furiously.

"Love? You say you love me? How would you even know Jake? It's the imprint…it's all been the imprint"

He shook his head "No Nessie…how could I not love you? You're smart and beautiful and perfect…you are the most unique creature on the planet…I was made for you, made to make you happy and if you'll let me, I promise will spend everyday for the rest of forever doing that"

A scorching blush took over my cheeks and I wanted so desperately to believe him but I couldn't, he was tied to me, obligated. Eternally bound to me in way, which would result in great pain for us both, should we ever be separated.

" I know you would...because you have to right? That's what you were meant to do…you don't have a choice in the matter, you can't love me Jake"

I looked away from him, unable to deal with the torment in his eyes, his own pain compounding mine, tearing at my insides.

"And what about me Renesmee? How do you feel about me? The imprint runs both ways, usually what one feels, the other does too"

His words startled me. I loved Jake and had done all my life. I had never questioned why or how I had… merely accepting it the same way I knew the sun rose and set.

But I had chosen to love him, I had fallen in love with him because he my best friend, because he made me laugh, because he was funny and gentle and kind and yet still so masculine that he curled my toes with only a look. Was all of that really down to the imprint? Did I really have no choice in the matter?

For a second he looked smug and I realized what he was telling me, the imprint made me feel this way. Yet I knew I would have loved him anyway, imprint or no imprint. My love for him came from who he was, what he did not from some mystical wolfy bullshit. I loved him because he made me sand castles in winter, let me dress him up as Pocahontas, and held me while I cried when I wasn't allowed to interact with the other children my age. He was my very best friend and I knew he would be the only one for me. Forever.

"That's different," I protested, turning my face away not about to reveal my feelings just yet, not when I was feeling so vulnerable.

"How? How is different?" he grunted, turning my face up to his, making me look at him.

"It just is…how I feel has nothing to do with some mystical force making me lo- care for you…I lo- like you for who you are and what you do, for making all the those terrible blond jokes about Rosalie and sitting through High School Musical with me even though I've seen it about a hundred times already…but you, you have to feel this way, you don't have a choice and now neither do I" I finished sadly, dragging my eyes away from his again.

I hated to see the tortured look on his face but I had to be honest with him. Beneath me he froze and I climbed stiffly from his lap to settle next to him.

* * *

"Nessie, you will always have a choice…if you don't" I couldn't even bring myself to fucking think it let alone say the words aloud and had to stop to clear my throat "If you don't want me, don't want this…then all you have to do is say…you still have a choice…I was made for you, to be whatever you want me to be and if you chose to be without me then I have to accept that"

Over my fucking dead body. She was mine and I was never going to leave her, even if she told me she never wanted to see me again, I would be there in the background, watching, waiting.

Her sigh felt like a million knives twisting in my gut, when I made that speech I hadn't thought that she would seriously consider it. All the times I had imagined this conversation this was so not the way it went. I was screwed. Life was fucking me over in big way.

"I can leave you if that's what you want but I will always love you Nessie-"

"The imprint-"

"No god damn it!" I snarled, leaping away from her.

I was angry now, pacing the room in an attempt to calm myself, aware of just what could happen if I shifted when she was too close.

"I will always love you because you smell like peaches and cream, and laugh at my dumb blonde jokes…I will always love you because your smile makes my stomach flip and your laughter makes me want to laugh too, so I can share in your happiness…I will always love you because you have a tiny freckle that no one except your parents and I have seen since you were a baby and they changed your diaper… I love you because you have the strangest name on the face of this planet, you are the most unique person in the world and _you_ claimed _me_, you wrapped me around your little finger the second I saw you…I will always love you because you are _you_…and had you been born into a different body with a different name then I would have found you again too because I love _you_ Renesmee Carlie Cullen"

I stopped pacing and looked down at her, feeling like a fucking douche because now she was crying, openly. I could smell the salty tang of her tears and once again I had fucked up. Oh Nessie, please, please don't cry over me darlin'. And the award for being the world's worst imprint for the second year running goes to…

Her lips trembled and her mouth moved soundlessly as though she were trying to speak. Feeling the tug of the imprint I crossed the room and fell to my knees before her, still looking down at her because of our height difference. Taking her shaking hands in mine I let my forehead drop to rest atop her tousled bronzed curls and I planted a fierce kiss among them, suddenly wondering if this was the last time I would get to do this. A hole inside me tore open with the thought and I wanted to howl. Instead I breathed deeply, taking in the scent of her tears and pain, committing them to memory.

I flinched at the first touch of her hands against my chest, her open palm splayed across my thundering heart. Instantly I was flooded with images of myself.

My head thrown back as I laughed at her, a grin tugging at my mouth as I watched her wobble precariously on the roller blades I had bought her for her second birthday. Me, smiling gently down at her as she drifted into slumber as an infant. My eyes the first time I kissed her, and finally the look of torment on my face as I spoke the words, which would free her from me if she wanted it. Along with my expressions, I felt such a deep stirring of love and longing that it almost took my breath away.

* * *

I felt the fine tremor, which ran through his body as he knelt over me, his face buried on my hair, his breathing deep, his body taut. I realized I had misunderstood his words to me earlier. He hadn't been telling me that I only loved him because of the imprint; he had been trying to tell me that he loved me the same way I loved him… in spite of the imprint. That he was as sure that he _loved_ me, as I was as sure I loved him. It worked both ways. This was it for him_. I_ was it for him. Seeing him this vulnerable and in pain cut me deep.

"Please Nessie" he rasped into my hair "Please don't cry baby"

How many times had he asked that of me in my life? He was always there to comfort and reassure me, but now he needed that, he needed to know. Jake had been made for me but right now, he needed reassurance, needed to be put first.

"I love you," I blurted, once the words were on my tongue I couldn't stop them.

Above me, Jake froze I wasn't even sure he was breathing. Slowly, so slowly that I felt like I would go mad with waiting he pulled back to look into my face. I gasped when I saw the molten heat in his eyes and surprising me more than anything was the faint shimmer of tears.

"You…love…me?" his voice was thick with emotion.

"How could I not love you…you taught me how to ride my bike, took me for ice cream, snuck me into movies I wasn't supposed to see and then sang show tunes for an entire week so my parents didn't find out…you were my first kiss and you will be my last…you were born for me like I was born for you…you're my Jacob and I love you" I breathed, tugging his face closer to mine, so I could whisper those final words against his lips, before I claimed them with my own.

Our mouths met in a gentle tender kiss, a promise, and a benediction, a healing kiss that all too soon was over. There was still so much to talk about, still so much I wanted to know, needed to know.

"You love me" his smugness was back and I couldn't deny the thrill it gave me when he grinned arrogantly "I knew you loved me"

I laughed through my tears, happy, things were on an even keel again "You did not"

"I did…I knew there was a reason you kept me around the place" he pulled me closer, and my arms found their natural place around his neck, my head against his chest, listening to the thrumming sound of his heartbeat.

"Mostly I keep you about so I can perv on your body"

I felt his rumbling chuckle beneath my cheek, his big hands stroking my hair. We were silent for a few minutes just enjoying holding each other. Feeling him against me set my tummy fluttering and I knew my body was reacting to his nearness as my breathing quickened, almost as though his very presence robbed me of the ability to breathe.

"Nessie, we still have a lot to talk about" he murmured after a while.

"I know" but I was reluctant to break the little bubble we had found ourselves in.

Reluctantly I pulled away from him and folded myself onto the floor before him. I smiled when he scooted up against me, my back to his chest, sighing as I felt his incredible heat penetrate my clothing. As a reflex his arms came around me and I allowed my head to loll back against his chest. Despite the impending threat of the Volturi and an unscheduled visit from what was going to be yet another psycho vamp, I felt strangely happy and at peace.

"Where do I start?" he was talking to himself more than to me and I sat, waiting patiently, giving him the time and space he needed.

* * *

I cursed myself for having gotten into this situation with Nessie but she needed to know. Everything. I had to tell her what happened to me and why it had happened. If those fucking leeches found me again…it would be all over and she deserved to know why I pushed her away and pulled her in so many times.

Hearing her tell me she loved me, had brought the sharp sting of tears to my eyes. Those were words I had only dreamed she would say but she did, against all the odds she loved me, the words most fucked up imprint. The only imprint who could potentially kill her if those bloodsuckers got their way. Turning me feral hadn't been easy but they had done it once, what if they did it again? I could kill her, hurt her and never even know it, never even feel it.

"So the thing about imprints is, they can't be broken…not through time or space or physical distance…but those bloodsuckers tried and they nearly succeeded" I bit out.

Against me Nessie tensed for a second and then she began to run her hand along my forearm, soothing, calming the rage that built up inside me the second I began to think about my captivity. Instantly the beast inside me quieted, retreating to a low grumble.

"I want you to know what happened Ness. I want you to know in case it happens again…you need to be able to protect yourself and know what to do, if I change again…you know that they captured me but they tortured me, fucked me up pretty badly…Jane that leech that looks like a fucking kid" I hated to even speak her name and gritted my teeth against a nearly feral snarl.

"Jane, she did something to me, over and over, made me feel like… I was being burned alive, like all the bones in my body were being broken simultaneously…it was unbearable… but it was better than dealing with the pain of being away from my imprint, of being away from you…that's something no one wants to endure"

Nessie made a sound of agreement and continued with her small soft strokes, her fingertips brushing lightly over my skin.

"They starved me, beat me, set Jane on me and still I wouldn't crack… I just focused on you and getting home to you but then one day" I cleared my throat against the pain "One day…there you were"

She tilted back her head and her shocked gaze met mine, instantly I felt the connection between us open "me?"

"They brought you in…dragged you in really…I had never been so pleased to see you or so fucking terrified at the same time…Christ Nessie it was like my greatest wish and my worst nightmare rolled into one"

* * *

I couldn't bear to see the pain on his face, the lost look in his eyes as he spoke but I perversely I couldn't look away. Part of me knew he wasn't really even talking to me now, he was merely remembering, lost in his thoughts.

"And then it began…time after time I had to watch as they tortured you...I listened to you screaming my name, pleading with me to help you…all I could do was talk to you, tell you I was here for you…I thought there was nothing more they could do to me after that I was wrong…they took you from me Nessie and they…they hurt you, forced you, did sick disgusting things to you" he murmured his eyes glazed his large body trembling beneath me.

Oh my Jake, my poor, brave Jake. I hated to hear what they had done to him but I knew he wanted to get it out, to release whatever demons had been haunting him and standing between us.

"Night after night they would take you and you would beg and plead, asking for me, asking for Bella and I tried Nessie I swear to god I tried to stop them but I couldn't…and then one day, you were different…you were one of them and you tried to bite me, to kill me" he turned to look at me, his face twisted into a grimace "I had to do it Nessie, I had to make you stop…I killed you Nessie with my bare hands"

Revulsion swirled inside me, not for Jake but for what had happened to him and what he had to do. I felt the burn of tears behind my lids and I blinked rapidly, Jake needed me now, needed me to be the strong one for him. He paused his head hanging a little and I knew he was ashamed of himself.

"All I could think about was how I held you when you were a little girl and how you smiled at me…how you laughed when you saw me…and then it was over…I could hear this horrific gut wrenching screaming and then nothing…"

Tears prickled against my eyes, burning, searing his words onto my heart. My brave Jacob, all this time he had carried this inside him. I was his imprint; I had to be there for him as much as he was there for me.

"It wasn't real baby…none of it…I was home, safe and waiting for you, loving you, missing you, needing you" I breathed against the skin of his shoulder, feeling him flinch as my lips came into contact with his body. Pressing soft delicate kisses to his shoulders, I prayed they would heal the wounds I couldn't see.

"I don't remember anything after that until you found me in that clearing…I knew even then I think, I knew you were something special…. My instincts were screaming at me to kill you but I couldn't…I couldn't do that again….then after I was so scared of who I was and what could happen to you that I pushed you away wanting to protect you… stop you getting hurt…tried to stop what I felt for you and all I did was hurt you anyway…fuck Ness you don't know how hard it's been" he grunted.

My heart twisted painfully inside me at his words, I wished more than anything I could take away his pain, swallow it and take it inside myself, rid him of it forever. To know that he believed he had killed me, to know the pain he felt with that act had fractured his mind, his soul, splitting himself, humbled me. I ached with the need to comfort him the same way he had done for me, so many times but I didn't know what to do, didn't know what he needed. I was lost.

"I'm sorry Jake, so, so sorry my Jacob" I punctuated each word with a soft loving kiss but I knew he wasn't really aware of me.

"And now we're living with this death sentence" he rasped bitterly.

"Don't say that, we don't know what's going to happen" even I could hear the desperation coloring my tone.

"You know no matter what happens that I love you right? You know that don't you Nessie" he asked me almost violently, coming back into himself. His hands curled into my skin, the bite of his nails feeling a little uncomfortable. But inside I welcomed the pain, welcomed evidence that this was real, he was real and for now we were together.

"I know Jacob, I know," I repeated over and over, like a mantra, willing him to believe it.

How long we sat there on the floor I don't know but when I glanced around, I noticed the room had been cast into shadows. Behind me Jake was silent and still, his breathing slow and even, calm. Though I kept my body pliant inside my mind was still spinning as I processed the horror of what had happened to him and tried not to think about what Alice had said. They were drawing closer all the time. Like grains of sand in the wind, my time with Jacob was being swept away. I couldn't bare it; I wanted him near me, with me. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

"Jacob, will you do something for me?" I whispered.

"Anything" his reply was gratifyingly instant.

I wanted to smile but I couldn't "Stay with me tonight…sleep with me…"

He stiffened against me, his entire body drawing tight and he cleared his throat "Ness, we can't-"

Heat covered my skin "I don't mean like…that…I mean sleep with me, hold me…we have so little time left and I can't bear to be apart from you any more...I want you face to be the last thing I see when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I awake"

I heard him suck in a strangled breath "I want that too"

My heart turned over inside me chest and I squeezed his hands where they linked through mine.

"So will you?"

There was a long silence and another squeeze around my fingers and then my heart.

"Yes Nessie, I will"


	34. Pillow Talk

_So as promised folks a much quicker update…see what lovely reviews do. Not too much to say, just that I hope y'all have as much fun reading as I did writing and as always share your thoughts with me….love to all Tink. xxx_

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* * *

  
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A little over an hour and a half later the sound of the shower made my heart race, my blood head south and my mind fill with a million images of Ness. Naked. Wet. Soapy. Though we had slept in the same bed hundreds of times before, this time seemed so much more intimate, carnal and I knew I was gonna have a hell of a time keeping my hands off her. Edgy and tense, despite my own long hot shower earlier, I was unable to relax.

Peeling back the covers I settled onto the bed, inhaling deeply as clouds of Nessie's sweet, sweet scent wafted over me, and my hard on twitched hungrily. Normally I slept in very little but knowing Nessie was nearby had a profound effect on my anatomy and there was no way in hell I was going to put either of us in jeopardy by sleeping in the raw. It was just too much temptation and as much as my body craved her, I couldn't do that, couldn't take away her innocence with this threat hanging over our heads.

When the water slowed to a trickle I listened intently, trying not to imagine her rubbing a soft white towel over her naked body as she dried and dressed. Sucking in a deep breath as I heard the door open, my body went rigid.

* * *

Jake lay sprawled across my bed… his bed…our bed, one arm folded behind his head, the other resting loosely on his stomach. Nerves fluttered wildly inside me, as I lounged in the doorway, needing the courage to take this final step. This was only Jake, I told myself. Only Jake. Yeah but it was only Jake who was half naked and sprawled out across a bed, waiting for me.

I knew there was supposed to be nothing sexual about this arrangement. I just wanted to be close to be close to him in the time we had left, wanted to know what it was like to be held all night by him. I wanted to know how it would feel to wake in his arms and watch him sleep. I craved him, craved the closeness and intimacy that only sleeping with another person could give.

Though this was innocent, my body was stirring in now familiar ways, an ache beginning deep inside me, between my quivering thighs and radiating outwards as I took in the sight of him. Wearing only soft gray sweats, which hung low on his hips, he looked good enough to eat, literally.

Jacob was such a beautiful man. From the breadth of his wide shoulders, to the solid strength of his biceps and forearms. From the powerful veins visibly cording his arms to his large and capable hands with their calluses. Everything about him appealed to me and made me feel small and weak and ultra feminine.

His skin was like burnt sienna, the color of the earth itself, and I longed to stroke my hands across every inch of him. Biting my lip, I forced my eyes from the hard flat planes of his abdomen and excitement curled inside me, as I took in the dark smattering of hair low on his naval, disappearing under the wide band of his sweats.

"You okay?" he asked gently, hesitantly and my eyes flew guiltily to his.

I nodded, smothering a fake yawn, not trusting my voice and fought not to stare at the area between his hips where he would be hard. My fingers itched to touch him, to stroke him and I curled my hands against the urge. His body fascinated me but he still hadn't granted me the gift of exploring him.

He quirked one eyebrow at me, then patted the bedside him "I'm not the one who bites"

I chuckled nervously, heat breaking out across me as an image of him biting me, filled my mind. Crossing the room on shaky legs, I stopped by the bed and looked down at him. His eyes were warm and seemed to glow golden. Swiftly, before I could change my mind I perched on the end of the bed.

Swinging my legs up, I lay stiffly on the bed beside Jake. My heart was pounding furiously and I knew he would be able to hear it. Self-consciously I swallowed.

"It's only me Ness…C'mere" he whispered, his arms moving around my shoulder and hauling me against his side.

Heat, that was my first impression, the heat of his body scorching mine through the material of my nightshirt. Resting my cheek on the soft skin of his naked chest, I listened to the rapid thundering of his heart. It comforted me, made me feel safe, secure, protected and so very…excited inside.

I made a soft sighing noise and turned a little more onto my side. Instantly I became aware of my breasts crushed against the wall of his body, his leg moving instinctively between mine. My breathing grew a little quicker and my heart fluttered in my chest in reaction to the proximity of his body.

I knew what this meant now; I recognized and welcomed the feelings coursing through my body. I wanted him. I needed him to take the ache away. With each breath I took I got lungful of his deep woodsy scent, my nose tickling with the undercurrent of his soap.

"Thank you" I murmured and felt his answering kiss in my hair as he settled further down the bed inadvertently brushing against my breast.

Pleasure shot through me, white lightning streaking from my heart to my already sensitive core. I sucked in a strangled gasp of air, my heart literally stopping it felt so good.

A low groan rumbled in my ear and my stomach clenched, as liquid pooled at my core.

* * *

The smell of Nessie's need hit me the same second her choked gasp did. Since the second she had appeared silhouetted in the doorway, my body had been fighting my brain. My body was victorious as I felt my blood pool hotly between my hips, my pants becoming more uncomfortable with each rapid heartbeat.

"Jake?" I heard her breathy voice, heard the unspoken question and I knew what she wanted, knew what she needed from me.

Moving slowly, not wanting to shock her, I stretched out, pulling her closer still and buried my face against her throat. She was trembling and shaking in my arms, her breathing ragged and I couldn't turn away from her now. I could deny her nothing. Neither of us would get any sleep being on a ragged edge and though I tried to pretend this was for her benefit, I would take any excuse to touch her, to make her feel good.

"Nessie…can I touch you…. I can take this away, I can make you feel good"

She shuddered in response and moved against me restlessly, a sexy little whimper coming from her.

Levering up on my elbow to look down at her, I could make out the soft flush of desire on her cheeks, her eyes sparkling and I felt a hand against my chest flex.

"I want to touch you" her hot breath tickled my skin.

I needed her touch too but this wasn't about me, this was about me taking care of my Ness, giving her some relief, giving her what she needed, what she deserved.

"Not tonight Ness, this is for you…let me love you". Please let me touch you Nessie, let me do this for you, let me give this to you, there may be a time when I can't.

Her nose scrunched as she stared up at me, a look of disappointment across her delicate features. It was almost comical but I couldn't laugh at her, not when I needed her so badly.

Her tremors intensified and I prayed it was with need not with fear.

"Can I touch you Nessie?"

God let me touch you.

She shifted against me, pressing her now quivering breasts closer to me and she nodded, her lip caught between her teeth nervously.

"Don't be scared honey…I can make you feel good," I breathed my promise against the skin of her throat as my fingers tangled in the soft baby curls at the nape of her neck.

Gently, slowly, I slid my hand across the skin of her collarbone as I opened my mouth against her throat, kissing her hotly. Groaning at the taste of her skin on my tongue, I slid my hand into the valley between her breasts, trailing slowly back and forth. Tormenting her, teasing me.

Nessie whimpered as my finger caught the edge of her nipple and she went rigid, breathing in sharply.

* * *

Feeling the teasing stroke of Jake's callused finger against my tight nipple, sent ripples of pleasure through me. I felt like I was going to come apart at any moment and he had barely touched me, I needed to him so badly. I wanted to touch him but knew he wouldn't let me. Settling instead for feeling rapid beat of his heart under my hand I tried to get closer to him.

Surprised I heard a mewling sound and realized it was me, as Jake's large hand cupped my breast, palming me through my clothes.

"Take it off…please," I breathed, staring up at Jake who watched me, his eyes narrowed.

Uncertainty flickered across his face and I knew he was thinking of protecting me, not wanting to push me into something he thought I wasn't ready for.

"Baby, this isn't a good idea" his raspy voice tickled my ear.

"Please Jake…I trust you, please"

He was still above me for only a second and then I saw his large, dark hands grasp the hem of my nightshirt.

"Lift your head," he ordered gently.

Screwing my eyes shut; embarrassed I sat up a little feeling the chill of the air against my skin as he pulled off my nightclothes, leaving me clad only in my panties. Instinctively my arms reached up to cover myself, nervous. Though it was dark in his room, with his super wolfy senses, darkness meant nothing to him. I knew he would be able to see all of me in a way no one had since I was an infant.

"Please don't Nessie…don't hide, not from me...you're too beautiful, don't cover yourself" I heard him plead and jumped a little as he lifted me to rest against a mound of pillows, his hands resting on my hips.

Peeking, I stared, fascinated, able to see every nuance of his handsome face. My stomach flipped as I saw the way he looked at me, devouring me, looking more like a wolf now than he ever had as human.

His jaw was clenched, his nostrils flaring and his chest was rising and falling rapidly. Feeling the heat of his eyes I slowly lowered my arms, letting them fall against the bedclothes. Resting on his knees, he knelt above me, simply staring down at me.

Need twisted deeper when he licked his lip and unconsciously I arched towards him, wanting to feel the heat of his mouth on my breasts. Surprise caught me as I watched his pupils dilate, his eyes appearing almost black.

* * *

Feeling more like a predator than I ever had before, I stared down at Nessie, unable to comprehend that this beautiful vibrant girl wanted me enough to bare herself to me. She was stunning, beautiful, a vision. Wearing only a delicate scrap of white lace her body cried out to me, her hot musky scent calling to my animal side, demanding I touch her.

Her full creamy breasts pouted at me, her nipples puckered begging me to touch her. Unable to stop myself I licked my lips, desperate for a taste of her, praying I had the control not to hurt her, not to devour her like the animal I was.

Wordlessly I bent and closed my mouth around one soft tip, tugging gently, feeling like a conquering warrior as she whimpered, her back bowing. She tasted like innocence and perfection rolled into one and as I kissed my way to her other breast I wondered if she would taste this good everywhere.

Laving her nipple, tasting her on my tongue I cupped her, bringing her closer to my mouth, loving her soft panting breaths, the way she twisted unselfconsciously on the bed.

* * *

I was almost mindless, the pleasure of his mouth on my breasts too much for me to bear. My hands reached out blindly and tangled in his hair, tugging his face to mine. He kissed me, his tongue delving into my mouth, dragging across mine, and stroking me even as he continued to stroke my breasts. Writhing in his arms, I felt him pull away from me and turn his attention to my neck again; placing hot wet biting kisses along my shoulder and down my arm. His tongue snaked out and he licked along my wrist where my pulse beat rapidly.

"More" I demanded breathlessly.

Breathing raggedly I caught hold of his hands and slid them from my breasts down, across the skin of my stomach and down to the lace of my panties. We both froze. Jake had never touched me there before and I had never invited him to. But right now I would give anything for that touch.

"Baby...are you sure about this" he asked me, looking tormented and guilty.

"Just touch me…I need you"

Her breathless plea went right to my groin, where I already pulsed thick and heavy and needy.

I wasn't sure if I had the control for this, I wanted to feel her, to skim her softness and feel the scalding wet heat I knew would be waiting for me…

Man up Jake, Nessie needs this. Looking down my hands were shaking and before I could stop myself I slid my fingers gently over the lace on the edge of her panties.

"Tell me if I hurt you…or you don't like this…I promise I will stop baby," he groaned, pressing another kiss below my ear.

* * *

I felt all the muscles in her thighs contract, as my fingers slid over her mound. Even through the material of her panties I could feel her heat as I cupped her.

"Fuck Nessie, you feel so hot" I moaned imagining that heat bathing my throbbing erection.

* * *

The feel of his large fingers skimming over me, stopped my breath and unconsciously I let my thighs drift open. I knew I should feel more embarrassed but I couldn't, not when I wanted him this much. I knew when he finally touched me there; he would be able to feel my wetness, the same wetness which now soaked my panties.

"Open your legs a little more honey…that's it" he encouraged me as I opened myself to him.

I gasped as I felt him press a finger against me, hitting a spot between my thighs that made me see stars and I whimpered, my hips lifting, trying to make him do it again.

"You like that huh" he smiled wolfishly and my stomach clenched.

I nodded my head falling back against the pillow, my lip caught between my teeth as pleasure burst again when his other hand returned to my breasts and he caressed me in turns.

"Ready for more?"

I couldn't answer, could only nod, frantic, as his fingers skimmed the edge of the lace and I felt the first contact of his finger against my naked flesh. We groaned together and I stiffened.

"Too much?"

"No…more please Jake"

His finger slid over my slick flesh and I moaned loudly, feeling out of control of my own body.

* * *

At the first touch of her scalding heat against my finger I moaned. She was so fucking hot, and wet and her scent was driving me crazy. Looking down at her I felt driven by some primal force I didn't understand. Her head was thrown back, her hair loose across the pillow, her lip caught between her teeth, eyes half closed as she whimpered and mewled. It was the hottest, sexiest thing I had ever seen. I couldn't stop myself capturing her mouth, kissing her hard, my tongue thrusting into her in the way I wanted my body to.

Nessie's arms wrapped around me, holding her to me as I kissed her fiercely while my fingers continued the slow teasing stroke against her heat, barley skimming her, letting her get used to the feeling of me touching her. I longed to spread her wide, open her up and feel her against my fingers, feel her silken walls clutching me, milking me.

She was panting wildly in my arms and I pressed all my weight down on her, my fingers trapped beneath our bodies, my leg between hers. Gently I lifted her leg, placing it carefully over my hip, opening her even wider to my touch as my fingers glided, spreading her heat and wetness. Beneath the material of her panties my fingers were trapped, making the movements of my fingers small but still very significant.

"Tell me if I hurt you" I begged, kissing the skin of her neck, tugging it gently between my teeth, knowing I couldn't hurt her here.

Gently, slowly and desperate not to hurt her, I slid my finger through her silken curls, to move slowly inside her. My breath stopped and I sucked in air desperately. I was inside her. Fuck me. She was tight and wet and so so soft I thought I would go crazy. Beneath me she jerked, her hips tilting towards me and she caught her breath, before moaning long and low.

* * *

"You're so small baby…and tight…tell me I'm not hurting you baby" he growled against me.

"You're not hurting me Jake…it feels amazing"

The sensation of being filled by Jake, even by his long thick finger was enough to bring tears to my eyes. He was inside me, touching me in a place where no one ever had. I felt full and stretched, but not in an uncomfortable way and caught my breath on a gasp as he added another finger.

"That's right baby, you can take them…good girl"

His words made my need burn hotter and I flinched as he pushed in deeper.

My eyes opened and I caught Jake watching me, a gleam in his eyes. Heat flowed over me as I stared back at him, feeling an overflow of emotion inside.

His eyes on mine, he moved his fingers, sliding them out of me almost all the way before gently pushing back inside me. A million starbursts of pleasure errupted inside me at the feeling and I gasped, emotion forgotten in the face of my need. His fingers moved slow and deep, yet still so gently, curling inside me and all I could do was moan and thrash as he hit the spot, which almost sent me reeling.

"Ssh it's okay baby, I'm here…I've got you" he groaned as I cried out, moving my hips needing that feeling again.

As his finger moved slowly, gently inside me, his mouth skimmed down my body and clamped over my nipple, tugging gently. I felt that answering tug between my legs. I was burning up, unable to take the pleasure as I moved against his hand, my hips pumping of their own accord.

When I felt the touch of his thumb against the bundle of nerves at my opening I almost came off the bed.

"Jake" I whimpered, barely recognizing my own voice as all the feelings inside me suddenly pushed me higher.

His big fingers were on me, in me, gliding inside me, stealing over me, pressing firmly and I felt my muscles begin to contract as I cried out.

Then I was falling, coming apart as I fractured in his arms, my stomach pulling in tight, my thighs quivering, my eyes screwed shut as I gasped and jerked and bucked against him. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over me, as Jake's clever fingers teased and tormented me again and again.

* * *

Feeling Nessie clench around my fingers, feeling her scalding wet heat on my skin made me almost manic with the need to bury myself inside her but I fought back the beast. Seeing her pant and moan and shiver and fly apart as I touched her intimately, made me feel like the worlds best imprint.

I had done this to her. I had made her feel this way. And despite the heavy pulsing ache between my legs I would have done nothing differently. As her shivers slowed and her heart calmed, I gently removed my fingers from inside her panties.

My nostrils flared as I was over powered with her scent, her sweet musky scent. Mouth watering I fought the urge to lick my fingers and taste her. Instead I concentrated on pressing gentle kisses to her face, her lips, her neck, telling her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. Seeing her, feeling her around my hand as she came was the hottest most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was honored and proud to make her feel that way.

* * *

Jake's words reached me as I floated down, on a cloud, feeling limp and boneless. It amazed me that he seemed to know what I wanted before I did, was that the power of the imprint? I opened my eyes, surprised to feel the sheets cocooning us, over our heads, wrapping us together, and keeping the rest of the world out. We lay so close that our noses touched, his sweet breath mingling with mine, making me somewhat lightheaded. He was smiling at me, his eyes so full of love that mine prickled in response. I loved him so much. It was just him and me, alone, together; the rest of the world and our problems could wait.

"Hi…feelin okay?" he teased quietly.

I stretched beside him, surprised by how tired and lethargic I was suddenly, all my muscles were relaxed and I felt all floaty.

"Better than okay but I…think I could do with a nap actually" I murmured and shifted closer to him, making the sheets billow a little.

I flushed when I felt the evidence of his love for me brushing against my leg. Desire sparked to life inside me…again?

"Jacob" I began in a singsong voice "As my imprint you have to give me what I need right?"

"Thought I just did"

I smirked and stuck out my tongue, catching his bottom lip accidentally, yet still loving his reaction "What if I need you?"

He drew in a deep shuddery breath "Ness…don't ask this of me, not yet...please"

I felt the pout I knew was on my face "Why not? Don't you want me to touch you Jacob?"

"Nessie you don't know how much I want you to touch me baby…but when that happens I need to be in control…and Nessie I'm not in control, not after seeing you come apart for me" he stroked a finger alone my cheek and across my lips.

I fought the urge to bite him and instead settled for letting my tongue steal out of my mouth and lick him gently.

I shivered at the image his words provoked at the same time as I marveled at his self control. Now I knew what it felt like to want someone, to need him, to feel the burn of desire inside, I marveled that he could resist me.

Then an awful thought occurred to me, maybe he didn't want me as much as I wanted him. The doubts were back, the old Nessie taking me hostage for a second.

"No baby…I want you more than I want my next breath…don't ever think that I don't" his voice took on a harsh edge and I realized the strength of my release had opened the connection between us and he had been privy to my most private thoughts.

I flushed, embarrassed, guilty.

"I just feel like you're pushing me away again"

"Never doubt that I want you Renesmee" he murmured moving to whisper in my ear, the evidence of his feelings pressing insistently against my thigh once more.

Shivering I pressed against him a little, testing my boundaries, pushing my luck, unsurprised when he carefully moved away from me.

* * *

Forcing myself to move away from her was the hardest thing I had done in a long while. It would be so easy to give in to her and take what she offered but not now, not like this. So desperate for her touch, I was about a hair's breadth from embarrassing us both and cumming in my pants again.

When Nessie finally touched me, I wanted to have all the time in the world, wanted to enjoy her as she enjoyed me. Her face took on a mulish look and I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent a smile, she really was so adorable, all flushed from my touch, her hair spilling across my pillow. We were cocooned together under the sheets, making us the only people in the world that mattered for now.

"Soon, Nessie I promise baby" I pressed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"You can't keep me away forever Jacob…I want you and I mean to have you"

My body pulsed at her words and I hoped to fuck she kept her promise. But already I could see her eyes were growing heavy, her breathing and heart slowing to a more even rate. I knew without a doubt she would be asleep in seconds. The hand against my skin went lax and I heard the gentle sound of her breathing, her soft breath tickling my skin.

Awake she was beautiful, in sleep she was stunning. My very own sleeping beauty, the beauty to my beast. I only hoped we would get our own happily ever after.

* * *

**Coming up**

_Thought I would break with tradition and give you a sneak peak of what's happening next……….._

"She's fine Jake, you're just overreacting as usual, making this so much more fucking dramatic than it has to be… besides she's not my fucking imprint, she's yours…if you're really that worried then you stay behind all the time…listen to her moon over you" Leah snarled and I felt the answering stirring of rage.

Leah had endangered her and she was lecturing me about staying home. She better than anyone knew my duty was to the pack, I was trying to protect us all. But Leah being Leah was acting up to her reputation as pack bitch and it was then it hit me. this wasn't about Nessie or me…it was about imprinting and her being jealous of our relationship.

"That's what this is about? You're what jealous of her now?"

" Jealous? No I'm just sick of being a fucking baby sitter Jake…this has nothing to do with you being together-"

"So why in the hell did you talk to her about imprints?" I growled, feeling the tell tale trembling begin deep in my bones, the urge to attack.


	35. Of Repercussions and Rainbows

**Hi there (waves shyly from behind the sofa), so I know I have been AWOL for an awful long time but there is a very real and painful reason behind my lack of updates. All I can ask is for your forgiveness and dedicate to this to the memory of my angel baby who was born sleeping and will be always remembered and loved. Night, night baby. xxxxxxxxxxx**

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* * *

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Beside me Nessie's soft snuffles made her chest move gently in time with the cadence of her heartbeat. I smiled as she snorted a little and turned onto her side, her legs tangling with mine once more, her tiny hand coming to rest on the still taut muscles of my stomach.

I was tired. Dog tired and knew I should get some sleep but I didn't want to close my eyes and miss anything about the remaining time we had left together. Cheesy as fuck I know but that was the way I felt.

When Bella had told me how Edward used to watch her sleep all I could think was how fucking weird he was...but there was something so intimate about watching another person dreaming. From the time she was a little girl, she had shared her dreams with me and I had always found this fascinating but now as an adult it was for an entirely different reason. A shit-eating grin broke out across my face as she whispered my name breathily, her hand flexing on a sigh.

Debating whether to wake her, I reached for her to pull her closer when I heard the sound of footsteps outside on the porch. I couldn't smell anything except Nessie and then… Leah. Slowly, so as not to disturb Ness I set her to one side and padded barefoot from the room.

"Hey Jake, Nessie been cooking again? What is that smell? It's delicious," Leah whispered, as I found her in the kitchen, head in the fridge.

I paused, I was about to unleash hell on her but her question threw me. "What exactly do you smell?"

"Outside on the porch…kinda like cookies but also… rain and sunshine…Nessie change her shampoo or what?" she chuckled, emerging with some pastrami.

"That was a vamp Leah" saying the words aloud provoked my anger "where the fuck have you been-"

I crossed my arms over my chest to stop me reaching for her and shaking her. Leah was disappearing all the time and it was time for it to stop.

"Would you calm down…I checked in on the others…why what did I miss?"

I almost choked on my tongue "What did you miss? What did you fucking miss? Nauhel."

"Who's Nauhel?"

"Nauhel is the leech who thinks Nessie should be with him…he's come to save her from the Volturi and me apparently…why weren't you here? Anything could have fucking happened to her."

Leah just looked at me, not the slightest hint of regret marring her features.

"How can you be so fucking calm? Do you have any idea what could have happened to her if I hadn't come back when I did?"

Leah turned on me and scowled "Back the fuck off Jake…I had to check in with Sue and make sure everyone is alright…Nessie is a big girl, she can take care of herself…I have the bruises to prove it."

"That's not the fucking point Leah! I told you to stay with her and the first fucking chance you get you leave."

"She's fine Jake, you're just overreacting as usual, making this so much more fucking dramatic than it has to be… besides she's not my fucking imprint, she's yours…if you're really that worried then you stay behind all the time…listen to her moon over you," Leah snarled and I felt the answering stirring of rage.

Leah had endangered her and she was lecturing me about staying home. She better than anyone knew my duty was to the pack; I was trying to protect us all. But Leah being Leah was acting up to her reputation as pack bitch and it was then it hit me. This wasn't about Nessie or me…it was about imprinting and her jealousy. She was jealous of my relationship with Nessie.

"That's what this is about? You're what, jealous of her now?"

" Jealous? No I'm just sick of being a fucking baby sitter Jake…this has nothing to do with you being together-"

"So why in the hell did you talk to her about imprints?" I growled, feeling the tell tale trembling begin deep in my bones, the urge to attack. She was my pack mate, my second, my sister yet still I contemplated hurting her for leaving Nessie so vulnerable, to me and to Nauhel.

"Because she asked me…she's not a little girl anymore Jake…she needs to know what she is getting into with you."

I barked out a humorless laugh "What she is getting into with me?"

"Imprinting is a prison, you know it and I sure as hell know it" she bit out, stalking the room angrily, her inner wolf rising to the surface making her eyes darker, her features sharper.

"A prison? Imprinting is the only thing which makes this fucked up world make sense."

"For you maybe…but have you ever stopped to wonder what would happen if Nessie didn't want you…if she wanted Nauhel instead…how would you feel being tied to her forever knowing she didn't want you…didn't love you…that every time you looked into her face she looked away, she couldn't meet your eyes…you're trapped and there is no where to go…there's no bars, no locks only emotions but it's a prison just the same…it's the other side of imprinting the one no one talks about," she murmured and I could see the faint sheen of tears in her eyes.

I forgot sometimes, forgot how deeply she must feel things, wolves because of our animalistic natures took things to heart, loved harder but grieved harder too. Her words struck home and I was once more reminded how lucky I was that Nessie loved me in the same way I loved her, that she wanted me in her life not as her brother but as her lover.

"Lee…I'm sorry…but you have to understand that Nessie is my life and you are the only other person I trust with that life…when I came back and found you gone…with his scent all over the place…I freaked a little…. Alice says that he wants Nessie, he's come to take her away…thinks he is rescuing her from the leeches and from me…and I cant lose her Lee, not again," the last words came out as a whisper. Even I was surprised by the shake in my voice as I contemplated my future without her in it.

"You wont Jake… but you have to understand that she is not a child and leaving the imprinting issue was taking away her free will…she's head over heels in love with you already but if she didn't know what her choices were…then things could end badly."

"I just you could have given me more time, I wasn't ready."

"I am sorry for that but I knew you would always find a way around it, a reason not to tell her…what's the deal with this Nauhel guy anyway? How did you know he had been here?"

I turned to look at Leah to see if she was winding me up, but her face was serious

"Are you shitting me right now? Didn't you smell him when you walked up? His scent was all over the place," I growled, not amused that wasn't taking this as seriously as she should.

"Told you, all I could smell was cookies and rain when I came in…that was him?" she asked looking slightly shocked.

"Yes that was him, Leah what the hell is goin on with you?"

For a second the confident, ballsy, bitchy, woman I knew disappeared and in her place stood, a fragile, haunted looking young woman. But then she squared her shoulders and threw me her trademark sarcastic smirk and the bitch was back.

"Who the hell knows maybe I'm finally PMSing," she muttered with a shrug.

"Leah you need to get your shit together, if you put Nessie at risk I wont forget or forgive…she's my imprint."

Leah rolled her eyes and gave me her back "Again with the imprint"

I felt the sharp tug of anger and fought for control, as wolf and woman she was starting to seriously piss me off with this shit.

"Christ Leah you are fucking-"

" Fucking what?" she spat, spinning to face me her eyes flashing, a slight trembling wracking her frame.

"So fucking bitter…this is because we were happy wasn't it? You could never stand to see anyone happy, you had to fucking stir it up"

"This has nothing to do with that, she asked me and I told her to speak to you…but yeah imprints piss me off."

"What happened to you isn't my fault Leah and it isn't Nessie's either…don't take out your shit on us."

"Get over yourself Alpha, I wasn't…Nessie asked, I answered…it was that simple…now if you don't mind I'm gonna get some sleep" she fumed, slamming the packet of pastrami back onto the counter and spinning on her heel.

I stood staring after her, still angry, still unsatisfied by her answers. Leah had some deep issues with imprinting, she talked as though she knew everything about it, but since it had never happened to her, she would never know how it becomes the most important thing in your life.

"Jake?"

I turned to find Nessie lurking in the doorway, watching me with wide wary eyes. Without a second though I opened my arms and she flew into them, as I suppressed a sigh of contentment. Nessie in my arms made everything okay, the world was right again.

"Don't be mad at Leah, Jake, please?" she stood in tiptoes to whisper in my ear.

"She put you at risk Nessie…god if anything ever happened to you." I closed my eyes against the pain those words provoked.

* * *

I felt Jake shudder slightly at the thought and pushed back the ominous feeling that lurked at the back of my mind. I knew just how he felt.

"Nothing is going to happen to me Jake, I promise," I placed a gentle kiss on his chin and felt the shiver of response rush through us both. His arms tightened around me in a gentle convulsion.

Subtly shifting my weight I jumped a little, wrapping my legs around his waist so I could look into his eyes. He caught me easily, his large hands cupping my bottom, his thumbs stroking lightly. I wanted to twist closer to him, feel him against me again. Inside a slow burn began and I hoped I knew where this was going to lead. The way Jacob made me feel was addictive.

"She shouldn't have left you," he muttered but his tone was no longer colored by frustration, something else made his words deeper, hotter.

"Like Leah said 'I'm a big girl now Jake,"

Emphasizing my point I pressed closer to the naked heat of his chest and felt my own body pebble in response. My pulse increased, throbbing in time with Jake's and my breath came a little quicker.

Jake laughed shakily, his forehead resting against mine "Tell me something I don't know babe."

The heat of his breath on my lips tickled and my tongue darted out to soothe the sensation. A strangled groan met my ears in the second before his mouth covered mine and like a match to a flame, passion roared to life between us.

There was nothing in the world like the sensation of feeling Jake against me, his mouth moving on mine, his heart beating against me. In seconds I was lost, swept away in the torrent of need that overcame whenever he touched me.

The world shifted crazily and I was dimly aware that Jake was moving, my suspicions confirmed when my back brushed something hard and my breath escaped in a soft whoosh.

My heart was beating so furiously I thought it would explode as Jake's hands roamed over my body, searching, questing, and seeking. I moaned against his mouth as his fingers brushed the hardened peaks of my breasts. His mouth left mine and traveled south, explosions firing off inside me as his captured my nipple, laving it with damp wet heat. I couldn't stop the arch of my back or the strangled moan that accompanied it, as my body shook with tremors.

Every time he touched me I just seemed to get hotter, the knot in my stomach tightening, the dampness between my legs growing heavier. Jake pressed his face closer to my chest, his own heaving as once more his lips tugged at my nipple. My stomach fluttered in response, and I shifted wanting, needing to explore. I dragged my hands across his chest, loving the way his muscles bunched and shifted as my fingers passed over them.

Jake's eyes were burning as he pressed the damp heat of his forehead against mine, his hands cupping my backside once more, holding me close to the hardness which throbbed against my heated slick core. Whimpering I flexed my hips, loving the guttural sound it produced from Jake.

"Nessie, you're gonna kill me baby."

"Then let me help you Jake, let me give you what you gave me," I breathed, circling my hips, watching his eyes darken, his pupils dilate. I know he wanted me, a blind man could see that but I didn't understand what was holding him back.

I felt his body stiffen and I forced myself to meet his gaze and not look away, the blaze of heat I saw there made me weak but even as I saw it he shook his head.

"Why, why do you keep denying yourself? Keep denying me?"

"Its better this way Ness, trust me."

"I do trust you Jacob…but I want you, want to feel you…I want to make you feel the way I do."

"Christ Ness, if I felt anymore I would fucking combust…I just don't know if I could stop baby."

My heart thudded and then raced in excitement at his admission.

"What if I didn't want you to stop?"

"No Nessie, this isn't right…I want to wait, until we can be married and be together properly, I thought you understood that," he huffed out of soft breath against my hair.

"I do understand but it's just so hard."

He laughed ruefully and shifted against me, "You have no idea Nessie."

I couldn't help it; I pouted, "Then let me touch you, please?"

I pressed my hand across his chest, where beneath my palm his heart raced in time with mine, no less affected by our closeness. Curling my fingers against him, flexing my hips, I bit my cheek to hide a smirk as I felt his breathing coming quicker.

Wriggling, I unwound my legs from around his waist and slid down the solid length of his body, loving the hissed breath he released as I brushed across his hardness with my core at the same time as I entwined my fingers with his.

Head hanging, he looked tortured, the long lines of his body rigid with tension and need. If he felt half of what I did, I wondered that he wasn't going out of his mind with lust. He was so noble, so protective and I understood his motives but I wanted to do this, not just for him but for myself.

"Please Jake, " I tried again "I trust you, you wouldn't ever do something I didn't want…and believe me I want"

"How can you know that?" he rasped, sounding so desperate that all I wanted to jump back into his arms and sooth the pain I knew was inside him.

"Because I know you…I love you and trust you…you could never hurt me…I was born for you, I was made for you."

* * *

Looking down at Nessie, my head spun, my body throbbed and my heart raced. I know what she wanted but I wasn't sure I could give her it. Every time we touched she wanted to explore, to push her boundaries but I didn't know how much control I had and I wanted our first time to be when all this was over and we were married.

But seeing her like this, her lips swollen from my kisses, her face flushed with her need, made everything so much more complicated. As her imprint I was supposed to give her what she needed but what if she needed me and I couldn't be sure I could keep her safe?

"Come with me," she murmured and tugged against my hand gently. The double meaning of her words had me struggling for control.

This tiny girl child before me, looked up at me with her big eyes and her bee stung lips and though she was half my size, she controlled everything I did. My entire world revolved around her.

The tugging on my hand increased a little and before I could make the conscious decision to follow, I was allowing her lead me back upstairs. Each step we took increased my need and walking was becoming painful, as months of arousal seemed to come to a head.

The bedroom was still dark as she led me silently through the door and stopped us before the bed. The only sound was of our labored breathing as though we had just run a marathon rather than climbed the stairs. We stood face to face and I marveled that this amazing woman could love me, that she wanted me in the same way I wanted her. She lifted her hand slowly and cupped my cheek, her touch burning against my already overheated skin.

"Don't turn away from me now please Jacob…let me touch you," she pleaded at the same time as I was bombarded with images of myself prone on the bed, Nessie hovering above me.

I groaned, knowing I was fighting a losing battle but instead of the feeling of victory I expected there was just an overwhelming feeling of love and need. All six foot plus of me was weak and I wanted to drop to my knees and worship this beautiful woman before me.

"I want you so much Nessie… it scares me," I confessed in a ragged whisper and watched as a tremulous smile took over her mouth.

" Don't be scared Jacob, this is right, this is what's meant…Let me touch you, teach me how to love you," she said as she stood on her tiptoes and touched her mouth to mine, gently, softly.

I pulled away after a second and looked down into her precious face, noting that she bit her bottom lip nervously as the tiny hand that rested against my pounding heart began a slow descent south. My eyes screwed shut as I fought myself, I knew I should stop her but I would give just about anything for her touch.

"You are so beautiful my Jacob," she breathed in wonder and my eyes popped open in surprise.

I gave myself over to the feeling of her hands sliding across my skin, her fingers leaving a tingling trail in their wake.

* * *

His eyes were dark and heavy as he watched me touching him, his magnificent chest heaved beneath my fingers and my own knees trembled in response. Finally he was letting me touch him, to learn about his body, to hear him call my name. Yet for all my bravado, deep inside I was afraid that I would hurt him, or do something wrong. Theory was one thing, this was quite another and though I had felt him against me many times, the thought of actually touching both exhilarated and terrified me.

As my thumbs brushed the dark silken trail of hair across his navel, the muscles clenched and trembled and Jake sucked in a lungful of air on a gasp, his eyes closing once more. I was filled with a heady sense of power that I could do this to him but still scared; I didn't know what to do next. My fingers played along the waistband of his sweats, his stomach clenching as I gathered up courage to explore him in the way I really wanted to.

"Nessie, you don't have to do this" Jake's voice gritted next to my ear, his cheek against mine.

"I want to Jake, I want to so bad" I confessed, almost panting now, though he was barely touching me.

His mouth touched mine and I began to shake, the hands at his waistband trembling a little more. After a few seconds I drew away from him even as I sucked in a deep breath.

"Does that, um, does that hurt?" I asked him shyly.

He shrugged his massive shoulders but seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for something, waiting for me?

"It's a little…hard and tight," he rasped and goose bumps broke out across my skin, his huge hand, shaking as it covered my own.

He looked so agonized, his eyebrows meeting in a deep frown, that I knew I had to take the matter out of his hands. Trembling I slid our joined hands down and we both gasped as the material of his sweats brushed against my palm and I cupped him through the material of his pants.

My first thought was that he felt like steel beneath my hand, so very hard and just like everything else about Jake it felt so…big. Not that I had anything to compare against and for a moment I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Then Jake drew in another ragged breath and his hand stilled over mine, I knew he was giving me the chance to pull away. Suddenly I knew pleasing him was the only thing that mattered to me.

"It's okay Jacob…you can show me, teach me," I said and he curled my fingers a little until our hands were holding him through his pants. I felt his body clench and he groaned in my ear, sending a rush of heat between my legs.

* * *

Feeling Nessie cupping me though my sweats, I fought for control, fought the wolf inside me who howled to be let free to mate with Nessie. I was so closing to losing it, I worried that she would be scared by the force of my need and struggled with the urge to flex my hips and press myself into her hand like some pervert.

Lip caught between her teeth, Nessie frowned in concentration as she slowly moved her hand up and down my length, stroking me gently, so gently almost that I couldn't feel her touch. It was heaven, it was hell to have her touch me this way and not be able to bury myself inside her. Her breathing was as ragged as mine and the smell of her arousal hit me, she wanted this as much as me.

"Am I doing this right?" she asked and looked so uncertain of herself that I almost wanted to laugh aloud, shout with joy.

I could only groan as she increased the pressure and my hands drifted away to haul her against me and into my arms. Her hands fell away from me with a muttered protest and I covered her mouth with my own, maneuvering us toward the bed. Falling back against it, I let her rest atop me, her thighs straddling me, our mouths still joined. My hands slid to her hips as I lifted my own, moving her against me.

* * *

A storm was building inside me again, only much more fierce and passionate than before now Jake was beneath me. I wanted to move, unsure how to precede but then Jake's hands were there cupping my hips, guiding my stilted and somewhat awkward movements. I could feel him, hot hard and heavy between my legs, pressing against my core, his own hips flexing in time with mine and I couldn't help whimpering as the tightness built inside me.

This was supposed to be about him not me and I had some vague notion about touching him again, but then his mouth left mine to slid down my neck and across my shoulders and everything became hazy.

I needed to do something to stop myself taking this too far; I moved against her once more and felt her contract against me, the evidence of her desire damping my sweats. Fuck she smelled so sweet and I wanted to taste her.

* * *

With a muted groan I tore my mouth from hers and slid down her body to capture her pert pink nipple. Damn I loved the way she tasted as I rolled her nipple around my mouth and felt her shudder. Desire shook me as I watched her head fall back and her mouth part on an excited gasp.

Blindly she reached out to me, her fingers clutching at my shoulders, the bite of her nails, driving me crazy as she rode me. Every time she moved another throb of need built inside me until all I wanted to do was flip her over and bury myself deep inside her. The scent of her arousal was over powering, my wolf howled with need and I fought against it and myself. Nessie needed more than this, she deserved more.

I couldn't take my eyes of her as she moved on me, her head falling back, her hair spilling across her shoulders and breasts. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, so precious to me, that I already felt the loss of her. Every nerve ending in me was on fire and I turned my attention to her other breast, loving the mindless whimpers she couldn't hold in. Naked aside from her underwear I rocked against her body, clenching my teeth against the savage need to thrust into her.

I could feel it coming, the need to release, to let go and even as I fought it, Nessie pressed down harder on me, making me grunt. The gentleman in me was appalled that I was so horny I was grunting but the animal in me encouraged me to let go, to let him free.

"Jake", Nessie panted, her liquid eyes meeting mine "I can feel you under me, you're so hard Jacob."

I smirked, sure she didn't even know what she was saying "It's all for you babe."

"Touch me please Jacob, make it happen for me…I need you to touch me," she was mewling now and the sound went right to my hardness. I couldn't help but thrust against her harder as my hands went back to her hips to help her move.

* * *

Dimly aware of the bite of Jake's fingers on my hips, I quickened the pace of my hips, pressing down hard, feeling myself rising on the crescendo of need that I now recognized. Daring to glance at Jacob, my heart twisted at the expression on his face. It was pure need, want and love all rolled into one. The sounds he made only increased my own need, the gasps and pants and best of all the occasional grunt and moan; he tied my stomach in knots.

"Fuck Nessie, that feels so good," he moaned as I rocked against him, harder panting, desperate to feel the rainbow of emotion as I went over the edge with him.

I knew my panties were soaked and that Jacob would be able to tell but I was too far gone to care, I needed him like never before, his responses stimulating my own. Every time he moaned everything in me clenched in need.

* * *

She was close I could tell, her breath came in rapid pants and I was holding onto my own release by the skin of my teeth. Reaching up my mouth met hers and she matched me kiss for kiss, her response uninhabited. When she raked her teeth over my tongue I lost it and with a growl, I flipped her over until she was on her back and I could rest my weight against her.

Having never dry humped anyone before I was hit with a sudden burst of worry about etiquette about how I would deal with the inevitable mess but then Nessie began to moan and buck beneath me and I forget everything as the sensation of her climax poured through me, rainbows shattering behind my eyes. It triggered my own and I spilled myself onto the fabric of my sweats, coming in a low hoarse moan. Everything went hazy and I swear I saw stars, as I heard and felt Nessie's own release. The reality of being with her was so much better than my fantasies and I wondered that I had held out so long. The beast inside me purred and then curled up to sleep. Heart racing, breath ragged, I came down slowly, aware that Nessie was doing the same as I turned us onto our sides, hauling her close. My sweats were damp and sticky but I couldn't find the energy to move even if the entire Volturi guard had arrived and marched through the room.

"I love you," she murmured and pressed a soft open mouthed kiss to my damp chest.

"I love you too Nessie."

Seconds later her soft snuffles, alerted me to the fact that she had slipped into slip. I smiled, wasn't this where I came in?


	36. Circle

**Sorry to leave so long between updates but am starting my way back to normality. If anyone is still with me let me know what you think and thanks for sticking with this. Tink. xx**

* * *

Gazing in awe at the squirming pink bundle I held in my arms, I felt a warm glow begin in the pit of my stomach and unfurl towards my heart. A huge pair of dark eyes regarded me with solemnity, holding all the secrets if the world and I felt oddly shaken inside. I smiled as she shifted, her tiny hand flailing and brushing against her cheek.

Fascinated I watched the way her mouth opened and she turned towards her hand, sucking earnestly. Everything about her enchanted me, from the delicate shell tipped nails to the shock of dark curls on her head. It was amazing to think that I had once been this small, this defenseless. Well maybe not as defenseless but still as small, though probably for not as long. The human and not so human body astounded me with what it was capable of.

"I wonder how long it will take her to figure out she's doing that for nothing," Jake rumbled in my ear as he settled onto the sofa beside me.

Glancing up at him I smiled, knowing he would see the tell tale mist of emotion in my eyes. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head and I smiled wider as I heard him inhale deeply, sniffing me. Now I knew what I was looking for, it amazed me that I had never before noticed his animalistic, possessive behavior around me. It said a lot about Jacob's feelings for me that he tried to curb his more feral…instincts.

I was instantly aware of the heat of his big body next to mine, his thigh pressed close to mine, his arm wrapped loosely around my shoulders. My own nostrils flared as I breathed deeply, inhaling his uniquely woodsy scent that was all male and all Jacob. Perhaps my own instincts were not as human as I would have myself believe, the vampire, though only a small part of me was never far from the surface.

I laughed, "She's so tiny, so fragile, I'm scared I'll break her."

"Babies are stronger than they look."

"God I hope so, it's the first time I've ever had to be aware of my own strength. I guess this is how my mom felt as a newborn…did Emily and Sam say how long they would be?"

"We've been here most of the morning so they should be back any minute… though I'm kinda surprised that Seth hasn't shown up yet, he usually has a hard time staying away from her…the imprint" he told me with a knowing look, his hand beginning to rub lazy circles against my skin.

"Do you want children Jacob?" My sudden question surprised even me.

"I want what you want," he replied and pressed a kiss atop my head.

Children.

I wasn't even sure I could have children. I hadn't given much though to it before but there was something so fulfilling about holding this little girl close to me, feeling her soft weight and inhaling her baby sweet scent. She just felt so right in my arms.

"I want you…the rest is just a bonus," I confided shyly and ducked my head.

"You got me babe," his voice was gruff with emotion, my eyes prickled in response.

"Have you spoken to Lee this morning?"

He shook his head "Not since last night,"

"Jacob, you shouldn't fight with her, we need everyone on the same side, especially now."

He huffed out a breath beside me, his chest expanding slowly and drawing my gaze. A tingle began inside me. One I now recognized and enjoyed. But I fought it down. It wasn't like I was exactly deprived in that area but every little thing he did seemed to set me off. All it took was a heated look, a single touch and I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle of goo.

I only hoped my desperation wasn't as tangible to him. From the corner of my eye I watched his nostrils flare slightly and I flushed, I knew he would be able to smell my need. Though I loved Jake in all his wolfy glory, his enhanced senses sometimes embarrassed me. The air around us became charged and my next words died on my tongue as I looked up into his eyes.

My head lifted automatically even as his lowered towards mine. Inside my heart sped up and my breath caught at his nearness, feeling the soft heated huff of his breath against my readily parted lips. He was so close I could almost taste him and just as I was about to, there was a startled wail from the bundle in my arms.

I let out a laugh as Jake pulled away from me, a frown crossing his face.

"Maybe kids can wait a few decades," he conceded with a wry look at the little girl I held.

I giggled, shifting the baby in my arms.

"You better not be corrupting her in there," a familiar voice called from the porch seconds before Sam appeared.

Jake held his hands up in defense "She's safe…for now," he finished on a whisper.

I flushed with pleasure and jiggled the baby a little quicker as her wails increased in volume and strength.

"You're a natural Ness, even Seth would have a hard time keeping her quiet for as long as you did," Emily grinned, taking the now squawking bundle from me.

Immediately my arms felt the loss. Jacob, sensing my mood, was at my side in an instant, his arms loose around my shoulder. He guided me from the room and onto the porch, his body was unusually tense next to me and he was quiet for a long minute.

"You okay?" he asked tentatively and I knew right then and there he was going.

"Yeah…you're going to patrol now aren't you?"

He nodded but was silent.

"We didn't really come here to watch the baby did we? We came here so Sam could watch me."

"Nessie…You know I can't leave you alone and I wont leave you with Leah, not again, not after last time…this seemed like the best option…please don't be difficult about this," his tone told me he was gearing up for a fight.

I touched a hand to his chest, loving his heat "It's okay Jacob…I understand, really I do, just promise me you'll come home safe…I haven't forgotten the state you got into last time,"

I didn't even like to think about it, I would drive myself mad. Seeing him broken, bloody and bruised gave me an insight into how Jacob must have felt when he saw the Volturi torturing me. It was an insight I could have done without.

"You worry too much Nessie… now kiss me, the quicker I go the quicker I can get back to you,"

I lifted my face for his kiss, smiling against his mouth, feeling our combined heart beats speed up. The affect he had on me never ceased to amaze me. His tongue dueled with mine, the hot taste of him invading my senses. He growled against me, his hands sliding down to cup my backside and lifted me against the hard length of him. Unable to stop myself I whimpered and pressed against him, feeling my wetness spreading slowly outward. I needed him, needed this so badly that I shook. I scraped my teeth over his tongue, loving the vibration of his low grunt against my lips and the buck of his hips on mine. For long seconds we kissed, breathing each other as air but then his caresses slowed and his mouth withdrew little by little, leaving me with small biting kisses which burned my soul. My lips lingered against his, unwilling and unable to let him go just yet.

Since the change in our relationship, every little movement, word or sound meant something new and exciting to us. This was the first time he had left me since acknowledging me as his imprint and somehow it seemed harder than before.

With a final gentle benediction of his lips against mine he stepped away from me with a reluctant expression. Instantly there was a faint pulling sensation in my tummy and the muscles in my legs shifted minutely as though preparing to follow him. Bracing myself against the need to pursue him, I watched him move, full of masculine grace and poise. My eyes misted. This man was mine; forever and I thanked whichever god was listening for giving him to me. If things went the way they were supposed to, never again need I be without him, he was mine forever and a day.

* * *

Seeing Nessie hold the baby unsettled something inside me, though I told her I wanted what she did, the idea of her round with my child was something that appealed to me on a very base level. Knowing that me and me alone could give Nessie that gift, the gift of another life, made me want to howl at the moon. It was the animal in me I supposed, the instinct to mate was never far from the surface but it had increased a hundred fold now Nessie and I were together.

I'd felt the heat shimmer between us in and knew she felt it too. The way she had loved me last night had literally rocked my world, the feeling was indescribable, to know that she wanted me in the same way I wanted her. After so long without release, her touches inflamed and me her nearness made me my gut clench and all the blood pool hotly inside me.

Leaving her was hard even now I felt the pull of the imprint, tugging at me, demanding I turn around and claim her, bury myself deep inside her and give us what we both wanted and need. Not knowing if I was coming back was harder. My lips had clung to hers and I had to force myself to go, to know she would be safe with Sam and Emily. They would never let anything happen to her.

By the time I had cleared the tree line, I had shifted and my nose was low to the floor. Immediately the scent of the rogue assaulted me but this time it was stronger and there was something familiar about it. Something I recognized but was unable to ignore called to me and I took off at a run, hearing the faint echoes of Quil and Embry behind me.

Last time I had tangled with it, I'd come home weaker but it wasn't going to be that way this time. Picking up my strides, I honed in on the scent, the miles slipping quickly away. I was doing this for Nessie, to keep her safe, to protect us all even though I knew I was probably walking into a trap. It was better to know what evil faced us than to be ignorant of an enemy.

Somewhere before the Canadian border, I realized the voices of my pack were silent and instinctively recognized the danger for what it was. There ahead of me stood the rogue wolf, it's teeth bared in a snarl. It was huge, larger than any of us and seemed to have increased in size since our last encounter. Its fur was a deep rich color much like my own, it's eyes trained on me. The weight of its stare tried to drag me down, the command in its growl trying to force my will. So this was to be it, a fight to dominate or die.

Nessie's face flashed before my eyes and I realized I was being faced with an impossible choice. Give myself over to him, or die trying. Either way I would lose.

Inside I heard her soft voice as she asked me to come back to her, reminding me of my promise as her imprint to protect but I was doing this for her, for all of us. If I didn't at least try, then there was no hope for any of us, it would be over before it had even begun.

My claws dug into the ground and my hunches lifted subtly as I bared my teeth in a growl, daring it to attack. Sensing my slightest movement, it rushed at me and I was knocked side ways, my teeth snapping at it trying to find purchase in all the fur. Pain shot through me, but I bit and clawed, trying to pull away, trying to get it on it's back. We tussled, growling and snarling, uprooting trees and sending rocks flying but neither would back down. All I heard was her, calling for me.

But gradually I became aware of another voice whispering inside my head, a familiar voice, one I had thought never to hear again.

"Give in to me Jacob…let go…I am the rightful alpha of your pack… Hear me and know who I am...I am Ephraim Black."

Impossible, my grandfather had died years ago. But still, here in the recess of my mind he whispered to me the legends of our tribe.

"I have been sent to save you, save our tribe from the evil undead which threatens it…you Jacob must relinquish all ties to those cold ones…it is the only way for our tribe to survive"

_Nessie, Nessie, Nessie, Nessie, Nessie, Nessie._

The voice was achingly familiar and I felt the weight of his alpha commands pressing down on me. This _had_ to be a trick, some trap; my grandfather had died long ago.

_Nessie, Nessie, Nessie, Nessie_. I chanted the words like a mantra in my head, anything to protect me from his will. My hold was slipping, his body and mind was overpowering my own and I renewed my chant, desperate now.

But still his voice came,

"Remember who you are and what we stand for…you are a Black, it is your duty to destroy the cold ones."

_Nessie…Nessie… Nessie…_

His words resonated around my skull, louder and louder, until his voice was all I heard. My body grew weaker still, my limbs unable to continue the fight, the acrid scent of my own blood filling the air.

_Nessie… Nessie…_

"Jacob, I am your alpha hear my voice and now the truth…you must join me, stay with me… in days to come when you are strong enough, we shall return together and destroy the Cold ones together…you alone have the power to save us all".

Time and time again, his words pressed into me, a weight around my neck, inside me.

_Ness_- what was I thinking about?

My mind grew hazy like my vision and I wanted to argue, he wasn't speaking the truth, the cold ones were no threat, were they?

"Son, you are our only hope…listen to my voice, hear my command, acknowledge me as your Alpha and be our savior, the fate of the Quileute nation rests with you."

I felt the weight of his alpha's chain around me, linking us together and heard the truth of his words. Ephraim Black was right; I and I alone could save us. He was the true Alpha of the tribe; I had been merely a steward of the role, a caretaker. I had no choice but to submit to him, it was my heritage my past, my present and my future. My tribe needed me know and I could not recall why I had wanted to fight against his will.

The cold ones had to die before they destroyed us all. It was all so clear to me now. The cold ones must die and I was one to deliver that message to the rest of our pack. In the distance I could hear the approaching footfalls of Quil and Embry, their voices curiously silent in my mind. I gave in knowing they too must face the truth. I rolled to the ground, baring my stomach, showing Ephraim my trust. He stood above me, howled and I knew what I had to do.


	37. Darkness Falls

Hi everyone, sorry for the epic update fail, you all know that sometimes RL is a pain. We are getting close to the action, so I promise to try and update quicker. Thanks to those who have stuck with me and waited patiently. I hope you enjoy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

Hours later, I could still feel the imprint inside, gently tugging, pulsing, reminding me I was alone again. But it was comforting, a sort of pleasure pain. Strangely enough it helped in a weird sort of way. The discomfort, the ache helped me to know that I was loved and that I was part of something that was bigger than anything I had ever known. It reminded me of Jacob's love.

Sam and Emily didn't say a lot, but I could feel their eyes on me, Sam especially. It still irked me that he had tried to turn Jake away from me, to stop us from being together and happy but I had to trust and believe he would keep me safe. After all he had no choice.

That was the beauty of alphas orders; they had to be obeyed whether the wolf wanted to or not. Jake as rightful Alpha had told Sam to do what ever it took to keep me safe. He was powerless to act any other way.

There was nothing he could do, even if Emily, as his imprint, had asked him to hurt me, he would have no choice but to refuse. Alphas over imprints. But that was the _only _reason I knew I would be safe, Sam couldn't refuse Jake as his alpha.

* * *

In the hours that had passed since he left, I had tried not to worry, tried to think positive but it was hard. Last time he had returned home, he was beaten, physically and emotionally. I couldn't bear to see him that way again, though it had lead to our coming together at last. My head knew he was more than capable of dealing with whatever waited out there but my heart refused to listen.

Across from me Seth fussed over the baby as he reluctantly handed her over to her father. I wanted to chuckle at the look of consternation on his normally happy face. Was that how it had been with Jacob and me? Had he fussed over me, been reluctant to let me go? I wished that I could remember, I wondered if he remembered and hoped one day he did. Things came back to him at odd times and bit-by-bit he pieced things together but there were still some gaps and we didn't know if they would ever be filled.

Seth glanced away as Sazi left the room, either the spell she held over him was broken or he simply couldn't bear to watch her leave his sight. His eyes met mine and I could see the question in them. I grinned knowingly, well smirked was more like it and was thrilled to see a little blush stain the tips of his ears.

"What?" he asked sounding more amused than hostile.

"Nothing, it's just amazing for me to an imprint first hand."

"You've seen lots of imprints first hand, Emily and Sam, you and Jake-"

"I meant now that I know what it means, an imprint like mine, a child imprint…what's it feel like?"

Seth exhaled slowly "God Nessie that's like asking how long is a piece of string? Shouldn't you be asking Jake this stuff? He won't be pleased when he finds out I been talking to you, remember Lee?"

"I'll handle Jake," I was so confident in his love for me that I had a feeling I could get away with just about anything.

"I just want to know how you feel. I was only a baby when Jake imprinted on me and I didn't want to bring it up, some of my questions might seem a little, um, insensitive and I don't want to offend him"

Seth chuckled dryly "But it's okay to offend me?"

"You can take it Clearwater."

He huffed out another breath and was silent for a long moment, "I can only speak for myself, I mean I've been in other wolves heads but that's not _me_ you know…When I first saw Sazi, everything in me shifted and moved it was an almost physical sensation, not painful just different…it's like she became the centre of my world…the only thing that keeps me here…I feel like I was born to take care of her, protect her from everything and everyone, even Sam and Emily sometimes."

"I bet that goes down well with them."

He shrugged "To tell you the truth I don't really care…my job is what's best for Sazi and if I don't think they're getting it right, I tell them...her happiness is what matters to me not theirs."

It didn't amaze me that the power of the imprint should take over the power of a parent; I was beginning to understand that the wolves felt things, took things very deeply, on a primitive, instinctive level.

"So you brave Sam's wrath on a daily basis huh?"

"And Emily's too...don't let that sweet façade fool you, she can be one mean mamma bear when she's riled up…but when I look at Sazi I know it is worth it, I would do anything and everything to protect her. After all we shift for a reason, we shift to protect, why wouldn't we feel the same way about our other halves."

My stomach knotted a little, this was getting into delicate territory and one I was not sure I was ready for.

"You think of her that way already? I mean… you wa-"

"Jesus Nessie, no! That's sick…I just meant I know one day when she is ready, I will be there waiting for her and I will protect her forever…its part of that finding your perfect mate thing we all have going on."

"Why do _you_ think wolves imprint?"

"Honestly I don't know and now I really don't care...some say it's to pass the genes down to the next generation to the person who is our best genetic match for a future –"

"But that can't be right…you're Emily's second cousin, surely that can't be the best genetic match…inter breeding and stuff" I felt my nose wrinkle even as I spoke.

"Ew Nessie, you've been hanging out with us too long…listen this is not common knowledge to anyone outside of the family, so please don't share this but Emily is not actually biologically related to us...she was adopted, that's how she is the same age as Lee…if she was related to us I don't think that I would have imprinted on Sazi…the same way that Sam didn't on Lee. If Sam was going to imprint you would expect it to have been on Lee, she's a wolf too but nothing happened…it took different genetics to set off the imprint, or at least that's what I think."

"I don't know what you mean"

"If you think about imprinting happening to provide the next generation of wolves with the best genetic match, it makes sense. When Sam and Lee dated he had already phased a few times and should maybe have imprinted…then wham Emily comes to town and he imprints, fresh DNA add to this Emily and Sam's DNA in Sazi, creating more new DNA and it happens again."

I nodded slowly; I supposed it made a little sense. The old pack of Jacob's grandfather and Levi Uley was close knit, and none of them imprinted, maybe DNA was the answer. That would also explain Jacob's imprinting. As a hybrid I carried the best human features but with some vampire like qualities. If Jacob and I had a child then perhaps it would carry with it the best of all three worlds, giving it even more protection.

"Can imprints be broken?"

"That's a difficult question; the legends of our tribe would have us believe that only death can break an imprint but look what happened with you and Jacob."

"But the imprint wasn't broken…he had only forgotten me hadn't he?"

A pain tugged at my chest as I considered the thought that maybe I was wrong and I could lose him again.

Seth shrugged and shifted where he sat clearly uncomfortable even thinking about broken imprints.

"If that was the case then why did he imprint all over again? Why did he not suddenly remember you?"

Seth was right. Jacob told me himself he had imprinted again when he came home.

I opened my mouth to reply when I noticed Seth turn his head toward the door, not even a millisecond later Sazi's cry filled our ears. Fascinating. He had reacted to Sazi's distress, to her cry before it was even audible and was out the door before I could blink.

Seth's words floated around in my head for the next few minutes and I began to worry anew. If it was true that Jacob re imprinted on me then who is to say he wouldn't imprint again? It had never happened before but then neither had a wolf imprinting on a vampire. Suddenly everything I had been certain about suddenly didn't seem so certain.

"You okay Nessie?" Emily's voice made me jump.

I looked up startled.

"You seem a little upset…I know it's hard but you really don't need to worry about Jacob, he'll come back safe, you'll see. I've been where you are so many times".

I smiled weakly "It's not that, something Seth said got me thinking."

"Seth doesn't always think about what he says Ness, you know that, he phased when he was so young that sometimes I think he'll be stuck as a fifteen year old forever,"

"He actually made a lot of sense, which must be a first." I smiled as Emily laughed along with me.

Don't get me wrong, we both loved Seth but he was always the most…youthful of all the wolves.

"What did he say to upset you? You know he probably didn't mean it."

This time I hid a smile, already she was defending him, the imprint affected her by proxy.

"He mentioned that Jacob imprinted on me again, when he came home…he felt it and even Jake told me himself that when he saw me it happened."

"And your worried because?" she prompted.

" Well it seems that he imprinted twice. What if he imprints on someone else? What if there is someone out there who's a better match for him? Another wolf?"

Emily smiled gently and the scarred side of her face pulled up "I have never heard of any wolf imprinting twice-"

"Jacob did!" I pointed out.

"What I meant to say was that I had never heard of any wolf imprinting on two different people, I think you're worrying for nothing honey."

"So why did Jacob break all the rules and imprint not only on _me _ and as a child but twice? It's just not normal."

"Depends on your view of normal…your parents are undead and my husband transforms into a giant wolf Nessie…This is normal in our world and Jacob is Jacob…but who knows if imprinting twice on the same person is wrong? Who's to say it can't happen twice? Maybe when Jacob left you were not ready for an adult relationship and when he returned you were…he imprinted again to take your relationship onto the next stage. Think about it, wasn't that the time when things started to change between you two?"

I cast my mind back and realised she was right. My feelings for Jake had begun to change just before he was taken and there had been some chemistry between us but nothing had really happened until his return.

"Jacob has always felt things deeply, hate, love, sadness, happiness, fear…the next stage of imprinting just means he'll feel passion just as intensely…all the wolves do," she confessed her cheeks flushing blood read and I smiled.

She was right about that; I felt tingles in my stomach just thinking about how passionately he felt. The tingles were so powerful they over rode everything, even the pulsing of them imprint. I froze.

The only thing I could feel was the faint memory of desire, the tugging, throbbing pulse of the imprint was gone. I realised it had faded away gradually without me noticing.

"Speaking of which he'll be home soon…try not to worry so much. Jacob Black has loved you since the day you were born and nothing will ever change that Nessie."

Reassured I smiled and picked up the book, which lay forgotten on my lap. Immersing myself in the world of fiction I allowed my worries to drift away. I loved Jacob and he loved me. It was really that simple.

As evening drew in, and darkness fell, I could feel the tension in the house growing little by little. Voices became whispered, though I could hear every word spoken. Bodies became taught and faces strained. Nobody said anything aloud but it was there anyway, the white elephant in the room, sat there with his feet up, watching us. Where were they?

Sazi slept on blissfully unaware that around her everything was beginning to gradually fray and fracture. I listened, my eye closed as though napping, my body still, my mind working over time.

"They should be back by now, all of them. I expected Jake at least an hour ago, what's he playing at?" Sam's voice was brash even in whisper.

"Sam, you trust Jacob remember. I'm sure there's a good reason for the delay."

"That's what concerns me Em, there probably is a good reason, but that can only be bad…maybe I should phase and check it out?"

I heard Emily sigh "You do what you need to do but please don't go far, I need you, Sazi needs you."

"I'll take Seth, we'll cover the perimeter and see if we can tap into the pack mind…get an update. Maybe I should call Colin or Brady, ask them to sit with you."

"Sam, Nessie and I will be fine by ourselves…just go quickly and hurry back safely."

I heard the noise of their lips moving and the sound of shuffling furniture as Seth got to his feet. They moved from the room and in seconds there was silence.

"You can stop pretending now Nessie, he's gone"

I opened my eyes; Emily was smiling dryly at me.

"How did you know?"

"Told you I'd been in your place many times…I did the same thing when Kim and I used to be under guard…How you holding up?"

I shrugged, not really trusting my voice. Truth was I was terrified. Jacob had never left me this long and the only time he had, he'd disappeared for the best part of a year.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, they'll stroll in here starving any minute now," she told me with a wide grin but this time I wasn't fooled.

"You and I both know there has to be more to this…I'm scared Emily," I admitted the words which had drummed in my heart for the last few hours.

"He'll be okay Nessie, nature designed them for this…you have to be strong or you'll drive yourself crazy worrying. Trust him to come back to you. He can't stay away; there is nothing that will stop him trying to get to your side."

"Only death." I murmured not even wanting to contemplate the idea he wouldn't be coming home.

"Oh Nessie, please, please don't think like that…have some faith, in him , in your love."

"I do…I don't doubt that he wants to come back to me and he would if he could but what if he can't?"

"Don't think that way…Sam and Seth should have some news soon, fifteen minutes at the most."

I couldn't stand to be sat still any longer, I felt so powerless, just sat waiting. I had to do something, anything to occupy myself. This was my human side coming through, vampires were noted for their ability to remain statue like but I couldn't do it anymore. My muscles shifted a fraction ready to power me to my feet and carry me to the door when the mobile in my pocket began to sing. Alice.

I snatched it out and put it to my ear.

"Don't you dare Renesmee!"

"I wasn't goin-"

"Don't Nessie, don't lie to me."

"I'm sorry but I have to do something, he's out there somewhere Alice. Something's gone wrong I know it has, I can feel it."

"Oh god!" I heard Alice gasp painfully, as though all the air in her throat was being sucked out.

In the background Jaspers voice mingled with my parents and I gripped the cell phone, feeling the case crack beneath my fingers. My heart ached hearing my families low urgent voices, my stomach churned terrified of what Alice would say next.

"Alice! What is it? What do you see?" I blurted.

When she spoke her voice was monotone as though reciting her words by rote.

"The Volturi are on the move, they are coming. They are happy, so happy, it worked, their plan worked-"

"Jacob can you see Jacob, Alice please tell me?"

"I can't see him Ness, it's too fuzzy… the wolves."

Fear made bile rise hotly in my throat and I only managed to gasp out my next few words.

"When are they coming Alice?"

"Late tomorrow, they want us all…it ends tomorrow."

Numbly I pressed the end call button at the same time the sound of footsteps draw my attention towards the door. Emily rose to her feet was crushed against Sam's side the second he entered the room. A wave of jealously and pain engulfed me, I wanted to hold Jacob like that. I watched as he pressed a fierce kiss against her forehead as though he had not seen her for years instead of mere minutes.

Across the top of Emily's hair his eyes locked on mine and in that instant I knew, it was bad. My stomach jolted painfully and braced myself against the sudden ache.

"Sam?"

Was that really my voice?

"We tracked their scent north but it stopped suddenly, like they vanished into thin air…and we can't hear them-"

"Oh God!" I whispered as reality hit me. Everything I feared was coming true. "He's dead."

Air trapped in my lungs and I fought back the acid burn of bile as it rose suddenly in my throat.

Emily was at my side in an instant "No Nessie it doesn't mean that, there's probably a good explanation"

"They could have traveled out of range"

I looked at Sam, my disbelief at his words clear on my face

"Or they could all be dead."

"Nessie please don't even think that…you're going to drive yourself crazy thinking that way."

I looked at her for a long second "what other explanation is there Em? Sam can't hear them, Alice can't see them-"

"Alice always has trouble seeing the pack, you know that Nessie."

Her voice was gentle, compassionate and calmed me as I struggled through a storm of grief and panic.

"Listen to Nessie, you're Jacob's imprint and he loves you more than life itself, just the same way you love him… You feel him when he's near don't you, when he's close by? Then doesn't it make sense that you would feel the absence of him?"

"But I do…it hurts."

"I don't just mean when he is not beside you, I mean if he was gone, really gone, if he was dead the imprint would be broken and you'd know honey…you would know."

Searching my feelings I knew she was right. Jacob was my life, my heart, my soul. If he were dead I would feel it, I would sense his loss, sense the lack of him. I sucked in a jagged breath clinging to what she had said. I had to believe in our love, our connections. Inside me I knew my Jacob was alive, but for how long?


	38. Twilight

**Ok, so first things first. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY If anybody is still out there and reading this then I apologize for the epic update fail but sometimes the characters that have talked in your head for so long, suddenly decide to shut up and nothing that you say can get them going again. But all it takes is a little inspiration- in the form of a stripping Taylor Lautner- for them to start talking again, and while they are, I am damn well listening. This was written in the 24 hours that have passed since I cried through Breaking Dawn 2, so am sorry for any typos or errors. Enjoy and hopefully this will be the start of something new Much love Tink xx**

* * *

_It's just Jacob, he won't hurt me, he won't hurt me, he won't hurt me_, I chanted to myself, staring up into the eyes of the feral creature above me. Its muzzle twisted as it let loose a snarl, exposing his razor sharp fangs. The eyes I loved no longer glinted with warmth or humour, instead I saw hatred so strong it stopped my breath as it see sawed out of my lungs. The thick fur I had once loved to stroke my hands through, stood on end, as he snarled and snapped above me.

"Jacob, please" I murmured "Don't do this, to me, to us, to yourself...it's me its Nessie"

My heart thundered inside my chest for the first time I was afraid of him, of his size, of the lethal claws gouging the wood beside my face, the fangs which made him so deadly. I wanted to cry and scream and shout, unable to comprehend that it had come down to this. My reason for living, my protector, my Jacob was gone, in his place stood a snarling horrific beast. I realized that I wouldn't have the eternity with him or anyone else I had thought and sadness welled inside me, sadness for me, for my family but mostly for Jacob and what the Volturi had reduced him to. If he ever remembered who I was to him and what he had done, it would kill him slowly and painfully, I didn't want that for my Jacob. Unable to watch my own destruction and the destruction of the man I loved, I closed my eyes, preparing for the inevitable.

Several Hours Earlier

Uncurling from the sofa, I threw myself into the stone cold arms of my mother, tears trailing down my cheeks as she rocked me gently in her arms. In the hours since Alice's call and the packs frantic searches for Jacob my world had crumbled. Now they were preparing to leave, to face the Volturi, my family and the wolves, history repeating itself only this time I was only too aware of the danger. Despite my advanced intelligence as a child, I had only an inkling of the danger we had been in, this time I was filled with the terror of knowing. Was this how my parents had felt all those years ago?

"Mom," I buried my head in the crook of her neck, the smell of her skin comforting me with its familiarity.

"Ssh it's okay sweetie, we'll find him, and everything will be okay Nessie,"

In the background I could hear the muted murmurs of my father and the other wolves and strained to hear them over the frantic beating of my heart.

"What if they've got him Mom, Alice said the Voltu-"

"Honey, you know she's operating blind. We will find him baby," she murmured against my forehead, her lips freezing against my fevered skin.

Behind my mother I caught a glimpse of Leah's face; she looked as miserable as I felt and it reminded me her last words with Jacob had been in anger. I felt bad for her, she loved him too, he was her family. And now she faced losing everyone else too.

Sucking in a deep shuddering breath I turned away from Mom and flopped down onto the couch, drawing my knees up to my chest and rubbing my sore gritty eyes with the heel of my hand. The room became a hive of activity, Emmett appearing with the other Wolves, all talking in low voices. It was too much, the glances they cast in my direction, the pity in their eyes, I felt like it was going to be over before it had even begun.

* * *

Crouching low, I glanced around me spotting Quinn to my left and Embry to my right, echoing my position as Ephraim's voice resounded in my head.

"The cold ones will defenseless against us...we are the power, we are the protectors of innocence and they must die. Quill and Embry will attack first, Jacob you will remain with me, I will need your help with strongest members of their clan."

There was an uncomfortable prickle in my mind for a second as I felt the urge to deny him but in a heartbeat it was gone.

"Yes Ephraim." I heard my assertion join those of Quill and Embry.

"I alone will watch them tonight, you must stay here, hidden, for if they find you they will attempt to destroy you."

I felt the weight of his power pressing down upon me as he spoke and knew what he said was truth. As a pack, as one, we slunk towards the forest, moving silently, stealthily, unquestionably towards our destinies.

* * *

"You have got to be fucking kidding me! Why the fuck do I have to stay?"

"Leah please, Sam just thinks it would be better if you stayed here to protect Nessie –"

"No he thinks it would be easier, well fuck him...you need all the help you can get and some of the pups can't track for shit, you need me!" Leah all but snarled in his face.

"Nessie needs you more...if that leech comes back you need to be able to take care of him."

"This is just his way of putting me in my place"

Seth shook his head with a sigh "You're over reacting Lee. Do you really think he would choose something like this to make a power play? This is important , please for all our sakes stay with Nessie, your needed here."

Her face twisted angrily and I saw the light shudder move through her body, she was close to phasing. Guilt surged through me, everyone was always protecting me, given the choice I would rather be left alone to fight my own battles so they could find Jake, Quill and Embry.

"I'll run patrols around the house," she grudgingly conceded, glancing briefly in my direction and I gave her an apologetic look.

All too soon it was time, my family moving towards me. I was numb, the ice cold of their bodies never really registering as they embraced me one by one. I felt Mama's breath hitching and knew she was crying or as close as she could get, as she crushed me to her.

"Be safe Baby, we love you, you know that right?"

"I know Mama and you too Daddy"

I reached out my hand and was instantly clasped against his chest. My heart ached, he smelt so familiar, like home and there was a huge part of me that knew I may never get to stand this way with him again. "Tell Aunt Rosie and Uncle Emmett and Alice and Jasper I love them, please" I gasped fighting my own tears, desperate to be strong, to save them the pain of seeing me cry.

"They know sweetie, they love you too. We all love you."

I was handed off to Grandma and Granpa, their sweet smell lingering in my nostrils, I wanted to cling to them and beg them not to leave. Suddenly I was four again, unsure and scared. After today my life could and probably would change forever and every fibre of my being railed against it. I wanted security, comfort, the knowledge that everything was going to be okay.

"We love you honey," Grandma murmured her lips cool and brief against my cheek.

"I love you too, so much."

The shock my family's freezing embrace was replaced by the heated skin and gentle touches of the pack. So with much hair ruffling, forehead kissing and tight squeezes from my parents once more, I found myself in the doorway, watching them disappear from the yard, a lone tear escaping in spite of my determination to be brave.

Leah appeared beside me, her arm slung around my shoulders as we stood in silence, both of us wondering if we would ever see any of them again. How long we stood there lost in our own thoughts, I couldn't tell but I noticed the tell tale purple shadows of twilight were drawing in and Leah stepped outside onto the porch.

"I'm going to check in, see you in five" she called over her shoulder, as strode swiftly towards the tree line and exploded into wolf.

I was alone again, not even the pulse of the imprint to keep me company, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders I wandered into the living room, to restless to sit, I paced, trying not to torture myself with images of Jacob lying somewhere broken, helpless, dead.

* * *

As we drew closer to our destination my nose began to prickle with the sickly sweet smell of death and instinctively I attempted to veer towards the source.

"Jacob" Ephraim's voice rang loud inside my head "Stick to the path, do not concern yourself with the others, they are of no consequence now"

"But there are so many of them, we can't ignore this, humans will be in danger." I felt a spark of rebellion ignite deep inside only to be crushed immediately by the Alpha's voice.

"Remember who you are Jacob, do not question me boy!"

The weight of his alpha command made me whine, as did the swift nip to my ear. Everything within me tensed, I felt I wanted to snap back, assert my dominance. I was ready to challenge him, I was meant to do this.

But then I felt the pressure again, heavier harder and my mind was suddenly blank. My paws picked up the pace, following my pack, gaining momentum as we grew closer to our destination. The urge to destroy built inside me, angering me, as twin scents invaded my nostrils, a leech and another...wolf? The scent of wolf was fainter, lingering in the air mixing with that of the blood sucker.

It seemed impossible that I would find the two together, yet there they were.

"It is an abomination that must be destroyed my son that is your purpose. Come with me now. Embry, Quil you must stay here, anything that tries to get past you, be it leech or wolf, must be destroyed, do you understand?"

I heard their voice as one "Yes Alpha."

"Come Jacob, let us finish this"

* * *

I couldn't think straight, my mind was a mess and I didn't know whether to throw up or cry or both. My feet barely made a sound on the floor as I paced back and forth, chewing my nails, jumping as Leah finally came back from her fifth patrol that evening. The room was dark and only dimly lit by a lamp that neither of us needed.

"Are they still fighting?" I asked tremulously, my voice an agonized whisper.

She nodded, unable to meet my eyes and my heart sank.

"Are they," I paused to clear my throat "Are they okay?"

"I think so, I couldn't see everyone and they seem to be getting the upper hand," she murmured and I watched as a tear escaped, sliding down her unusually pale cheek.

"What is it? What's happened Leah?"

She sucked in a deep breath, "Embry and Quil have turned up."

My heart soared for a split second, hope flaring inside me, "Is Jacob with them?"

The expression on her face said it all "They've gone rouge Nessie, last I could tell they were fighting against Sam"

"Rouge? How is that even possible?"

She shrugged "I don't know but it explains why we can't hear them. I can tell Sam is trying to hold them off, he doesn't want to hurt them but he won't let them hurt anyone else" a sigh escaped her, "He's torn, he doesn't want to end them but he will if he has to."

My heart plummeted for the boys I had known and the knowledge that if it came to it, they would die; for me for my family. Selfishly I knew any explanation of what had happened to Jacob would die with them.

"I'm so sorry Leah."

"This is so frustrating Nessie, I don't understand any of it...those boys loved Sam I know I was in there heads for years, what's changed? What happened to them, they-"

Leah froze, going silent as the smell reached us at the same time. I darted to the window and there in the yard stood a massive black wolf, its jaws stretched wide as it howled and snarled. A deep breath sounded as Leah swore suddenly and crudely.

"Fuck! That can't be a rouge, it smells like leech."

My nostrils flared as I took in the scent of wolf but also the sickly sweet smell of a vampire. A hybrid? Everything seemed to slow down, moving slowly, so slowly even to my advanced vampire senses. Leach screamed at me to go and hide just as the sound of claws reached me. I glanced up; expecting to see the huge black wolf instead there was Jacob. My heart took flight and a sense of safety washed over me, as I scrambled towards him.

Stumbling, I was jerked away by Leah who thrust me behind her.

"What are you doing Lee, let me go!"

Leah shook her head wordlessly as the large black wolf appeared, slinking to a halt beside Jacob. I flinched and moved to the side.

"Get. Behind. Me." She enunciated slowly.

I watched in horror as the wolves moved as one towards me, their bellies low to the floor as they stalked us.

"Jacob," I cried "It's me, Nessie"

"Shut up Nessie, that's not Jacob"

"I can smell him, let me go to him"

"He's feral again Ness, look at him" she whispered as she backed us towards the door, one step at a time.

Still they got closer, taking their time, moving herding us, where they wanted us, their snarls increasing in volume and anger.

"Move slowly Ness and when I tell you to, run and hide get as far away as you can" she murmured as I felt her body tense.

I looked at the wolves, at my Jacob, watching hoping for a spark of recognition but his face was contorted in a savage mask, growling and snarling.

"Now Nessie, Now!" she cried and stepped forward as she phased in an instant and the wolves surged towards her.

Heart pounding, legs shaking I darted from the room and headed for the stairs. Jacob was there in an instant, knocking me onto my back, his harsh breaths in my face, his snout twisted and fangs exposed.

_It's just Jacob, he won't hurt me, he won't hurt me, he won't hurt me_, I chanted to myself, staring up into the eyes of the feral creature above me. Its muzzle twisted as it let loose a snarl, exposing his razor sharp fangs. The eyes I loved no longer glinted with warmth or humour, instead I saw hatred so strong it stopped my breath as it see sawed out of my lungs.

"Jacob, please" I murmured "Don't do this, to me, to us, to yourself...it's me its Nessie"

My heart thundered inside my chest for the first time I was afraid of him, of his size, of the claws gouging the wood beside my face, the fangs which made him so deadly. I wanted to cry and scream and shout, unable to comprehend that it had come down to this. My reason for living, my protector, my Jacob was gone, in his place stood a snarling horrific beast. I realized that I wouldn't have the eternity with him or anyone else, I had thought and I closed my eyes preparing for the inevitable.

* * *

I followed Ephraim and the scents in my nose. A wolf and a vampire, together? Ephraim was right, it was an abomination. How could that wolf turn its back on its own species, their scents overlapped and intermingled, telling me they spent a lot of time together. We stole into the house and faced our prey. The wolf was like me, a shifter, a defender but she was a traitor to our kind. I could see from the way she pushed the leech behind her she wanted to protect her. This would be easy; the vampire was tiny, diminutive, the wolf not the strongest of her kind, not as strong as me and not as strong as Alpha.

"Patience my boy, do not be fooled by their appearances, we must tread carefully, slowly if we attack she will phase and summon the rest of her traitorous pack," he spat inside my head.

I snarled at the thought of Wolves turning their back on their duties to protect human life, allowing this creature to live. Traitors. This blood sucker deserved to die. The vampire spoke, softly gently, seemingly to me.

"Do not listen to her; she speaks with poison on her lips and in her blood. She is the key to winning this war, we take care of her and the rest will follow, the humans will be safe once more."

Like me he had picked up on the scent of humans in this place, her prey? I stalked towards her ready to strike, ready to kill.

"The traitor will attempt to protect her, I will isolate the wolf and you must follow the cold one"

Anticipation rushed through my veins as in a second the wolf phased and Ephraim rushed her, leaving me to follow the leech. Arching through the air I was at her side instantly. The feel of her skin giving way under my paws, sent a shock wave of pain through my body, as I knocked her to the floor, the scent of her blood twisting my gut.

"Jacob, please" she breathed "Don't do this, to me, to us, to yourself...it's me its Nessie."

Poison! I remembered Ephraim's words and bared my teeth, growling my fury into her face, so close I could feel her breath on my fur. The closer I got the stronger the scent and found myself surprised her eyes were a golden color, not like the scarlet I associated with leeches. Rearing back I bared my fangs, ready to strike as beneath me, her eyes fluttered shut to close forever.


	39. Stalemate

_**Hello again! See what happens when I'm inspired? Nothing for years and then zap! Pretty little updates all in a row! Thank you so much to the readers that are still around and a big Hey to anyone that has just joined us, welcome! I really appreciate everyone that reviews and has sent me a pm, so with that in mind I would like to dedicate this chapter to lei Sun. Your words really touched me and you had some great guesses which may or may not be true . I wish I had actually thought of some of them myself. And as you rightly pointed out her eyes should be brown..ooops my bad.**_

_**One last thing, there is a line in here which I have shamelessly borrowed from HP, as I love it so much. It's not mine, I am just playing with it. Okay enjoy the update and please let me know what you think. Mwah. Love Tink. xxxxxx**_

* * *

Nessie

I braced myself for the pain, waiting for it to take me away from everything I had ever loved, tearing me out of my family's arms forever. It didn't come, instead a frenzied snarl met my ears and my eyes popped wide in shock. I saw Leah throwing herself at Jacob as they rolled together in tangle of fur and claws. In the same second a face appeared in front of me and in a moment I was being scooped up, held, carried in a set of strongly muscled arms. A heart beat fluttered rapidly beneath my ear and a vaguely familiar face stared down at me. His skin was as dark as Jacob's, his features ethereally beautiful where Jacobs were rugged, his dark chocolate eyes narrowed in concern as he studied me.

"Who are you?" I stared up at him as he hurried from the room, heading for the back door and out towards the tree line.

"I am Nahuel Renesmee. Surely you remember me? It hasn't been that long has it?"

He was a flicker from my past, from a time that I would rather forget; a time that still gave me nightmares. It was a wonder I hadn't blanked him out completely.

"Where are you taking me? We have to go back and help Leah, she won't be able to hold them both off, I can't leave her," I wriggled in the circle of his arms, wanting to get down, frustrated that he seemed to be stronger than me.

"I am taking you away from here, from these creatures, to safety."

He spoke in stilted English and with such finality, that my heart thudded with dread.

"No, please you can't, Leah needs me, she needs help, they're killing her, please!"

"Leah? I do not know this Leah, my concern is only for you Renesmee."

"She is my friend and she needs our help, please Nahuel, please take me back."

I twisted deftly in his arms and looked over his shoulder, terrified as I watched Leah become lost in a mangled snarl of grey, black and russet fur. I struggled uselessly in his hold, trying to claw my way free of his arms.

He merely glanced down at me with an amused look, "You are injured and bleeding, do not struggle you will only hurt yourself. I am stronger little one. It is useless to struggle against me."

It wasn't until his words hit me that I became aware of the dull burning sensation across my ribs, where Jacobs claws had torn my skin. Blood oozed from the wound in a slow trickle, it wasn't life threatening but it stung. It was a unique experience for me to feel injured and had circumstances been different I would have like to analyze the feelings. Right now all I could feel was panic for Leah and irritation at his condescending behavior.

Despite the gravity of our situation I felt the urge to roll my eyes at his macho attitude. Then an idea hit me.

"Then do this for me please, Leah needs our help, you're stronger than me, strong enough to stop them, help her please," I begged, unashamed at using the wiles my Daddy had given me, making my own attempt to dazzle him.

His lips pursed thoughtfully and he came to a stop, with somewhat of an exasperated sigh.

"This is true, I am stronger...Very well, but then I must get you to safety...which one of those dogs is this Leah?"

He turned and moved quickly towards the tangle of wolves.

"She's the grey wolf, she's smaller than the others, please help her, they're killing her". By now I wasn't past begging.

As we approached my heart was in my mouth, Leah was fighting valiantly but she was weakening, flagging against the pair of bigger, stronger wolves, I suspected it was only her stubbornness, her bitchy determination, that had kept her going this long. Her flanks were slick with blood and I knew she must be in a lot of pain but still she kept on. Nahuel set me down and strode purposefully towards the melee. He hissed as the large black wolf turned at his approach and despite his autocratic and chauvinistic attitude, I worried for him, Wolves were made for killing vampires, hybrids were no exception.

The rogue turned away from Leah and Jacob as Nahuel swung his huge hand back, connecting with his shoulder and sending him skidding across the room. The noise of claws scraping across the sent a frisson of fear down my spine. In a second the wolf turned again and leapt at Nahuel trying to find purchase on the slippery surface, his fangs bared and snapping a warning. Nahuel attempted to wrap his arms around the rogue, using his strength to subdue him but this only served to infuriate him and he fought harder. The rogue snapped his jaws, his dripping fangs only inches from Nahuel's skin, and then with a sudden twist Nahuel flipped him sending him flying towards Leah and Jacob.

The rogue landed between them, with a yelp, scattering all three of them across the room. Leah attempted to scramble to her feet but her strength was waning and she growled a warning as she stood on legs that trembled. Jacob was there again in an instant and I knew this could be it for her. My legs were moving without conscious thought and in a split second I found myself between them. I felt Leah butt her head firmly, impolitely against my shoulder, trying to nudge me out of the way but I stood firm.

It had come down to this; Jacob faced me, his snout twisted into a grimace, fangs bared in a blatant show of aggression. I could only hope my legs looked stronger than they felt, that I was showing no weakness and I forced myself to remain still before hissing to Leah,

"Run, Leah, find my family, get help. Nahuel will protect me. Go!"

I felt her hesitation and then in a split second there was a swish of breeze and she was gone. Now it was two against two. Hybrids against Wolves. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself and tried to think about everything Leah had taught me. The only problem was- Leah had trained me to fight other vampires' not giant wolves. This was Jacob, the love of my life, my protector, my best friend. Never, not even in the deepest parts of my imagination would I have expected this; nothing could have prepared me to fight him.

His head tilted slightly to the side, imperceptibly and he watched me though intelligent eyes. It was as though he was trying to figure me out and I felt a flicker of hope, was he remembering? Was he coming back to me?

* * *

Jacob

Ephraim's voice was strangely silent in my mind as he fought with the other abomination, a male of the species, her mate I guessed. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I felt a stab of pain accompany this thought and my guts twisted painfully as brief pulse erupted inside me.

Her, it was something to do with her, this creature before me, the one I was bred to kill. I looked down at her and snarled, unsure where these thoughts were coming from. Though I knew she was dangerous, a predator, a killer in the guise of human, I felt no sense of threat from her. It puzzled and confused me. Standing before me, her clothes torn and rumpled, a large crimson stain slowly spreading across her body, her skin pale and her brown eyes seemingly too large for her face, she looked the picture of fucking innocence. How could this be? But my alpha warned me, she was a devil in the guise of an angel.

From the corner of my eye I could see Ephraim and the other bloodsucker who were slamming against walls, both suffering, nether willing to back down. Loyalty divided me, did I kill the creature before me as I was supposed to or did I help my alpha defeat her mate, removing him from the equation? With him gone it would be easier to defeat the little one, which had been my sole purpose until something had stymied me. I had paused before delivering the death blow and I couldn't say why.

I thrilled at the prospect of killing her mate, so I turned my head towards the pair, ready to throw myself at the male, when the scent of more wolves and bloodsuckers reached me.

Frozen for a moment I inhaled, hoping it was my pack mates, knowing when I heard the sound of unknown furious growls and snarls there were other wolves and leeches out there. The female took advantage of my lapse and was gone in an instant, moving with supernatural speed outside. The movement sparked the hunting instinct inside me and with a sense of deja vu, I took off after her, leaving my alpha and the male to fight it out. She would be mine.

* * *

Nessie

The way his snout twitched and his shoulders moved, told me he scented them the same time as I did. My family! They were here, they'd come for us. Mingled in with the comforting scents of home was the tangible odour of wolf, layered with the sickly sweet death scent of the Volturi. Not waiting to see Jacob's reaction I ran towards the front of the house and for the door, towards the scents of my parents. I skidded to a stop at the bottom of the steps trying to take in the scene before me.

My family stood braced in a fighting stance, their faces masks of fury as they glared at the assembled members of the Volturi guard. Inter spaced around the clearing the wolves stood, snarling, pawing the ground facing Quil and Embry. Everywhere I looked I could see evidence of the battles fought elsewhere, clothes torn and ragged, hair mussed and blood marring the fur of my wolf family. It was an impasse, a deadly impasse.

My appearance in the yard acted as a catalyst and suddenly as one Quil and Embry moved towards me, as Sam and Seth surged forward meeting in the middle in an aggressive show of fangs and claws. Neither pack moved, each blocking the way of the other. Leah appeared suddenly from the tree line and darted past in me into the house, obviously following her nose, intent on stopping the rogue who was still fighting with Nahuel.

Uncle Emmet appeared suddenly at my side the same instant I was surprised to see Jacob did and I didn't even have time to call out before they were tangled in a brawl. Emmet's feet flying into Jacob's flank, sending them both hurtling across the clearing.

"Don't hurt him Emmet please," I cried as they tumbled down to the ground and fought, Emmett trying to pin Jacob who clawed and growled and snapped at his skin. The members of the Volturi watched with obvious pleasure as they collided.

"Renesmee go back inside, now."

My father glanced over his shoulder as he called to me and I watched as Jane smirked, the face from my childhood nightmares locking her scarlet eyes on mine. My heart stuttered, I had after all heard of her ability to inflict terrible pain, every vampire had. She was who they scared the younger wolves into behaving with, the vampire equivalent of the bogey man.

"Not my daughter you bitch," Mom growled under her breath and I felt a brief prickle against my skin as Mom's shield engulfed me.

Despite Jane's malevolent look I felt no pain and I could see the anger in her eyes the promise of revenge that glinted for a split second before it was gone. My eyes flicked back Emmet and Jacob as they jostled and fought for control, neither one gaining any ground, in fact Emmett looked as though he was enjoying his wrestling match.

"Felix, fetch Gianna and those dogs it's about time we ended this," Jane said quietly, her face a mask of calm composure again.

I didn't understand any of this, it was all so futile. Why now after all these years would they do this and why not send all of the guard? What could they possibly gain from coming after us, especially Jacob?

I heard the sound of muffled yelps and a loud smash from inside before Felix appeared once more, the huge rouge wolf behind him, following as obediently as a puppy. As he passed me the rogue snarled and snapped making me jump and Jane laughed delighted. The tension in the air made me edgy and I could tell by the grimace on Jasper's face, he felt it too.

"Deal with him" Jane murmured to the wolf and in the next instant Jacob fell still, unmoving as Emmet rolled him beneath him. Surprising me Jacob acquiesced with a quiet whine, though he still bared his fangs, emitting a low growl of protest.

"My dear, dear Cullen's, allow me to have the pleasure of introducing the newest member of our guard" she paused and smiled at the wolf, "Gianna if you will."

I watched as the large black creature seemed to shrink before my very eyes, the hair falling away in an instant leaving a stunning brunette in its place. A naked, stunning brunette. Gracefully, unashamed of her nakedness she climbed to her feet and offered us a smirk, coming to take her place beside the guard.

"Gianna's gift is a truly exceptional one, she is a shifter, she can take the form of any animal, human or hybrid" Jane explained with a little giggle and a pointed look in my direction.

I felt sick; she had been the rogue all the long? This was their weapon? Fury filled me as I realised what Jane was alluding to.

"Why?" I blurted striding down the steps to my parents side, "Why would you do this to us, now?"

"Ah little Nessie, all grown up at last. Gianna I don't believe you've met officially."

I felt her scrutiny and frowned.

"Though I have to say, I think she looks even better than you do...your mutt was certainly fooled long enough. They certainly had a lot of fun, right Gianna?" She chuckled again and I wanted to put my fist through her face.

"What did you do? What did you do to him, why is he like this?"

"Silly silly girl, I thought I explained she can shift into whomever she pleases and it pleases her to be Alpha of this pack...Ephraim Black."

My mind reeled, that was how she forced him to become rogue?

"But why?"

I didn't realize I had spoken allowed until Jane sighed and rolled her eyes, looking very much like the little girl she was.

"So many questions...this" she gestured wildly around her, suddenly losing her composure, "all of this is your fault you little freak!" she hissed.

"Hey, you watch your mouth you bitch, don't talk to her that way," Rosalie snarled, coming to my defense in an instant.

"Darling Renesmee, do you even realize the effect you've had on the entire vampire nation? Since your birth we've had vampires impregnating humans here and there, do you know how many we've had to destroy? How many of our own kind? Most vampires are not as... shall we say, discriminating as your father,"

"Why is that my fault? Why try to destroy us?" I was angry now, and even though I knew I could be playing with fire, I didn't care. The Volturi had already tried to ruin my life and the lives of my family and worst of all they had hurt my Jacob, wounded him so deeply I knew he would never be completely the same again.

Mom pulled me tightly to her side in a gentle warning and I felt a wave of calm washing over me, I glanced at Jasper who gave me a sheepish shrug.

"By letting you live all those years ago, it sent a message that the Volturi is getting soft, weak and others have since attempted to take us down. They have failed of course but now every vampire with a desire for children thinks it's okay to run around making little freaks just like you... The things we have had to do, to stop our secret spreading to the humans, how many creatures we've destroyed! You, all of you embarrassed Aro and he's had enough, we've had enough, it's over, an example must be made that this situation is unacceptable and will no longer be tolerated...Gianna."

My father looked at her and his face froze in horror as her grin got wider if that was possible "Go Nessie, get inside now!"

I didn't stop to ask what he had seen as Gianna shifted back into a giant wolf and Jacob suddenly came to life beneath an unprepared Emmett who found himself flying through the air with a muffled curse.

Once inside I called out for Leah, knowing I may only have seconds. The sounds of fighting reached my ears, the grunts of the vampires, the howls of the wolves. My heart thumped painfully in my chest at what I saw when I stumbled upon her.

Leah was curled in the fetal position, shivering and naked under the table, her body pitted with wounds, spattered with blood, her teeth chattering audibly. I had seen Leah with injuries before but his was serious, it was hard to see where one injury began and another stopped. But what got my attention was Nahuel. He was crouched protectively in front her, staring at her with a dazed look on his face.

"Leah, Leah" I called out and she opened her eyes with a weak smile, her gaze flicking from me to Nahuel and she smiled peacefully though her lips trembled. Though she appeared to be gravely injured I had never seen her look so serene and at peace.

"Can you get her out of here? Take her upstairs, she needs clothes and her wounds bandaging."

I spoke quietly to Nahuel who watched Leah as though she were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. And I supposed to him, she was, not only was he not used to giant wolves, he had never met a female like Leah before.

"She needs medical attention, now," he said imperiously "Call Carlisle in here."

I shook my head and attempted a reassuring smile "Her body will heal itself and her wounds will close in a few hours," _if we all live that long_, I added to myself.

"Leah" he said quietly, huskily and her eyes popped open, as she gazed at him with open adoration. Uh oh, I knew what that look meant.

"Shit Leah, did you-"I stopped as she managed to nod shakily.

Jesus, this was all we needed to happen. Leah had imprinted on Nahuel. And just like all other imprints Nahuel was helpless to resist as he gathered her close and shifted her against his chest, like she was the most precious cargo in the entire world. His eyes were fixed on her face, pain at her suffering, etched on his own as he fled from the room. A spurt of jealousy erupted inside me, Jacob has looked at me that way and now once again he was a savage, a giant dog who didn't recognize me or the love we had shared.

Outside sounds of fighting continued and I wondered long this stalemate could last, nobody was coming out the victor even with the wolves on both sides. I felt drained and torn. I loved my Jacob but part of me was furious that he could forget me again so quickly. Growing up I thought his love for me was ever lasting and nothing would take him away from me. I was wrong.

Suddenly I wanted to be numb, unable to feel anything. I wanted the comfort of knowing everything would be okay, I wanted my mother to shield me figuratively and literally from the pain. But her shield didn't work like that, it could only stop vampire gifts acting on a person, not stop the feeling of my heart breaking.

I felt a surge of euphoria deep inside and it took my brain a moment to catch on. Moms shield.


	40. With my life

Hi everyone. Sorry for the slight delay in posting this, it started out as one chapter and has now blossomed into two. The bad news is, this is the shorter of the two, the good news is the other chapter is a lot longer and is pretty much finished, aside from editing :) Thank you so much for all the reviews, I am so glad new people are finding their way here. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by Wednesday at the latest, so leave me some love Till next time. Tink xxx

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Jacob

I didn't understand what was happening. Ephraim had ordered me to submit to the leech, to lay supine under him no matter what happened. To willingly give in to a blood sucker took everything I had but even so, I still could not prevent the growl of protest which left me. Then all was silent, my alpha's voice absent from my head. The leeches held a heated conversation, talking to the littlest killer who was seething as they spoke. I felt the anger in her sparking my blood, the instinct to protect her following it closely and it confused me further. As I lay on the ground beneath the huge vampire, I wanted to get to my feet and go to her but I couldn't decide if I wanted to tear her head from her shoulders or stand beside her and reassure her. Every span around and around in my head, one thought chasing another until there was nothing but confusion.

"Now Jacob, now is the time, we must act!" Ephraim's voice suddenly crystallized in my mind as all hell broke loose around me.

With a growl I rolled to my feet and the leech went flying again. Wolves were fighting tooth and claw, jumping and surging and snapping at each other. Ephraim was stood to the side of one of the leeches, a blond child this time, who regarded the proceedings with a smirk. The tiny dark haired female stood off to one side watching, frowning, concentrating as her mate fought off another leech. This one was huge and his eyes flashed scarlet as he moved. Every so often her hands would press against her head and she would shake it as though in pain.

Behind them stood a bronze haired leech, guarding his mate, crouched low and hissing any time anyone was unlucky enough to come close to them. The female he protected had the same look of concentration on her face as the tiny vampire, her gaze fixed on the movements of the others, her head turning slightly from side to side to mirror them.

I felt a kick to my ribs and yelped; turning with a snarl as the devil angel came tearing from the house as though the very hounds of hell were on her tail. Two things happened at once, the tiny dark haired vamp looked to the bronze male and he nodded taking the hand of the female just as his mate did. Distracted by this I found myself falling, the giant landing on top of me with a swift elbow to my ribs.

* * *

Nessie

Mom's shield! Why had no one thought of it before? Her power was a defensive one and could protect other vampire powers from acting on minds. If she could shield Jacob, could block Gianna's voice from his mind then surely he would be able to come back to himself. Because my family now thought of Jacob and the others as the enemy now, nobody had bothered to try shielding them. If Mom managed to block the order to attack us through Jacob's mind then because of the way the pack mind worked, it would also stop Quil and Embry too.

There was even a remote chance that if Gianna used the power of her mind to alter her body, Mom could even prevent her from changing. Forcing her to stay as a vampire, would prevent her from causing any more damage to us and to the wolves.

I fled the house and entered the melee, heading for my parents, my hands out ready to grasp their own. I dipped my chin and averted my gaze, trying to make it look as though I were staging a show of solidarity with my parents rather than communicating in the way only I could.

Frantic with worry, I tried to show them the images streaming through my head of my mother's shield wrapping around Jacob, thus preventing any mental contact with the Alpha wolf. I pictured him becoming still, calm and the alpha reverting to her naked more vulnerable form. Embry and Quil suddenly became silent too and dropped to their bellies. Praying the message got across I relayed the same pictures again and again until I felt Mom's hand squeeze mine imperceptibly and I knew she understood.

It had felt like a lifetime but was in reality only a few seconds. If this worked there may be a chance to save us, if not the fighting would continue until someone gained the upper hand and people began to die.

"Clever girl," she murmured with a hint of smile just for me and then it was gone again, her face still and expressionless once more.

Her eyes narrowed as she attempted to push out her shield, searching for Jacob, she bit her lip and seemed to pant although it was unnecessary for her to breathe. Stood between my parents I tried to be strong but the sights and sounds of the fighting around us would stay with me forever. Everyone I loved was embroiled in some sort of battle, mentally or physically and I didn't know where or when this would end.

Mom huffed out a breath and the hand holding mine, relaxed for a second and I knew she had managed it. Jacob continued to fight and the hope I held inside began to slide away. Nothing had changed.

"Patience Renesmee, the pack mind is not the same as a vampire one and therefore requires different shielding. Once both Jacob and Gianna are under the shield we should see a difference," My father placed a fierce kiss to the side of my face and breathed the words into my ear.

Glancing at Mom, I followed the direction of her eyes as she looked at Jane and the wolf stood beside her.

"Sweetheart this can only work if her power is a mental one...if it doesn't work and it goes wrong, I want you to go with Nahuel and find somewhere safe, he will protect you."

I squeezed her hand and showed her the image of Leah and Nahuel's faces, swiftly followed by that of Jacob and my determination not to leave him.

"Sweetheart please," she breathed in an agonized whisper, her eyes still trained on Jane and Gianna.

My entire body shook and I looked helplessly at my aunt Alice who alternately shook her head or grasped it in pain. The wolves, she couldn't see around the wolves. Beside me I felt my mother's entire body tense and her nose scrunched up as air whooshed from her mouth.

"It's working, I think," my father murmured so quietly his lips barely moved.

The rogue shook its huge head slowly for a second, almost like a dog trying to shake off the last drop of water. My eyes flew to Jacob but I could see no difference at first. Only a few seconds passed before he looked around, confusion written all over his face as Ephraim Black disappeared once more and Gianna stood in his place. Her eyes flashed to my mother and look of hatred crossed her face, she knew instantly what had happened and who had caused it. I watched as she obviously tried to shift back into her wolf form, her frustration growing by the second. My heart started to pound, it was working, it really was working. I cast my eyes towards Jacob who was stood nose to snout with Emmett his fangs bared, growling a warning to him.

This time it wasn't fury that drove him, or the urge to kill I could see from the looking his eyes he was confused, scared. The animal in him didn't understand what was happening and I wanted to go comfort him, offer reassurance that it was ok, everything would be okay now. Taking a step forward my mom's hand caught in mine and she tugged me back to her side.

"Oh no you don't, Renesmee. Give him some time."

I felt like time was the one thing we suddenly didn't have too much of, as soon as Gianna or the Volturi realized he was no longer under their control they would kill him, of that I was certain. Quil and Embry had also ceased their aggressive attacks and now faced the other Sam and Seth, whining slightly, almost cowering before them. Emmett glanced swiftly at my father who shook his head, after only a few seconds pause, Emmett began to back away slowly.

* * *

Jacob

Something was wrong, something didn't feel right. A pressure I didn't know existed until it was gone; suddenly cleared from my brain and I found myself staring up into a familiar masculine face. Who he was to me I couldn't say but there was something about him, something familiar and almost... safe. That couldn't be though, he was a bloodsucker and they were my enemy, weren't they? I growled at him and bared my fangs, warning him to stay away from me.

Surprising me he suddenly took several steps back, his eyes lowered in a clear sign of submission, as he moved at near human pace. I looked around for Ephraim but could not see him anywhere, his voice and alpha command gone from my mind. Quil and Embry looked equally confused and they cowered in front of the alpha from the other pack, soft whines of fear escaping them. I should have felt the urge to attack if everything alpha had told me held true, but instead there was nothing. I waited, sure something would happen.

"Jacob" I heard a voice crackle though my mind, almost like a radio that wasn't tuned correctly.

"Jacob, can you hear me? Its Sam, do you remember me?"

His voice sounded far away and full of static. Sam. I repeated the name, trying it out, getting a flavor of it. There was something familiar, just out of reach in the corner of my mind but I couldn't quite access it.

"Listen to me Jacob. _I_ was your alpha, these creatures have deceived you...Ephraim Black has been dead for many years. They have used you Jacob, used to try and destroy the Cullen's, to destroy your family, your mate."

Mate? I had a mate? My eyes darted to the tiny leech with hair like liquid bronze and found her watching me intently, a frown marring her delicate features. Could it be her? Surely I could never forget her, forget what she was to me?

"The leader of the vampire coven has powerful gifts Jacob. Listen to your instincts, you could have killed her several times already this evening but you haven't...look inside yourself and remember who you are."

I wanted to snarl, frustrated, confused, unsure what or who to believe any more. If the voice in my head was to be believed, then I too was a traitor to my race, to my people.

"No Jacob, the Cullen's are good people, they are not like others of their kind. We are not traitors Jacob because they are no threat to us or the humans...it's the ones with red eyes, they are the betrayers Jacob not you."

I allowed his words to sink in and cast my eyes around me; everyone was looking my way, wolves, bloodsuckers and my Nessie. I paused, allowing that to sink in. Nessie. Nessie, _my_ Nessie. Suddenly the air around me trembled, small waves vibrating against my skin, my body shrinking as I lurched to my hind legs, to find myself stood on my human two. Oh dear god, what had I done?

* * *

Nessie

Beside me, Daddy squeezed my palm and smiled at me in the same instant I saw him shift to his human form. Would he remember me? The power of moms shield had blocked Gianna's voice in his head but that didn't mean that he was back to normal. Slowly I lifted my head. Tears pricked my eyes and I glanced across to see Jacob gazing at me, sorrow, regret and love shining from his beautiful eyes.

"Hello handsome," I murmured tearfully, my eyes fixed on him.

Daddy cleared his throat and looked pointedly at me. I couldn't help the blush or the giddy rush of happiness flowing through me and I averted my eyes from the stark rugged lines of his body, staring instead at the masculine beauty of his big feet.

A furious low hiss met my ears and I looked up as several things happened simultaneously, almost too fast to process and certainly too fast to stop.

Alice looked at my father in horror and then at me, as Gianna darted towards Jacob her arm partially shifted into a deadly looking wolf paw, five times the size of her other hand, razor sharp claws protruding.

"The dog is mine." She snarled, her arm swinging in an arc, moving toward his throat. In that instant everything and everyone around me seemed to freeze. The world moved in slow motion and I felt compelled, the pull of the imprint moving me when nothing else could. Alice had seen it and though I wasn't psychic I knew what was about to happen.

A wolf in his human skin, versus a vampire with wolf claws, would stand no chance in hell at surviving. A half human, half vampire hybrid would. I loved Jacob, he was my life and so there was no question of what I would do to save him, even if that meant risking my own life.

Fear made me faster and in a fraction of a second I was between them, twisting and jumping slightly to block her attack, my foot connecting with her chin, forcing her head to bounce back, at the same time as her arm came up. Alice was there a second behind me twisting her head from her shoulders. Surprise shook me as a tortured scream ripped from her throat and I became aware of scalding heat, burning its way down my neck, streaking across my torso.

Jacob, was he bleeding on me? Had I failed? I felt sick. Then only a heartbeat later, I felt it, pain like I had never experienced, as though my very nerve endings were on fire. My legs dropped from under me and I fell back, the cries of my family, the laughter of the Volturi echoing in my ears as darkness closed in on me.


	41. Hope Springs

**Okay so first things first, sorry for the update fail, real life can be a pain That said the next chapter is also written, just needs editing, though will not promise an update day as will probably miss it ;). Thanks to everyone that has reviewed, they're like lots of lovely little Christmas presents just to make me smile. I hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think. Mwah xxxxx**

* * *

Nessie. Nessie. Nessie. I could hear hoarse broken cries and didn't know until I had to stop to suck in air, that I made those tortured, inhuman noises. Gathering Nessie's still and bloodied body in my arms, I clutched her to me, growling as Edward reached to take her.

"Mine" it was my wolf speaking, my human side silenced by my suffering.

My hands felt hot and sticky and I could see Nessie's life spilling across them onto the dirty, dusty ground. Her heart sounded strange, faint, fluttering irregularly and I was painfully aware that each beat of her pulse pushed more of her life force outside her body, across her chest staining it scarlet. Around me all hell broke loose as my pack leapt at the only remaining leeches, tearing at body parts in a snarling mass of teeth and claw. The Volturi were no more, their threat suddenly insignificant when faced with the death of my imprint.

"Carlisle," Edward screamed, his shaking hands reaching for again, as Bella fell to her knees beside me, her body convulsing with silent sobs.

"Oh God, Renesmee, my baby girl," she choked out, her eyes wild with fear, her hands trembling as she stroked the pale wan face of the precious girl in my arms.

Edward tore the shirt from his body and thrust it into my hand where it covered the raw bloody wound on her rib cage.

I was losing her; I could feel our bond slipping away even as I rocked her against me, hot tears scalding my cheeks. Pressing my face into her hair, I breathed in her scent not wanting to face the truth. She was dying, my beautiful immortal, vivacious half vampire was dying right in front me and I couldn't do a thing to stop it.

"Why isn't she healing, what's happening to her?" I was sobbing, barely able to speak past the scream lodged in my throat.

"Jacob," I heard a soft yet still none the less urgent voice in my ear, "Jacob, you need to let go of her, I need to try and close the wound or she will bleed to death."

It was Carlisle, his gaze soft and compassionate yet filled with the same terror and panic I knew was written on my face. We all loved her. We couldn't lose her. I stared back at him, my vision blurred and hazy and shook my head.

"I don't know how to let her go, I can't. She's leaving me Carlisle, I can feel it."

"I can save her Jacob, but you need to hand her over, we are out of time here."

I wanted to desperately, but my arms were locked and nothing I did would release her from my instinct screamed at me to hold her close, keep her safe.

"I want to, but you'll have to take her, please take her. I don't think I can let go."

Quil and Embry moved behind me, placing a hand each on my shoulder.

"She's your imprint Jake, you can do whatever she needs and now she needs you to help her get better...let her go" Quil murmured, his hands locking down tight as Carlisle and Edward pulled her firmly but gently from the circle of my arms, taking my heart with them.

I roared, rearing back in agony, as in instant I found myself flat on my back with Emmett pinning me in place.

"Jacob, cool it my man...they haven't taken her far but they need to save her...you've got to calm down or Edward won't let you within a mile of her, you understand," his own voice was gruff with emotion.

His voice cracked as my heart did and I stopped my struggles, staring up the vampire and two wolves that held me down. Blinded by my tears and deafened by the roar of agony in my heart I lay there, trembling with a need to phase so bad that I could taste it.

"Talk to me Quil, talk to me please," I begged as I lay there in the dirt, the scent of her blood making my stomach roil and my insides scream.

"Doc Vamps trying to close her wound...She's still with us, I can hear her heartbeat."

"They're going to want to bring her home Jacob; they can do more for her there." Emmett said softly, his eyes finding mine and holding them for a long moment. I knew what he was asking and defeated I nodded.

Taking an imprint away was always hard on a wolf but in a life or death situation, a wolf was liable to get a little crazy and a fuck lot bitey. I sucked in a breath through my teeth, fighting for control, Nessie needed me, now more than ever and she deserved me to be there for her not some whacked out wolf, who couldn't control himself.

Edward appeared above me his face paler than I had ever seen it, and it terrified me.

"Jacob we're taking her back with us. Of course you're welcome to come with us but if you can't control yourself you'll only make things harder in the long run. Alice and Rosalie are going to stay here and take care of the clean up, Bella is bringing the car around now."

"Take her, run it'll be faster."

"I can't risk it; her wounds are not healing as they should."

I cursed loudly and unashamedly my entire body going rigid, my eyes filling again with scalding tears. Seconds later I was surprised to find a wave of calm lapping over me, my muscles relaxing, my mind clearing and I heard a husky southern drawl.

"You can let him up now Em."

I sat up slowly as Jasper threw a pair of shorts in my direction and I got to my feet before tugging them on, crossing to Nessie's side.

She was still, so very still. Her skin looked grey and felt cooler than usual where I reached for her hand. The wound that ran down the side of her neck was still oozing fresh blood, the skin ragged and torn. Her clothes were saturated, her body painted scarlet, her heart beat slowly, different from its usual merry tempo. There was a rapid honking and Edward looked at me.

"It's time. We need to move her now."

Though I wanted to scoop her close, I knew it was better for all concerned for her to be nearer Carlisle and Edward, so that if anything...if anything went...wrong, then they would be best placed to help her. Between them they supported her lifeless body and quickly we moved as one towards the waiting car.

The journey back to Forks seemed to take a lot longer than 12 miles should even with Bella driving at break neck speed. Tension rolled through me, growing worse with each passing mile. Bella barely managed to watch the road, her eyes instead seeking out Edwards for reassurance I knew he wasn't able to give her. Nessie was half vampire and we had always thought indestructible, but then even full vampires stood no chance against wolf claws. Though we had never tested it, we all assumed that she would have the chance to heal herself and regenerate the same way vampires could. But now it appeared we were so, so wrong and in our fear and arrogance we had never learnt what would happen if she wasn't indestructible. Now we were finding out the hard way, far too late.

Bella screeched to a halt in front of the house, my body jarring forward slightly. Within moments we were all out of the car and moving inside, heading for Carlisle's office. Still the blood leaked from her, even as they placed her on the bed and Carlisle tore away the reminder of her shirt. It was a sight I prayed I would never have to see again, her blood standing out against the innocent white material of her bra. My stomach rolled again and I wondered if I was actually going to throw up.

"Her wounds aren't closing Carlisle. We're going to lose her."

Edward breathed the words we all feared.

I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest, unwilling to even consider that option.

"She's half vampire, she should be fucking healing by now, why isn't she, if you can all do it, what's stopping her?" I growled, beginning to pace the floor, my eyes fixed on her still form.

Carlisle was still for a long moment, so much so that I thought he had not heard my words.

"I don't know Jacob, we can't stop the bleeding unless we close the wound and we can't close the wound in the same way we would for humans, her skin is impenetrable to human instruments. Edward I need you to set up a transfusion for her, we need to replace what she has lost for her human side,"

Edward moved around me in a blur, before he let out one of the only curses I had heard him use in a long time.

"I can't set up the IV...her skin..."

He looked frantic and panicked and that was when I began to really get scared.

"There are only two things that can get through her skin, wolf claws or vampire teeth" Bella said softly.

Carlisle shook his head "That won't work, the venom in our saliva would close the wound, we couldn't get a line in anyway."

Shit. That meant I would have to do it, could I harm her, bite her, even to save her?

"Maybe you won't have to," Edward said the flicker of a smile appearing over his lips.

"What do you mean?"

"Her wounds are not closing because she is not venomous, her body is in some ways more like a humans than a vampires. Venom heals even as it destroys; if we can coat her wounds in venom then it should close her wounds and stop her bleeding."

There was stunned silence all around the room for a few seconds before Bella exchanged a shaky smile with Edward and brushed a gentle yet shaking hand through Nessie's hair. The venom would heal her vampire side because she didn't have any of her own because she was half human. Human. Humans who ingested Venom did not stay humans they-

"She'll change won't she?" I croaked past the lump building in my throat.

Edward couldn't meet my eyes "It's a possibility, she could become a full vampire, a newborn."

My heart thudded and I was sure I felt it stop as an image of Nessie as a newborn vampire, complete with red eyes and blood lust filled my head. Her gentleness was gone, replaced by frantic, burning hunger and severe blood lust. Oh God. She wouldn't be herself for years, Bella had been an exception to the newborn rule and even she had struggled at times. I crossed the room and stood in front of the bed, a growl emerging, warning them to stay away from my imprint.

"But at least she'll be alive Jacob!"

"Alive? At what cost Edward, Christ, tell me you haven't forgotten the burning...you would put her through that?"

"I will do what it takes to keep my daughter alive." He growled, his face none the less stricken for his words. I knew now how Edward felt when faced with the prospect of changing Bella.

I looked at Bella but she couldn't meet my eyes, "She's our daughter Jacob, we won't be without her...I'm sorry."

"You can't put her through that Bella, it's not fair, she should get a choice, she should get the same choice you did."

"I won't let her die Jacob, I fought for her then and I will do it now...so move aside or get out!" she hissed the last few words at me, all vampire, no gentle Bella.

Nessie was mine to protect. I growled back just as angrily and felt my body beginning to tremble with the sign of an impending phase.

"Jacob, we don't know it will come to that...the venom may just heal her wounds and that's it. But if we do nothing she will certainly die...we _will_ lose her, can you live with that?"

Carlisle asked softly yet no less urgently, attempting to diffuse the tension that lay thick in the air around us. It went against everything in me to allow a human to become a vampire. And when that human was Nessie, I didn't want to be responsible for signing her death warrant and putting her through all that pain. She was my imprint and my instinct was still to protect her even if it could help her in the long run. But if I didn't, then she would be gone, lost to me forever. That was not an option. The second the thought passed through my mind, Edward moved beside her, his mouth lowering to her wounds even as Bella echoed his movements. Suddenly I felt as though I was back in time, watching the same scene unfold only this time it was Bella still and prone on the bed. The thought terrified me knowing how close we had come to losing Bella, if the same happened to Nessie...If she, if she ...died then I knew I wouldn't be far behind her

In seconds it was over, Bella and Edward were at her side and we all watched nervously as in increments the wounds on her body began to knit closed, the blood loss slowing, leaving only angry red scars that stood out in vivid contrast against the paleness of her skin. I felt breath leave my body in a long hiss, unaware that I had been holding it even as my lungs burned at the smell of the venom.

"So what happens now?"

Carlisle shrugged looking fraught the smooth lines of his handsome face marred with worry.

"All we can do is wait and see. If the venom is going to change her we should know pretty quickly."

Bella pulled the sheets across her body and perched on the side of the bed, brushing her hair away from her face.

"There's so much blood,she's lost too much," she murmured "Oh Edward what if-"

"Don't!" I barked out, taking up position across from her. "Don't even think it...we won't lose her."

My eyes fixed on her body taking in every minute detail, watching, waiting for a sign that she was changing, becoming a full vampire. Her heart fluttered in her chest, still sounding faint and unsteady. Surreptitiously I inhaled her scent, knowing it would indicate her status as a hybrid or as a vampire. The first lungful was fine but as my nostrils flared again and Nessie began to twitch, her scent became cloying, so sickly sweet to my stomach, almost as though I had eaten too much candy at Christmas. It was venom. My entire body tensed and my eyes flew to Carlisle's.

Bella and Edward stilled instantly and tension swelled in the room. Knives twisted in my gut as Nessie began to whimper, her legs see sawing under the covers. Helpless I watched as her body started to convulse, feeling like I was going to throw up.

"Carlisle! Help her, do something!" I ground out my hands reaching for her instinctively, desperate to stop the frantic movement of her body.

"Jacob let her go, if you try and stop the convulsions, your strength could inadvertently break her bones" Carlisle murmured crouching over her, his eyes missing nothing.

Bella huddled against Edward's side, turning her face to his chest, both their faces taut with worry.

"What can we do for her, how can we help her?"

Edward shook his head helplessly and shared a tormented look with Bella.

"There's nothing we can do, we just have to wait"

"That's bullshit," standing by idly while my Nessie burned was not an option "What about the morphine you gave Bella? She wasn't like this. I remember she was still, quiet."

"Morphine doesn't work Jacob, it just paralyses you...you can still feel everything but cannot move, in some ways I think that would make it worse for her."

"How can this possibly be worse for her? Look at her, look at what you did!" I snarled my grief and torment needing an outlet and turning to anger. Raking my hands through my hair I turned on Edward, feeling myself begin to shake, ready to phase in an instant.

"At least she's still with us, we're her parents Jacob, did you really expect us to just let her die." Bella hissed at me, her eyes flashing scarlet for a second.

"Jacob, Bella, this isn't helping her. Jacob we did this to save her life, I know how hard it is to watch but you have to believe it's for the best. Bella came though it fine and Nessie will too."

I rolled my eyes at Carlisle and fought the urge to take a bite out of him "Bella was an exception and you know it. Remember those newborns with Victoria? Remember what she'll have to go through, the blood lust, the anger, the urge to kill anyone around her. How could you want that for her?"

"We don't know that's what will happen; she is Bella's daughter after all. Nobody can say if she'll change, she's already a hybrid. Listen to her heart, it's gotten faster, stronger, she's already healing Jacob."

I couldn't deny that but then I couldn't deny the fact she was writhing and convulsing on the bed. Having never seen a vampire's transformation except for Bella's I didn't know if this was normal.

"Every change is different Jacob; each human's body handles it in a different way." Edward was in my head.

"She's not human Edward, that's the point! No one knows what the fuck will happen, she's a hybrid!"

"That will work in her favor." I think he was trying to convince himself as much as the rest of us.

I shook my head, fighting the urge to lash out at the casual way they discussed the possibility of Nessie becoming a full vampire as she lay burning in agony, as if they didn't care about what she was going through.

"Don't ever make the mistake and think that we don't care, she's our daughter Jacob and you would do well to remember that, she may be your imprint but until you have children of your own you cannot possibly understand the depth of our love for her." Edward snarled turning on me, his face a mask of agony and I was pleased. Inside I thrilled to see his pain, it served him right for inflicting this on her, for making us all suffer through this.

I glared at him, mute with fury and then turned back to Nessie, focusing on any minute changes that had occurred. Her wounds were knitting, leaving angry red skin in their wake, her body still twitching furiously as the venom rushed through her system.

"All we can do now is wait," Carlisle placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder as I lowered myself to the edge of the bed. Angrily I shrugged him off and tried to reach for Nessie's hand that jolted and twitched furiously.

"I'm here baby, it's going to be ok," I murmured, feeling lost and helpless.

For seven hours I sat beside Nessie as her body thrashed, and twisted until at last she began to still, only the odd spasm remaining. The sound of her heart kept me going, as though it beat only for me, and whilst I could hear it I knew there was no chance she had changed into a full vampire. Edward and Bella remained beside me the entire time, talking in muted whispers, drawing strength from each other.

The other Cullen's appeared one by one, each sporting their own injuries, each more concerned about Nessie than themselves. It was hard on every one of them, but especially Blondie. She had never wanted the vampire life for herself and so unexpected as it was, she was my ally. To her Nessie was perfect, the most amazing mix of human and vampire. Blondie believed that one day Nessie would have children of her own and even if they were mine, becoming a full vampire would rob her of that. So like me, they sat and watched and waited and prayed, all murmuring reassurances to her, telling her how much they loved her and that they would all be there for her when she was ready to wake up.

Hours passed and though her convulsions ceased, she remained unconscious, even Edward unable to get a read on her thoughts. Fear gripped me with icy cold fingers, I couldn't, wouldn't lose rate changed to match hers, each beat marking the passage of time she could slip away from me. But at least while her heart still beat there was hope.


	42. Wake Up Call

_**Hi there everyone :) I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, I know I did. Sorry for the delay in posting, I got a Kindle Fire from Santa and that has been permanently welded to my hand recently. So I staged my own intervention, hid my kindle and decided to post. I hope you like and please as ever let me know your thoughts. Love Tink xxx.**_

* * *

At first the darkness welcomed me, soothed me, comforted me, and allowed me to slide away slowly, as I felt my body begin to cool, my heart beat slowing. I felt as though I were floating and nothing mattered anymore, I was tired, so tired that I just wanted to sleep, to close my eyes and allow myself to be carried away. Lethargy claimed me and I relaxed into, unafraid of what was to come.

But then something changed, tiny flickers of pain trickled almost imperceptibly at first, down my neck and across my chest, my nerve endings sparking. I flinched as the trickle suddenly became a torrent and continued down my body. By the time it reached my legs I felt as though I were on fire, my body burning from the outside in and I kicked out, legs flailing uselessly, desperate to be rid of whatever was touching my skin and causing it to burn this way.

With each beat of my heart the pain increased and suddenly my body was convulsing, fighting against the searing agony flaying my neurons. What was happening? Was I dying? Was this how it felt to leave the immortal life?

Everything in my body was screaming, every nerve, every synapse, every cell inside and out consumed with white hot pain. My limbs twitched and went into spasm, hoarse sounds tearing from my throat as I gave voice to the agony which seemed to be increasing every second.

I had never really considered dying or the sacrifice my mother had made for me to be here but now as I lay writhing on my pyre I realized what it must have taken for my mother to have made this choice. Knowing she would feel this way but choosing to do it anyway, I had a new understanding of the depth of my mom's love for daddy.

As the fire inside me reached new highs I wanted to die, prayed to whatever god there was just to kill me rather than endure another second of this agony but then I felt it, a soft touch against the fireball on palm.

"I'm here baby; it's going to be okay" a voice in my ear.

I knew that voice, it was one that comforted me, loved me, protected me, fought for me, fought for us and I couldn't give up on that voice, it wouldn't give up on me. It was Jacob, my Jacob. I didn't want to die, I wanted to live and love and be loved. I could do this. My mom did it for my dad and I could do this for Jacob. Time seemed to pass at a snail's pace, each second feeling like an eternity, an eternity I hoped I would still see. Gradually my body cooled, the fire racing towards my heart, leaving a welcoming cool balm in it's wake. Eventually my body became still, my muscles no longer jumping and twitching uncontrollably and I was overcome with a tiredness so strong that not even my desire to see Jacob could stop me from succumbing to the blackness.

* * *

Jacob

I stared down at Nessie's form, taking in the angry red welts still marring her pale skin. Her heart had settled to its usual rhythm and though she smelt a little sweeter, her scent was nearly back to normal. All she had to do now was wake up, I knew she wouldn't be okay until she opened those beautiful brown eyes and told me herself. Her body had still not healed the way it should, though her bleeding had stopped and the skin had knitted, angry scars were still plainly visible across her neck and torso.

"They will heal but because she doesn't have the same amount of venom as the rest of us, it will just take a little longer for her body to repair," Edward murmured from beside me, his eyes fixed on her neck.

"I don't care if they never heal, as long as she's alive, she's beautiful. I guess this means she didn't change fully?" I couldn't deny the hope in voice.

Edward shrugged "It's still too soon to tell but the fact she hasn't healed immediately would point to the fact she is still human."

Relief coursed through me and I squeezed the hand I still held , counting each beat of her pulse as another second to her coming back to me. My heart stuttered as I felt her pulse pick up and her hand flex within mine, as her eyes began to flutter.

* * *

Nessie

I breathed in deeply, the scent of Jacob reaching me first, closely followed by my mom and then daddy. They spoke in hushed voices, words I couldn't make out as I was still barely conscious but I felt Jacob squeeze me hand. Jacob! I tried to squeeze back but my muscles wouldn't obey, I felt weak and a little shaky.

"Nessie?"

"Renesmee?"

Voices in my ears, one deep and rumbling the other soft and melodious. Jacob. Mom. I took a deep breath and then winced as a sharp pain lanced across my chest, my hand flying up to touch but caught again by my mother's cool touch before I could connect with myself.

Blinking I struggled to open my eyes, needing to rub away the gritty sensation of sleep as one cool palm came into contact with my forehead, brushing away my hair.

"Renesmee? Baby are you awake?"

My eyes finally opened and I surveyed the trembling smiles of my mother and father, who looked impossibly tired and worn. The rest of my family were huddled together at the back of the room, their faces reflecting various stages of happiness and relief but their eyes worried. Slowly I turned my head, ignoring the painful pulling sensation across my skin of my neck and saw him; his eyes do dark, so troubled, so sad. The face I carried in my heart always smiled but he looked exhausted, lines of stress around his mouth, a small pulse ticking in his jaw. I didn't care. He looked beautiful to me because he was alive. My heart reacted before my mouth could and I felt it stutter, missing a beat before it settled back into its regular rhythm.

"Honey are you okay? Are you in pain?" My mom asked gently, her eyes shining with the heavy weight of tears she could not shed.

"Just a little stiff and sore, I'll live."

"Christ Nessie," Jake grated, his eyes screwing shut for a second "Please Nessie, don't even joke about that."

"I'm sorry." I felt bad instantly, guilt flooding me.

"Darling you have nothing to be sorry for," Daddy murmured and it was hard to miss the pointed glare he gave to Jacob.

"What happened, is it over?" I turned his attention away from Jacob and back to me, after everything Jacob had been through it was the least I could do.

"After everything _he's_ been through? Renesmee, we almost lost you. You should be thinking about yourself, thinking about getting better not worrying about Jacob, he can take care of himself."

Jacob squeezed my hand gently, so gently I almost didn't feel it "Edward is right Ness, don't worry about me, concentrate on getting better."

"I feel fine," I protested, which wasn't a lie. Much. I wasn't in pain but my body ached and felt stiff, my head fuzzy and a bit muddled. My throat burned but I didn't think it was with thirst.

"Liar," Daddy said softly, making it sound like an endearment.

I sighed and looked towards to my family, who one by one had gathered around the bed "Is everyone okay? The pack?"

Rosalie wrinkled her nose but smiled gently "A few minor injuries, nothing Carlisle couldn't handle."

"Are you thirsty? You need something?" Emmett asked concerned.

"No, I'm just tired."

"No overwhelming urge for blood?" Jasper asked slowly, studying me closely.

I shook my head, wincing again as the skin twisted and pulled, confused as to why they were all looking at me warily, as though I had two heads or was going to attack one of them any second. It was as though I were a newborn all over again.

"What happened to me? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Nothing you need to worry about now sweetheart."

"What do I need to worry about? What happened, why would you say that?"

"Way to go Edward," Jacob muttered "Make her more distressed why dontchya?"

"Shut up mutt" Rosalie murmured and turned to Carlisle with an arched brow.

I watched as he exchanged looks with my father, who nodded solemnly and shifted down my bed making room for Grandpa.

He smiled at me "Mind if I give you a quick exam? See how your wounds are healing?"

I shook my head, trying not wince at the pain as his hands moved swiftly over me, his lips pursing thoughtfully before his face became blank again, giving away nothing.

"What happened to me Grandpa?"

"When Gianna tried to attack Jacob, you put yourself between them remember?"

I nodded, knowing I had probably saved his life.

"It was an idiotic thing to do," my father grumbled, his face pulled into a grimace.

"Ignore him please,"

"Gianna managed to partially phase her arm and she caught you with her claws, resulting in a several large lacerations across your torso and down your neck. She nicked your Carotid and your Celiac arteries, you lost a lot of blood. As you know your skin is impenetrable to human instruments, so we could not replace the blood with an infusion nor could we suture it in the normal way to prevent blood loss. So we did the only thing we knew could save you, we closed your wounds with venom," he finished gently his eyes on mine, taking everything in, missing nothing.

Venom. Venom. That was why I was in so much pain? Was I full vampire now?

"We don't know," my father spoke softly. "We assume you still have your human side because the venom stopped the bleeding and closed your skin but hasn't completely healed you yet. And we all know your heart still beats, all be it a bit irregularly. "He smiled glancing at Jacob.

I felt all the blood in my body rush to my face as I flushed and then felt a little dizzy as I attempted to shift on the bed.

"You okay?"

Jacob was there in an instant, his expression worried.

I smiled weakly at him, feeling weak and overwhelmed suddenly "I think I'm just tired."

Carlisle smiled "I will bring you something to drink, and then you should rest. You lost a lot of blood and will feel pretty miserable for a little while."

He pressed his lips against my forehead and in returned within a second holding a sealed cup. My nostrils flared as I caught the scent of animal blood and the burn in my throat intensified, sharply, suddenly. Ignoring the way my hands trembled I reached eagerly for it, unsurprised when Jacob was there first holding the straw to my lips supporting my weight with a gentle arm around my shoulders, lifting me slightly. The scent of his skin tickled my nose, the sound of his blood rushing through his veins made heat erupt inside me. Jacob had never smelled so good to me, both as a man and as food source. Jasper chuckled lightly and looked at me, I smiled sheepishly and reached for the cup.

I drank greedily, feeling my energy levels start to rise as the blood coursed through my system. After finishing my second beaker, it hit me just what had happened and despite the initial energy surge from the blood, I was exhausted.

I felt my eyes drooping before Jacob had even helped me settle back against the pillows.

"Rest sweetheart, we'll all be here when you wake up."

I knew no more until I awoke again, this time in my own bed, a soft cotton nightshirt wrapped around me. I felt refreshed, my head clear, though I was still shaky and sore. Turning my head slowly, testing my body, I greedily drank in the sight of Jacob sleeping peacefully in the chair beside my bed. He looked uncomfortable, his huge frame squeezed into a ball, a slight frown marring his handsome face as he snored softly.

I had been so afraid that I had lost him again; I made up my mind in that instant that nothing was going to keep us apart anymore. Tears pricked my eyes as the strength of my love for him washed over me, the imprint alive and pulsing gently in the pit of my stomach once again.

"Jacob," I whispered, though I may as well have yelled his name as he came instantly awake.

"Nessie" he rumbled, eyes bright his voice deep. Unable to tear my eyes away I watched him sitting up slowly and stretching his huge frame, arms spread wide above his head. My eyes followed the play of his muscles, noting the way his shirt pulled and bunched as he shifted, flashing the smooth tanned skin of his stomach. Inside me a million birds seemed to swarm in my stomach as it flip flopped.

"Baby what were you thinking?" he grasped my hand in both of his and brought it to his lips, allowing me to feel the tickle of his words, the heat of his breath against my skin.

My heart constricted painfully at the memory, "She was going to kill you Jacob, I couldn't, I couldn't let that happen"

"Nessie, sweetheart, I am a wolf; it's my job to protect you."

I gazed into his eyes, seeing my reflection and his own pain so clearly.

"Does that mean that I can't protect you too? I saved your life Jacob" I asserted quietly, proud to have done so, knowing I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I had to.

"At what cost Nessie? Losing yours? You nearly died today, and we all nearly died with you a million times over. Promise me you will never do anything like this again. I would have died if I lost you," he gritted.

"I love you Jacob, and to lose you would have killed me too, it goes both ways...I couldn't live without you in my life."

"You'll never have to baby I'm here, I'm okay."

"Promise, promise me Jacob."

* * *

Jacob

I heard the fear and urgency behind her words and I remembered that she had almost lost me too. Going feral, going rogue and then attacking her. The last year had been filled with pain and uncertainty. She should be screaming at me to get away from her not trying to reassure herself I wouldn't leave her. How could I have done it? I had forgotten her again and I was almost certain one of the wounds on her body was caused by me, when my wolf attacked her. I felt sick, what kind of imprint was I?

Torn. I was torn, between the urge to punish myself for hurting her and reassuring her that I would never hurt her again. She needed me now, more than she had before and I didn't know if I could be that man. Guilt was a bitch. My heart was filled with the urge to hold her close and promise to never let her go again but my head argued that I had been the one to put her through this suffering. But just like Edward had once told me, he was too selfish to give Bella up, loved her too much to be without her and it would be that way for me too. Nessie was my life and without her I was nothing.

"I promise you, I'm yours...forever"

Our eyes clashed, hers filled with fear and tears and I hated myself for putting that look there.

"I've missed you so much Jacob" she breathed "Hold me, please; let me know this is real."

"I don't want to hurt you baby,"

"The only way you can hurt me is if you don't come here and kiss me. I need to know we made it, that we're alive, that were safe and that you're mine."

She didn't have to ask me twice, and as she scooted over I lowered myself onto the bed. I was beside her in an instant propping myself up on bent elbow, an arm under my head. We stared at each other for the longest moment, Nessie's eyes glittering with tears.

"I thought I lost you," I murmured "You scared me half to death; I don't want to ever feel that way again."

"I'm so sorry Jacob, but I couldn't lose you either"

"I'm here. And I don't plan on going anywhere."

I reached down and took her hand, bringing it to my chest, letting her feel the steady beat of my heart.

"Feel this? It beats only for you, you Nessie."

* * *

Nessie

I could feel the thud , thud of his heart against our joined hands and it reassured me, he was safe, I was safe and we were together. But despite our closeness, there was still something missing.

I missed him, missed his touch, his kisses, had almost lost the chance to kiss him ever again. Taking a deep breath I closed the distance between us and pressed my mouth to his, feeling the heat of his lips against mine. I sighed a little and allowed my tongue to dart out, needing the familiar taste to reassure me. He met me halfway, his mouth parted slightly as be sucked my bottom lip, between his, gently so gently that my tummy twisted, need blooming inside me.

My heart kicked in my chest and I felt his own speed up in response to my nearness, my fingers curling, nails biting into his skin through his shirt. Jacob groaned against my mouth and the kiss shifted, evolved into something hotter, wetter and greedier. Mouths opened wider, tongues teased and tangled and my hands slid away from his heart to tangle in his hair as he rolled above me, his weight balanced on his elbows, his chest pressing against mine. Unable to help my body's response to his nearness, my breasts swelled and my nipples pebbled, begging for his touch.

I tugged gently, feeling the softness of his hair in my fingers and felt him shudder above me as our tongues dueled, dancing in a blistering kiss. Squirming, I needed to be closer to him, my hips moving of their own accord against the powerful thigh between my legs. My night shirt had ridden up and I could feel the heat of his skin through the rough denim scraping against my leg.

"Christ Nessie, I love You, I fucking love you, please don't scare me like that ever again," he bite out, breathing harshly before his lips attacked mine again.

What began as an innocent kiss was quickly spiraling out of control and as much as I wanted him, as much as I needed to be with him my body was still healing. When I loved Jacob, when I got to take him into my body, when I finally got to feel him moving inside of me, I didn't want to do it thinking about my injuries. I didn't want him to be thinking about my injuries. I wanted him to be free to love me without fear or guilt and right now neither of us was in that place. But soon, very soon. Sensing my mood, Jacob's mouth gentled slowly, the frenzied kisses replaced by slow sensual ones that left me burning and achy.

His heart beat frantically against my own, I could feel it hammering as he tore his mouth away on a groan and sucked in a lungful of air, his forehead against mine, our noses brushing gently as we panted in unison. I felt his smile brush my lips and couldn't help but beam in return. As long as we were together I was happy.


End file.
